Dear Savvy Woman,

If you’re a woman who’s looking to meet YOUR Mr. Right in 2010, ask yourself a very important question:  Who do I receive my dating & relationship advice from?  

You might realize that you spend a lot or all of your time discussing your dreams, complaints, and dramas with your other single friends who also tend to worry, complain and see the single ‘landscape’ in the same way you do. This can be both comforting and confusing - and frustrating. I know because my clients point to this fact a lot.  We love our friends - and when we’re in a tribe together, facing the same issues and hopes together, there can be a lot of comfort and companionship.  And, sometimes , it can become a soup of  frequent negativity, sublte sabotage, numbing-out and truth-negating.

The ultimate truth of who to date, who to let go of, how to recover your sense of optimism and positive expectancy, how to uncover your dreams and desires and grow them, how to effortlessly attract in a new way, how to navigate the dating and relationship waters with ease, elegance and a lot more fun…..all of these become much more quickly revealed to you when you invest in and apply teachings, advice and guidance from someone who’s both been in your shoes, and is also walking their talk now. Why take relationship advice from someone who’s been chronically unhappy and dissatisfied (we all have our moments, but you know who I’m talking about) and/or never before experienced a healthy relationship? 

Just this weekend a super smart, attractive,  and self-defacatingly funny woman mentioned at a group dinner to me how a guy she recently met randomly texted her something  super non-challant and lame like , ‘Hey chic-ita, whatch you doin?’. I may be married now, but I was dating when texting was becoming the new way to communicate, and I was turned off by any guy who didn’t have the class or cahoneys to pick up the phone and dial my number - especially straight out the gates. We teach people how to treat us (largely by our response to their actions), so if you feel a little (or a lot) deflated by the guy who jumps straight into text messaging only - act on your truth.  Ignore the text altogether  if you trust your often correct ‘NO, thanks’ - and if you want to check things out more because he seemed great in-person, simply text him back letting him know you prefer a gentlemanly phone call , with a little winky smiley face (especially if you know your weakness is succumbing a little too soon to someone who is likely to be unworthy of your beautiful self).

See, we grow accustomed to our environments, and we become them. In this case, we get use to the text culture, and we start off a relationship with a bare minimum of communication and courtship.  Then we don’t experience what we so desire - we don’t get the results we seek - and we wonder what we need to do differently.   When this woman shared this little story, a few of the guys at the table were  gulping a  little about my hand up to this text, but they knew what was true: when a man really likes a woman, he wants to impress her, and will likely call or email her rather than lobb off a six word text re-introducing himself.  And if he’s a good guy, if you ever so faintly need to ’slap his hand’, in this case giving him a chance to start over with you by letting them know this kinda approach ain’t cutting it, he’ll quickly course-correct and receive your request with openness and …refreshment.

Who’s giving you your relationship advice?  I know you want to be courted and to feel attractive and appreciated - and adored. Don’t settle for what your heart knows isn’t quite cutting the mustard.  Only seek guidance, advice  and teaching from those that have both been in your shoes before, and are now where you want to be. 

Want to jump-start in a BIG way in your love life in 2010 - and receive an over-haul in your dating and relationship results? I have a special invitation offer for an in-depth private day with me - feel incredibly clear, prepared, excited, refreshed and made-over after this Love Life Breakthrough Day.  I’ll walk you through the 7 step process I’ve designed based on my personal relationship evolution and all of my coaching and client experience. January 12th - tomorrow - is the last day to reserve YOUR PRIVATE RETREAT with me.   Learn more HERE on how to transform yourself - inside and out - to get new results and to receive the relationship that’s waiting for you!

To your love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

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Dear Savvy Woman, 
This question has  come up a lot recently, as I wrote in the Part 1 post on this topic.

I think there’s a few things at play with this, and, as much as we want a clear line - a Yes or No - this isn’t one of those, unfortunately.

