Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s today’s tip in this blog series on dating & relating:

Tip #3 ~  Get – and Date – Out of Your Comfort Zone !

I use to have a ‘type’ that I seemed to date more of (dark hair, eyes, skin = ‘exotic’). Naturally friends thought that I would end up with someone like that, but I didn’t necessarily believe that. I didn’t know what my partner/husband would look like, but I started to get clear about what we would FEEL like together as a couple – the qualities that our relationship, and he, would embody.

Where I began to find more ease, freedom and fun in my dating life was the months leading up to meeting Larry (my hubby), where I began to date out of my comfort zone. When I let go of expectations and any ‘rules’, and made my priority having fun and learning something about myself and the dating process as I went along, it was way more enjoyable for me, no matter what the outcome.   Deciding to become more OPEN doesn’t mean not having personal standards, but it does mean re-examining some unrealistic – and outdated – beliefs and behaviors that aren’t serving you.

If you have a comfort zone to either your ‘type’ that you date, or the way that you go about meeting men, force yourself to step out of it.  As long as you know your essentials like attraction, connection, kindness,trust, respect, humor - realize that you just don’t KNOW the how  of- or some of the what –  the package will show up. 

Consider:

1) Letting yourself see if there’s chemistry in person that you might not sense online. Open up your age range. I have a friend who’s pregnant with her husband who is 22 years her senior, who has two grown children from his first marriage.  After 8 years of marriage, they are one of the most adventurous, happy and – sexy – couples that I know.

2) Don’t stay home when a friend invites you to a seemingly more ‘couples’ event, if that’s your typical M.O.   You never know who’s going to be there, or who might have available friends that they want you to meet.  Just like we benefit from mixing up our professional circles (I learn so much studying other businesses and networking outside my industry), be sure to mix up your personal time as to where and how you spend it!

3) Expect to be surprised – in a lot of good ways – in this process! 

Love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friends,

Ahhhh…i’m still riding on a high from my wine country oasis staycation !!  Or workaction. ;-)  10 heavenly days of unplugged BE-ing and inspired Do-ing.  I’ll be sure to share some pictures to FB soon! Together Larry (my sweetie and hubby) and I had ‘scripted’ out that experience over a year ago – our stay/workaction – and then it effortlessly unfolded just days before we ditched the city for the country. I love effortless things – dont’ you?

We are all living by the scripts that we’ve been unconsciously and hopefully, consciously, writing for ourselves and then living – acting – out.

A few months ago I bought a T-Shirt and writeen simply on the front is :  REWRITE YOUR SCRIPT.

Guess what?   We can re-write these scripts that run in our minds and bring us to what we experience in our lives.  We are always at choice.  What we think about, comes about.  Where intention goes, energy flows.

What we may be - or have been  – unconsciously ‘scripting’ might have come from our parents or ancestors ideas, society’s ‘requirements’ and/or cultural and gender ‘rules’.  Or simply what we put into place years ago based on our experiences, but since then our life experiences and new desires have caused us to outgrow.

Have you ever stopped and realized that you have arrived at a situation because you on some level, scripted it out?

If we get really clear (and really BRAVE), we can look at where we are and discover the script of the ‘play’ that we’ve been reading to ourselves.

A few ‘life-situation’ script examples:

Old Script:   I’m partner at my firm, I’m deep into my career in law and I absolutely cannot stand what I do but this is what I know how to do to earn the income I need to earn to support my lifestyle.  I’m too old to change.  I’ll lose respect if I try and fail.  What do I know how to do? No one loves what they do for career really, anyway. At least not the ones making any money.

New Script:  I know what I’m doing and I want to change careers.  My happiness and quality of life are so important to me, and my relationships and outlook will soar when I act on what I need to act on here. I know how to be resourceful and attract new opportunities that will be lucrative AND rewarding. I have options. I’ll begin to take steps to investigate what’s next for me.  I know there is support and expertise available.  As I take steps, the Universe rises up to meet me, and will continue to.

Old Script:I’m in this relationship that doesn’t feel good, but what are my options? Sure, this doesn’t really make me feel very secure, empowered, valued or appreciated.  But look around, no one else is very happy in theirs either. Or they’re single and can’t find a decent date.  I guess I’m better off than they are.  And,   I’m so use to this relationship.  I’m sure that one day he’ll get off the fence and really start to step up in this relationship.  This is just how it has to be, for me, I guess.  Maybe one of these days I won’t be able to take anymore.

