Dear Savvy Woman,

Continued from Part 1, this is the mock-conversation between Jane and John.

Me (Jane) : I’ve noticed that we seem to not plan our time together as well these days (and it’s making me CRAZY – but i’m not going to say that part).  I want to be sure I can see you on weekends, and yet also not miss opportunities to see friends.  I’m wondering, how would it work for you (notice there’s no force to control or command) if we check in Tue or Wed in the week and see what’s up for the weekend?

John: Yeah, sure – of course.  I’m sorry. I know I’ve been last-minute lately – I’ve just been all-consumed at work.  I want to be spending time with you.

Me (Jane): That’s OK, I could tell, and yet I also know myself, and I don’t want to this to get in the way of our relationship. (This shows respect and kindness  toward him AND also subtly and powerfully declares what’s important to her, and what she won’t put up with!)

John: I don’t either – you are too special and I want to make sure you’re happy!

Now, the alternative that my client felt a knee-jerk to do (and I SO get it, I’ve done it myself) – due to feeling both defensive and rejected – was to book time with friends and make herself unavailable.  This at times can be called for – not so much to play games but to make sure you are investing in your friendships and making plans so you don’t resent him when he doesn’t ask to see you Friday night, or beyond.

Jane is very invested in the relationship – they already have conversations about living together and weddings – so the choice for her to make that would guarantee growth for herself and the relationship was to communicate in a way that was both authentic to her and respectful of her man.  Although she felt she’d get some reward from a ‘sting’ back to him as she felt slightly hurt and neglected, she decided to approach the conversation honoring her needs but not coming from a blaming or nagging place – neither being very attractive or sexy.

Here’s a  review of the How’s:  

• Ask if it’s a good time to talk
• Address what you need by claiming what it is, without any blame, threats or drama – and offering up a solution
• Approach with a positive and self-posessed energy – you are loving, kind and UNAPPOLOGETIC in the conversation

Why it’s Sexy & Attractive:

• It’s clean, clear and drama-free
• Men DO appreciate solutions and guidance on what makes their woman happy- this makes it EASY for them to deliver!
• Being honest and direct about what you need & want shows CONFIDENCE – very, very SEXY!
• Using kindness and not manipulation preserves their self-respect and respect in your eyes

It can take a little courage and vulnerabilty - depending on the situation or state – but it’s well, well worth it.   And you can’t lose – if it’s ill-received, it only shows you more about the person you’re spending time and energy on.  Valuable all the way around!

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Navigating the dating-relationship waters can be tricky – no doubt.  A past coaching client called me for an emergency coaching session (I do one-time assessments/S.o.S sessions, so you can contact me here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com/contact.htm and indicate ASAP) today.

The net of her issue was that she’s in a relationship of about 6 months and she was starting to feel uncomfortable, namely with them feeling like they’re on ‘autopilot’ with some things (like making plans)  – and – an awareness within herself that some anxiety was stemming from a few previous relationships she’d had that went south. Something was feeling vaguely familiar. Again.  Was it her fear of a ‘repeat’, or was it in actuality, a current issue with ‘John’. It’s difficult to know, and what helps is to address what’s true about the current situation and take it from there.

The net of our coaching session came to this: what was true for ‘Jane’ was that she needed to get more of her needs met – namely, to know generally what their weekend plans were and to have John take a more proactive role in that. And here’s the catch: She must communicate with John in a way that both empowers her (she’s given her power over by waiting for John’s schedule and/or taking it day by day – which is irritating her) as well as honors the relationship and John.

Jane: Well, I guess I’ll tell John that I want to know our plans much more ahead of time.  I’ll have to check in with him each week and ask him when his ball practice is, and if he plans to golf with his friends this weekend. 

Me: Do you know what is so sexy, alluring and attractive to a man?

Jane: No, what? Oh, wait. I think I know where you’re going.  Maybe the ‘telling’ John will be to just schedule some back-to-back girls week-ends, just to show him that I and my time matters!! He’ll see what I mean.

Me:Actually, where I’m going here is that a man finds a woman who claims what she wants for herself, unapologetically and kindly – very, very ATTRACTIVE.  Not as a spoiled child, or a controlling, frightened or nagging adult – but – as a woman who addresses what is true for her while keeping respect and love flowing toward her man.

