Dear Savvy Woman,

Recently, I sent a special offer to my list where I wrote about a particular Holiday Relationship Blues experience of my own that marked a turning point for me to doing love & dating differently.  (Read my story & see my special invitation for a Love Life Breakthrough Day with me,  HERE).

Many women wrote to me, letting me know how much they appreciated my story.  It seemed to really hit a nerve as some are struggeling this holiday season with their single ’status’.

If this is you too, I totally understand.  Whether I was absolutely without a date in sight, or I was dating ‘John’ AND realizing that ‘it’ (us) wasn’t seemingly solid enough to justify ANOTHER family introduction over eggnog - the holidays always underscored the fact that I wasn’t living in true love and experiencing the healthy relationship that I so deeply longed for. 

It was only after I took the very steps that I teach my private clients and women who participate in my programs (I’ve designed a 7 step system based on all that I’ve studied, learned and put to practice in my own & other women’s dating lives) that everything changed.  Dating and relating became way more easy and fun , and I relaxed into so much more confidence and enjoyment with the whole process - being single - and with my entire life!  Quickly, I met my honey and now husband.

If you’re dreading being single at the holidays this season, I hope you find solace in two things:  1) you won’t be feeling this way forever (especially if you take new actions), and 2) there is a solution to jump-starting your love life and feeling the polar opposite of dread with your single status.  I’m here to help you do just that.  Do you need  a ‘make-over’ in your love life? Find out more HERE.

Here’s to finding true love in 2010!

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com 

Like what you read? Get more authentic dating, love and relationship tips by signing up for my newsletter. It’s totally free. Check it out: http://www.belovesavvy.com/articles.htm.

Dear Savvy Woman,

I’m talking with many women who are looking for their Mr. Right.  One thing that I notice that’s in their way - in a BIG way - is that they are lacking BELIEF. 

Now, don’t be fooled by the simplicity here.  Yes, we hear these beliefs all the time. We all hear from people that we talk to and know in our lives (even if you don’t specialize in this area like I do)  that ‘it’s hard out there’….’relationships don’t last’….’it’s not possible to focus on my career AND be in a healthy, vibrant relationship’….’being single over X age takes WORK’….ETC.  

These are all BELIEFS.   And a belief is simply a thought that has been repetitive enough within someones mind and being that it has been more permanently ‘grooved’ into a belief, like a woodworker carves grooves design into a piece of work, with stroke after stroke of their knife.

What’s essential is to realize that :

1) You are always at CHOICE with what you BELIEVE to be true.

2) Doing everything that it takes to re-create & live into BELIEFS  that support what you DESIRE in your life is non-negotiable.  It’s a MUST.

The truth is, you will continually meet resistance when you have a conflict between something you DESIRE, and the BELIEFS that you hold relating to that desire.   This area of life, love and relationships, works just like health, wealth, or beauty.  If you desire to make a million dollars, yet you don’t truly believe that it’s possible for YOU, you will struggle, and meet resistance, and have a hell of a time attracting that million dollars into your life.   If you desire to feel truly beautiful, but you don’t believe that you are beautiful, you won’t feel, embody nor exude your beauty.

My work with clients involves having them look at themselves and what they are doing , surrounding themselves with, focusing on, etc to support the CHANGE  that they want in their life. This involves detoxing and re-creating their  BELIEFS.   Sure, they can take the right ‘actions’ : date online to meet new men, extend themselves socially as much as possible, up-level their look to feel new and attractive, and truly let go of their past.  BUT, if they are doing all of these things yet they DON”T believe it’s really gonna happen - it’s not going to - at least not as effortlessly as they wish it would.  It may start and stop, or rev up and then burn out quickly, but they will continue to struggle in this area and have a much slower & difficult time meeting their guy.

And let this inspire you, because the really cool thing is that this is a key that unlocks so much.   So, it’s time for a little tough-love ladies, from me to you.   I want you to have an amazing time in this experience of growth and change as you attract YOUR Mr. Right.   So, take inventory of what you are investing in all the time- what  beliefs you are holding. 

And if you’re local to SF, I’m hosting a FREE talk on Navigating the Holidays as you find YOUR Mr. Right, Sunday evening 12/6.   Save a seat, and relax as you experience a focused hour on why it’s so important to believe, and to feel MAGNETIC - especially this magical holiday season.  I can’t wait!  RSVP by clicking HERE.  