New Script: I am in a relationship that feels amazing! I feel cherished and respected, and we have such fun together , looking out on the same horizen as we step into our future together.  It’s incredible…there are no games!  So much space has opened up in my be-ing because I don’t have to expend so much mental and emotional energy on it.  Wow! This is fabulous.  We hit speed bumps here and there but I feel so confident inside that I, and we, can cruise right over them.  Life is good. No, life is GOOD!!  (Now, if this current partner can’t rise to the script that she continues to play in her head, that person will fall away and a new partner will come in to play that ‘role’ in her script).

Script writing is something that I do on a regular basis with myself, and with my clients.  We can script out our bigger life-changes and dreams, and we can also script out our day, a difficult conversation to have, or any situation.

Easy 1-2-3′s for script writing:

1)  Make sure you are in a good space, ie. feeling somewhat to very positive and hopeful, as the intentiona and energy you begin this (and anything) with is everything. 

2) If you can, create a sacred space around this by way of lighting a candle, shutting off any distracting and ambient noise (other than inspiring music), and grabbing a cup of tea or glass of wine.

3) With pen and paper (ideally, keep a journal), pick a situation, dream, or vision and write about it, feeling into it from your heart and body, as if you’re in it.  Write in big and expansive ways – if you think you’re ‘going big’, chances are you can still go BIGGER.  This is where the ‘how good can you stand it?’ comes in to play.

4) If you have difficulty with the writing, start with listing words that symbolize and describe the result and situation that you’re scripting. From there you can expand.

Big love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Immerse yourself…

In loving thoughts of Self. 

In a Vision of what you desire for relationship, career, life-style.

In a Mind-set that supports your highest good.

Madame Johnson, my high-school French teacher, always spoke of the need to study the language in France in an immersion program as the only way to become truly fluent.  Often, we need to immerse ourselves for success ( I didn’t go..), especially in these modern times of distraction and too many competing priorities.  We can get spread too thin and our results become diluted.

When I worked with a physical trainer years and years ago, he had me immersed.  I was journaling my food every day, cooking in more (and brown-bagging lunches more), weighing in regularly, and scheduling all my workouts and routines beyond my sessions with him.  Had I not, I know I wouldn’t have been as successful.

When I hired past coaches, to help me up-level my life in various areas, my work with them had (and has) me immersed.  I’m immersed into new thoughts and beliefs that support me taking new actions.   

These ‘immersions’ become COI (centers of influence) in your life.  They don’t demand that you cast out your entire way of be-ing, but rather they bring a strong influence that acts as a sort of hand to hold, as you step up and step out developing new patterns, behaviors and – new results.

I help clients immerse themselves into new perspectives – new ways of thinking and being.  Immersing themselves in a new way of self-care shifts what they experience on the ‘outside’ = in the world.  When we fill up internally, we feel more confident.  ‘People play small when they feel small’, says T.Harv Eker  All that’s required is a shift in perspective and taking new actions. Baby-steps or leaps, they both will serve you well.  By immersing ourselves – and in ways that we can incorporate easily into our lives – we yield amazing new results.

A few ideas in how to Immerse yourself this August:

1)  Spend a day at the beach, sans cell phone.  Pack a journal to capture ideas and thoughts, but let yourself be free to the present moment and follow your bliss. 

2) Even better, decide to take a weekend away alone.  Check into a hotel that makes you feel comfortable and well taken care of, and delight in new explorations both ‘inside’ yourself and ‘outside’.  Allow yourself to luxuriate in your surroundings, in your free time and in this free space to *BE*.  Notice what thoughts and inspirations come to you, and act on them.  This information is coming as a download from Spirit and your Higher Self.  Enroll a friend if you need to to keep you accountable. 

3) Create a Sacred Space in your day by either assigning a place, or time of day – and use this time to read or listen to inspirational audio.  Morning is the most ideal time as it will set the tone for your day.  Meditation is a wonderful way to immerse into a new realm of being. 

4)  Turn up the volume even more by hiring a Mentor or join a Coaching Group.

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

There’s simply not enough of us telling our story of success – to ourselves –  and then to our world.  

Often we hear ourselves (yours truly included at times) and others talking about what’s NOT happening, why it isn’t, and how much we don’t want more of  what is or ‘THAT!’.   It’s the stream of subtle and not so subtle negativity, and it’s  SO not ATTRACTION-rich for dating,  love, relationships, or success in life.

Remember, the very powerful Universal Law of Attraction can be defined as,”Things of like vibration are drawn.”  Like attracts like.  And vibration is transmitted –  like radio waves - when you’re tuned in to a station.  If you’re on AM 840, you’re not going to be able to listen to FM 97.3, are you? 

I work with clients to educate and mentor on just how important this ‘Telling Your Story’ is for success in love and in life.   In *anything* that you want to create.   

