Dear Savvy Woman,

I’ve created the results that I’ve desired in my life by focusing on them - as if they were already in my life.  What we focus on increases - have you heard that before?  If you’ve followed any of my work, I know that you have! :)   As humans, we can all waver with this, even if we are pretty well studied here and have witnessed our lives change as a result of this Universal principle and Truth.  We must continue to manage, with greater and greater proficiency, the gap between who we BE in the here and now, and who we actually ARE - as divine beings.

When I was single - which, marrying at 36, means I had a good long time of dating and relationships before I met my husband - I for a very long time was focused on LACK.  If I was without a date or without a boyfriend, I was frequently coming from a place of ‘less-than’ or ‘not enough’, because I was fixed on what was missing and what I wanted that wasn’t ‘here’ yet.

Are you that woman?  Do you constantly look to what you don’t have and look at your friends and strangers and imagine that they are in utopia and complete, while you are in LACK?   I understand - I’ve been there.  As humans, we can all struggle with this when we want something (relationship, fitness, wealth, adventure) and it’s not ‘here’ yet.

You might not see that you are that woman, because to yourself and from the outside you’re ‘living the good life’.  But are you buying it?  What are you telling yourself?   Are you telling yourself you’re ‘bad’ and ‘unwanted’ if your date doesn’t ask you out again, or you find yourself out of relationship for months or years?  

What completely changed my personal life, largely by what vibration I was in, was what I focused on.  When I started to really , REALLY focus on what my heart DESIRED, life changed - dramatically.   Life got FUN and it FLOWED.  It wasn’t seamless from the ‘outside’, but it felt seamless on the inside.  I had to let go of a lot - what it was that i “thought’ I wanted and more so, what I had known, and who I had been.   I stepped into a larger version of me by focusing on what I wanted, BEFORE the proof that it existed showed up.   THAT IS THE KEY.

1.   Stop focusing on what you don’t want.  Careful here - you might not think that you’re doing this, especially if you’re busy, ‘happy’, etc -  so take an honest look at your thoughts.    “I don’t want to be single at 40, 50, 60″…….  are you running that story in your mind? 

2.   Start focusing on what you do want,  and acting as if it’s already here (  and it is, but you have to raise to the vibration for it to be received into your life.   Are you currently vibrating at ‘it’s not here!’ ‘i’m alone - still!’ ‘men suck!’ ‘there’s no available men in San Francisco!’).

3. Your attraction-gauge operates based on your emotions.  If you are feeling good (by thinking good thoughts) , and focused on what it is you desire, your vibration will change to the frequency by which your desire is vibrating, and you will attract it in.  Let go of the HOW and the SHOULDS, and focus on how you are FEELING and BEING, resting in patient EXPECTENCY. 

In good vibes and with love and gratitude,

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I went to a Holiday party last night with my husband.  It was one of those gatherings where there was a magnetic buzz and energy in the room (as a coach I’m trained to notice such - we call it “Level 3 listening”), and despite a high noise level and somewhat crowded conditions, I managed to have great conversations and connections with friends and first-time meetings. 

I’m most certain that the outcome for me - I felt so filled up coming home (and not from food or wine, although that was certainly yummy!) - was due in part to the energy and mind-set that I went to the party with. I had expected it to be great, yet not in a way of putting my expectations on a string around my neck which would read, “Meet these, please.”  No, it was an intention that I had had (and I’m not quite sure why), and then simply let go of.   It rested somewhere in the background, kind of like creating a lovely table setting for dinner vs. grabbing paper towels for napkins as you make your way over with the food.

But I digress, as the reason I write about this this morning is about something else, which does relate to the outcome of my evening.

That is the topic of JOY.   And the feminine.  Women being JOYOUS.  Do you know that it is our birthright to be JOYOUS?   That we, as women, are meant to experience and through that, spread JOY to others?

