Speaking Our Truth
Dear Savvy Friend,
Why is it we are afraid to speak our truth when we’re on a date, or in a relationship? Some of you, if you’re anything like me, present or past, might also find yourselves sweeping thoughts, desires, and opinions under the rug - in order to be accepted. As women, many of us have a tendency to swallow our voices because we want to be approved of, liked, loved. Maybe we do this if only occasionally. Maybe a lot.
We’ve all done this, and do this. Maybe it’s big, or it’s something small.
I have client that I’m currently working with - let’s call her Jill. Jill wants to find a loving partnership - her desire is for it to grow into marriage, although she’s not so sure about if she wants children one day, or not.
Jill’s interested in “Bill”. She’s getting to know him, and although there are some questions as to if it could be a work-able situation to date him and see where it goes (it’s long-distance today, age difference, etc), when I asked her to consider asking him some ‘revealing’ questions on their next date, such as ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years & 10 years?’, the thought of it scared her, more than a little. I’m coaxing her a little on this as ‘Jill’ has three relationships-over, stifled her needs and desires for the guy. Denying her needs and wants is the ‘known’ - hence, she’s hired me.
So I ask: Why can’t we express ourselves as we go along? Why do we pretend to not be feeling what we are feeling? Wanting what we are wanting. In dating, revealing too much too soon can be ‘death’. And, not revealing enough, and a little too late = also ‘death’. Yikes….what a fine line.
And that’s all that I had written. I must have petered out for whatever reason.
As I scanned all my ’saved drafts’ this morning, I knew this title would trigger more from me.
I’ve been in a bit of funk with my guy, and husband, Larry , in recent days. Not a huge funk. We’re speaking, playing, etc. ‘Normal’.
AND: somethings not quite the same. You see, I spoke my Truth recently to him, over something that’s a pretty serious topic, yet not a ‘Huge’ topic (and,unfortunately, I can’t expound any further ). He wasn’t thrilled with my Truth. He respects it. But it isn’t received with open arms, a huge smile, and a ‘Thanks, that’s great.’
And this is a reality: sometimes, our Truth doesn’t make the other person very happy. It can at times cause distance, a decision to be made, change.
But what is the alternative? I didn’t have an alternative, as I aspire to be as honest and as direct as possible in my relationship. It for sure is not always easy. Far from.
I really don’t like not feeling as close and intimate with my partner as is typical. It’s quite uncomfortable. AND, it’s part of the experience. It’s reality. And that’s why I’m choosing to write about it.
As women, I think we must get really comfy cozy with speaking our Truth. We must. It doesn’t always feel sexy, and definitely not fun.
And, it’s really the only option -isn’t it?
With love,
From my savvy heart to yours,
Leslie
The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach
Tags: authenticity, dating coach, finding your voice, Leslie Stewart, life coach, love, relationships, speaking truths