Dear Savvy Woman,

I’m finding myself looking at this subject a lot, whether I’m working with clients, or I’m looking at myself and my own approach to  goals and dreams.

The always right there, one-step-behind: ” How???? ”

You know what I’m talking about, right?

We can dream, vision, desire and get all fired up about what it would look, feel, taste like.  And then - maybe it’s in a next moment, or next day, or next month.  Perhaps it’s after many steps towards it but, in a one-step-back (perceived) moment.  We do it.  We go to the HOW?  

HOW is….

• my dream relationship going to arrive?
• am i going to loose those last 5 lbs?  or the 30?
• will my work, in which i am in utopia, by the way, arrive?
• can i get my relationship back on track, because we are so far off of center?!
• will i get on the Oprah show?

Can you relate?   Do you have seemingly far-off, outlandish, or ‘impossible!’ desires that you can daydream of, but as you take a serious look -talk about- take a step toward,  very quickly stop you dead in your tracks when you’re mind rests on the

H-O-W?

Me too.

I do.    And here’s the thing: the H-O-W is our biggest enemy.  Biggest!!  Because when we are looking at where we are & where we want to be - and focusing on what seems like a big wide open space between the two, where no proof of our desired state is there waiting for us, we panic.  The ‘How’ is actually out there, raising it’s hands, saying - “Over here!  I’m right here!  You’re on the right track! you can do this! Just take a step.”

No, we are not 10 month-olds trying to take a first step.   Or are we?   Why not try that visual on for size?   Pretend that 10 month olds can read, just for this example.

So, you are a 10 month old baby.  Mommy is coaxing you to take your first giant step, as she’s witnessed you holding on to the coffee table, standing tall and strong - on your very own.    You stand holding on for dear life, and she’s several feet away from you, hands out - telling you you can come to her - all smiles.   But, just next to her is a big, bold sign that says, 

“HOW?”

As this particular 10 month old in our example, you can register what this sign means to you.    It is saying ‘ Come on - you haven’t taken a step yet - Missy - what makes you think you’re going to begin right this minute?  Huh?  Tell me.  Tell me!  Don’t even try it.”

What if you, as this 10 month old, believed more strongly on this grumpy, bully sign than you did your Mom ?

Dream coach Marsha Weider, whom I heard speak in past months, refers to this as ‘going to strategy too soon.’   When we do, our dreams get ’schquelched’, she says.   We get stopped before we get started.

The HOW actually shows up.  It does.  Absolutely.  But we have to BELIEVE it is possible (our desire, our dream, our goal) and take ACTION toward it.  As we do,  the HOW gets taken care of.   

I’m so sad just typing this.  I really am.  What would our world be like if we all decided to not look at that ‘bully sign’ - the HOW? - and decided to go for it anyway? 

Unlimited possibilites.

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I know, a few letter changes on the end of ‘vibration’ in that title, and we’re talking about an entirely different subject.  Sort of.

We are talking about raising our pleasure factor.  Our energy.  If you haven’t seen ‘What The Bleep Do We Know’, or ‘The Secret’ - both of which have brought this topic of Quantum Physics and Law of Attraction to the Mainstream - rent them. 

I am so passionate about this topic, savvy friends!  Years before the launch of The Secret, I was told to pick up a book called, “Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting”.  I read it, and it changed my life.  Validating what I had sensed - in a very distant way- to be true about life, I devoured the book and began practicing the concepts of manifesting in a more focused way than I had previously.  The net, net:  Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want.  Measure everything by how you feel = emotions.  You must incrementally raise your feeling tone/emotional vibration to match that which you desire.  For example, you might be desiring a healthy, juicy relationship, but you vibrate (feel) low because you’re focused on the fact that it’s missing, not gonna happen.  And, equally important, you remain in a lower-vibe ’space’ with tolerations and other miss-matched vibration environments and accepted circumstances.  In this I refer to everything from tolerating using a mal-functioning appliance, to clothing that doesn’t fit well or please you, to friendships and work that is energy-draining and toxic.   We are always at choice, but we often don’t want to acknowledge this, because it equally acknowledges personal responsibility - for everything -down to the coaster on my desktop as I write this!  Ugh…

Oh my, I could go on and on about this subject.  And, in no means do I ‘have it down’ - believe me. I enjoy the challenge of dipping into this regularly and taking inventory of how I am vibrating - what tolerations I need to eliminate - what I need to upgrade, both internally and externally.  It’s much easier said than done.  Why?  Because, as humans, we like to stay in our ‘knowns’ and fear change.  Yes, Savvy Woman, it’s true.  We all operate from our conditioning, that - by the time we are 7 years old - is fairly ingrained in us in order to fit in within our families, communities and society at large.  So, that means, especially as women, a fear of not being accepted, and of rocking the boat. 

