Dear Savvy Woman,

Yes, I did mean futured.

What is futured, you ask?

You’ve been there.  You’re on a date with ‘Joe’, a first date.  Joe not only shows up on time, with flowers, and takes you to a lovely restaurant for dinner and a bottle of wine, but that’s just the beginning.  Even if you’re date-deprived and loving the gestures, you haven’t even begun to “Mr. Right?” him, believe it or not.  Until…

Joe futures you.“Have you been to Yosemite?…We rent a huge house there every Fall, we’ll have to go on one of the week-ends I’ll have it to myself - it’s s000 nice to jacuzzi after a long hike.  I can’t wait to take you there.”  You are now noticing, between bites of steak and sips of Zinfandel, that your mind wanders to imagine how he’ll fit in with your family, what travel you can do first, perhaps even if you’ll have the same taste on your registry.

I think many of us who do (or have done, in our lives) our fair share of dating have been here -  yes?

I recall a specific guy that I dated , and our first date.  WOW - did he future me.  Talks of trips, the fact that we both fantasized about living in Spain - it went on and on.  And - guess what?   I WAS HOOKED.  The following 6 weeks were like I was under some sort of spell.  Things went fast - and then crashed and burned. 

I write this as a friendly reminder.  Beware of being futured.  The smartest and savviest of women can - and do - fall prey. 

Tips to stay conscious and futured-aware:

-  Proof is in the Pudding - make this your rule:  Keep control of the pace that feels right to you, and by this I mean the pace of your mind, specifically.  For starters, dismiss any ideas of future vacations/children’s eye color until you are well on your way to having an exclusive relationship (AND/OR month 2)!

I’m all for romance and getting a little carried away (that’s part of the fun) - but never risk more than you are willing to lose.  

- Let him know:  There’s nothing wrong with a retort that let’s him know you won’t fall for being futured.  “You haven’t met my 5 cats yet - and I don’t let them meet just anyone. ”  Show that you have perspective, and delivered with a little humor keeps things light.

Great guys can fall prey to this: they get excited too, and may be unconscious of this tendancy. Yet,  some are preditors only after one thing.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Women,

I am enough.

I am enough.

I am enough.

I am enough.

Repeat after me, “I am enough”.

“I am enough”.

What comes up for you when you say this statement to yourself.  Out loud.  Silently.

I’m writing today from Miami Beach, FL where I’m attending a conference on Mind-Set and Inner Abundance.

My heart leapt a little when I was on a tele-call and the Leader announced that she’d be hosting this conference. 

I want to go, I said to myself.  My mind quickly dispelled the thought.  Why?  You do this work here.  Why invest in this - this is many, many professional private sessions and massages.  Ugh. I want - I resist. I ’should’.

I went.  Thank you God.  Thank you Intuition. My resistance came in as “I know this stuff.”  “What can I learn at this?”  As much as I’ve worked on myself - 15 years of personal development in therapy, coaching, intuitive counseling, energy work, meditation, visualization - whew - I’m at another layer of the onion.

Launching my own business has me in a new arena.  Old wounds and beliefs are rearing their heads again.  Whenever we step into new territory in our lives,  we may find that we need to clear through some of the slow, sometimes track-stopping sludge.  Quicksand. 

We all looked at a list of commonly held beliefs.   We circled the ones that hit home as we thought of our businesses, of what are creating for ourselves.  Of what we are here to do: our purpose.

I looked at the “I am not enough”, and I RESISTED circling it, but I did.  We were to look at these circled beliefs, then, and dig deep to find where, specifically by age 7, we had had an experience that made this belief to be true to ourselves.

I won’t go into the background of mine right now, but I , along with the 100 women and men and the Facilitator, all raised our hands acknowledging this one to come up for us.    It’s one of those core false beliefs - “I am not enough” - that comes up for all of us as human beings.

Here’s the truth:  We are ENOUGH.  YOU ARE ENOUGH.

We are all in God/Spirit/Divine - and God/Spirit/Divine are in us.   We are  one.  We are perfect.  And we are here to live this truth.

Let’s get to living what we are to live.   Our heart’s desires.

With love and truth,

From my savvy heart, to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I truly continue to be in awe of the amazing process of growth….of how we can achieve what we set out to.  What I’m reflecting on is not just the achievements that manifest in our outer world - career transition, a loving partnership, material success, a new business venture….. what truly stills me to sacred silence and rushes blood through my veins is the fact that we are limitless creatures and we can move mountains in regard to our ‘inner’ realities.  These ‘inner’ realities are what enable us to achieve and manifest in the outer world.  How we feel about ourselves.  Who we want to BE.  Now.  And in the future.  Because this achievement comes from looking inside - acknowledging what needs to be changed - looking at who you want to be - and believing that it’s possible.

What we want to manifest in life begins with who we are.  What thoughts we hold.  What beliefs we are living by.  Where we set our sights to be.