However, I think that the general answer to this is  NO.   It’s not going to kill a romance that’s meant to happen, or turn a guy off that you’re initially meeting, if you let it be known that you have some interest.   It’s flattering!  Men apprecitate receiving  compliments and flattery, too.  And they don’t necessarily mind having some assistance in making the first move.  It takes some pressure off, in fact.

AND, it’s all in the delivery:

- Are you confidently letting someone know you have interest = he senses or hears or sees a ‘Welcome’ sign with you?

-And, are you doing so in a way that still keeps your self-respect and your desire to be pursued and courted in tact?

Again , the general rule, in my experience and in surveying men, is No - no conflict of interest in making your interest known.   Yes, only you can answer these most genuinely for yourself = you are the best judge of what’s comfortable for you, what the situation is feeling like, what the energy is.

I’m not a fan of the Rules book.   Heck, I moved in with my husband after 4 months of dating.  And I was a woman that mouthed about how after living with a boyfriend in my twenties - next time, I would wait for a commitment.  I wanted to have (perceived) control over the outcome going forward, as the stakes felt much higher to me at 35.

But, I made that decision on what I sensed, felt, heard, saw and just knew.  All with the understanding with myself that I could afford to take the risk.  It’s always good to ask yourself what the worst case scenario would be, and do you feel that you could deal with it (of course you can, but our ego can be running the show here).

How showing interest might look:

- Handing a guy your card as you leave a conversation and say something like, “I’ve enjoyed meeting you…I’d be interested in continuing conversation over coffee sometime if you’d like to.”

-Smiling and giving great eye contact, along with other body language that indicates that you are approachable and potentially interested.

-Connecting with someone via Facebook and sending a friendly note.

-Simply asking him for a date!

Just remember, if you are a woman who wants to be pursued and courted, you want this to be conveyed through your actions and reactions, so that the message is clear.  No mixed messages.  This is true whether you get asked out, or do the asking.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

It’s been a theme this week - clients, friends, new aquaintences - all asking about the concept of approaching men and showing interest.  

One client is on E-Harmony, and is reticent on ’approaching’ a guy online because she’s a woman who really wants to be pursued and doesn’t want to send off the wrong message.

A friend and I were hanging out with my husband Larry - actually on our way to his favorite place in the world other than next to me of course = ) - the golf course - and she asked about what to do when you’re in conversation with someone , you need to leave, and he hasn’t asked for the number.  

 At an event just last night, I met a woman who shared that she was in a dilemma: she felt like she had put out a lot of energy to a new guy.  She seemed a little remorseful, a little curious, a little excited.   It wasn’t yet disastrous - he had just called her that afternoon.  But clearly, she seemed as if she was walking a tightrope. 

All of these scenarios beg the question:  is it a conflict of interest to show interest in a guy?   Will it send a message that I’m an aggressive woman, who doesn’t want to be pursued… courted…. and, let’s face it… cherished?

Stay tuned for Part 2.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

This morning in my boot-camp workout (http://pacwestathletics.com - they rock!) we ran stair after stair (the Lyon Street stairs, for you locals), eight times in total.  I’ve never done those stairs that many times, bootcamp or not.  And, I’ve never sweated that much at 6am, not as much as I did today. 

I found myself grumbling as Richard, our instructor and the co-founder, announced that we’d be doing a second set of four more.  This was asking too much, I thought.  I was tired going into the morning to start, and my mind started resisting the idea that I would be able to do it all.   I wanted to languish in my comfort zone.  I didn’t want to push myself this morning to go further than I ever had.   Especially running steep stairs - not my strong suit - or so I think.

Turns out, as I’m sure you’re guessing, I did it.  Feigning off a cold and feeling grumpy,  I still was able to push through it and felt better for it on the other side. 

And it reminded me of how I work with clients continually on stepping out of their comfort zones.   Not as you might imagine, either.   Yes, we do take a look at the obvious, such as how they are experiencing dating and relationship, what they’re doing that’s working and what’s not - and that certainly calls them forth out of a comfort zone.