If you are on a path of claiming, aligning with and acting on your heart’s desires, you must put your focus on what you want (not what you don’t want)-  and - have the courage to take action that supports you in vibrating and attracting in that which you know, in your heart, to be true for you.  To be, do, and have all  that you desire - that is your birthright.

Which leads to my point that inspired the title of this blog, as quoted from Ask And It Is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks (a must read): “The reason you have not already gotten what you desire is because you are holding yourself in a vibrational holding pattern that does not match the vibration of your desire.  That is the only reason -ever…..if you will stop and think about it, or more important, stop and feel about it, you can identify your very discord.”

We must ever so gently, and bit by bit, release our resistance - our thoughts - which is the only disallowing factor involved.

Increased relief (how are you feeling?) indicates that you are releasing resistance, and increasing your vibration - where increased feelings of tension, frustration and anger are indications of you adding to your resistance.

How do we vibrate to match our birthright’s desires?  Aside from taking a serious look at what my tolerations are and making necessary shifts there (sometimes big ones such as my work and relationships) , some things that I make sure to infuse into my daily living to increase/support my vibration are:

- Time with myself to tap into Spirit/Source/the Divine within me:  meditation, prayer, writing, reading

- Inspiring music

- Organized and clear environments of home, office, car

- Play dates with friends or with myself to look forward to

- Focused time visioning myself in the situations, environments and being-ness as if I am already in the desired outcome (ease as a mother,  collaborating with other leaders on projects, working with Oprah, traveling with Larry (my husband) in Africa).

- Excellent self-care:  healthy eating, exercise and sleep.   A regular massage.

Here is to remembering our birthright and releasing all that doesn’t vibrate with it !

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friend,

I was in Miami last week attending Fabienne Fredrickson’s “Inner Game of Abundance” Retreat.  It was fabulous.  Fabienne is known for her business “Client Attraction”, and she’s taking things to a new level to realign with her life purpose, and modeling it in a very open and generous way.  My intuition told me to attend as soon as I heard of it, and quickly my mind/Ego tried to shut it downwith “You already know ALL this stuff, Leslie.  What could be of value here?”  Thank G*D I didn’t listen.  It was an incredible, valuable experience!  YAY for shutting down our EGOs - if just for enough time to act on the inner wisdom that is our true guide!

At Fabienne’s retreat, I heard of this analogy that I knew I must share with you.  And that is:  Life is a series of Trapeze Acts.

YOU are swinging on a Trapeze bar - and you need to catch the other one.   You can’t catch the other one, if you don’t let go.  You MUST set sights on the other bar in order to let go.  And you do this with the knowingness that the net is always underneath you, should you need it. 

How many times have you fervently held on to that first bar, swinging as long as it would carry you, until it eventually comes to a halt because you didn’t let go and grab the other bar that was waiting for you?

We can’t grab that bar if we don’t have our eyes focused on it.  Instead, we may hold on to that first bar, with all of our fears and doubts keeping our attention elsewhere, if not our eyes completely closed.  Staying with the familiar - “at least I’m holding - and hanging on- to this bar.”  That known bar is everything from the way you are use to being in the world (putting others first, afraid, selfish, too nice, lost) to situations that you’ve outgrown - you’re ready to catch that next bar of new work, a relationship, a next adventure.

I think of situations that keep us playing small, staying in the ‘knowns’.  We must be willing to step into the unfamiliar, the unknown = the uncomfortable.

The net is always underneath us.  

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Women,

I am enough.

I am enough.

I am enough.

I am enough.

Repeat after me, “I am enough”.

“I am enough”.

What comes up for you when you say this statement to yourself.  Out loud.  Silently.

I’m writing today from Miami Beach, FL where I’m attending a conference on Mind-Set and Inner Abundance.

My heart leapt a little when I was on a tele-call and the Leader announced that she’d be hosting this conference. 

