Is showing interest first a conflict of interest? - Part 2
Dear Savvy Woman,
This question has come up a lot recently, as I wrote in the Part 1 post on this topic.
I think there’s a few things at play with this, and, as much as we want a clear line - a Yes or No - this isn’t one of those, unfortunately.
However, I think that the general answer to this is NO. It’s not going to kill a romance that’s meant to happen, or turn a guy off that you’re initially meeting, if you let it be known that you have some interest. It’s flattering! Men apprecitate receiving compliments and flattery, too. And they don’t necessarily mind having some assistance in making the first move. It takes some pressure off, in fact.
AND, it’s all in the delivery:
- Are you confidently letting someone know you have interest = he senses or hears or sees a ‘Welcome’ sign with you?
-And, are you doing so in a way that still keeps your self-respect and your desire to be pursued and courted in tact?
Again , the general rule, in my experience and in surveying men, is No - no conflict of interest in making your interest known. Yes, only you can answer these most genuinely for yourself = you are the best judge of what’s comfortable for you, what the situation is feeling like, what the energy is.
I’m not a fan of the Rules book. Heck, I moved in with my husband after 4 months of dating. And I was a woman that mouthed about how after living with a boyfriend in my twenties - next time, I would wait for a commitment. I wanted to have (perceived) control over the outcome going forward, as the stakes felt much higher to me at 35.
But, I made that decision on what I sensed, felt, heard, saw and just knew. All with the understanding with myself that I could afford to take the risk. It’s always good to ask yourself what the worst case scenario would be, and do you feel that you could deal with it (of course you can, but our ego can be running the show here).
How showing interest might look:
- Handing a guy your card as you leave a conversation and say something like, “I’ve enjoyed meeting you…I’d be interested in continuing conversation over coffee sometime if you’d like to.”
-Smiling and giving great eye contact, along with other body language that indicates that you are approachable and potentially interested.
-Connecting with someone via Facebook and sending a friendly note.
-Simply asking him for a date!
Just remember, if you are a woman who wants to be pursued and courted, you want this to be conveyed through your actions and reactions, so that the message is clear. No mixed messages. This is true whether you get asked out, or do the asking.
From my savvy heart to yours,
Leslie
The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach
Tags: dating coach, dating questions, inspirtation, Leslie Stewart, life coach, love, relationships