Dear Savvy Woman,

I’ve had this book from Sylvia Brown on my bookshelf for probably over 10 years – and after hearing her recently on Hay House Radio, I decided I should give it a go.  I’m a serious book-slut these days.  I’m in no question not faithful to my biggest love and husband, Larry, but jeez…I can’t stay true to just one book to save my life!  But I like it this way.  And no one’s getting hurt.

But, I digress.  Back to Sylvia.  So, I pick up The Other Side and Back – A Psychic’s Guide To Our World and Beyond (given to me by a dear friend after my mom passed away, now 14 years ago) and I decide to flip around a bit and see what she’s offering up.  No surprise, I notice the chapter entitled, “Your Personal Life: A Spiritual Psychic’s View of Relationships and Families“, and decide to dive in there.  I’m curious.

I run across this funny and I’d guess to be very commonly true observation about one’s filter or shall I say, discernment, around people, intimacy and relationships.   Sylvia writes, “From my readings for thousands of clients and my own past mistakes, I’ve come to realize that most of us are more thorough, thoughtful and cautious about shopping for a car than we are about who we allow into our lives…we’ve all done or witnessed essentially that – bought on impulse – and then spent an emotional fortune trying to repair something that will never be worth  as much as we’ve put into it.”

OMG – this resonates , doesn’t it?  Years before I met Larry, my friends and family witnessed me putting my apartment in storage and flying to Toronto, Canada to spend time with a man I had not spent more than a few weeks with.  Regrets – none – but would I have benefited from more of a ‘research -checklist – testdrive’ approach, in that case?  Heck, yeah.

I could go on and on here.  Not just in the context of men and dating , but also looking at the other people I’ve allowed into my life that ended up being emotional vampires, or simply ‘bad energy’.  The more I connect to my truth and trust my gut, the better I get at ‘car shopping’ as it relates to meeting others. Whether they are business relationships, potential clients, or personal acquaintances and friends – I’m aware of when I ‘impulse buy’. 

But, let’s go back to  dating.  Think about the energy and perhaps self-esteem you might protect if you begin to approach your dating life like  you are buying your next vehicle.  Imagine that you’ve been driving a Honda civic for the past 10 years, and you are (hooray!) shopping for an upgrade: a car that you’ve been waiting for. Ready for.  Yes, this will be a stellar relationship.

Think of the checklist and test drive process -Sylvia highlights some great points here:

• Does he make you feel better or worse about yourself?
• Does he have more real friends than you do, or fewer?
• Does he place a higher or lower value than you do on honesty, integrity, and commitment?
• Is he closer to his family members or more estranged, than you are?
• Has he had more success with relationships or less?

Add on more of your own questions.  I do hope you have some. = )  What is so important (and what Sylvia notes, too, actually) is to pay close attention to his behavior.  Does it match who he says he is? And if it doesn’t, believe the behavior!   It’s like  test driving a used car that has a sticker saying ‘Well – maintained’, and it breaks down on you before you return to the lot!  You wouldn’t buy that car, would you?  Some of us have been known to believe the sticker. ‘But it says…!’

Ahhh….cars. Men.  Let’s move on to …shoes!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Are you aware of what your current mind-set is?   I hope so.  Because mind-set  is *everything*. And experiencing success in relationships and romance doesn’t escape this truth.  Personal success is as much an inner game as it is an outer one.   Shhhh…. I’m going to quiet you naysayers for a second, the ones who point to Supermodel figures and flawless skin as the ‘must haves’ and say, simply , ENOUGH already.  Hold up.

Naomi Cambell sure ain’t got no satisfaction in her personal life – I’d place big money on it.  All the drama she manifests in her world, just on plane travel alone, points to where her mindset rests.  And it’s not in peace, is it?

