Dear Savvy Woman,

BTW, although ’savvy’ can be synonymous with ’shrewd’, I chose it in my brand for another synonymous word, ‘understanding’.  A savvy woman has understanding.  A savvy woman understands that to ‘be love’ is to receive love. To love oneself and look within transforms what one experiences on the outside.

That was on my mind - thanks to a tweet on Twitter from someone picking it apart, which helped me - and wanted to share.

Ok, so on to Inviting Your Beloved In.  This subject comes from my ‘advice column’ (if you have a question, send it to my assistant at assist@belovesavvy.com, and I’ll answer you here in my blog!), where a savvy woman wrote to me about my opinion on FWB, knowing as she had read, that I don’t promote a FWB relationship as helpful if you’re ready for your beloved.

Dear Leslie,

….I have a question: why exactly is it so crucial to cut of FWB? I read in one of your recent newsletters that that is one of the important steps to take in manifesting my life partner.

I have an ex-boyfriend who is basically my best friend. We talk or email nearly every day and support each other in dating other people/editing our profiles, etc. He’s been so helpful for me in demystifying the man’s perspective. We completely love each other as friends and human beings, and we have sex once in a while in a really loving and respectful way….

Thanks so much!!

“Beth”

Dear “Beth”,

I’m glad you wrote, because I know this is a topic that many can relate to.  I’m going to communicate what has been true in my own experience, as well as what many may agree with - yet you and others may not.  So, I’ll speak for what’s worked for me and many women that I know.

You must make room for your beloved in your life, as if he’s already here.  Feng Shui experts suggest placing a nightstand on the other side of the bed for him.  Similar to that physical representation of a ‘welcome’ mat in your bedroom, there must be a big, bold ‘welcome’ mat in your heart and in your energy-field. 

Now, perhaps you are a unique woman who feels after sleeping with this Ex (which I don’t classify as a ’FWB’ -friends with benefits- it’s an Ex) you feel empowered to go out and meet other men, and you feel more open & available for connection with other men than if you didn’t have this relationship with, let’s call him, Eric. 

Most women in your shoes can’t separate (I know I couldn’t, as much as I would fool myself. Eventually the love-high wore, and the hangover would settle in).  They may not be conscious of it , but in some way, shape or form, the ‘Erics’ in their lives take up space.  The coaster and glass of water, watch, and cell phone are on the ‘guest’ nightstand - and your beloved wonders, ‘Who’s here?’. 

Beleive me, I’m not saying you need to remain celebate and not enjoy the pleasure of male energy and company. But it needs to be ‘clean’ energy.  I don’t like FWB - or Ex’s -because they’re not ‘clean’.  Are they a friend, or are they a lover? Are they someone you once and/or now wanted more from? In your case, it’s an Ex, which is more than a friend if you’re in intimate emotional and physcial contact (which you are currently in both).

I’m a huge advocate for taking a lover, if you stay hyper-conscious of keeping it ‘clean’.  A lover with no strings.  A lover who is not a friend, who you didn’t once date and get to know more intimately and mundanely - no strings.  Somone who remains ‘clean’ in your life, aka, doesn’t socialize with you or your friends, doesn’t court or date you, and doesn’t spend the night and use the nightstand.  Sound rigid? I’m sure.  But this form of relationship doesn’t take up ANY space other than some physical intimacy -which - in and of itself is cause for most women to form attachment and bonds to - typically prematurely and inappropriately so. 

When I read your email, Beth, I immediately wondered why you and Eric aren’t together and committed - the way you desire for with a beloved - based on your description of your relationship as it is today.  If either or both of you have long decided that it’s a NO, then you must get really honest with yourself here.  As difficult as it is, we often hold on in a seemingly harmless way, when truly the person we love (and can continue to love, as love never dies) we need to let go of - the form of relationship needs to change.  Many of us fool ourselves into believing that because we don’t have a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘husband’, and that the form with an Ex has changed somewhat, we’re truly available to our beloved (who is on his way to you) - when we’re not.  The water is muddied, the lines are a bit blurred.  We’re afraid to ‘burn the ships’ because what if our Beloved - another ship - doesn’t come?

My advice: stop sleeping with Eric immediately, and think about taking  month break from contact, being really honest as to why.  Try it out.  Notice what you miss.  Take exquisite care of yourself. Reach out to others. After a month, what’s there? What’s there for Eric?  If you are not to be together as partners, you need to be prepared to grieve this form of the relationship, give space for it to change,  and roll out a bigger welcome mat for your Beloved.