Walking in the door, I met up with a friend I hadn’t seen in some time.  I knew that she had been back and forth with a man that’s been in her life for years, and that recently the relationship had ended.  We spoke of it, and she told me of the struggle, and now of what she is up to, including losing extra weight she felt she was carrying while she was unhappy.   She looked radiant.  When we had hugged hello, I could feel her JOY.  Yes, it was tinged with other things - transition, being with ‘what is’ (a love was changing form, no longer her boyfriend), giddiness about new possibilities.  But, the JOY of standing in her truth and facing it, and living life was palpable.  Call it a more subtle , quiet JOY - but it was JOY.

Later, I saw a few women that I hadn’t seen in some time.  We were catching up, being silly and at times laughing loudly.  I noticed that a few men nearby couldn’t take their eyes off of us.  Another man, and friend of my husbands, later told me how nice it is to watch and listen to women laughing together.

We were JOYOUS.  Women have a way of being JOYOUS together that is SO attractive, SO contagious, SO necessary. 

And, we can also be JOYOUS alone - just with and being ourselves.  When a woman feels joyous she has a lightness to her walk and to her face.  It truly attracts the world - plants, animals, children, men, women.  This AUTHENTIC JOY is what truly moves mountains, amongst all the rest.

Please remember to fill yourself up with JOY on a regular basis.  Take inventory of what you can be grateful for if you are questioning what you can feel JOYOUS about.   The simple things truly bring us the greatest JOY.  If you have women in your life, connect with them on a regular basis.  If you don’t, make it a goal to change that and cultivate connections with other women.  This is an important part of cultivating and replenishing the feminine within us - being around other women and being JOYOUS together.

It is so contageous, so magnetic, so attractive.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Recently a client of mine was ‘dumped’.  I’m using quotes because I just struggle with that word sometimes,  and I have saved clients (and myself!!) from marinating in that “I was dumped” perspective by offering them this one instead:  “Rejection” is G-d’s protection.  (Insert : Universe, Source, Divine).   You know how it is, you look back and you thank G-d that you were, indeed, ‘dumped’.  Dodged a bullet, in many cases.

But, that doesn’t take away from the sting, and my client “Jane” was definitely allowing herself to feel the fullness of the sting, and beating herself up in the process.  However, with her own awareness, our coaching, and the caring & clear-headed voices of those who cared about her chiming supportively in -  Jane slowly began to get back to life.  She made plans again and began to keep herself busy.

After a long weekend away, she called me for our session and told me that ‘Brian’ had called her.  But he didn’t leave a message.

“He called me!  But, there wasn’t a message.  Well, in fact, my phone had fallen at the sink area of my hair salon and no one found it for days - oddly -  so he could have kept trying me all weekend but my cell was dead when I picked it up on Tuesday.  Maybe he tried me 10 times?  I have no idea. Ok, he probably didn’t.  He probably just pocket-dialed me by accident.”

Jane didn’t, and wouldn’t, know - unless Brian contacted her again.  So, she painfully waited.  She weighed her options and desperately wanted to call him, but she used her own discipline and the voice of reason (yours truly) to remember this truth:  She wanted a partner. She wanted a man who could meet her on the levels she was ready to be met on - someone who would celebrate her as she him.  Brian had (sadly) shown himself to not be that man.  And, I reminded her, this only meant she was closer to the man who would. 

I don’t believe that Brian has tried to contact my client Jane again.  Maybe he did just happen to pocket-dial her that day.  Or maybe he was feebly reaching out to her.  Either way, Jane knows that each day that she focuses on who she is, all that she has and what she wants - and not on what is seemingly lacking in her life - she is a day stronger, wiser, richer, and more hope-filled.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Melanie Notkin, the founder of www.SavvyAuntie.com, where I contribute articles on Be-ing Love Savvy (check it out their fun resources/gift ideas/community), recently asked me if I would be interested in writing an article on texing and dating. I’m going to post a little something here to get things going as I’ve felt a little writer’s block recently.

The Good: Texting can be an easy, instant way to communicate. I often hear my single clients and friends exclaiming things like, “He texted me right away!” (after meeting); “The text he sent after our date was SOOOO sweet (thoughtful…polite…and of course, the ‘other’ category).