You see, I’m still reveling in the experience of listening to Marianne Williamson lecture last week up in Marin, and the topic was Living Miraculously.   Marianne largely spoke about the thoughts that we must hold in order to live out a miraculous life.    And that’s what mind-set is.   Notice: where are your thoughts?   Are they in the past?   Are they sitting up on the ledge of FEAR, trying to predict and see the future?  

And, what are your thoughts?   Are they loving, positive, expansive, and forward-pulling, helping you take the action required to step into a grand, heart-felt vision of what you hold for yourself:  focused on the vision of your dreams?   Or, are they doubt-filled, fear-filled, and focusing on what you don’t want?

In James Arthur Ray’s book, Harmonic Wealth, he highlights the fact that the right mind-set is more important than having the right skills, in the context of discussing accomplishments and success.

Here’s an exercise he gives to prove this to be true:  Write down your top three wins or accomplishments to date.  These could include completing school, landing a job in a competitive industry, writing a book, or marrying the man of your dreams.  This is only about you, so don’t compare relative to others, but write down what is true for you.  Childhood accomplishments can be included too.

Now, look at your list, and choose the event that brings up the strongest feelings of accomplishment, the one that makes you feel that you tackled and conquered something worthwhile. Now, mind-storm a list of qualities that you had that helped you to achieve this win.  How were you thinking?  What were you feeling? What were you doing or not doing?  Qualities like vision,  passion, trust, focus may come up.  Or kindness, patience and enthusiasm.  Come up with as many as you can. 

Now, go back through this quality list and next to each,  write if it’s a mind-set related or more skill related.  Ray bets that most, if not all, the qualities are mind-set related and not skill related.   And I do too.  As Ray points out, and very timely with the Summer Olympics just starting, “Every Olympic athlete has the skills, yet few win the gold.  It’s all about the mental game.” 

I meet many women who desire an amazing, rich life filled with love, passion, and integrity.  Some of them understand that they need to step up and into a bigger game, one that is of the right mind-set.   An inner game.  Many still focus on the skill-sets of the right clothes, hair, make up and dating 101′s to ‘get it right’.   Although folding these things in can not hurt, focusing on these exclusively rather than on mind-set isn’t going to win the gold. It’s just not.  It might be a temporary fix or illusion, but it’s not the stuff that wins the gold.

Get your inner game on, ladies.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman, 
This question has  come up a lot recently, as I wrote in the Part 1 post on this topic.

I think there’s a few things at play with this, and, as much as we want a clear line – a Yes or No – this isn’t one of those, unfortunately.

However, I think that the general answer to this is  NO.   It’s not going to kill a romance that’s meant to happen, or turn a guy off that you’re initially meeting, if you let it be known that you have some interest.   It’s flattering!  Men apprecitate receiving  compliments and flattery, too.  And they don’t necessarily mind having some assistance in making the first move.  It takes some pressure off, in fact.

AND, it’s all in the delivery:

- Are you confidently letting someone know you have interest = he senses or hears or sees a ‘Welcome’ sign with you?

-And, are you doing so in a way that still keeps your self-respect and your desire to be pursued and courted in tact?

Again , the general rule, in my experience and in surveying men, is No – no conflict of interest in making your interest known.   Yes, only you can answer these most genuinely for yourself = you are the best judge of what’s comfortable for you, what the situation is feeling like, what the energy is.

I’m not a fan of the Rules book.   Heck, I moved in with my husband after 4 months of dating.  And I was a woman that mouthed about how after living with a boyfriend in my twenties - next time, I would wait for a commitment.  I wanted to have (perceived) control over the outcome going forward, as the stakes felt much higher to me at 35.

But, I made that decision on what I sensed, felt, heard, saw and just knew.  All with the understanding with myself that I could afford to take the risk.  It’s always good to ask yourself what the worst case scenario would be, and do you feel that you could deal with it (of course you can, but our ego can be running the show here).

How showing interest might look:

- Handing a guy your card as you leave a conversation and say something like, “I’ve enjoyed meeting you…I’d be interested in continuing conversation over coffee sometime if you’d like to.”

