Dear Savvy Woman,

My work with clients often has a component to it of helping them do things differently - largely, it’s about doing things differently (we all need guidance from those that have been there before as we step out, I know I do).  As they say in the famous definition of insanity, something to : doing the same things the same way and expecting different results.

The other night I went to the bookstore and rather than hunting down some books I had on my list to read, I just let myself browse. After all, I was in a bookstore to do that, and not just clicking through on Amazon.com to get what I needed.  And I mention this for a reaon, as there is such a gift to just watching where our attention and energy takes us rather than always being on a mission and ‘following guidelines’ = in this case, picking up certain books.  It lets you play more, and be creative and open.

So that night I stumbled on the book Personal Power through Awareness (Sanya Roman).  And I want to share with you something extremely important about your future, that she writes about. I just sent a newsletter yesterday (are you signed up?  www.BeLoveSavvy.com/articles.htm) on this topic as it’s been up for a lot of my clients  - and for all of us in the world at this time especially, I think. 

“Every time you think of the future you project energy into it, even if you mumble, ” I never get things done,” or “I don’t know why this happened to me,” or “I wish I hadn’t done it.” Every comment you make is directing energy towards the past, the present or the future. If you could become aware of even one hundredth of the thoughts you are sending out into the future, and evolve them, within a month you would know delight that exceeds all of your pictures (in your mind) today. Every single statement you make about yourself, to a friend or even to yourself becomes a truth. You project energy at every moment. If you want a better future, speak of it, picture it, say it to others. Only you can create for yourself what you want. It is the greatest power, honor and gift you have ever been given.”

To your love & success,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

If you’re inspired and affirmed by Astrology and Intuitive & Soulful resources such as Archetypes, you must ’meet’ Robert Ohotto if you don’t already know him.   A friend mentioned him to me years ago, he has a weekly radio show on HayHouseRadio.com, and he gives amazing personal readings.

Here is some sage Truth from Robert below that’s very applicable to what I work with women to achieve: a strong and loving relationship with themselves (that gets reflected back to them via their relationships and overall quality of life).

“None of us are defined by the mistakes of our past unless we believe we are. What defines us is what we’ve learned from them. Don’t let shame keep you hostage to what you’ve done. Love yourself — give up your old story lines and breathe in the present moment freedom of claiming your highest potential. You are worthy of being renewed.”

-Robert Ohotto

Here is to loving ourselves and being RENEWED~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Happy Friday, and to those of you celebrating the Jewish New Year, Happy New Year!

For this final post  on tips, truths and tricks to navigate dating and relating, I’m sharing an article I recently wrote for www.SavvyAuntie.com, Melanie Notkin’s very savvy site dedicated to the lifestyle of PANKs, Professional Auntie No Kids, where I’m a regular contributor. 

Tip #5 ~  Unleash Your Inner Self-Care Vixen!

I’m SO, SO passionate about this topic because it’s the foundation for not just successful dating and relating, but simply for making the most of your life in every area.   When don’t feel good we show up in a more limited way than when we  feel good about ourselves. 

Here’s what I’m talking about: http://tinyurl.com/qa6roz

Big love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Truth #4 ~ Our Relationships are only as ever healthy as WE are

Just a friendly little reminder here.  ;-) We might not realize that sometimes we are blaming our partner when we’re not happy or pointing the finger outward when things go south. And, we can also do this when a relationship is wonderful, and give the other person recognition without patting ourselves on the back, too.   Truth is, relationships are mirrors (ouch! sometimes this is so tough to acknowledge), and as a wise soul once said to me, “Our relationships are only ever as healthy as WE are”.  What we believe to be true about ourselves, we will have reflected back to us by others, including and especially with the VIP in our lives. 

XO,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Your emails and FB comments on these daily tips have been awesome, thank you.  I love to receive your feedback or questions so please comment, email, or ping me via @LoveSavvyLeslie.   This daily blogging of tips for ’single’ and ‘in-relationship’ gals is helping me as I write my first e-book.  Hot topics and burning questions on relationship success and attracting new love?  Please share. And we all have them.  I was reading In Style magazine the other day, the current issue with J Lo, and of course I appreciated how she admitted that she’s fascinated by relationships and is always picking up a book on them to try to figure them out (I’m sure Marc has helped her de-mystify them some… ;-)). 

Tip #3  ~ Keep  - or Create - a little Mystery 

Just a little. I’m not suggesting games here. This is really about re-balancing and keeping the dance in your relationship going. When there’s absolutely no surprises, no space, time apart - its kind of like you’ve stopped dancing and you’re sitting on the side looking around at everyone else, bored and maybe frustrated.  Every relationship ebbs and flows - and - what I know to be true and what I hear from clients is that things can  also start to feel off-balance within ourselves and the relationship when we’ve become so accountable, so attached at the hip, sometimes too giving of ourselves (us?), overly focused on him or the relationship, etc.   Maybe we notice that we’re feeling a little taken for granted, or our guy is now stating that he doesn’t know if he can give us what we want, like a longer-term  view together. Sometimes the dance is meant to be ended, but even the best of relationships can benefit from a little ‘feminine mystique’ infusion. 