The Bad: Texting gives instant access, which can be bad. The ‘date’ almost gets taken out of dating, in a way. Now, if you fall victim to it, you are messaging back with ‘Joe’, whom you met out earlier in the night, and Joe’s (and you too, perhaps) feeling mighty relaxed - after a banter of 6 messages, he decides to ask you out via text. And then he sends a text ‘running late.’ After the first date, which you realize was based upon meeting and conversing with him while intoxicated on both wine and ‘text-fever’, neither which are grounded in reality, you don’t return his text the following day. Joe texts, ‘What’s up, sugar? Missing you.’. What happens next can be….

The Ugly: Just like ‘Drunk Dialing’, texting can get dangerously ugly. With or without being fueled by intoxication. It’s a steeper slope than email - you know, that loss of inhibitions we’ve all been on one or both ends of, venting or confessing through written word and the ‘Send’ button. It’s steeper because it’s so accessible and so instant, and you don’t need to formally address anyone, either. Joe may be a real stand up guy (or at least at one time was). Problem is, we begin to get comfy in our habits, and things get reduced to the lowest common denominator. Texting. People are breaking up via texting, people are receiving texts that they shouldn’t be (oops - watch that address book!), and on and on it goes.

Hmmm…feeling a little warmed up.

Feel free to send me your thoughts and comments - I’d love to hear from you!

Do you feel that texting in dating and relating is a hindrence? A benefit? Both?

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

It’s been a theme this week - clients, friends, new aquaintences - all asking about the concept of approaching men and showing interest.  

One client is on E-Harmony, and is reticent on ’approaching’ a guy online because she’s a woman who really wants to be pursued and doesn’t want to send off the wrong message.

A friend and I were hanging out with my husband Larry - actually on our way to his favorite place in the world other than next to me of course = ) - the golf course - and she asked about what to do when you’re in conversation with someone , you need to leave, and he hasn’t asked for the number.  

 At an event just last night, I met a woman who shared that she was in a dilemma: she felt like she had put out a lot of energy to a new guy.  She seemed a little remorseful, a little curious, a little excited.   It wasn’t yet disastrous - he had just called her that afternoon.  But clearly, she seemed as if she was walking a tightrope. 

All of these scenarios beg the question:  is it a conflict of interest to show interest in a guy?   Will it send a message that I’m an aggressive woman, who doesn’t want to be pursued… courted…. and, let’s face it… cherished?

Stay tuned for Part 2.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I want to share a fun and savvy, not to mention sassy, resource with you :  www.jillianbisinger.com.

Jill is a fabulous photographer here in San Francisco.  I used her for my photos on my website www.BeLoveSavvy.com.   If you peruse her website you’ll see she also takes amazing pregnancy photos, family photos, and events.

Whether you’re looking to upgrade your online profile or just celebrating the New You, you’ll have a great time listening to blues and chatting with Jill like an old friend as she clicks away - complete with outfit changes and hair checks to expand your options, and confidence.  Not only do you walk away with tons of photos to choose from at a reasonable price, but you feel like a Star for a couple of hours! 

What Savvy gal couldn’t use a dose of that once in a while??

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

Can you decide to be happy… NOW?  Can you make the choice that if this moment is all that we truly have, that despite how the picture of your life looks to you today, this month, this year as you turn ____,( insert age), you are going to be Happy?

What does that truly mean, anyway - being Happy? 

Is it a ’state of being’?   If so, is it fleeting, is it permanent?  I don’t know about you, but I am guilty of walking around with thoughts that point to many things defining my happiness - I might do this a lot less than I use to, but I am still guilty.  Unless we are all closer to the self-actualization of Buddha, Ghandi, and the like - we can probably relate to this, right?

“When I get to here ______(insert phase of life:  that relationship/amount in the bank/state of a relationship/ ‘landing spot’ of whatever),  then I’ll *really* be Happy.