See, we are all living our story – our attraction – right now.  What is in our life *right now* was once a thought, and then it formed a belief, and it formed and held a vibration that then matched and attracted everything that we currently are experiencing.  Tell me, do you like – and love – what you’re living? 

So, what story do you want to tell?   What’s your Story of Success?  Write it down.  Vision it.  Begin to talk about it.  By doing these things, you’ll begin to LIVE IT.  People, circumstances, inclinations, hunches – all will attract to you. 

I partner with women to help them begin to tell and live into their NEW story, creating new results in love – in relationship – and in their lives.  In late July,  I’ll be hosting a special live RETREAT  that I can’t wait to send out more details on very soon!  At a very beautiful location, we’ll spend the day together focusing on what will create for you the life and love of your dreams.  No more struggle. No more holding patterns.  The retreat, along with some follow-up to tele-classes,  will teach you the process that changed my own life and those of the clients that I’ve worked with.   

For more details on this upcoming event or how to get started working with me,  you may write to assistant@belovesavvy.com.  

Here’s to your successful story-telling. ;-)

Lots of love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Whether you’re single, married or dating – no matter what the status of you’re relationship, no doubt the tool of Visualizing will change your life – it has mine.  Over, and over, and over again (it works wonders when I’m in an argument with my love).

Visualizing is one of the most powerful things that you can do to create change and bridge your reality over to the place of your dreams. Dating the wrong men? In an unhappy relationship?  Is your marriage suffering? Are you simply feeling dried up and exhausted? Not only has this done wonders for me in my love life, but I can look at other important things in my life -  changing careers, giving important presentations at work, working to get in shape at the gym, and even a most recent television appearance – and the success of these all were the result of a  common denominator: Visualizing.

Years ago when I was between boyfriends, a very wise & savvy friend and I were talking about love and live, and she struck a chord with me when she asked me to ‘feel in’ to what I wanted in a relationship.  ‘Picture in your mind the two of you hanging out – what are you doing together?’  Then I was even more blown away when she again asked me to feel in to (through a Vision – a picture in my mind) things like the way we communicated  – to identify what the feeling-tone was of that – fiery? Clear? Soft & cozy? Expansive & accepting?   

Months before I met my husband, I surprised myself when I was talking with producers of the reality show, “How To Get The Guy’ that was being filmed in San Francisco (but that’s a story for another blog) , and in our discussion it came to my awareness that I had held this Vision in my mind of my future  husband and I having black & white photographs hung in our hallway, particularly of us with our baby.  Now, I wasn’t a girl who had lots of specifics as to details of what her future life would look like, but that image popped up and had served – in some ways unbeknownst to me – as a guide post as I dated. Today Larry and I do have some black and whites of us hung in our hallway, and I smile as I connect the dots back to my Vision.

Another very powerful personal example on Visioning : I spent time one weekend by myself – my first trip with no companion and not work-related – walking the beach in Del Mar, CA and soaking up the gorgeous hotel and pool I was staying at. I journaled, I walked , I shopped – it was a healing time for me after a relationship ended and I had left a job to pursue a coaching career.  I walked the beach every day and visualized my future life – specifically my future husband and marriage. I felt into (via a vision) our communication, how we spent time, the energy of him – and of us.  Unbeknownst to Larry, he proposed to me on that very beach, under the Moonlight, less than 2 years later (but who was counting?).  This still gives me the chills and sweetly reminds me how we live in a magical Universe, if we can only remember to see it that way and Believe.

I’m so passionate about this powerful tool and I teach my clients to use it successfully in their own lives.  It’s so simple, it can be quick and it’s *Free* to boot.  What more could you love about a tool that expands your reality and allows your dreams to unfold, seemingly effortlessly? (Stay tuned for Pt. 2 of this blog where I’ll speak more to this last statement)

Here’s some steps to the “How”:

1. Choose a Visioning medium that comes most easiest for you to ensure regular use & success.   Is it playing a ‘mind movie’? Is it making a Vision box or board?  Is it writing it down?  Maybe all three – but whatever you do, decide to do it, begin, and tap into it regularly – even for just a minute or two.

2. You must shut down your thinking/ego mind while you’re doing this.  That’s the mind that has you perhaps looking to poke holes in this concept, to censure what you’re visioning, to tell you you’re doing it ‘wrong’.   THERE IS NO WRONG WAY. Trust your inner guidance.

3. Get yourself into a relaxed state for a few minutes before you begin steps 1 and 2.  Listen to a favorite song first, laugh at a funny show or joke, move your body.  Get your energy flowing downstream to open up creativity and connect to your inner navigation system – your heart & energy system – that connects easily to Truth and the magical Universe.