With love and understanding,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I wonder what this world would be like if we all had a little more compassion for ourselves and for each other? I think we’re dipping out toe in - collectively - as anyone who had any money in the stock market got a slap in the face, as well as tremendous amounts of people have lost or are losing their jobs and sometimes their entire career-long industry…

We’re all in this experience together.

Compassion softens us. It softens our resistance.  Our ego and defenses get a big Hug.  An ‘it’s ok… you can take a break. No need to stand guard 24/7.’

Compassion is SO attraction-rich.   It feels counter-intuitive if your thinking mind (Ego) is in survival-mode and heavily marinating in the scarcity-thinking tank.  It makes us receptive.  It opens up opportunity to connect. To get real. To reveal. To be seen and to see. People attract and connect. Relationships blossom.

I recently had several high school folks  - people I knew in high school ;-) - write me after connecting on FB - about how I always was nice to them and that they appreciated it.  High school can be such an awkward and impressionable time in life, can’t  it?  Receiving this touched my heart.  See, I was one of those girls who hung out in the ‘in crowd’, yet I was so dis-empowered inside that I didn’t pursue things like song-girl ( i secretly longed to perform & dance and love now watching So You Think You Can Dance) or traveling with the French class abroad.  Things that my spirit longed for.  My family was doing the best they could but we had dysfunction and - back then - I thought I might be the ‘only’ one.  And, that pain I carried around with me gave me compassion and connection with others that might not look or act like me on the ‘outside’.  (The movie,’ The Moses Code’, is a great movie to watch on this theme - sort of The Secret-ish).

If we all wake up, or dig deep, we can all get in touch with that place inside that feels humbled, that feels pain or sorrow or heart-ache. Connecting to our human condition reminds us that we’re all in this together…that constant competition is NOT the winning state of being….and that softening up can actually bring you into more awareness, which leads to more confidence and personal power.  It can feel so uncomfortable to go there, yet when you do you not only awaken a part of yourself but you can bridge that to help others.  Help yourself, help others - and along the way - relationships - and life get fuller, deeper, richer and more alive.  

Now, how attraction-rich is that?

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

Dear Savvy Woman,

Whether you’re single, married or dating - no matter what the status of you’re relationship, no doubt the tool of Visualizing will change your life - it has mine.  Over, and over, and over again (it works wonders when I’m in an argument with my love).

Visualizing is one of the most powerful things that you can do to create change and bridge your reality over to the place of your dreams. Dating the wrong men? In an unhappy relationship?  Is your marriage suffering? Are you simply feeling dried up and exhausted? Not only has this done wonders for me in my love life, but I can look at other important things in my life -  changing careers, giving important presentations at work, working to get in shape at the gym, and even a most recent television appearance - and the success of these all were the result of a  common denominator: Visualizing.

Years ago when I was between boyfriends, a very wise & savvy friend and I were talking about love and live, and she struck a chord with me when she asked me to ‘feel in’ to what I wanted in a relationship.  ‘Picture in your mind the two of you hanging out - what are you doing together?’  Then I was even more blown away when she again asked me to feel in to (through a Vision - a picture in my mind) things like the way we communicated  - to identify what the feeling-tone was of that - fiery? Clear? Soft & cozy? Expansive & accepting?   

Months before I met my husband, I surprised myself when I was talking with producers of the reality show, “How To Get The Guy’ that was being filmed in San Francisco (but that’s a story for another blog) , and in our discussion it came to my awareness that I had held this Vision in my mind of my future  husband and I having black & white photographs hung in our hallway, particularly of us with our baby.  Now, I wasn’t a girl who had lots of specifics as to details of what her future life would look like, but that image popped up and had served - in some ways unbeknownst to me - as a guide post as I dated. Today Larry and I do have some black and whites of us hung in our hallway, and I smile as I connect the dots back to my Vision.

Another very powerful personal example on Visioning : I spent time one weekend by myself - my first trip with no companion and not work-related - walking the beach in Del Mar, CA and soaking up the gorgeous hotel and pool I was staying at. I journaled, I walked , I shopped - it was a healing time for me after a relationship ended and I had left a job to pursue a coaching career.  I walked the beach every day and visualized my future life - specifically my future husband and marriage. I felt into (via a vision) our communication, how we spent time, the energy of him - and of us.  Unbeknownst to Larry, he proposed to me on that very beach, under the Moonlight, less than 2 years later (but who was counting?).  This still gives me the chills and sweetly reminds me how we live in a magical Universe, if we can only remember to see it that way and Believe.

