Dear Savvy Woman,

Do you suffer from ‘Overexposure’ in your relationship?

One definition I found on dictionary.com : the condition of having been seen, heard, or advertised so frequently or for so long that freshness or appeal is diminished.

Here’s one personal example:  After working from side-by-side home offices (thank you to whoever invented the white noise machine!), one evening after hearing me complain a little more than usual, Larry called it.  “Sweetie, we’re Overexposed right now, clearly.”  (yes, I think this word deserves a capital O).

I laughed.  It was so true.   I laughed partly at myself, sort of in awe, because I use to be SO hyper-vigilent on this topic with my man.  Not really to him, but about him, and us.  Aware that we were going to be seeing A LOT more of one another once we moved in together, I would plan and pace myself somewhat so that I didn’t find myself at home with him every night, on the couch.  I mean, let’s save the couch for the fun stuff, right??  Especially in a new-er relationship.

Here are a few signs that you might be suffering from Overexposure:

• crabbiness for no apparent reason, with your S.O. – all the time
• you start to notice that you haven’t been out or talked to friends for some time
• any announcement that he has other plans causes you to stifle a ‘thank g-d!’
• if you’re couch could talk, it would tell you two to get a life!

In all seriousness, you know if you are feeling like you need a little space.  Trust this, and act on it.  Take off for the day, or the evening, and gift yourself a play date.  Schedule some time with friends.  Call your family.  Notice what you may have been neglecting in life, and take action to resuscitate.

The great news is that making adjustments to get out of the Overexposed ‘state’, brings so much positive energy to yourself and to your relationship.  This is how we get to rediscover parts of ourselves and our S.O.’s.

It’s fabulous, and it doesn’t require $150 for couple’s therapy!   

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Keeping Your Word is one of the ‘tenants’ of Being Love Savvy.   It’s SO important.  I really can’t emphasize it enough.

And do you know who it’s most important to keep your word to?   No, not your guy.  Or your  mom.  Nope, not your best friend either.

TO YOURSELF. 

You see, when we keep our word to ourselves, we start to accrue feelings of WORTH, CONFIDENCE, BELIEF in ourselves, in our own ‘account’.

Our word can be small :  I’m going to workout 3 times this week….I’m going to save $X each week……I’m going to finish X project, before I begin X. 

Our word can be big:  I’m going to write a book.  I’m going to stop this sabatoging behavior.  I’m not going to sleep with him again.  I am going to change jobs.

And when we don’t, we slowly take out withdrawls.  They seem so small, so insignificant.  BUT,  before we know it, we are flat out BROKE.  Our account is empty.

We look at that shiny object we want to ‘ purchase ‘  (translation:  class to try,  conversation to have,  person to meet, adventure trip to try,  CHANGE to make),  and we don’t feel that we can, because our wallet feels barren.

When I coach my clients on changes that they want to make, we start small.   Baby steps.  Once we show ourselves that we’re in integrity, because we’re keeping our word to ourselves (getting in 3 workouts a week – eliminating some energy drains, etc),  SHIFT happens.   Confidence builds.  BOLD steps start to accumulate.   AMAZING, LIFE-CHANGING results take place.

And, take note, savvy sister:  a very important piece to this is to be kind and gentle with yourself.  When you don’t follow through with yourself, it’s OK.   You are NOT bad.  You are HUMAN.

So start SMALL.   Try keeping your word to yourself on the low hanging fruit first, before you climb the ladder and reach for the sky-high pieces.   

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

It must be the full moon.  I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a little scattered, a little restless.  A little off.  When I feel this way, I tend to hold on to negative thoughts in my head.  Ugh!  

This is when I know I need to turn to some form of inspirtation to shake me & let me step into a more positive perspective.

Recently I discovered this website for Angel cards - and I loved it - so I’m sharing it with you:

http://www.consciousone.com/angelcards.com

Follow the instructions, and find some inspiration.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I had such a fun weekend!  Two fun birthday-bash dinners for friends, one big hike in Marin, and a trip to the East Bay to spend some quality time with my Dad on Father’s Day.  Whew!   Come Sunday night, I was so exhausted, I rewarded myself after grocery shopping and dinner with back to back episodes of the new Denise Richards reality show (not sure if that’s a reward, but it felt indulgent). I stayed up way too late, which was part of the fun.