My clients come to me with the desire to find love.  We take a look at things that are getting in their way - from limiting thoughts, lost belief in that it’s even possible, and also things like negative habits/attachments that deplete their energy and creativity - leaving them living ’small’.

You know what I hear more and more?  “Well, I know that when I meet ________ (him - a great guy/my boyfriend/my husband), THEN I’ll be happy.”   I nod my internal head, relating to this woman’s thoughts, as I use to subscribe to the same belief.   And it kept me living small, when I wanted to live BIG.  

 When I met my husband, it was after I decided that I wanted to live BIG, regardless of whether of not I had a guy  that I was crazy about in my life.  I simply decided to live life without him. For now.  Finally.  I ended things with the guy who I was currently miserable with (a nice, funny, successful, attractive and very unavailable man), and  I moved forward with a career change, trips and treats for myself, and a succession of daily small, simple choices to support my values of FUN and EASE.  All that rolled up into me feeling pretty good - I was satisfied with my life as it was. Sure, I was desiring him, and I kept that desire tucked in my back pocket, like a little shiny pebble of rose quartz.   I knew it was there, and I kept it close.

What I witness is a lot of women contintuing to walk around, living with this huge boulder that’s landed in their living room.  It’s impossible not to see it -it’s there - kerplunk.  And it gets in the way of everything. It’s the “He’s not here, so I can’t even begin to decorate, or even walk or live comfortably in here, until he is.”  That boulder is all of the negative thoughts and beliefs,  held resentments and regrets, and dissappointments that have formed into rock - a boulder - and it’s sitting in the living rooms of many women.  It’s serving as this huge paperweight - holding down the precious lives of beautiful women everywhere. 

If you are one of the millions tuning into the Eckert Tolle/Oprah online classroom on the book ‘A New Earth’, you might be looking at what this means.  I’m not actually following this book on Oprah.com, but I have read it.  Tolle writes, “Don’t seek happiness. If you seek it, you won’t find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness.  Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.  Unhappiness covers up your natural state of well-being and inner peace, the source of true happiness.”

 (Stay tuned for Part 2….)

From my savvy heart to yours,

with love ~

Leslie 

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Larry and I are hooked on the remake of the series Battlestar Galactica (an entire story in itself – but i’ll save it for another time) and we usually treat ourselves to an episode or two a week.  Sometimes we  O.D. on three or more episodes in one sitting, but, as balance is key in everything, we tend to refrain from gorging too often.

In case you’re not familiar with this show (I really can’t imagine! = )), the gist is that the human race is fighting a war against the Cylons,  trying to save their race, discover earth, and stay alive in this war occurring in various galaxies.   Often they use the tactic of ‘jumping’ to another ‘position’ in the galaxy, or into a new galaxy, to save themselves.  Well, I tell you, I found myself in awe of this ability – to say ‘See ya!’ – and , in a second, find themselves in a new, stronger position. 

Although the cat is now out of the bag (I actually watch this), I’ll let it out further and say that we’ve watched enough  that I find myself joking referencing the show (“So Say We All!”).  Just this morning while in session with my coach, I spoke of a limiting belief that I’ve held on to and found myself saying, “God, I am so OVER this!  I just want to JUMP.” (Thankfully she was both familiar with the BG series, and knew that my comment was in context of the show, not standing on a bridge.)  Wanting to shed this limiting belief that was showing up by way of remaining stagnant and ‘playing small’ (coaching lingo), I wanted to propel myself into a new state by JUMPING, rather than taking the baby steps necessary to work it through, which would result in the same – bring me to a new galaxy.

Savvy ladies, you know what I’m talking about.  I’m most certain you do, because you are a woman. As women, we feel, and give, and desire, and aspire.  Often we get really caught up in the first two, and when the second two kick in or catch up, we want to JUMP.  To new galaxies, a new place.  “John” has been disappointing you – and it’s feeling now three months too much. You’re ready to end it.  How easy is it to want to JUMP, and grab hold of a new “John”, rather than first responsibly and reasonably communicate your needs and desires, directly and authentically, and see what comes of it.  Urrrg…. It can just be easier to JUMP, right?  Find a new guy that might be more ‘right’.  Just move on.

