Dear Savvy Friend,

Why is it we are afraid to speak our truth when we’re on a date, or in a relationship?  Some of you, if you’re anything like me, present or past, might also find yourselves sweeping thoughts, desires, and opinions under the rug - in order to be accepted.  As women, many of us have a tendency to swallow our voices because we want to be approved of, liked, loved.  Maybe we do this if only occasionally.  Maybe a lot. 

We’ve all done this, and do this.  Maybe it’s big, or it’s something small.

I have client that I’m currently working with - let’s call her Jill.  Jill wants to find a loving partnership - her desire is for it to grow into marriage, although she’s not so sure about if she wants children one day, or not.

Jill’s interested in “Bill”.  She’s getting to know him, and although there are some questions as to if it could be a work-able situation to date him and see where it goes (it’s long-distance today, age difference, etc), when I asked her to consider asking him some ‘revealing’ questions on their next date, such as ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years & 10 years?’, the thought of it scared her, more than a little.  I’m coaxing her a little on this as ‘Jill’ has three relationships-over, stifled her needs and desires for the guy.  Denying her needs and wants is the ‘known’ - hence, she’s hired me. 

So I ask: Why can’t we express ourselves as we go along?  Why do we pretend to not be feeling what we are feeling? Wanting what we are wanting.   In dating, revealing too much too soon can be ‘death’.  And, not revealing enough, and a little too late = also ‘death’.  Yikes….what a fine line.

And that’s all that I had written.  I must have petered out for whatever reason.

As I scanned all my ’saved drafts’ this morning, I knew this title would trigger more from me.

I’ve been in a bit of funk with my guy, and husband, Larry , in recent days.   Not a huge funk.  We’re speaking, playing, etc.  ‘Normal’.

AND:  somethings not quite the same.  You see, I spoke my Truth recently to him, over something that’s a pretty serious topic, yet not a ‘Huge’ topic (and,unfortunately, I can’t expound any further ). He wasn’t thrilled with my Truth.  He respects it.  But it isn’t received with open arms, a huge smile, and a ‘Thanks, that’s great.’ 

And this is a reality:  sometimes, our Truth doesn’t make the other person very happy.  It can at times cause distance, a decision to be made, change.  

But what is the alternative?  I didn’t have an alternative, as I aspire to be as honest and as direct as possible in my relationship.  It for sure is not always easy. Far from.  

I really don’t like not feeling as close and intimate with my partner as is typical. It’s quite uncomfortable.  AND, it’s part of the experience.  It’s reality.   And that’s why I’m choosing to write about it.

As women, I think we must get really comfy cozy with speaking our Truth.  We must.  It doesn’t always feel sexy, and definitely not fun. 

And, it’s really the only option -isn’t it?

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

How often are you making choices and responding in life from your  Higher Self?   Who is your Higher Self?   What am I talking about, you say? 

My Higher Self is the woman who speaks and acts from her Truth.  She is very confident - she knows what she likes, and what works for her.  She loves  adventure, and takes risks consistently.  She loves from her entire being and she holds no judgement towards others.  She elegantly flows through encounters, challenges, and her days  - aware of her purpose.  My Higher Self focuses on what is important to her, holding on to that vision as she makes choices that reflect and move toward it.  Oh, and she loves pleasure and fun, and survives on a steady diet of each.

How would you describe your Higher Self?  

You’ve met her.  It’s just that sometimes you forget her.  When you do, you live day to day playing small and taking actions based on your past and what you know to be safe and seemingly ‘proven’.   You continue to make choices that get you more of the same, and often that same is not in the direction of your heart’s desires.  

How do you get aquainted  - get introduced - if you feel like you’ve never crossed paths with her?  

Very similarly to what I recommend to clients to do who are ready to meet ‘the one’:

• Slow down. 
• Take time just for you. Make it sacred. Notice what you want more of, and less of.  This time and noticing accrues like a bank account.  Clarity grows.  And clarity attracts clarity.
• Listen to those inclinations, urges, and nudges that come up more as you still yourself.   Follow them.
• Vision.  Picture yourself 10 years from now, living your dreams.  Who is that woman?  Notice what she’s doing, who she’s doing it with, how she’s doing it.  Is she wearing certain clothes? What does she value?    Find ways to step into her being-ness, today. 

Your Higher Self is ready to take more on!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I’ve had this book from Sylvia Brown on my bookshelf for probably over 10 years - and after hearing her recently on Hay House Radio, I decided I should give it a go.  I’m a serious book-slut these days.  I’m in no question not faithful to my biggest love and husband, Larry, but jeez…I can’t stay true to just one book to save my life!  But I like it this way.  And no one’s getting hurt.

