Relationships ~ Tip #2
Dear Savvy Woman,
Relationship Tip #2 ~ Miserable? Trust Yourself, and in the Highest Good of the Universe
I’ve had women come to me that are entangled in relationships – or a semblance of one, say, with an Ex that they are holding on to in some way - that they are miserable in. I love to work with these particular women because I’ve known this misery: this place of dis-empowerment, of being terrified on some level of letting go but with each passing day that remains your spirit being chipped away, sensing that it shouldn’t feel this way. Of course, when we awake to this awareness we are typically at rock-bottom and can’t stand it anymore, and are hopefully willing to make a change.
A woman contacted me to get some coaching many months ago. Every week-end after spending it together with her long-term, off and on boyfriend, he seemed to declare a need to have his ‘space’ and re-state his desire to not commit to her, something that she was deeply desiring. Just as she got fed up enough and began to journey out the ‘front door’ of their ‘house’, he swept her back in, on Que, with good behavior and the right words. She was so beaten down by this routine and the denying of what I sensed was her deeper truth, lying beneath the surface: she wasn’t so sure that she wanted him anymore, anyway. She wanted help, but sadly, she struggled so much with the fear of taking the step that she was paralyzed and couldn’t bring herself to coach with me. Last I heard she was still ‘hanging in there’ with her boyfriend.
It’s so difficult to trust that voice inside sometimes because we can rationalize in our mind - forever- why we should stay in a relationship where our needs aren’t being met. Time, our heart, future dreams – all these and more have been invested, and we sometimes want to hang around and see, kind of like employee #5 in the start up that’s praying for the IPO.
But, hang out at what price? Giving space (journaling is great for this) to the voice that starts to rise up and acknowledges, ‘Ugh…this really,really hurts’, and learning to trust and act on this voice is what leads us to the gold. Trusting in the process of life, that the Universe is always conspiring for our highest good, can help give us courage and faith to take steps toward change. Relationships are one of the biggest – if not *the biggest* – learning vehicles about ourselves and life. As we learn to trust ourselves more, largely by way of listening and responding to our own needs, relationships – and life – get easier, richer – and way more fun!
Here’s to our learning. As a friend said to me on a walk this morning about a revelation she was having in her life, “We’re all connected. We’re all in this together.” Yes, we are…
Big love,
Leslie