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Is this you? If it is, you want to keep reading.  I say self-aware because a conscious woman is a savvy woman! She is knowing (one of the Webster’s definitions of savvy).   She also understands that her awareness of herself, what she wants, and generally of life keeps growing , and, harnessing this is life and LOVE-affirming, and life-changing!

So, if you are a single woman local to the SF area, and ready to up-level her love, relationships and life, I invite you to join the Love & Success circle. Find out more about these circles here.

What I know to be true is that whatever we want in life is both an inside & outside job.  What we believe is what we get, especially what we believe is possible, and what we believe about ourselves.  Not to say it’s about sitting Indian-style for hours in meditation. Far from!  But, what we focus on, what we put into our minds, what energy we put behind our actions, and what and who we surround ourselves with all contribute to our results in life.  When we work with these pieces, we feel bigger.  And when we feel bigger, we act bigger (just as small thinking and feeling leads to small actions).

So if you’re doing the same things, thinking the same things, and giving attention and energy to the same things - and BE-ing the same = you’ll get the same results. If a woman thinks she’s doing everything possible to ‘find a man’ by being online constantly and out 5 nights a week, BUT her mind-set and energy are self-defeating, she might be busy but she is not likely to attract what she most deeply desires in a sustainable way.

Bookmark into your life (2) meetings a month (click here for more info) with me and other savvy women, and receive guidance, resources and accountability to change your life in a powerful way. Challenge yourself in a safe enviroment.  Become accountable in new ways.  Step into amazing energy.  Warning: skeptics, tire-kickers, or silver-bullet- only -please ladies are allowed, however. It won’t be your thing. This is about taking full responsibility for your own results in a feel-good yet productive way. 

Are you ready to be inspired, quiet out that negative ‘group-think’ that’s so pervasive, and take things to a new level?  You can send Donna an email for details, questions, or to schedule a brief chat with me here: assist@belovesavvy.com.

Here’s to new change this Fall.

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s today’s tip in this blog series on dating & relating:

Tip #3 ~  Get - and Date - Out of Your Comfort Zone !

I use to have a ‘type’ that I seemed to date more of (dark hair, eyes, skin = ‘exotic’). Naturally friends thought that I would end up with someone like that, but I didn’t necessarily believe that. I didn’t know what my partner/husband would look like, but I started to get clear about what we would FEEL like together as a couple - the qualities that our relationship, and he, would embody.

Where I began to find more ease, freedom and fun in my dating life was the months leading up to meeting Larry (my hubby), where I began to date out of my comfort zone. When I let go of expectations and any ‘rules’, and made my priority having fun and learning something about myself and the dating process as I went along, it was way more enjoyable for me, no matter what the outcome.   Deciding to become more OPEN doesn’t mean not having personal standards, but it does mean re-examining some unrealistic - and outdated - beliefs and behaviors that aren’t serving you.

If you have a comfort zone to either your ‘type’ that you date, or the way that you go about meeting men, force yourself to step out of it.  As long as you know your essentials like attraction, connection, kindness,trust, respect, humor - realize that you just don’t KNOW the how  of- or some of the what -  the package will show up. 

Consider:

1) Letting yourself see if there’s chemistry in person that you might not sense online. Open up your age range. I have a friend who’s pregnant with her husband who is 22 years her senior, who has two grown children from his first marriage.  After 8 years of marriage, they are one of the most adventurous, happy and - sexy - couples that I know.

2) Don’t stay home when a friend invites you to a seemingly more ‘couples’ event, if that’s your typical M.O.   You never know who’s going to be there, or who might have available friends that they want you to meet.  Just like we benefit from mixing up our professional circles (I learn so much studying other businesses and networking outside my industry), be sure to mix up your personal time as to where and how you spend it!

3) Expect to be surprised - in a lot of good ways - in this process! 

Love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

There’s simply not enough of us telling our story of success - to ourselves -  and then to our world.  

Often we hear ourselves (yours truly included at times) and others talking about what’s NOT happening, why it isn’t, and how much we don’t want more of  what is or ‘THAT!’.   It’s the stream of subtle and not so subtle negativity, and it’s  SO not ATTRACTION-rich for dating,  love, relationships, or success in life.

Remember, the very powerful Universal Law of Attraction can be defined as,”Things of like vibration are drawn.”  Like attracts like.  And vibration is transmitted -  like radio waves - when you’re tuned in to a station.  If you’re on AM 840, you’re not going to be able to listen to FM 97.3, are you? 