I’m so passionate about this powerful tool and I teach my clients to use it successfully in their own lives.  It’s so simple, it can be quick and it’s *Free* to boot.  What more could you love about a tool that expands your reality and allows your dreams to unfold, seemingly effortlessly? (Stay tuned for Pt. 2 of this blog where I’ll speak more to this last statement)

Here’s some steps to the “How”:

1. Choose a Visioning medium that comes most easiest for you to ensure regular use & success.   Is it playing a ‘mind movie’? Is it making a Vision box or board?  Is it writing it down?  Maybe all three - but whatever you do, decide to do it, begin, and tap into it regularly - even for just a minute or two.

2. You must shut down your thinking/ego mind while you’re doing this.  That’s the mind that has you perhaps looking to poke holes in this concept, to censure what you’re visioning, to tell you you’re doing it ‘wrong’.   THERE IS NO WRONG WAY. Trust your inner guidance.

3. Get yourself into a relaxed state for a few minutes before you begin steps 1 and 2.  Listen to a favorite song first, laugh at a funny show or joke, move your body.  Get your energy flowing downstream to open up creativity and connect to your inner navigation system - your heart & energy system - that connects easily to Truth and the magical Universe.

Stay tuned for Part 2 - what is ‘happening’ when we regularly Vision & how does this help us take inspired action?  

With love and Universal blessings,

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Navigating the dating-relationship waters can be tricky - no doubt.  A past coaching client called me for an emergency coaching session (I do one-time assessments/S.o.S sessions, so you can contact me here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com/contact.htm and indicate ASAP) today.

The net of her issue was that she’s in a relationship of about 6 months and she was starting to feel uncomfortable, namely with them feeling like they’re on ‘autopilot’ with some things (like making plans)  - and - an awareness within herself that some anxiety was stemming from a few previous relationships she’d had that went south. Something was feeling vaguely familiar. Again.  Was it her fear of a ‘repeat’, or was it in actuality, a current issue with ‘John’. It’s difficult to know, and what helps is to address what’s true about the current situation and take it from there.

The net of our coaching session came to this: what was true for ‘Jane’ was that she needed to get more of her needs met - namely, to know generally what their weekend plans were and to have John take a more proactive role in that. And here’s the catch: She must communicate with John in a way that both empowers her (she’s given her power over by waiting for John’s schedule and/or taking it day by day - which is irritating her) as well as honors the relationship and John.

Jane: Well, I guess I’ll tell John that I want to know our plans much more ahead of time.  I’ll have to check in with him each week and ask him when his ball practice is, and if he plans to golf with his friends this weekend. 

Me: Do you know what is so sexy, alluring and attractive to a man?

Jane: No, what? Oh, wait. I think I know where you’re going.  Maybe the ‘telling’ John will be to just schedule some back-to-back girls week-ends, just to show him that I and my time matters!! He’ll see what I mean.

Me:Actually, where I’m going here is that a man finds a woman who claims what she wants for herself, unapologetically and kindly - very, very ATTRACTIVE.  Not as a spoiled child, or a controlling, frightened or nagging adult - but - as a woman who addresses what is true for her while keeping respect and love flowing toward her man.

Here is some sample dialogue of how to tailor an approach when communicating - going from ‘Nagging or Victim Girlfriend’ and ‘Pseudo-Mom’ to ‘Sexy, Attraction-rich, In-Control-and-Loving -Vixen’:

Me (as Jane):  Hi sweetie (sitting down in person), can we talk about something for a second (is this a good time to talk)?

John: Sure, what’s up?

Part 2 - to be continued….

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I’m writing after a short sabbatical due to a divine week spent on the Big Island.  Sweet and simple time spent with my husband & relatives brought me much rest and relaxation, all in a backdrop of beautiful feminine energy that the Hawaiian Islands hold.  I am so grateful for the experience, and I’m learning to receive these without any apology (something I’m still working on, but getting much better with ;-))!

Here’s a shot of the gorgeous and magical coastline that we viewed our first day:

I especially loved hearing the word ‘Mahalo’ spoken this past week.  I’ve been to the islands before, but for some reason this word stood out to me much more on this visit. I looked up the definition and understood why:

[Ma = In] + [hâ = breath] + [alo = presence, front, face]
“(May you be) in (Divine) Breath.”

Mahalo is a sacred word, and it ‘acknowledges the Divinity that dwells within and without’.

I work with women individually and in groups to do just this. To remember their divine essence, and to let go of all that holds them back from living their heart’s desires. One way this has been channeled this past year  in my  work with Be Love Savvy is helping women attract a partner … a soul mate.  When women remember their divine essence, their Mahalo, all the blocks and self-sabatoging behavior falls away. 