I want to go, I said to myself.  My mind quickly dispelled the thought.  Why?  You do this work here.  Why invest in this - this is many, many professional private sessions and massages.  Ugh. I want - I resist. I ’should’.

I went.  Thank you God.  Thank you Intuition. My resistance came in as “I know this stuff.”  “What can I learn at this?”  As much as I’ve worked on myself - 15 years of personal development in therapy, coaching, intuitive counseling, energy work, meditation, visualization - whew - I’m at another layer of the onion.

Launching my own business has me in a new arena.  Old wounds and beliefs are rearing their heads again.  Whenever we step into new territory in our lives,  we may find that we need to clear through some of the slow, sometimes track-stopping sludge.  Quicksand. 

We all looked at a list of commonly held beliefs.   We circled the ones that hit home as we thought of our businesses, of what are creating for ourselves.  Of what we are here to do: our purpose.

I looked at the “I am not enough”, and I RESISTED circling it, but I did.  We were to look at these circled beliefs, then, and dig deep to find where, specifically by age 7, we had had an experience that made this belief to be true to ourselves.

I won’t go into the background of mine right now, but I , along with the 100 women and men and the Facilitator, all raised our hands acknowledging this one to come up for us.    It’s one of those core false beliefs - “I am not enough” - that comes up for all of us as human beings.

Here’s the truth:  We are ENOUGH.  YOU ARE ENOUGH.

We are all in God/Spirit/Divine - and God/Spirit/Divine are in us.   We are  one.  We are perfect.  And we are here to live this truth.

Let’s get to living what we are to live.   Our heart’s desires.

With love and truth,

From my savvy heart, to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I truly continue to be in awe of the amazing process of growth….of how we can achieve what we set out to.  What I’m reflecting on is not just the achievements that manifest in our outer world - career transition, a loving partnership, material success, a new business venture….. what truly stills me to sacred silence and rushes blood through my veins is the fact that we are limitless creatures and we can move mountains in regard to our ‘inner’ realities.  These ‘inner’ realities are what enable us to achieve and manifest in the outer world.  How we feel about ourselves.  Who we want to BE.  Now.  And in the future.  Because this achievement comes from looking inside - acknowledging what needs to be changed - looking at who you want to be - and believing that it’s possible.

What we want to manifest in life begins with who we are.  What thoughts we hold.  What beliefs we are living by.  Where we set our sights to be.

I’m inspired to write this because I just ran across an intake form that my first and brilliant coach , Nikki Anderson: www.coachnikki.com, gave me as I began my life coaching work with her a little over 3 years ago.   I felt lost, down and dissatisfied.   Yes, much because my then- relationship hadn’t worked out, and the company I worked for was failing and I wanted out.  It felt overwhelming. 

But the truth, the core, of why I was so distraught was because I knew.  I knew that I wasn’t living to my potential.  I knew I was hiding out, and continuing to make the same choices - over and over. Same choices = same results.  The same unavailable guy, and the same unfulfilling job.  And the same energy-sucking, in-congruent smaller choices woven throughout how I was living. They didn’t fill me up. They kept me down.

I re-read my answer to ‘What role do you see your best self playing in the world? What do you want to model for others?:

My answer , “I want to model achieving my dreams, creative AND focused, nurturing AND strong, feminine AND true to myself, interdependent AND independent.”

I know that when I wrote this answer, it was coming from somewhere within me, and yet looking at my life at that time - I felt that I had no ‘proof’ that I was a woman exemplifying - or capable of - exemplifying these.  This is how many of the clients come to me feeling.  I see the gleam in their eyes when they complete a Future Self exercise and connect to what is true for them.

Then, the fear and disbelief sets in again.  And so the work begins.

I re-read that statement I made to myself and to my coach years ago, and I was in awe of the fact that I was indeed living up to what I had aspired to be.  At least attempting to! I’m by no means declaring perfection here,  nor “I’ve made it!”.   As my friend said to me many years ago, “Some of us are climbers, and others campers, in life.”  I know that I’m a climber.  When do I get to the top?  In this life, when my spirit leaves my body behind.

Every day I can feel the fear that hovers like a cloud, threatening rain.  The beautiful thing is that I’m getting more and more comfortable with the threat.  I don’t hold myself to walking only where the skies are always clear.  That would indicate to me that I wasn’t playing big enough - playing too safe.