-Smiling and giving great eye contact, along with other body language that indicates that you are approachable and potentially interested.

-Connecting with someone via Facebook and sending a friendly note.

-Simply asking him for a date!

Just remember, if you are a woman who wants to be pursued and courted, you want this to be conveyed through your actions and reactions, so that the message is clear.  No mixed messages.  This is true whether you get asked out, or do the asking.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Hey Savvy Woman,

There’s so much coming out these days on Mind Set, isn’t there?   You’ve probably read or seen The Secret, or at least heard of the Law of Attraction.   Essentially, one large contributing factor of this law, and what brings success to the application of it, is a Positive Mind Set.  One’s thoughts, beliefs and feelings comprise your ‘frequency’ = how you’re vibrating.   Is it Positive?

Positive thoughts equals positive feelings = your vibration increases.   And, per this Law,  Like attracts Like.

Experiencing the powerful effects of positive mind set through my life, and, especially as I got hold of Law Of Attraction and experienced on amazing levels how it truly works,  Positivity is one of the tenants of Being Love Savvy.

It’s not rocket science to observe how the impact of holding a positive attitude with others impacts your interactions and experience, versus the opposite, right?   We’ve all been there.   You’re with a negative-minded friend, and despite the delicious food you shared, or even the good movie you saw  – you leave her and notice yourself feeling e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.   Otherwise known as toxicity, this negative muck has you feeling like you’re sinking in quicksand.  

On the flip side, think about how you feel when you spend time, or even rub elbows, with a positive person.  It’s intoxicating.  It’s uplifting.  Perhaps if you went in to the exchange a little tired, a little agitated,  you notice that you leave it feeling energized. 

This translates most directly into dating and relationships, my savvy friends, as you may well know.   How often have you felt disinterested in someone because he or she just seemed….well, negative?  A downer.  Not so much, huh?

Again, not rocket-science.    But, I’ll tell you,  Positivity shows up in many ways, some of which are not necessarily all verbally given.   Here’s a short list of a few:

• A smile and eye contact
• Supportive, encouraging words
• Openness – approachability, even with body language (no crossing of arms, turning of back)
• Interest – Curiosity in the other person
• Avoidance of gossip or caddy comments
• Laughing, humor (if used in an uplifting way)

Now, if you’re in relationship – how much of this are you doing with your S.O.??   Take inventory, and make sure that your comfort levels haven’t seduced you into the lower-self behaviors of negativity.

Make sure to put yourself in a positive  circle of influence.  Because it rubs off. And with those in your life (certain family members, colleagues, long-term friends) that aren’t so positive, protect your energy and mind-set with structures that help reduce toxic residue:  limit conversations, schedule interactions for a low-stress, low-impact time, and be the bigger person by not jumping in to agree with negative thinking or attitude.

Then, notice the dividends that Positivity pays.   They’re priceless, actually.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

It’s been a theme this week – clients, friends, new aquaintences - all asking about the concept of approaching men and showing interest.  

One client is on E-Harmony, and is reticent on ’approaching’ a guy online because she’s a woman who really wants to be pursued and doesn’t want to send off the wrong message.

A friend and I were hanging out with my husband Larry – actually on our way to his favorite place in the world other than next to me of course = ) – the golf course – and she asked about what to do when you’re in conversation with someone , you need to leave, and he hasn’t asked for the number.  

 At an event just last night, I met a woman who shared that she was in a dilemma: she felt like she had put out a lot of energy to a new guy.  She seemed a little remorseful, a little curious, a little excited.   It wasn’t yet disastrous – he had just called her that afternoon.  But clearly, she seemed as if she was walking a tightrope. 

All of these scenarios beg the question:  is it a conflict of interest to show interest in a guy?   Will it send a message that I’m an aggressive woman, who doesn’t want to be pursued… courted…. and, let’s face it… cherished?

Stay tuned for Part 2.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com