Aside from all the celebration this weekend, I got some distance for myself in two ways.  One, was getting some distance from my sweetie.  Larry was away to Chicago for the weekend to visit his family.  Don’t get me wrong, although we do argue and have tension from time to time like other couples, we parted in a very strong and loving place, and I knew that I would miss not having him as my handsome date and companion.   However, I warmed up to the weekend living as a ‘Single’ gal:  playing my music loud, giggling & empathisizing with girlfriends over delicious dinners, and taking as long as I wanted in the shower and in my closet, candles lit.  It was a sweet reminder of what life was like when I was Single and only had to concern myself with Me. 

Distance from being part of a couple, and from having my best friend and husband at my side, at home and out.   The other distance came from getting that distance.  The second layer of distance was at realizing that although I had this sweet reminder of what my Single life was like, I realized that I was a visitor there.  I am no longer that woman.  As I approach my one-year wedding anniversary, it was very syncronistic timing to get a new perspective on this awareness.

I’m writing about this because it served as a reminder to me that we all need to get some distance, from time to time, to hit refresh and get a taste of other perspectives.  It’s extremely healthy.  Life is every-changing and never static, although sometimes we struggle to make it so.   We resist the chapter turning, if at least for a moment.  We can fight to keep our same looks if we’re resisting aging, our old stories when we’re resisting change, our single-status when we’re resisting committment, our same friendships when we’re resisting outgrowing them, our non-parental status when we’re resisting children, etc etc etc. 

I encourage you to try getting some distance here and there, for yourself. 

• Force yourself to schedule alone time (this is REALLY hard when you’re madly in love, or lust, in the newness of dating or relationship, but even MORE important so as not to loose yourself completely). 
• Try out a new option (neighborhood, style of dressing, type of date, anything!)
• Mix things up where you feel very tied to routine or way of doing something, or way of being.
• Listen to that little voice that says, “I miss doing….,  I am craving……, I’d love to try……” and  just do it.

When you do, you’ll feel more alive, renewed and complete – right where you are.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I was working with my coach yesterday (I have one too – we all need to walk our talk…) and she asked me how often I check in with my Vision (in this case, my career Vision) these days.

My answer = not much.

Admittedly, I can find myself off-track, and the thought of dedicating some time to connect to my Vision feels like – UGH.

Just like exercising, eating well, or other self-care, if I get off-track, it takes a little wake-up to stretch and get back into the game.   It might feel more comfortable to sit it out, but it’s no fun not playing.

I discovered in talking with Karin, my Fabulous Coach (www.mmmaven.com), that the best way for me to tap into my Vision regularly and effectively is by playing a mind movie.   

A mind movie is simply a Vision you hold in your mind, playing out the future scenario that you are desiring.   I first did this when I anxiously anticipated delivering a presentation to executives in a former job.  I pictured myself confident, calm and equiped to handle anything that came my way.   Sure enough, we oddly lost electricity during the event, and I later received praise from my boss for how unaffected I appeared.  

Mind movies work.  I’ve played them preparing for various events that caused me temporary anxiety (dates, interviews, key meetings, challenging conversations).  It never fails to work.

I committed to Karin yesterday to play my mind movie , at minimum, every day if just for a few minutes.  The key is to really feel into the movie, capturing the energy and vibration of your Vision.  Press pause and hold that space as long as you can in your mind, and feel that energy in your body.  

So, my savvy friend, I encourage you to try this.  You will be amazed.

First, get clear on a Vision.  What are you desiring?   Then, create a future image of you having this in your life, being this Future Self.  Add in details and feeling-tones that make the movie rich and fulfilling – you’re enjoying the fruits of your success.  

Play this movie regularly!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I often coach my clients to journal.  This is not an easy task if you’re not accustomed to doing so – I know.   One thing that I always find is a help – both for myself and for my clients – is to begin with a Gratitude List.  I got this idea from a book that Oprah made famous, Simple Abundance, by Sara Ban Breathnach. 

The idea is to give thanks to what you have, what you enjoy, what is true.   Small and big.  Simple pleasures. 

Taking time to list these things can shift our perspecitve dramatically.   Suddenly, we realize that we have many things to take pleasure and comfort in.   We don’t need to keep our mental focus on what we seemingly lack or don’t have.

For example, my list today:

1.  Feeling the sun on my face and the warm air.

2. Laughing and making it through 6am bootcamp this morning.

3.  A sweet email from a friend I don’t get to see much.

4.  The ability to do work that I love today.

5.  A sweet kiss from my husband.

Writing this list drops me in to how I’m feeling, and slows me down to take notice of all that I am able to do and to experience.   Especially if I’m feeling uninspired or in negative thinking, writing 5 things to be grateful for always helps turn me around.  

Try it out!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com