Dear Savvy Woman,

What if you knew that…..

• you are right where you are suppose to be , right this minute
• you can’t make a mistake, because there are none -life is comprised of continual lessons
• you only have control over yourself, and your reactions
• you are absolutely, purely, completely loved, as you are - always

Would you date differently?

Might you feel ….

• lighter, looser, and more accepting of YOU?
• more courageous to show up on dates and in relationship in a very true, bright and bold version of YOU?
• safe to explore desires, honor and develop boundaries, and express YOURSELF?
• LOVED?

Read this over again.  Feel into this.  Then, step into this on your next date, or if in relationship, your next interaction with your sweetie.  Slip into this mental state.  This is pure TRUTH.  This is WHAT IS.  We just forget.   And then we remember.   When we ACT from this place, it is pure BEAUTY and STRENGTH.   Soooooo LOVELY.   You get to  RELAX.   Watch what happens.

Ahhh…..

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

I’ll never forget the day. I walked out of my then boyfriend’s place, who lived 3,000 miles from me, calling the airline and catching a flight days earlier than I was scheduled to travel home.  The customer representative must have been whispered to by an angel.  I hear her on the other end of the line say, ‘Yes, Ms. Stewart, it’s your lucky day. I can get you on this flight. And …it looks like there is a gentleman sitting next to you.  Hopefully he’s available and attractive…(giggle).”  How did she know that I had just learned (unverified at that time, but I knew) that my boyfriend had been cheating on me and that I was feeling all of an inch tall??  I took this as a sign, a sign that despite walking out with no notice (like he deserved any!?) which I was sadly questioning at that moment, and feeling like my heart and soul had gone bankrupt overnight, there was a Greater Plan. I’m certain that it was the reassuring tone in her voice that helped me to move on and fly home that day, rather than collapse in fear and despair, and denial.

Why am I sharing this with you?  Well, I heard Christina Agluiera’s, “Fighter”, on the radio the other day, and it took me back to this time and particular experience in my life, and the learning that resulted. After all of that went down, she would come on the radio, singing this song, and I would turn it up and sing along, feeling her anger, her resolve and her strength.  It was the injection that I needed at the time; a ‘surface’ ointment to help my healing wound.

 After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you’re wrong
Cause if it wasnt for all that you tried to do, I wouldn’t know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
Cause it [Chorus:]
Makes me that much stonger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for makin me a fighter

I am always a sucker for silver linings, this is for sure. I didn’t see one at the time, but years later, I revel in the absolute sterling quality of it.  At the time, this song helped me to feel my anger, both at him and at myself, and to acknowledge that there was a hard line now being drawn: no more hiding behind someone else and settling for less than I deserved.  The song reminds me of all the Greater Plans of life. I don’t get the same charge that I did even several years afterward, when I would hear it come on the radio. Today when I hear it, it’s as if my wiser self lovingly nudges my old, younger self (an oxymoron, but accurate) and says, “See Les, I told you the Greater Plan would present itself.”  

For all of you Savvy women who are questioning the ‘WHY?’ around a failed relationship, or event, that is leaving you feeling great loss, anger, despair – please know that I feel your pain - I truly empathize. I hope you find solace in the cliché and Truth: things happen for a reason. There always is a Greater Plan.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Alright, my savvy friend,  you’re feeling v-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e, and it’s uncomfortable.   Urggggg.

Try this exercise on for size (before you reach for him, reach for your wallet, reach for the ice cream, or reach insanity):

Grab a pen and paper.

1) Name the situation and the feelings that you are experiencing,  and then also write down what you have made up about it.

Example: Rick hasn’t called me in two days now, and we’ve had 5 great dates, and we’re in touch usually every day. I feel sad and confused. This must mean that we won’t work – I can’t stand this feeling, and I’m so tired of this crap that men always pull.

2)  Take a look at this ‘belief’ that you have about the situation, and ask yourself .  Is this really true?.   Do you without a doubt know this to be true?  Of course you don’t.  Take the example above.  Unless Rick told you that he no longer wants to see you, then this situation doesn’t accurately represent how Rick feels about you or that you aren’t mean to date.

3) Now, step out of your head - take a break! - and go into your heart, writing down some  things that you can do right now to soothe yourself, to take care of the little girl that lives inside of you.  Go with the truth of what excellent self-care would feel like for you  right now , not your conditioning (gravitating to retail therapy, eating chocolate for lunch, or sending 5 texts to ‘Rick’).  

A walk?  Listening to a soothing and inspirational song on your Ipod?  A cry?  Reading something that connects you back to your higher self that sits in peace and acceptance (anything by Marianne Williamson is fabulous)?

After making a ‘deposit’ into your own self-care ‘account’, I guarantee that you will come out on the other side with more acceptance, love and peace within yourself, and more trust in the process of life.   It’s from this place that you can then step forward with a fresh and healthier perspective.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.belovesavvy.com

Nope, not that.   Although it’s too, mighty powerful.

I’m talking about   V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-i-l-i-t-y.     