I’m inspired to write this because I just ran across an intake form that my first and brilliant coach , Nikki Anderson: www.coachnikki.com, gave me as I began my life coaching work with her a little over 3 years ago.   I felt lost, down and dissatisfied.   Yes, much because my then- relationship hadn’t worked out, and the company I worked for was failing and I wanted out.  It felt overwhelming. 

But the truth, the core, of why I was so distraught was because I knew.  I knew that I wasn’t living to my potential.  I knew I was hiding out, and continuing to make the same choices - over and over. Same choices = same results.  The same unavailable guy, and the same unfulfilling job.  And the same energy-sucking, in-congruent smaller choices woven throughout how I was living. They didn’t fill me up. They kept me down.

I re-read my answer to ‘What role do you see your best self playing in the world? What do you want to model for others?:

My answer , “I want to model achieving my dreams, creative AND focused, nurturing AND strong, feminine AND true to myself, interdependent AND independent.”

I know that when I wrote this answer, it was coming from somewhere within me, and yet looking at my life at that time - I felt that I had no ‘proof’ that I was a woman exemplifying - or capable of - exemplifying these.  This is how many of the clients come to me feeling.  I see the gleam in their eyes when they complete a Future Self exercise and connect to what is true for them.

Then, the fear and disbelief sets in again.  And so the work begins.

I re-read that statement I made to myself and to my coach years ago, and I was in awe of the fact that I was indeed living up to what I had aspired to be.  At least attempting to! I’m by no means declaring perfection here,  nor “I’ve made it!”.   As my friend said to me many years ago, “Some of us are climbers, and others campers, in life.”  I know that I’m a climber.  When do I get to the top?  In this life, when my spirit leaves my body behind.

Every day I can feel the fear that hovers like a cloud, threatening rain.  The beautiful thing is that I’m getting more and more comfortable with the threat.  I don’t hold myself to walking only where the skies are always clear.  That would indicate to me that I wasn’t playing big enough - playing too safe.

So, savvy friends, I encourage you - I urge you - not to stamp out that voice that says, “This is what I want.”  “This is what I know I am meant to be, do, and have.”   This is the voice that knows the real truth.

Don’t talk yourself out of your desires.

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friend,

Why is it we are afraid to speak our truth when we’re on a date, or in a relationship?  Some of you, if you’re anything like me, present or past, might also find yourselves sweeping thoughts, desires, and opinions under the rug - in order to be accepted.  As women, many of us have a tendency to swallow our voices because we want to be approved of, liked, loved.  Maybe we do this if only occasionally.  Maybe a lot. 

We’ve all done this, and do this.  Maybe it’s big, or it’s something small.

I have client that I’m currently working with - let’s call her Jill.  Jill wants to find a loving partnership - her desire is for it to grow into marriage, although she’s not so sure about if she wants children one day, or not.

Jill’s interested in “Bill”.  She’s getting to know him, and although there are some questions as to if it could be a work-able situation to date him and see where it goes (it’s long-distance today, age difference, etc), when I asked her to consider asking him some ‘revealing’ questions on their next date, such as ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years & 10 years?’, the thought of it scared her, more than a little.  I’m coaxing her a little on this as ‘Jill’ has three relationships-over, stifled her needs and desires for the guy.  Denying her needs and wants is the ‘known’ - hence, she’s hired me. 

So I ask: Why can’t we express ourselves as we go along?  Why do we pretend to not be feeling what we are feeling? Wanting what we are wanting.   In dating, revealing too much too soon can be ‘death’.  And, not revealing enough, and a little too late = also ‘death’.  Yikes….what a fine line.

And that’s all that I had written.  I must have petered out for whatever reason.

As I scanned all my ’saved drafts’ this morning, I knew this title would trigger more from me.

I’ve been in a bit of funk with my guy, and husband, Larry , in recent days.   Not a huge funk.  We’re speaking, playing, etc.  ‘Normal’.

AND:  somethings not quite the same.  You see, I spoke my Truth recently to him, over something that’s a pretty serious topic, yet not a ‘Huge’ topic (and,unfortunately, I can’t expound any further ). He wasn’t thrilled with my Truth.  He respects it.  But it isn’t received with open arms, a huge smile, and a ‘Thanks, that’s great.’ 

And this is a reality:  sometimes, our Truth doesn’t make the other person very happy.  It can at times cause distance, a decision to be made, change.  

But what is the alternative?  I didn’t have an alternative, as I aspire to be as honest and as direct as possible in my relationship.  It for sure is not always easy. Far from.  

I really don’t like not feeling as close and intimate with my partner as is typical. It’s quite uncomfortable.  AND, it’s part of the experience.  It’s reality.   And that’s why I’m choosing to write about it.

As women, I think we must get really comfy cozy with speaking our Truth.  We must.  It doesn’t always feel sexy, and definitely not fun. 

And, it’s really the only option -isn’t it?

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com