So, savvy friends, I encourage you - I urge you - not to stamp out that voice that says, “This is what I want.”  “This is what I know I am meant to be, do, and have.”   This is the voice that knows the real truth.

Don’t talk yourself out of your desires.

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friend,

Why is it we are afraid to speak our truth when we’re on a date, or in a relationship?  Some of you, if you’re anything like me, present or past, might also find yourselves sweeping thoughts, desires, and opinions under the rug - in order to be accepted.  As women, many of us have a tendency to swallow our voices because we want to be approved of, liked, loved.  Maybe we do this if only occasionally.  Maybe a lot. 

We’ve all done this, and do this.  Maybe it’s big, or it’s something small.

I have client that I’m currently working with - let’s call her Jill.  Jill wants to find a loving partnership - her desire is for it to grow into marriage, although she’s not so sure about if she wants children one day, or not.

Jill’s interested in “Bill”.  She’s getting to know him, and although there are some questions as to if it could be a work-able situation to date him and see where it goes (it’s long-distance today, age difference, etc), when I asked her to consider asking him some ‘revealing’ questions on their next date, such as ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years & 10 years?’, the thought of it scared her, more than a little.  I’m coaxing her a little on this as ‘Jill’ has three relationships-over, stifled her needs and desires for the guy.  Denying her needs and wants is the ‘known’ - hence, she’s hired me. 

So I ask: Why can’t we express ourselves as we go along?  Why do we pretend to not be feeling what we are feeling? Wanting what we are wanting.   In dating, revealing too much too soon can be ‘death’.  And, not revealing enough, and a little too late = also ‘death’.  Yikes….what a fine line.

And that’s all that I had written.  I must have petered out for whatever reason.

As I scanned all my ’saved drafts’ this morning, I knew this title would trigger more from me.

I’ve been in a bit of funk with my guy, and husband, Larry , in recent days.   Not a huge funk.  We’re speaking, playing, etc.  ‘Normal’.

AND:  somethings not quite the same.  You see, I spoke my Truth recently to him, over something that’s a pretty serious topic, yet not a ‘Huge’ topic (and,unfortunately, I can’t expound any further ). He wasn’t thrilled with my Truth.  He respects it.  But it isn’t received with open arms, a huge smile, and a ‘Thanks, that’s great.’ 

And this is a reality:  sometimes, our Truth doesn’t make the other person very happy.  It can at times cause distance, a decision to be made, change.  

But what is the alternative?  I didn’t have an alternative, as I aspire to be as honest and as direct as possible in my relationship.  It for sure is not always easy. Far from.  

I really don’t like not feeling as close and intimate with my partner as is typical. It’s quite uncomfortable.  AND, it’s part of the experience.  It’s reality.   And that’s why I’m choosing to write about it.

As women, I think we must get really comfy cozy with speaking our Truth.  We must.  It doesn’t always feel sexy, and definitely not fun. 

And, it’s really the only option -isn’t it?

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

How often are you making choices and responding in life from your  Higher Self?   Who is your Higher Self?   What am I talking about, you say? 

My Higher Self is the woman who speaks and acts from her Truth.  She is very confident - she knows what she likes, and what works for her.  She loves  adventure, and takes risks consistently.  She loves from her entire being and she holds no judgement towards others.  She elegantly flows through encounters, challenges, and her days  - aware of her purpose.  My Higher Self focuses on what is important to her, holding on to that vision as she makes choices that reflect and move toward it.  Oh, and she loves pleasure and fun, and survives on a steady diet of each.

How would you describe your Higher Self?  

You’ve met her.  It’s just that sometimes you forget her.  When you do, you live day to day playing small and taking actions based on your past and what you know to be safe and seemingly ‘proven’.   You continue to make choices that get you more of the same, and often that same is not in the direction of your heart’s desires.  

How do you get aquainted  - get introduced - if you feel like you’ve never crossed paths with her?  

Very similarly to what I recommend to clients to do who are ready to meet ‘the one’:

• Slow down. 
• Take time just for you. Make it sacred. Notice what you want more of, and less of.  This time and noticing accrues like a bank account.  Clarity grows.  And clarity attracts clarity.
• Listen to those inclinations, urges, and nudges that come up more as you still yourself.   Follow them.
• Vision.  Picture yourself 10 years from now, living your dreams.  Who is that woman?  Notice what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with, how she’s doing it.  Is she wearing certain clothes? What does she value?    Find ways to step into her being-ness, today. 