 So, a client of mine is dating this guy, let’s call him Mike.   Mike and ‘Jen’ have been seeing each other for a few months.  Dates have been consistent and fun; Mike is affectionate and considerate.  All systems have been ‘Go’ as far as the relative ease and mutuality in their dating relationship.    Jen called in for our regular coaching session, and started off with a big sigh. She told me she was in a bad place:  she was feeling really anxious and uncomfortable regarding Mike.  After some dialogue, she says, “You know, everything is great, just fine, and then if for one day Mike doesn’t call me or text me with a check-in, I find myself spiraling into negative thoughts and insecurity.  I feel so vulnerable, and it’s really uncomfortable.  I CAN’T STAND IT!”. 

What is it about vulnerability that makes us so scared, Savvy Women?  So uncomfortable?  We can forget all that we know (see my Love Savvy Principle #6).  We can walk (or RUN) away from someone just to save ourselves the discomfort, or sabotage things in some other way.  We might be someone who really hits our ‘edge’ when our vulnerable feelings come up.  And they do.  They will.  We wouldn’t be human without them.

Jen had been here before, this wasn’t new territory.  But she knew that her conditioned ways of being with these feelings hadn’t gotten her anywhere in the past – by either running away or grabbing on, she had caused more confusion, discomfort and pain, with herself, and often with her guy.

Taking a look at what was underneath this feeling of vulnerability for Jen helped her tremendously.   Jen took her power back by deepening her understanding of what was coming up for her, and not immediately projecting it back onto Mike, or sabotaging it by chasing him down or running way.   It wasn’t that Mike was neglecting her (5 days of radio silence and no future date planned might have been another story, as it would have been unusual behavior for Mike). 

Stay tuned for an exercise that will bring you V-word sanity, and save you from running or grabbing (inappropriately, that is).

From my savvy heart to yours,

LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coachwww.belovesavvy.com

I know you, because you’re like me. We’re women.  And although I’m no longer single, the game of love doesn’t stop once you’ve tied the knot.   More so, I dated and relationship-ed quite a bit before I met my man, so I am *very* familiar here.

Being women, it’s safe to say that we do a lot of the analyze emails/texts/last time he called/did this/scheduled a date-thing.  It’s our nature.  And this might serve us once in a while. But , let’s admit what we also know:  it’s just plain crazy-making, obsessive -thought-spinning activity.  As I grow and learn from the experiences that shape my life, I’m reminded of the beauty and power of simplifying.   And when I look at a situation that’s frustrating or fear-provoking, and I view it from a new and simple perspective, it’s powerfully transforming. My awareness grows and shifts, and I find myself elevated to a new place where I not only feel more clear, grounded and energized, but I make choices and decisions regarding that particular situation that reflect my truth.  So, with that said, why not try putting all the typical analyzing-him tactics aside for a minute, and quiet down your mind.  

 Now, envision yourself standing at the train station in a busy European city, about to journey on the last leg of your magnificent vacation. This is the leg of the journey you’ve been most anticipating – you saved the best for last. You are standing with bags in hand, reading the train schedule.Let your guy represent a train.  You know that this train, as they all are, is headed in one direction with a specific destination.  Let his qualities, good and bad, map out the route for you. Who he is and where he is headed, based on what you know of him, represents the destination of the train.  Is this the route and destination that you want and need?   Because, my savvy friend, he is a man, and men are like trains.  He’s mapped the route and is headed in one direction, on one particular route.  Your job is to determine if this is the train that will work for you. Is this the train that will take you on the last leg of your fabulous trip, to your most anticipated destination?  Or, are you boarding it, knowing that it’s not, but hoping that somewhere along the line you will reprogram this train?  You’ll re-route it somehow, someway.

Trains don’t re-program themselves mid-route.  Trains don’t change.  If we would never fathom trying to re-route Amtrak, why would we get it into our heads that we can re-route a man?

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.belovesavvy.com

I recently finished a book by David Deida, entitled ‘Dear Lover – A woman’s guide to men, sex and love’s deepest bliss”.  Karin Witzig, my marketing guru (www.mmmaven.com) , had recommended him as good reading on the topic of male/female energy.  David writes about the nature of male vs. female energy in relationships. When I came upon his analogy of men being like trains, I was truly hooked. “Men are like trains. They are going somewhere. Choosing and staying with a man is like choosing to get on a train.”  I read this and laughed out loud, for the simple brilliance I found in this concept.  How often have we (or ’someone we know’) tried to re-route and re-schedule Amtrak? 

Just this morning I was walking with a friend and fellow coach, getting updated on the new guy in her life. She couldn’t help but compare this new relationship to a recent one that ended, and spoke of the amazing difference between trying very hard to make something work, verses this new ease and sense of ‘being held’ by her new man.  ‘Held’ in the figurative sense = being on the right train.Why not deduce the complexities of love and relationship down to an Amtrak or a Euro rail schedule?  In the simple truth that all we really have is this moment, and that life is precious AND you want to live it with a wonderful guy deserving of you, let’s take a look at this…(stay tuned for Part 2…)

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.belovesavvy.com