Stay tuned for Part 2 – what is ‘happening’ when we regularly Vision & how does this help us take inspired action?  

With love and Universal blessings,

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

This is in ’Life Improvement 101′,  and it will amaze me when I forget it in my own life - which I can and do!

Although recently I began implementing it into new areas of my life – some areas I hadn’t given myself permission to apply this to in the past – and it’s simply rocking my world!

Do you want to rock your world – shake things up a little bit with yourself?

Well, then….Drum-roll please…

Take INSPIRED actions, only.  What do I mean by this?  Well, I can bet you are like most of us living in this modern life, which is that we are leading very busy lives. So busy in fact that often everything just kind of runs together, gets more and more busy and overwhelming, and eventually you either flat-line in apathy (maybe without knowing it) or you stay on the merry-go-round getting so out of touch with your authentic self and without a minute to spare.  But that’s truly it’s own topic that deserves it’s own attention.

Taking INSPIRED action means both responding to things if and when you feel inspired to do so.  It also applies to -quite beautifully - when you are looking to do the BIG things; the steps that have you feeling trepidation because they are NEW and UNKNOWN.

The brilliance of this, and I can say I am continually surprised, is that energetically everything aligns when you take inspired action.  Rather than operating from shoulds, indecision, or resentment, by taking inspired actions only you align with what’s true for you which aligns with the Universe and it just feels so light and breezy-easy. 

This apples to everything from deciding what you want to do tonight, to who to call back, to placing calls for information-interviews while you’re job hunting.  What happens is that we often act on reaction, or out of ‘musts’ and ‘shoulds’.   We also wimp out when we don’t feel inspired and we’re facing something that feels daunting and unknown.

Things to do to get inspired and into action:

- Get a little quiet.  Pause before you return a call from a negative friend and check in with yourself – is this a Yes or a No?  Give yourself permission to say NO to doing something that may have just become habit.

-Tap into your VISION (don’t have one? search my blog for Vision Box, Mind Movies, etc).   Does this action or response you’re looking to take align? 

-When you’re stepping out & up into something new, focus on  making decisions and taking inspired actions based on where you want to be, not from where you are currently.

Believe me, this isn’t always easy and it takes some awareness  practice, but the dots connect and connect and like any good habit, it becomes easier and more natural as you go along.  I promise.

Much love,

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Now, to be mischievous in dating and relating…

Again, a reminder that what we’re doing here is tricking ourself into ACTING outside the box. That’s where the amazing results lie.  It strips you from your boxed-in ways and allows your Higher Self to express and attract.

Being intentionally mischievious with yourself simply has you suprised at YOU.  It can take the form of wearing a dress to an event that you wouldn’t normally, maybe even running errands -or changing your make up (go get it done at a counter & buy the lipstick).    It can also be handing your card to someone you’re chatting with (if you never have), or better yet – asking him out!   Personally, I felt so liberated (and a little ‘out of control’ aka my ‘comfy zone’ - the clue that you’re on to something) when I asked Larry, my husband, out for the following night after meeting & talking with him.   I had never asked a guy out!  It worked. 

In dating and relating, this can also be standing in your Truth when you normally don’t.  For instance, your boyfriend typically waits until the last minute to make plans, or assumes you’ll be hanging out all weekend watching games and doing what he wants. It’s been chipping away at your satisfaction in the relationship, and really bothering you. 

Do what would have you feeling mischievous.  I’m a big fan of speaking the truth with successful delivery (read: no nagging, pouting or any other victim-like approach, but calmly and assuredly).  Many women struggle with this, so chances are if you just nip it in the bud and communicate your need directly you’ll be feeling very mischievous!  What else will have you feeling like you’re game is back on, and on fire?  Take a look at other areas where you might be feeling bored or held back: clear physical clutter, style your hair differently, do that 3 day cleanse you’ve had on your list.

Keep surprising yourself- mischieviously.

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

Stepping outside ‘the box’ in approaching ’big’ things in  life such as love – or job hunting/career changes – health & wealth creation – can seem so daunting and hence, that’s why the majority of us simply DON’T.  And I’m not discluding myself from this majority, either.  Part of the inspiration here for this blog is to share with you that when I have, immediate results came – and miraculously.   Am I consistent with this approach – absolutely not.  But it sure as heck inspires me to step out again and again out of my comfort zone as I look at both my past and my current reality – what’s worked –  and where I want to go being who I want to be. We all have our ‘growth edge’ – coaches too – and that’s why coaches need coaches and CEO’s need coaches.