Your Higher Self is ready to take more on!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I’ve had this book from Sylvia Brown on my bookshelf for probably over 10 years - and after hearing her recently on Hay House Radio, I decided I should give it a go.  I’m a serious book-slut these days.  I’m in no question not faithful to my biggest love and husband, Larry, but jeez…I can’t stay true to just one book to save my life!  But I like it this way.  And no one’s getting hurt.

But, I digress.  Back to Sylvia.  So, I pick up The Other Side and Back - A Psychic’s Guide To Our World and Beyond (given to me by a dear friend after my mom passed away, now 14 years ago) and I decide to flip around a bit and see what she’s offering up.  No surprise, I notice the chapter entitled, “Your Personal Life: A Spiritual Psychic’s View of Relationships and Families“, and decide to dive in there.  I’m curious.

I run across this funny and I’d guess to be very commonly true observation about one’s filter or shall I say, discernment, around people, intimacy and relationships.   Sylvia writes, “From my readings for thousands of clients and my own past mistakes, I’ve come to realize that most of us are more thorough, thoughtful and cautious about shopping for a car than we are about who we allow into our lives…we’ve all done or witnessed essentially that - bought on impulse - and then spent an emotional fortune trying to repair something that will never be worth  as much as we’ve put into it.”

OMG - this resonates , doesn’t it?  Years before I met Larry, my friends and family witnessed me putting my apartment in storage and flying to Toronto, Canada to spend time with a man I had not spent more than a few weeks with.  Regrets - none - but would I have benefited from more of a ‘research -checklist - testdrive’ approach, in that case?  Heck, yeah.

I could go on and on here.  Not just in the context of men and dating , but also looking at the other people I’ve allowed into my life that ended up being emotional vampires, or simply ‘bad energy’.  The more I connect to my truth and trust my gut, the better I get at ‘car shopping’ as it relates to meeting others. Whether they are business relationships, potential clients, or personal acquaintances and friends - I’m aware of when I ‘impulse buy’. 

But, let’s go back to  dating.  Think about the energy and perhaps self-esteem you might protect if you begin to approach your dating life like  you are buying your next vehicle.  Imagine that you’ve been driving a Honda civic for the past 10 years, and you are (hooray!) shopping for an upgrade: a car that you’ve been waiting for. Ready for.  Yes, this will be a stellar relationship.

Think of the checklist and test drive process -Sylvia highlights some great points here:

• Does he make you feel better or worse about yourself?
• Does he have more real friends than you do, or fewer?
• Does he place a higher or lower value than you do on honesty, integrity, and commitment?
• Is he closer to his family members or more estranged, than you are?
• Has he had more success with relationships or less?

Add on more of your own questions.  I do hope you have some. = )  What is so important (and what Sylvia notes, too, actually) is to pay close attention to his behavior.  Does it match who he says he is? And if it doesn’t, believe the behavior!   It’s like  test driving a used car that has a sticker saying ‘Well - maintained’, and it breaks down on you before you return to the lot!  You wouldn’t buy that car, would you?  Some of us have been known to believe the sticker. ‘But it says…!’

Ahhh….cars. Men.  Let’s move on to …shoes!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Are you aware of what your current mind-set is?   I hope so.  Because mind-set  is *everything*. And experiencing success in relationships and romance doesn’t escape this truth.  Personal success is as much an inner game as it is an outer one.   Shhhh…. I’m going to quiet you naysayers for a second, the ones who point to Supermodel figures and flawless skin as the ‘must haves’ and say, simply , ENOUGH already.  Hold up.

Naomi Cambell sure ain’t got no satisfaction in her personal life - I’d place big money on it.  All the drama she manifests in her world, just on plane travel alone, points to where her mindset rests.  And it’s not in peace, is it?

You see, I’m still reveling in the experience of listening to Marianne Williamson lecture last week up in Marin, and the topic was Living Miraculously.   Marianne largely spoke about the thoughts that we must hold in order to live out a miraculous life.    And that’s what mind-set is.   Notice: where are your thoughts?   Are they in the past?   Are they sitting up on the ledge of FEAR, trying to predict and see the future?  