I want to remind you, Savvy Woman, that if you are someone desiring that special someone to come into your life, taking the Mahalo approach is the way to go.  It’s counter-intuitive, I know.  I can’t tell you how many women come to me soley wanting to know ’strategy’ that looks a lot like The Rules book.  I’m a huge advocate of strategy, however mine is more of the strategy of soul.  It’s the one that won’t steer you wrong. 

Soaking up blissful simplicity in the divine Big Island and wrapping myself up in one big Mahalo brought me back to center, and reminded me of the importance of my work. Assisting women to arrive back to their (ever expanding within) center and live their heart’s desires is such rewarding work for me - i still pinch myself that I’m blogging, speaking and coaching women around this topic.   And I love leading by example.

Mahalo!

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

My Office

Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s a picture that I recently took of my office.  Isn’t it pretty, clean and simple ? ;-)  I like things that way!  Notice the big candles in my fireplace. These are to remind me to slow down, and to bring softness and spirit to my workspace. 

The big gold box on the left of the mantle is my Magical Creation Box. I’m going to tell you more about how to make yours in an upcoming post…stay tuned.  The women at my Love & Success Boot Camp last week *loved* making theirs!

The big gold frame (gold, a fav of mine, is a very creative hue, by the way! Not to mention it’s gorgeous & luxurious…) on the right that you see holds a Letter of Gratitude that I wrote to the Universe (see my Dec ‘08 blog posts for instructions here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com/blog, and  write yours for this year!).    I can’t help but stop and read it regularly because of it’s massive presence in my space.

This space is part of my physical environment - my office where I spend a considerable amount of time.  But I write not just about physical environment, I also want to highlight that our emotional and spiritual environments are tremendous in shaping our experience.   How are yours working for you?

I  repeat this often to clients and to myself: You are the average of the 5 people that you surround yourself with. Who do you hang out with the most, either in person or in cyber space?   Be sure to make conscious choices.   We spent a lot of time on this at the recent Boot Camp event and it is both daunting and exhilarating, because we can’t change what we don’t acknowledge.  As creatures of habit, we can get use to environments that don’t serve us and our destiny of Well-Being.   Daunting, it can be, because the reminder is there that we are always at choice.

What will you choose?

Be sure to create environments that hold you in your values and support your highest good and desires.  Start small, grabbing the low-hanging ‘fruit’ to pick off.  In your physical environment, sometimes we just need a clearing out of the build-up = papers, magazines, unused items.  In our emotional and spiritual, we might need to taper down contact with a draining relative,  or let go of friendships (with love) that don’t feel supportive or have mutuality.  And sometimes we find we are in a relationship with a man (a large part of our environment) that isn’t the right partner.  

Here is to continuing to create our environments with love.

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Almost as good (depending on personal preference) as receiving Daily Candy is receiving a Daily Affirmation.  Imagine FREE Coaching, just dropped into your Inbox every morning, before you wipe your eyes and slip out of bed to start the day.

It’s actually a great ’structure’ (coach speak for ritual, or place holder) for me to center my thoughts and myself as I get into my day.  Some days, when I’m really tired, stressed or some other version of not feeling my Best Self,  I reach over for my Blackberry after waking up and scroll to find the Daily Affirmation.  It gets the party started on those days.  I value this little structure so much I’m inspired to add it on to my website for those who want to sign up and receive daily thoughts from Moi.

I happened upon Laura Fenamore’s site when I met her at CTI, the coaching school I attended, and I’ve been receiving her daily messages for years now.

Passing on the love with today’s brilliant message….

Today I release any feelings I have to compete with others or compare myself to others knowing that that leads me to pain not joy (which is what I really want).

So true.  As I say to my clients often, “comparison kills”.   It kills your mind-set and potentially, your self-esteem.  And it kills romance in dating and relationship.  It kills the energy & opportunity for connecting on a first date.  Even if it’s never acted on, but just sits…lingering in your thoughts.  

Here is to your Unique Brilliance. 

And to Joy. 

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Lou can make your day!

  From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

We get bombarded with ideas on how to be sexy, and there’s a tremendous amount of pressure put upon us.  The right hair, clothes, lingerie…these can all contribute to feeling and looking sexy -no doubt.  And, there’s also SO MUCH to tap into that you already embody and own.  Sometimes we just forget, or we get ideas in our heads of ‘all that we should or have to do’ to be Sexy.  Not true. 

The thing is, there are SO many ways that you can connect to your essence and bring out the natural, feminine glow  = Sexy glow , that you’re designed to exude in a quick, simple, and no-cost way.  As I write this, I realized that I left the biggest one off my list : self-pleasure. 