What’s interesting is that in Timothy Ferriss’ book, The 4 Hour Work Week, which I’m currently reading, he talks about not just thinking outside the box but ACTING outside the box.  I read that this morning, and then during my workout at the gym this morning (so painful in this gorgeous heat wave in SF currently, but necessary…) I saw a segment on the Today show about job hunting in the New Economy and the dire importance of stepping out of your comfort zone.

Whether you’re job hunting or relationship hunting (or looking to create new and impactful results in ANY area of your life such as those mentioned at the start of this post) - results lie in doing it differently.   BE-ING different than you’ve been, and ACTING differently than you have.  As humans we’re creatures of habit, as we all know.  So, it’s important to ‘scare yourself’ – do those actions and that thinking that has you feeling a little out of ‘control’ and also a little *mischievous*.  Yes, mischievous.  With yourself.  See, when you act, think and BE ‘different’ than you’ve been, it can feel thrillingly mischievous, because what you’re doing is busting out of your own box and breaking your own rules.

For example, after a year+ out of corporate work, with my apartment in storage, a failed relationship left in Toronto where I had been playing but not earning or saving -  and,  a uncomfortable bed at my parents – I needed a J-O-B – and fast!  But I wanted to switch industries, AND I didn’t want to take a pay cut for doing so. In fact, I wanted to make more money than I ever had before (I’m sure you can relate).  I interviewed for a great opportunity - and I was intent on getting it.   How could I set myself apart from the competition?   An idea popped in to my head as I wrote a thank you note:  send the note with a roll of scotch tape.  It felt slightly OUT THERE to me.   Why the tape?   The gentleman – and my future bosses boss – that I had just interviewed with, had played with a piece of scotch tape as we talked and apologized to me , saying it was a bad but necessary habit of his. I felt a little mischievous sending the tape -but it worked (and he later coo-berated that it worked). I got the job and earned more than I ever had before, in a new industry. 

Stay tuned for Part 2, and how to be mischievous in love…

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friend,

It’s the beginning of April – the start of Spring.

I know that despite the sun and the spring air,  my mind and heart felt the need this morning for some purifying words from Louise Hay.

I wanted to share with you this:

“In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete, and yet life is ever changing.

There is no beginning and no end, only a constant cycling and recycling of substance and experiences.

Life is never stuck, static or stale, for each moment is ever new and fresh.

I am one with the very Power that created me, and this Power has given me the power to create my own circumstances.

I rejoice in the knowledge that I have the power of my own mind to use in any way I choose.

Every moment of life is a new beginning point as we move from the old.

This moment is a new point of beginning for me right here and right now.

All is well in my world.

From my savvy heart  – and mind – to yours ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

My mom use to take me skiing a lot.  For skiing, I was allowed to cut a day of high school to beat crowds, which made it all the more fun.

I use to hear this comment from her on our ski trips,  ”If you’re not falling down, it means you’re not really trying”. 

Think about the FEAR that comes up (if you allow yourself to recognize it) as you think about going for something BIG.  Or maybe doing something completely NEW to you.  FEAR can bubble up, sometimes very easily.  This is what can stop us dead in our tracks, if we let it. We’re afraid to fall down.

The older we get, the more fearful we can become as we get more and more conditioned to own perceptions & the perceptions of others and the world.  I  mean, there’s SO much to be afraid of, right?  Just listen to random passing conversation (as I am right now in a coffee shop as I write) – or what you hear from a friend or someone who loves you – or what you read on news sites or see on TV. What we find ourselves saying to others. 

This plays out often when it comes to attracting love,  too, my savvy friend.  We’re often sitting back in ‘fear’ or concern:

Am I going to meet him?

Is this guy the right partner for me?

Why doesn’t it seem to be going the way I dream of it going?

Often, we don’t try a new approach – or create a different and winning Mindset to support our desires – because we’ve got this subconscious fear, of either success or of failure.

A clue that you’re on to something – that you’re giving the mountain and slopes the best of you – is when you feel the Fear coming up, and you continue to take a step forward anyway. And then another. And another. 

It’s not a matter of having NO FEAR, or preserving yourself out of FEAR, it’s a matter of feeling the Fear, and moving forward toward your desires anyway.

And, if you’re local to the Bay Area, come spend the day with me on March 21st ! I guarantee, you’ll walk away clearer, more confident and feeling more courageous.  The Savvy Woman’s Boot Camp: Hitting Re-Set for New Love will hands-down be the best investment you make in yourself to create love and a life of your desires.  Reserve your seat here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com/Events.htm

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com