Here is some sample dialogue of how to tailor an approach when communicating – going from ‘Nagging or Victim Girlfriend’ and ‘Pseudo-Mom’ to ‘Sexy, Attraction-rich, In-Control-and-Loving -Vixen’:

Me (as Jane):  Hi sweetie (sitting down in person), can we talk about something for a second (is this a good time to talk)?

John: Sure, what’s up?

Part 2 – to be continued….

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

My mom use to take me skiing a lot.  For skiing, I was allowed to cut a day of high school to beat crowds, which made it all the more fun.

I use to hear this comment from her on our ski trips,  ”If you’re not falling down, it means you’re not really trying”. 

Think about the FEAR that comes up (if you allow yourself to recognize it) as you think about going for something BIG.  Or maybe doing something completely NEW to you.  FEAR can bubble up, sometimes very easily.  This is what can stop us dead in our tracks, if we let it. We’re afraid to fall down.

The older we get, the more fearful we can become as we get more and more conditioned to own perceptions & the perceptions of others and the world.  I  mean, there’s SO much to be afraid of, right?  Just listen to random passing conversation (as I am right now in a coffee shop as I write) – or what you hear from a friend or someone who loves you – or what you read on news sites or see on TV. What we find ourselves saying to others. 

This plays out often when it comes to attracting love,  too, my savvy friend.  We’re often sitting back in ‘fear’ or concern:

Am I going to meet him?

Is this guy the right partner for me?

Why doesn’t it seem to be going the way I dream of it going?

Often, we don’t try a new approach – or create a different and winning Mindset to support our desires – because we’ve got this subconscious fear, of either success or of failure.

A clue that you’re on to something – that you’re giving the mountain and slopes the best of you – is when you feel the Fear coming up, and you continue to take a step forward anyway. And then another. And another. 

It’s not a matter of having NO FEAR, or preserving yourself out of FEAR, it’s a matter of feeling the Fear, and moving forward toward your desires anyway.

And, if you’re local to the Bay Area, come spend the day with me on March 21st ! I guarantee, you’ll walk away clearer, more confident and feeling more courageous.  The Savvy Woman’s Boot Camp: Hitting Re-Set for New Love will hands-down be the best investment you make in yourself to create love and a life of your desires.  Reserve your seat here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com/Events.htm

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

A fun and creative way to build a new and compelling  (and ongoing) Vision for yourself is by creating a Vision Box.  Inspired by an exercise in the book ‘Ask & It is Given’ (Hicks), I built one for myself and then introduced it to attendees at my Savvy Woman’s Boot Camp.  It was a huge hit.

See, we all need a Vision that  pulls us forward – without one we can stay stuck and status quo.

Here’s what you need:

A plain or decorative box (shoe box works great)

Decorative wrapping (if you are making your own, ie. shoe box)

Magazines & Scissors

Blank Paper or Flash Cards & colorful pens

Uninterrupted Time

Bonus: Background music, candles, tea or gl. of wine

Take the time to create a comfortable and relaxed state for this, at a time when you are feeling positive and good. Browse through magazines, clipping images and words that exemplify desires you hold.  Don’t sensor yourself.  Next, write down words and statements that reflect what you want to bring into your life.  The sky is the limit with this, and yet listen to what’s authentically appealing and desiring for you.  This can be words like ‘JOY’  ‘Excellent Health’  ‘FUN!’  and statements such as ‘Money easily and effortlessly flows to me’ and ‘I am in a vibrant, reciprocal and loving relationship’. 

And don’t forget any ‘Lists’.  A list of qualities for a new job, a new relationship, or a new home.  Put these in there.

Put this box in your line of sight in room in your home or office, and as you see things that you’d like for your life, drop them in.  You are stating to yourself and to the Universe what you want, and putting it in the box makes it so.  It already ‘is’.  Focusing on what you WANT raises your vibration to attract it in to your life.  ”The more you put into your box, the more the Universe will deliver other ideas to you that match them”, per Hicks.

One benefit of the Box versus a collage or Vision Board is that it’s private.  Place a beautiful box in your space and no one has to know what’s in it – it’s just for you – unless you choose to share.

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

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