On the show, the mother ship, the Battlestar, often walks this line of reacting by way of positioning for a jump, yet assessing the situation to determine if it’s the correct course of action  - the right time - to perform a JUMP.  If it’s the right thing to do.  They could continually jump, but sometimes they find themselves into stickier situations when they do that, like leaving some of the fleet behind or losing their fuel source changing galaxies. It can be an easy out.

Don’t get me wrong - there’s nothing wrong with making a JUMP.  In fact the JUMPS are what makes life’s challenges worth it.  Unfortunately, we’re not living on the Battlestar and can’t just hit a button to launch us into a new galaxy in a light second.  We need to map out the ‘jump coordinates’ by way of using our awareness, truth, and desires to guide us towards that JUMP.  We need to do some work in order to get to where we want to be.I can say that being in relationship with my husband Larry, is a tremendous JUMP from the dating and relating experiences of mine 4 or 5 years ago.  What occurred before, in between, and after was (and is!)  some ‘work’.   I didn’t stay out of relationship for the past 5 years, I didn’t stop taking risks, I didn’t just sit and close my eyes and fantasize about “Mr. Right” who would appear and be perfect and make my life perfect, and I didn’t look only beyond myself, pointing outward as the reasons and excuses as to why I wasn’t happy in relationship. This JUMP occurred for me (and continues to occur) by practicing my Love Savvy Principles (www.belovesavvy.com/approach).

Here is to exploring the galaxies of our dreams…So Say We All!    From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

I am so passionate about this piece of Accountability to ourselves, when it comes to ‘Being’ in exercising our ‘Love Savvy’.

I’ll be writing more soon in the blog about the different ways that we can aspire to ‘Be’ in the Be Love Savvy.

But, back to business at hand.  So, what do I mean about being Accountable to ourselves?  It comes back to what I said earlier in Part 1: we can’t ‘pass the buck.’

 I met this sweet, aspiring and very aware young woman recently who wants to work with me to get clearer within herself. She said she’s so tired of doing the same old things - the same way.  “I date all the weirdos!” she said with a laugh.   I shared with her something that I had once read, written by the spiritual leader, Marianne Williamson.  Marianne said, “The problem isn’t that you attract these guys (the ‘bad’ ones, whichever bad they are)…the problem is that you gave them your number!” 

Amen.  Seriously. This is Accountability. We should delight in all that we attract, in terms of ramping up our vibrations and shining our light and beauty out into the world.  The buck stops with us, however.  The accountability lives within us as to what we do with that, and what we create. We first get clear and connect to our heart’s desires, and then we claim them and manifest by behaving in ways that honor our truth (see Love Savvy Principle #3, www.BeLoveSavvy.com/approach)

 Sometimes we don’t get a sense that the ‘weirdos’ are just that, until we have given out our number, and perhaps into a few dates and beyond. That’s OK. Just remember, you are the only person who can be accountable for your dreams.   From my savvy heart to yours, 

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

One of the qualities within the ‘Be’ of  Be Love Savvy, is to be Accountable.

Accountable is defined in Webster as “Responsible; Liable”.  

As smart, savvy women, we know that being accountable is a desired, attractive, respected, and necessary quality, right?  No one likes someone who passes the buck.   So boring and under-impressive.  We like someone who is conscious, and acknowledges , “I’ve got it.” “ That is my job. ” “I’m sorry I’m late.”

We LOVE it when men keep themselves accountable.   “I’ll call you” - and they do. They know that we truly feel desired when they call. 

“I’ll pick you up at 6pm ” – they are on time, with a plan. Yes!!

“That’s my job” - to kill the bug, carry the bag, stay at home with the baby – whatever you need him to do and/or have arranged. 

So why do we , Savvy ladies, often forget about the Accountability piece when it comes to OURSELVES and this topic of LOVE??             (stay tuned for Part 2…)   From my savvy heart to yours, LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coach www.BeLoveSavvy.com