A client I’m coaching was experiencing this a little with her guy recently and asked me for advice.  She was tempted to pull away completely - as is often what we want to do - RUN! - when our feelings are a little hurt by what we’re not getting, especially when it’s a topic such as committment.  What I reminded her is how attuned men are to to this feminine mystique, and they’re not even conscious of it - usually.  In her case, it was simply to re-create some by weaving in a few nights sleeping back at her place (beauty sleep for early a.m. meetings) , not being as uber-responsive or initiative with texts and calls (don’t ditch them, but delay the need to always pick up or initiate), and re-prioritizing some very important ’me’ and  friend time which may be on a back-burner. 

From my savvy heart to yours  ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

 Dear Savvy Woman, 

Relationship  Tip #2 ~ Miserable?  Trust Yourself, and in the Highest Good of the Universe

I’ve had women come to me that are entangled in relationships - or a semblance of one, say, with an Ex that they are holding on to in some way - that they are miserable in.  I love to work with these particular women because I’ve known this  misery: this place of dis-empowerment, of being terrified on some level of letting go but with each passing day that remains your spirit  being chipped away, sensing that it shouldn’t feel this way.  Of course, when we awake to this awareness we are typically at rock-bottom and can’t stand it anymore, and are hopefully willing  to make a change.

 A woman contacted me to get some coaching many months ago.  Every week-end after spending it together with her long-term, off and on boyfriend, he seemed to declare a need to have his ’space’ and re-state his desire to not commit to her, something that she was deeply desiring.  Just as she got fed up enough and began to journey out the ‘front door’ of their ‘house’, he swept her back in, on Que, with good behavior and the right words.  She was so beaten down by this routine and the denying of what I sensed was her deeper truth, lying beneath the surface:  she wasn’t so sure that she wanted him anymore, anyway.  She wanted help, but sadly, she struggled so much with the fear of taking the step that she was paralyzed and couldn’t bring herself to coach with me.  Last I heard she was still ‘hanging in there’ with her boyfriend.

It’s so difficult to trust that voice inside sometimes because we can rationalize in our mind - forever- why we should stay in a relationship where our needs aren’t being met.  Time, our heart, future dreams - all these  and more have been  invested,  and we sometimes want to hang around and see, kind of like employee #5 in the start up that’s praying for the IPO.

But, hang out at what price?  Giving space (journaling is great for this) to the voice that starts to rise up and acknowledges, ‘Ugh…this really,really hurts’, and learning to trust and act on this voice is what leads us to the gold.  Trusting in the process of life, that the Universe is always conspiring for our highest good, can help give us courage and faith to take steps toward change.  Relationships are one of the biggest - if not *the biggest* - learning vehicles about ourselves and life.  As we learn to trust ourselves more, largely by way of listening and responding to our own needs, relationships - and life - get easier, richer -  and way more fun! 

Here’s to our learning. As a friend said to me on a walk this morning about a revelation she was having in her life, “We’re all connected. We’re all in this together.”  Yes, we are…

Big love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

This week I’m writing daily with a tip each day geared to women in relationship.  I’d love to hear your experiences and thoughts, and especially your challenges, so please send them my way via this blog or DM me on Twitter @LoveSavvyLeslie. 

Relationship Tip #1 ~ Be The Solution

We all know how easy it is to point the finger at the other person in a relationship, or situation.  Just as a manager wants her employees to come bearing solutions, not just problems, you and your relationship will benefit when you step into the perspective of ‘What Can I Give Here?’.   Now, I don’t mean always taking the burden of blame and responsibility, and becoming some over-giving robot, *far from*.   But what I know to be true is that whenever we feel something is lacking in a situation, we can choose to lean into it - rather than step away and wait for the situation to change on it’s own and from the other person- and show up before we give up.

For instance, if I feel like I am wanting more appreciation from my husband, I can sit and think thoughts of what he is doing wrong, what I don’t receive that I’d like to, etc.  But that just impacts me negatively (at least when I start stewing ;-)), and in turn us.  What I can choose to do instead is begin flowing appreciation to myself, my experience in today, life, etc , and then to him.   I can then decide to take an action that I know he appreciates from me - even though I started in the place of wanting him to ’show me’.  By doing so, not only do I end up feeling better about myself (what can be underneath the need to have him appreciate me)  but it always shifts something for us, and he’ll get into his own appreciation-mode if that’s truly been lacking.  Now, this can be *excruciating* at times (our ego’s at work), and it can feel a lot easier (and sometimes it’s warranted) to simply point a finger! Trust me, I know.  And I know that ultimately we feel better knowing we’ve given a situation, and a relationship, the best of us.

