Dear Savvy Woman,

Navigating the dating-relationship waters can be tricky – no doubt.  A past coaching client called me for an emergency coaching session (I do one-time assessments/S.o.S sessions, so you can contact me here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com/contact.htm and indicate ASAP) today.

The net of her issue was that she’s in a relationship of about 6 months and she was starting to feel uncomfortable, namely with them feeling like they’re on ‘autopilot’ with some things (like making plans)  – and – an awareness within herself that some anxiety was stemming from a few previous relationships she’d had that went south. Something was feeling vaguely familiar. Again.  Was it her fear of a ‘repeat’, or was it in actuality, a current issue with ‘John’. It’s difficult to know, and what helps is to address what’s true about the current situation and take it from there.

The net of our coaching session came to this: what was true for ‘Jane’ was that she needed to get more of her needs met – namely, to know generally what their weekend plans were and to have John take a more proactive role in that. And here’s the catch: She must communicate with John in a way that both empowers her (she’s given her power over by waiting for John’s schedule and/or taking it day by day – which is irritating her) as well as honors the relationship and John.

Jane: Well, I guess I’ll tell John that I want to know our plans much more ahead of time.  I’ll have to check in with him each week and ask him when his ball practice is, and if he plans to golf with his friends this weekend. 

Me: Do you know what is so sexy, alluring and attractive to a man?

Jane: No, what? Oh, wait. I think I know where you’re going.  Maybe the ‘telling’ John will be to just schedule some back-to-back girls week-ends, just to show him that I and my time matters!! He’ll see what I mean.

Me:Actually, where I’m going here is that a man finds a woman who claims what she wants for herself, unapologetically and kindly – very, very ATTRACTIVE.  Not as a spoiled child, or a controlling, frightened or nagging adult – but – as a woman who addresses what is true for her while keeping respect and love flowing toward her man.

Here is some sample dialogue of how to tailor an approach when communicating – going from ‘Nagging or Victim Girlfriend’ and ‘Pseudo-Mom’ to ‘Sexy, Attraction-rich, In-Control-and-Loving -Vixen’:

Me (as Jane):  Hi sweetie (sitting down in person), can we talk about something for a second (is this a good time to talk)?

John: Sure, what’s up?

Part 2 – to be continued….

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com