Absolutely, do this on a regular basis.  It doesn’t cost anything, and it’s quick (if it’s not, you can discover how to be!)  Aside from that, I’ve listed here some things that work for me and my clients, to shift out of ‘Do-mode’ and drop into ‘Be-ing’. Drop into Sexy.

You’re date picks up your energy.  We can tell when someone is stressed, uptight, insecure, or rushed.   What does it do to us?  It puts us off.  We get uncomfortable.    This isn’t what you want to exhibit or contribute on a date.  Our society might value this do-do-do, ‘make it happen’-lifestyle, but if you’re looking to connect with a guy and find a great intimate relationship, you have to invite that in.

You might wonder how some of these add to your Sexy-factor, but trust me, they do. Sexy isn’t sexy unless it’s authentic.  We can tell when some one’s trying to hard. Despite going through the ‘right’ motions, it ends up being repelling, isn’t it? 

These are simple, quick, and low-to-zero cost:

• Step into a pair of gorgeous, sexy heels and wear them as you’re getting ready in the morning.
• Put an extra 5 minutes beyond ’normal’ to tend to your appearance in the morning: make-up, style your hair, put on body lotion, perfume. Care and attention makes you feel beautiful to YOU, and others pick up that energy.
• Make a conscious effort to walk just a little slower - with body awareness - and smile at everyone you pass by, even if you don’t feel like it.  Fake it til you make it, if necessary.  It will work.
• Light candles and play your favorite music for yourself as you prepare to go out.  Seduce yourself.
• Add to your outfit with a hint of color, jewelry, different shoes - before segueing from office -to - date.  This tells yourself, and your date, that the work hat is off - you’re back to being a soft and receptive woman. 
• Take 5 minutes to relax before running to your date straight from work.  Take some deep breathes, paint your nails, listen to music on your Ipod.  Notice the sunset or watch the rain.  Get out of your head and become more present to yourself and who you engage with.
• Focus on who you are authentically BEING with your date.  Be interested. Be open. Be yourself. Be present to simply what is - you’re connecting with another human being - not on ‘what may be’. 
• Slow down.  Slow your mind.  Slow down how you move.  Slow your speech.  This relaxes you & whoever you’re with.  It creates room for more presence & is very inviting.
• Take the pressure off.  The more present you stay to yourself and to your date, the more opportunity there is to notice if there is a connection.  Stop sizing him up, sizing yourself up, future-thinking.
• Mix it up.  I notice a lot of singles have ‘their place’ for meeting dates - same bar, restaurant, coffee shop.  Vary it.  Don’t get in too much of a routine for convenience-sake.  It can impact the energy for both yourself and the date you’re going on.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

If I boil down everything that I have learned through personal experience , study , and years of work with clients - in manifesting desires and creating the life of one’s dreams - it all comes down to one word:  BELIEVE.

Believe it’s possible.   Believe you can go where you haven’t gone before. Believe you can have what you desire (if you couldn’t, it wouldn’t manifest within you as a desire in the first place).  Believe you can start again.  Believe you can reinvent yourself - over and over and over. 

One powerful way to harness Belief is to IMAGINE.  It’s actually imperative to tap into your imagination to create new desires, to raise your vibration to match those desires by way of Believing It’s Possible, Imagining yourself Being, Doing, and Having said desires as if they’ve arrived in your life,  and Expecting them to be on their way to you.   

By tapping into Imagination ,  Belief becomes more of a reality and replaces older vibrations of negative thoughts, doubt, fear and judgments.  

Without belief, we get more of the same.  We prove ourselves right - “It’s not possible to meet a soulmate’ because we didn’t BELIEVE.   Whatever we believe to be true, we naturally scan for evidence to support ourselves - and we will be successful.

Without tapping into your IMAGINATION, it’s challenging to create and harness Belief.

IMAGINE yourself with your man, as if he has already arrived in your life  (if he hasn’t already) - what are you doing together?  How does it FEEL - feeling into the vision and image creates a new vibration within you and is very powerful.  We often stumble all over the ‘details’ and what’s much more important here is to FEEL into the energy of the connection.  The Universe takes care of the details, and knows better than you what’s in your highest good - brown hair vs. ’silver fox’ doesn’t make a relationship ( I know! :)) Allow yourself to let go of superficial details, and tap into the feeling-tone of how you feel with him.

Imagine living the life of your desires.  What are you doing?  Who are you doing it with?  What does it FEEL like? 

Write it down.  Play a Movie in your mind (see my prior blog posting on Mind Movies - create one within your imagination - it’s FREE).   Create a Vision Board. 

Believe me - these all work.

IMAGINE…

From my savvy heart to yours,

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com