I work with clients to educate and mentor on just how important this ‘Telling Your Story’ is for success in love and in life.   In *anything* that you want to create.   

See, we are all living our story - our attraction - right now.  What is in our life *right now* was once a thought, and then it formed a belief, and it formed and held a vibration that then matched and attracted everything that we currently are experiencing.  Tell me, do you like - and love - what you’re living? 

So, what story do you want to tell?   What’s your Story of Success?  Write it down.  Vision it.  Begin to talk about it.  By doing these things, you’ll begin to LIVE IT.  People, circumstances, inclinations, hunches - all will attract to you. 

I partner with women to help them begin to tell and live into their NEW story, creating new results in love - in relationship - and in their lives.  In late July,  I’ll be hosting a special live RETREAT  that I can’t wait to send out more details on very soon!  At a very beautiful location, we’ll spend the day together focusing on what will create for you the life and love of your dreams.  No more struggle. No more holding patterns.  The retreat, along with some follow-up to tele-classes,  will teach you the process that changed my own life and those of the clients that I’ve worked with.   

For more details on this upcoming event or how to get started working with me,  you may write to assistant@belovesavvy.com.  

Here’s to your successful story-telling. ;-)

Lots of love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I’ve been receiving your requests for addressing topics, so I’m adding a feature to my regular newsletter (are you signed up?  go here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com/articles.htm and sign up now). Please send me your questions!  ’Anna’ below, wrote about addressing Jealousy & Resentment, and just in case she’s not on my list (Anna, I hope you are!), I’m posting my response where I know she’ll see it.

Dear Leslie,

…I feel like I’ve been so disappointed and almost resentful of the experiences that I’ve had with men in my recent past. I want to let go of the bitterness and jealousy that I know is poisoning my mind and body, but I find it so difficult to get past certain experiences that have left that bad taste in my mouth.  I find myself thinking about my previous relationship, jealous of his new found love. Find myself unsatisfied with my “friends with benefits”. Resentful that he won’t give me what I’m looking for, and even worse, that he has me in a queue with a number of different women…

Thank you so much for your words,

‘Anna’

Dear ‘Anna’,

I can feel your pain, and, I can also feel the anger you hold toward yourself that’s underneath.  I’m going to cut to the chase: whenever we hold resentment towards another, we’re only holding ourselves hostage – NOT them. It’s a victim stance, which will only attract more opportunities that allow you to continue playing ‘victim’ - which I know is not  what you want to create in your life.  Jealousy is like eating a refined-carb breakfast, where as Envy is protein-rich. Jealousy is a toxic emotion and drains your energy, where as Envy is a healthy indicator of desire: something that you yourself want to have, do or be.  And – the very cool thing is - you won’t authentically desire what you aren’t able to experience for yourself!  Here are some transformative steps to take that will un-clutter your heart and mind, and move you forward:

1)      Decide. Decide to let go and forgive. Forgive yourself.  Forgive your ex.  Forgive your FWB. Forgive everyone. Write it all out, anything  & everything that you’re feeling and holding on to.  Then burn it (safely) and toss it. This ritual shows both you and the Universe that you’re clear, decisive, and ready.

2)     Burn the ships = Cut off your FWB’s. They’re taking up precious space and the relationships are making you feel like crap – far from feeling honored, adored, respected and cherished.

3)     Love yourself up! Take a minimum of 21 days (makes a habit).  Cocoon yourself  with daily gestures that authentically soothe, like:  baths, flowers, walks, music, candles, dark chocolate, a good cry, a nice glass of wine, morning affirmations, delicious tea, good girl-time, a new lipstick. This changes your energy while creating excellent self-care.

Believe. And Trust. Trust in the greater good - what’s in divine design for YOU – because it’s unfolding, always.  Please stay in touch and let us know how you loved yourself up!

With love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

***If you liked this, don’t miss my blog feed as well as my *free* newsletter which features articles, tips, and events that have you living fully and richly in love.***

Now, to be mischievous in dating and relating…

Again, a reminder that what we’re doing here is tricking ourself into ACTING outside the box. That’s where the amazing results lie.  It strips you from your boxed-in ways and allows your Higher Self to express and attract.