And, what are your thoughts?   Are they loving, positive, expansive, and forward-pulling, helping you take the action required to step into a grand, heart-felt vision of what you hold for yourself:  focused on the vision of your dreams?   Or, are they doubt-filled, fear-filled, and focusing on what you don’t want?

In James Arthur Ray’s book, Harmonic Wealth, he highlights the fact that the right mind-set is more important than having the right skills, in the context of discussing accomplishments and success.

Here’s an exercise he gives to prove this to be true:  Write down your top three wins or accomplishments to date.  These could include completing school, landing a job in a competitive industry, writing a book, or marrying the man of your dreams.  This is only about you, so don’t compare relative to others, but write down what is true for you.  Childhood accomplishments can be included too.

Now, look at your list, and choose the event that brings up the strongest feelings of accomplishment, the one that makes you feel that you tackled and conquered something worthwhile. Now, mind-storm a list of qualities that you had that helped you to achieve this win.  How were you thinking?  What were you feeling? What were you doing or not doing?  Qualities like vision,  passion, trust, focus may come up.  Or kindness, patience and enthusiasm.  Come up with as many as you can. 

Now, go back through this quality list and next to each,  write if it’s a mind-set related or more skill related.  Ray bets that most, if not all, the qualities are mind-set related and not skill related.   And I do too.  As Ray points out, and very timely with the Summer Olympics just starting, “Every Olympic athlete has the skills, yet few win the gold.  It’s all about the mental game.” 

I meet many women who desire an amazing, rich life filled with love, passion, and integrity.  Some of them understand that they need to step up and into a bigger game, one that is of the right mind-set.   An inner game.  Many still focus on the skill-sets of the right clothes, hair, make up and dating 101’s to ‘get it right’.   Although folding these things in can not hurt, focusing on these exclusively rather than on mind-set isn’t going to win the gold. It’s just not.  It might be a temporary fix or illusion, but it’s not the stuff that wins the gold.

Get your inner game on, ladies.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Hey Savvy Woman,

There’s so much coming out these days on Mind Set, isn’t there?   You’ve probably read or seen The Secret, or at least heard of the Law of Attraction.   Essentially, one large contributing factor of this law, and what brings success to the application of it, is a Positive Mind Set.  One’s thoughts, beliefs and feelings comprise your ‘frequency’ = how you’re vibrating.   Is it Positive?

Positive thoughts equals positive feelings = your vibration increases.   And, per this Law,  Like attracts Like.

Experiencing the powerful effects of positive mind set through my life, and, especially as I got hold of Law Of Attraction and experienced on amazing levels how it truly works,  Positivity is one of the tenants of Being Love Savvy.

It’s not rocket science to observe how the impact of holding a positive attitude with others impacts your interactions and experience, versus the opposite, right?   We’ve all been there.   You’re with a negative-minded friend, and despite the delicious food you shared, or even the good movie you saw  - you leave her and notice yourself feeling e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.   Otherwise known as toxicity, this negative muck has you feeling like you’re sinking in quicksand.  

On the flip side, think about how you feel when you spend time, or even rub elbows, with a positive person.  It’s intoxicating.  It’s uplifting.  Perhaps if you went in to the exchange a little tired, a little agitated,  you notice that you leave it feeling energized. 

This translates most directly into dating and relationships, my savvy friends, as you may well know.   How often have you felt disinterested in someone because he or she just seemed….well, negative?  A downer.  Not so much, huh?

Again, not rocket-science.    But, I’ll tell you,  Positivity shows up in many ways, some of which are not necessarily all verbally given.   Here’s a short list of a few:

• A smile and eye contact
• Supportive, encouraging words
• Openness - approachability, even with body language (no crossing of arms, turning of back)
• Interest - Curiosity in the other person
• Avoidance of gossip or caddy comments
• Laughing, humor (if used in an uplifting way)

Now, if you’re in relationship - how much of this are you doing with your S.O.??   Take inventory, and make sure that your comfort levels haven’t seduced you into the lower-self behaviors of negativity.

Make sure to put yourself in a positive  circle of influence.  Because it rubs off. And with those in your life (certain family members, colleagues, long-term friends) that aren’t so positive, protect your energy and mind-set with structures that help reduce toxic residue:  limit conversations, schedule interactions for a low-stress, low-impact time, and be the bigger person by not jumping in to agree with negative thinking or attitude.

Then, notice the dividends that Positivity pays.   They’re priceless, actually.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com