Love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Tip # 4 ~  Always play an honest game of cards without revealing your entire hand

I notice in the dating process - and I was guilty of it too - is that women (and men!) sometimes tend to either show their entire hand by date 4 - ‘I want to be married by X date,  2.5 kids in which the names are already picked by the way, I have a funny habit about X, and I feel really insecure about you going on that boys trip next month’ - or keep their cards so tight to the vest, and cheat through the game, that they repel and sabotage the organic and necessary flow of getting to know someone, and the opportunity to sink into a healthy relationship.  Learning to be somewhere in the middle ensures that you won’t, as Dr. Phil says, risk more than you’re willing to lose, and yet still get - and stay - in the ‘game’.

The more that you listen and trust yourself, the easier it is to navigate this process.

As a beautiful card that I once bought myself says, “Listen from within.  Your heart knows the way.”

xo,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s today’s tip in this blog series on dating & relating:

Tip #3 ~  Get - and Date - Out of Your Comfort Zone !

I use to have a ‘type’ that I seemed to date more of (dark hair, eyes, skin = ‘exotic’). Naturally friends thought that I would end up with someone like that, but I didn’t necessarily believe that. I didn’t know what my partner/husband would look like, but I started to get clear about what we would FEEL like together as a couple - the qualities that our relationship, and he, would embody.

Where I began to find more ease, freedom and fun in my dating life was the months leading up to meeting Larry (my hubby), where I began to date out of my comfort zone. When I let go of expectations and any ‘rules’, and made my priority having fun and learning something about myself and the dating process as I went along, it was way more enjoyable for me, no matter what the outcome.   Deciding to become more OPEN doesn’t mean not having personal standards, but it does mean re-examining some unrealistic - and outdated - beliefs and behaviors that aren’t serving you.

If you have a comfort zone to either your ‘type’ that you date, or the way that you go about meeting men, force yourself to step out of it.  As long as you know your essentials like attraction, connection, kindness,trust, respect, humor - realize that you just don’t KNOW the how  of- or some of the what -  the package will show up. 

Consider:

1) Letting yourself see if there’s chemistry in person that you might not sense online. Open up your age range. I have a friend who’s pregnant with her husband who is 22 years her senior, who has two grown children from his first marriage.  After 8 years of marriage, they are one of the most adventurous, happy and - sexy - couples that I know.

2) Don’t stay home when a friend invites you to a seemingly more ‘couples’ event, if that’s your typical M.O.   You never know who’s going to be there, or who might have available friends that they want you to meet.  Just like we benefit from mixing up our professional circles (I learn so much studying other businesses and networking outside my industry), be sure to mix up your personal time as to where and how you spend it!

3) Expect to be surprised - in a lot of good ways - in this process! 

Love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s a topic that I coach clients on if it comes up for them- especially that first date when the temptation - and often the tendancy - is high to whip out the checklists and keep yourself on lock-down, potentially shutting down an opportunity for connection.

Tip #2 - Slipping into your Feminine on a Date

In today’s world many women are high-tailing it to coffe dates via Match.com directly from the office.  What happens when we women are still in our ‘doing’ energy (masculine) when we get around men is we can tend to either take over or severely compete with the man of the moment (our date, or in my case, my husband).  Sometimes a dating situation calls for that, and a healthy relationship should be able to ‘hold’ that.  But what I’m refering to here is a pattern that can get in the way of the masculine-feminine ‘dance’.   Here are a few quick ways to transition into more ‘being’ energy, inviting your softer - and receptive - side to come out and shine:

1)  Be sure to change your top, shoes, jewelry - something - when you leave the office to meet someone for a date.  This is not only a great way to ‘adorn’ yourself and feel a bit more feminine, but it’s a structure and way to signal to yourself that you’re work is done, and you can relax now.   (And I know dates can feel like work, but that’s a mind-set to shift as well…for another post).

2) If you’re at home before going out to meet someone , be sure to : light candles, play some music, spray perfume or essential oils.  These all invoke the feminine - and create beauty and an atmosphere that connects you to beauty - and allow you to step out of your head, and into more presence for your date.

3) This is a fun little ‘trick’.  You’ve arrived to a date and your mind is still racing with work or other things.  First, try to do some deep breathing (3 deep breathes from your abdomen can do the trick) or listen to a relaxing song on the way or before you arrive.  And, to slip into feminine-mode, imagine that the date across from you is undressing you with his eyes (even if you don’t desire this to be the case!).  We feel so feminine when we’re undressed…seduced…, so this little exercise can really work to help you sink into that same kind of inviting, feminine energy.  Again, it helps you get out of your head some, allowing your heart and energy to connect to the present moment.

xoxo,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com