Being intentionally mischievious with yourself simply has you suprised at YOU.  It can take the form of wearing a dress to an event that you wouldn’t normally, maybe even running errands -or changing your make up (go get it done at a counter & buy the lipstick).    It can also be handing your card to someone you’re chatting with (if you never have), or better yet - asking him out!   Personally, I felt so liberated (and a little ‘out of control’ aka my ‘comfy zone’ - the clue that you’re on to something) when I asked Larry, my husband, out for the following night after meeting & talking with him.   I had never asked a guy out!  It worked. 

In dating and relating, this can also be standing in your Truth when you normally don’t.  For instance, your boyfriend typically waits until the last minute to make plans, or assumes you’ll be hanging out all weekend watching games and doing what he wants. It’s been chipping away at your satisfaction in the relationship, and really bothering you. 

Do what would have you feeling mischievous.  I’m a big fan of speaking the truth with successful delivery (read: no nagging, pouting or any other victim-like approach, but calmly and assuredly).  Many women struggle with this, so chances are if you just nip it in the bud and communicate your need directly you’ll be feeling very mischievous!  What else will have you feeling like you’re game is back on, and on fire?  Take a look at other areas where you might be feeling bored or held back: clear physical clutter, style your hair differently, do that 3 day cleanse you’ve had on your list.

Keep surprising yourself- mischieviously.

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

Dear Savvy Woman,

Continued from Part 1, this is the mock-conversation between Jane and John.

Me (Jane) : I’ve noticed that we seem to not plan our time together as well these days (and it’s making me CRAZY - but i’m not going to say that part).  I want to be sure I can see you on weekends, and yet also not miss opportunities to see friends.  I’m wondering, how would it work for you (notice there’s no force to control or command) if we check in Tue or Wed in the week and see what’s up for the weekend?

John: Yeah, sure - of course.  I’m sorry. I know I’ve been last-minute lately - I’ve just been all-consumed at work.  I want to be spending time with you.

Me (Jane): That’s OK, I could tell, and yet I also know myself, and I don’t want to this to get in the way of our relationship. (This shows respect and kindness  toward him AND also subtly and powerfully declares what’s important to her, and what she won’t put up with!)

John: I don’t either - you are too special and I want to make sure you’re happy!

Now, the alternative that my client felt a knee-jerk to do (and I SO get it, I’ve done it myself) - due to feeling both defensive and rejected - was to book time with friends and make herself unavailable.  This at times can be called for - not so much to play games but to make sure you are investing in your friendships and making plans so you don’t resent him when he doesn’t ask to see you Friday night, or beyond.

Jane is very invested in the relationship - they already have conversations about living together and weddings - so the choice for her to make that would guarantee growth for herself and the relationship was to communicate in a way that was both authentic to her and respectful of her man.  Although she felt she’d get some reward from a ’sting’ back to him as she felt slightly hurt and neglected, she decided to approach the conversation honoring her needs but not coming from a blaming or nagging place - neither being very attractive or sexy.

Here’s a  review of the How’s:  

• Ask if it’s a good time to talk
• Address what you need by claiming what it is, without any blame, threats or drama - and offering up a solution
• Approach with a positive and self-posessed energy - you are loving, kind and UNAPPOLOGETIC in the conversation

Why it’s Sexy & Attractive:

• It’s clean, clear and drama-free
• Men DO appreciate solutions and guidance on what makes their woman happy- this makes it EASY for them to deliver!
• Being honest and direct about what you need & want shows CONFIDENCE - very, very SEXY!
• Using kindness and not manipulation preserves their self-respect and respect in your eyes

It can take a little courage and vulnerabilty - depending on the situation or state - but it’s well, well worth it.   And you can’t lose - if it’s ill-received, it only shows you more about the person you’re spending time and energy on.  Valuable all the way around!

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

We get bombarded with ideas on how to be sexy, and there’s a tremendous amount of pressure put upon us.  The right hair, clothes, lingerie…these can all contribute to feeling and looking sexy -no doubt.  And, there’s also SO MUCH to tap into that you already embody and own.  Sometimes we just forget, or we get ideas in our heads of ‘all that we should or have to do’ to be Sexy.  Not true. 

The thing is, there are SO many ways that you can connect to your essence and bring out the natural, feminine glow  = Sexy glow , that you’re designed to exude in a quick, simple, and no-cost way.  As I write this, I realized that I left the biggest one off my list : self-pleasure. 

Absolutely, do this on a regular basis.  It doesn’t cost anything, and it’s quick (if it’s not, you can discover how to be!)  Aside from that, I’ve listed here some things that work for me and my clients, to shift out of ‘Do-mode’ and drop into ‘Be-ing’. Drop into Sexy.