But, I digress.  Back to Sylvia.  So, I pick up The Other Side and Back - A Psychic’s Guide To Our World and Beyond (given to me by a dear friend after my mom passed away, now 14 years ago) and I decide to flip around a bit and see what she’s offering up.  No surprise, I notice the chapter entitled, “Your Personal Life: A Spiritual Psychic’s View of Relationships and Families“, and decide to dive in there.  I’m curious.

I run across this funny and I’d guess to be very commonly true observation about one’s filter or shall I say, discernment, around people, intimacy and relationships.   Sylvia writes, “From my readings for thousands of clients and my own past mistakes, I’ve come to realize that most of us are more thorough, thoughtful and cautious about shopping for a car than we are about who we allow into our lives…we’ve all done or witnessed essentially that - bought on impulse - and then spent an emotional fortune trying to repair something that will never be worth  as much as we’ve put into it.”

OMG - this resonates , doesn’t it?  Years before I met Larry, my friends and family witnessed me putting my apartment in storage and flying to Toronto, Canada to spend time with a man I had not spent more than a few weeks with.  Regrets - none - but would I have benefited from more of a ‘research -checklist - testdrive’ approach, in that case?  Heck, yeah.

I could go on and on here.  Not just in the context of men and dating , but also looking at the other people I’ve allowed into my life that ended up being emotional vampires, or simply ‘bad energy’.  The more I connect to my truth and trust my gut, the better I get at ‘car shopping’ as it relates to meeting others. Whether they are business relationships, potential clients, or personal acquaintances and friends - I’m aware of when I ‘impulse buy’. 

But, let’s go back to  dating.  Think about the energy and perhaps self-esteem you might protect if you begin to approach your dating life like  you are buying your next vehicle.  Imagine that you’ve been driving a Honda civic for the past 10 years, and you are (hooray!) shopping for an upgrade: a car that you’ve been waiting for. Ready for.  Yes, this will be a stellar relationship.

Think of the checklist and test drive process -Sylvia highlights some great points here:

• Does he make you feel better or worse about yourself?
• Does he have more real friends than you do, or fewer?
• Does he place a higher or lower value than you do on honesty, integrity, and commitment?
• Is he closer to his family members or more estranged, than you are?
• Has he had more success with relationships or less?

Add on more of your own questions.  I do hope you have some. = )  What is so important (and what Sylvia notes, too, actually) is to pay close attention to his behavior.  Does it match who he says he is? And if it doesn’t, believe the behavior!   It’s like  test driving a used car that has a sticker saying ‘Well - maintained’, and it breaks down on you before you return to the lot!  You wouldn’t buy that car, would you?  Some of us have been known to believe the sticker. ‘But it says…!’

Ahhh….cars. Men.  Let’s move on to …shoes!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Are you aware of what your current mind-set is?   I hope so.  Because mind-set  is *everything*. And experiencing success in relationships and romance doesn’t escape this truth.  Personal success is as much an inner game as it is an outer one.   Shhhh…. I’m going to quiet you naysayers for a second, the ones who point to Supermodel figures and flawless skin as the ‘must haves’ and say, simply , ENOUGH already.  Hold up.

Naomi Cambell sure ain’t got no satisfaction in her personal life - I’d place big money on it.  All the drama she manifests in her world, just on plane travel alone, points to where her mindset rests.  And it’s not in peace, is it?

You see, I’m still reveling in the experience of listening to Marianne Williamson lecture last week up in Marin, and the topic was Living Miraculously.   Marianne largely spoke about the thoughts that we must hold in order to live out a miraculous life.    And that’s what mind-set is.   Notice: where are your thoughts?   Are they in the past?   Are they sitting up on the ledge of FEAR, trying to predict and see the future?  

And, what are your thoughts?   Are they loving, positive, expansive, and forward-pulling, helping you take the action required to step into a grand, heart-felt vision of what you hold for yourself:  focused on the vision of your dreams?   Or, are they doubt-filled, fear-filled, and focusing on what you don’t want?

In James Arthur Ray’s book, Harmonic Wealth, he highlights the fact that the right mind-set is more important than having the right skills, in the context of discussing accomplishments and success.

Here’s an exercise he gives to prove this to be true:  Write down your top three wins or accomplishments to date.  These could include completing school, landing a job in a competitive industry, writing a book, or marrying the man of your dreams.  This is only about you, so don’t compare relative to others, but write down what is true for you.  Childhood accomplishments can be included too.

Now, look at your list, and choose the event that brings up the strongest feelings of accomplishment, the one that makes you feel that you tackled and conquered something worthwhile. Now, mind-storm a list of qualities that you had that helped you to achieve this win.  How were you thinking?  What were you feeling? What were you doing or not doing?  Qualities like vision,  passion, trust, focus may come up.  Or kindness, patience and enthusiasm.  Come up with as many as you can. 

Now, go back through this quality list and next to each,  write if it’s a mind-set related or more skill related.  Ray bets that most, if not all, the qualities are mind-set related and not skill related.   And I do too.  As Ray points out, and very timely with the Summer Olympics just starting, “Every Olympic athlete has the skills, yet few win the gold.  It’s all about the mental game.” 

I meet many women who desire an amazing, rich life filled with love, passion, and integrity.  Some of them understand that they need to step up and into a bigger game, one that is of the right mind-set.   An inner game.  Many still focus on the skill-sets of the right clothes, hair, make up and dating 101’s to ‘get it right’.   Although folding these things in can not hurt, focusing on these exclusively rather than on mind-set isn’t going to win the gold. It’s just not.  It might be a temporary fix or illusion, but it’s not the stuff that wins the gold.

Get your inner game on, ladies.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Hey Savvy Woman,

There’s so much coming out these days on Mind Set, isn’t there?   You’ve probably read or seen The Secret, or at least heard of the Law of Attraction.   Essentially, one large contributing factor of this law, and what brings success to the application of it, is a Positive Mind Set.  One’s thoughts, beliefs and feelings comprise your ‘frequency’ = how you’re vibrating.   Is it Positive?

Positive thoughts equals positive feelings = your vibration increases.   And, per this Law,  Like attracts Like.

Experiencing the powerful effects of positive mind set through my life, and, especially as I got hold of Law Of Attraction and experienced on amazing levels how it truly works,  Positivity is one of the tenants of Being Love Savvy.

It’s not rocket science to observe how the impact of holding a positive attitude with others impacts your interactions and experience, versus the opposite, right?   We’ve all been there.   You’re with a negative-minded friend, and despite the delicious food you shared, or even the good movie you saw  - you leave her and notice yourself feeling e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.   Otherwise known as toxicity, this negative muck has you feeling like you’re sinking in quicksand.  

On the flip side, think about how you feel when you spend time, or even rub elbows, with a positive person.  It’s intoxicating.  It’s uplifting.  Perhaps if you went in to the exchange a little tired, a little agitated,  you notice that you leave it feeling energized. 

This translates most directly into dating and relationships, my savvy friends, as you may well know.   How often have you felt disinterested in someone because he or she just seemed….well, negative?  A downer.  Not so much, huh?

Again, not rocket-science.    But, I’ll tell you,  Positivity shows up in many ways, some of which are not necessarily all verbally given.   Here’s a short list of a few:

• A smile and eye contact
• Supportive, encouraging words
• Openness - approachability, even with body language (no crossing of arms, turning of back)
• Interest - Curiosity in the other person
• Avoidance of gossip or caddy comments
• Laughing, humor (if used in an uplifting way)

Now, if you’re in relationship - how much of this are you doing with your S.O.??   Take inventory, and make sure that your comfort levels haven’t seduced you into the lower-self behaviors of negativity.

Make sure to put yourself in a positive  circle of influence.  Because it rubs off. And with those in your life (certain family members, colleagues, long-term friends) that aren’t so positive, protect your energy and mind-set with structures that help reduce toxic residue:  limit conversations, schedule interactions for a low-stress, low-impact time, and be the bigger person by not jumping in to agree with negative thinking or attitude.

Then, notice the dividends that Positivity pays.   They’re priceless, actually.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

One of the ‘tenants’ in Being Love Savvy is to be gracious with Compliments.

Graciously accept.  Take.  Allow in.  And, give - generously.

Let’s start with RECEIVING compliments.  We as women can really struggle with receiving compliments.   I know that I do.   I use to think that I didn’t struggle a whole lot with this.  I think my ego wanted me to think this to be true, but , deep down, it would be tough to simply take in a compliment.   I found that in the areas where I held myself hostage to perfection, or just to very high expectations, I would struggle receiving those ‘that is GREAT, Leslie’ - or - ’good job!’.   My impulse would be to dismiss it.   After some work on my part towards loving myself enough to begin to buy in and believe, a small voice from deep within me would reply ,  ‘Really?’, if at least to myself.   I aspire to,  and sometimes succeed, with a smile and simple, ‘Thank you.’  

Receiving compliments graciously is SO important, my savvy friends.  Why?  Because it is an indicator for yourself that there’s some self-love, self-acceptance going on inside.  And if you aren’t loving and accepting of yourself, it’s very difficult to take in a compliment.  And, what happens next: it will be tough for anyone else to love you, and have you receive that love on an authentic level.  As Marianne Williamson writes in A Return To Love, “Nothing that is alien to our system can enter into us and stay there for long…if I swallow a piece of aluminum foil, my body will regurgitate until the offending object is expelled.  If I’m convinced that I’m not good enough, I will have a difficult time accepting someone into my life who thinks I am.”