You’re date picks up your energy.  We can tell when someone is stressed, uptight, insecure, or rushed.   What does it do to us?  It puts us off.  We get uncomfortable.    This isn’t what you want to exhibit or contribute on a date.  Our society might value this do-do-do, ‘make it happen’-lifestyle, but if you’re looking to connect with a guy and find a great intimate relationship, you have to invite that in.

You might wonder how some of these add to your Sexy-factor, but trust me, they do. Sexy isn’t sexy unless it’s authentic.  We can tell when some one’s trying to hard. Despite going through the ‘right’ motions, it ends up being repelling, isn’t it? 

These are simple, quick, and low-to-zero cost:

• Step into a pair of gorgeous, sexy heels and wear them as you’re getting ready in the morning.
• Put an extra 5 minutes beyond ’normal’ to tend to your appearance in the morning: make-up, style your hair, put on body lotion, perfume. Care and attention makes you feel beautiful to YOU, and others pick up that energy.
• Make a conscious effort to walk just a little slower - with body awareness - and smile at everyone you pass by, even if you don’t feel like it.  Fake it til you make it, if necessary.  It will work.
• Light candles and play your favorite music for yourself as you prepare to go out.  Seduce yourself.
• Add to your outfit with a hint of color, jewelry, different shoes - before segueing from office -to - date.  This tells yourself, and your date, that the work hat is off - you’re back to being a soft and receptive woman. 
• Take 5 minutes to relax before running to your date straight from work.  Take some deep breathes, paint your nails, listen to music on your Ipod.  Notice the sunset or watch the rain.  Get out of your head and become more present to yourself and who you engage with.
• Focus on who you are authentically BEING with your date.  Be interested. Be open. Be yourself. Be present to simply what is - you’re connecting with another human being - not on ‘what may be’. 
• Slow down.  Slow your mind.  Slow down how you move.  Slow your speech.  This relaxes you & whoever you’re with.  It creates room for more presence & is very inviting.
• Take the pressure off.  The more present you stay to yourself and to your date, the more opportunity there is to notice if there is a connection.  Stop sizing him up, sizing yourself up, future-thinking.
• Mix it up.  I notice a lot of singles have ‘their place’ for meeting dates - same bar, restaurant, coffee shop.  Vary it.  Don’t get in too much of a routine for convenience-sake.  It can impact the energy for both yourself and the date you’re going on.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Recently a client of mine was ‘dumped’.  I’m using quotes because I just struggle with that word sometimes,  and I have saved clients (and myself!!) from marinating in that “I was dumped” perspective by offering them this one instead:  “Rejection” is G-d’s protection.  (Insert : Universe, Source, Divine).   You know how it is, you look back and you thank G-d that you were, indeed, ‘dumped’.  Dodged a bullet, in many cases.

But, that doesn’t take away from the sting, and my client “Jane” was definitely allowing herself to feel the fullness of the sting, and beating herself up in the process.  However, with her own awareness, our coaching, and the caring & clear-headed voices of those who cared about her chiming supportively in -  Jane slowly began to get back to life.  She made plans again and began to keep herself busy.

After a long weekend away, she called me for our session and told me that ‘Brian’ had called her.  But he didn’t leave a message.

“He called me!  But, there wasn’t a message.  Well, in fact, my phone had fallen at the sink area of my hair salon and no one found it for days - oddly -  so he could have kept trying me all weekend but my cell was dead when I picked it up on Tuesday.  Maybe he tried me 10 times?  I have no idea. Ok, he probably didn’t.  He probably just pocket-dialed me by accident.”

Jane didn’t, and wouldn’t, know - unless Brian contacted her again.  So, she painfully waited.  She weighed her options and desperately wanted to call him, but she used her own discipline and the voice of reason (yours truly) to remember this truth:  She wanted a partner. She wanted a man who could meet her on the levels she was ready to be met on - someone who would celebrate her as she him.  Brian had (sadly) shown himself to not be that man.  And, I reminded her, this only meant she was closer to the man who would. 

I don’t believe that Brian has tried to contact my client Jane again.  Maybe he did just happen to pocket-dial her that day.  Or maybe he was feebly reaching out to her.  Either way, Jane knows that each day that she focuses on who she is, all that she has and what she wants - and not on what is seemingly lacking in her life - she is a day stronger, wiser, richer, and more hope-filled.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com