And what about giving compliments?    Don’t you feel good when you give someone a compliment?  It’s just like the concept of giving gifts - it always feel so great to give someone a gift.  And the best ones are the suprise, no-reason-but-just-felt-like-it-kind.   And compliments work the same way.  I especially love complimenting people that I don’t know - a stranger.  It’s a wonderful way to extend ourselves and be generous.

And the receiving and giving of compliments is simply a ‘feel good’.   And ‘feel goods’ are really important.   They improve our thoughts, feelings and beliefs: the three things that contribute to our energetic ‘vibration’ = what we attract.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Keeping Your Word is one of the ‘tenants’ of Being Love Savvy.   It’s SO important.  I really can’t emphasize it enough.

And do you know who it’s most important to keep your word to?   No, not your guy.  Or your  mom.  Nope, not your best friend either.

TO YOURSELF. 

You see, when we keep our word to ourselves, we start to accrue feelings of WORTH, CONFIDENCE, BELIEF in ourselves, in our own ‘account’.

Our word can be small :  I’m going to workout 3 times this week….I’m going to save $X each week……I’m going to finish X project, before I begin X. 

Our word can be big:  I’m going to write a book.  I’m going to stop this sabatoging behavior.  I’m not going to sleep with him again.  I am going to change jobs.

And when we don’t, we slowly take out withdrawls.  They seem so small, so insignificant.  BUT,  before we know it, we are flat out BROKE.  Our account is empty.

We look at that shiny object we want to ‘ purchase ‘  (translation:  class to try,  conversation to have,  person to meet, adventure trip to try,  CHANGE to make),  and we don’t feel that we can, because our wallet feels barren.

When I coach my clients on changes that they want to make, we start small.   Baby steps.  Once we show ourselves that we’re in integrity, because we’re keeping our word to ourselves (getting in 3 workouts a week - eliminating some energy drains, etc),  SHIFT happens.   Confidence builds.  BOLD steps start to accumulate.   AMAZING, LIFE-CHANGING results take place.

And, take note, savvy sister:  a very important piece to this is to be kind and gentle with yourself.  When you don’t follow through with yourself, it’s OK.   You are NOT bad.  You are HUMAN.

So start SMALL.   Try keeping your word to yourself on the low hanging fruit first, before you climb the ladder and reach for the sky-high pieces.   

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

I am so passionate about this piece of Accountability to ourselves, when it comes to ‘Being’ in exercising our ‘Love Savvy’.

I’ll be writing more soon in the blog about the different ways that we can aspire to ‘Be’ in the Be Love Savvy.

But, back to business at hand.  So, what do I mean about being Accountable to ourselves?  It comes back to what I said earlier in Part 1: we can’t ‘pass the buck.’

 I met this sweet, aspiring and very aware young woman recently who wants to work with me to get clearer within herself. She said she’s so tired of doing the same old things - the same way.  “I date all the weirdos!” she said with a laugh.   I shared with her something that I had once read, written by the spiritual leader, Marianne Williamson.  Marianne said, “The problem isn’t that you attract these guys (the ‘bad’ ones, whichever bad they are)…the problem is that you gave them your number!” 

Amen.  Seriously. This is Accountability. We should delight in all that we attract, in terms of ramping up our vibrations and shining our light and beauty out into the world.  The buck stops with us, however.  The accountability lives within us as to what we do with that, and what we create. We first get clear and connect to our heart’s desires, and then we claim them and manifest by behaving in ways that honor our truth (see Love Savvy Principle #3, www.BeLoveSavvy.com/approach)

 Sometimes we don’t get a sense that the ‘weirdos’ are just that, until we have given out our number, and perhaps into a few dates and beyond. That’s OK. Just remember, you are the only person who can be accountable for your dreams.   From my savvy heart to yours, 

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

One of the qualities within the ‘Be’ of  Be Love Savvy, is to be Accountable.

Accountable is defined in Webster as “Responsible; Liable”.  

As smart, savvy women, we know that being accountable is a desired, attractive, respected, and necessary quality, right?  No one likes someone who passes the buck.   So boring and under-impressive.  We like someone who is conscious, and acknowledges , “I’ve got it.” “ That is my job. ” “I’m sorry I’m late.”

We LOVE it when men keep themselves accountable.   “I’ll call you” - and they do. They know that we truly feel desired when they call. 

“I’ll pick you up at 6pm ” – they are on time, with a plan. Yes!!

“That’s my job” - to kill the bug, carry the bag, stay at home with the baby – whatever you need him to do and/or have arranged. 

So why do we , Savvy ladies, often forget about the Accountability piece when it comes to OURSELVES and this topic of LOVE??             (stay tuned for Part 2…)   From my savvy heart to yours, LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coach www.BeLoveSavvy.com