What tends to be more powerful, especially starting out, and is the gas to get the car to drive further to it’s destination, is looking at some of the little comfort zones that comprise their lives.  It’s the time they’re waking up in the morning - just enough time to shower (or not) and hop on email at 9am.   Changing her wake up time to an hour earlier,  ‘Amy’  now takes time to exercise or give herself ‘me’ time for meditation, reading, and setting the intention for her day - and it’s attracting men like magnets to metal.   She feels like she is a new woman on some levels, and that ALWAYS  spills over to every other part.

Over the weekend, Larry and I were invited to a pool party in Sonoma.  I was chatting with a guy, ‘Joe’, about life in San Francisco.  On the topic of dating and relationship, I asked him what he was attracted to in a woman (I’m always SO curious = ), can’t help myself) and he said he didn’t have a type (good answer!).  He did, however, proceed to list a lot of interests of his, and that he’d like his lady to be able to hang with those. 

I had the sense that what might be holding Joe back from a great relationship is that he might be in a comfort zone, if you will.  And this comfort zone is one of the thought that if he meets someone who doesn’t participate in some of the hobbies and interests that he pursues, that they won’t work, he’ll be held back, etc etc.  

Comfort zones.  They take so many forms.  We all have them.  We’re human.

So, my savvy friend, what’s one of yours that comes easily to mind?   Take a step this week to  make a shift - try something out, something new.  They’ll be a payoff on the other side!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Keeping Your Word is one of the ‘tenants’ of Being Love Savvy.   It’s SO important.  I really can’t emphasize it enough.

And do you know who it’s most important to keep your word to?   No, not your guy.  Or your  mom.  Nope, not your best friend either.

TO YOURSELF. 

You see, when we keep our word to ourselves, we start to accrue feelings of WORTH, CONFIDENCE, BELIEF in ourselves, in our own ‘account’.

Our word can be small :  I’m going to workout 3 times this week….I’m going to save $X each week……I’m going to finish X project, before I begin X. 

Our word can be big:  I’m going to write a book.  I’m going to stop this sabatoging behavior.  I’m not going to sleep with him again.  I am going to change jobs.

And when we don’t, we slowly take out withdrawls.  They seem so small, so insignificant.  BUT,  before we know it, we are flat out BROKE.  Our account is empty.

We look at that shiny object we want to ‘ purchase ‘  (translation:  class to try,  conversation to have,  person to meet, adventure trip to try,  CHANGE to make),  and we don’t feel that we can, because our wallet feels barren.

When I coach my clients on changes that they want to make, we start small.   Baby steps.  Once we show ourselves that we’re in integrity, because we’re keeping our word to ourselves (getting in 3 workouts a week - eliminating some energy drains, etc),  SHIFT happens.   Confidence builds.  BOLD steps start to accumulate.   AMAZING, LIFE-CHANGING results take place.

And, take note, savvy sister:  a very important piece to this is to be kind and gentle with yourself.  When you don’t follow through with yourself, it’s OK.   You are NOT bad.  You are HUMAN.

So start SMALL.   Try keeping your word to yourself on the low hanging fruit first, before you climb the ladder and reach for the sky-high pieces.   

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

It must be the full moon.  I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a little scattered, a little restless.  A little off.  When I feel this way, I tend to hold on to negative thoughts in my head.  Ugh!  

This is when I know I need to turn to some form of inspirtation to shake me & let me step into a more positive perspective.

Recently I discovered this website for Angel cards - and I loved it - so I’m sharing it with you:

http://www.consciousone.com/angelcards.com

Follow the instructions, and find some inspiration.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I had such a fun weekend!  Two fun birthday-bash dinners for friends, one big hike in Marin, and a trip to the East Bay to spend some quality time with my Dad on Father’s Day.  Whew!   Come Sunday night, I was so exhausted, I rewarded myself after grocery shopping and dinner with back to back episodes of the new Denise Richards reality show (not sure if that’s a reward, but it felt indulgent). I stayed up way too late, which was part of the fun.

Aside from all the celebration this weekend, I got some distance for myself in two ways.  One, was getting some distance from my sweetie.  Larry was away to Chicago for the weekend to visit his family.  Don’t get me wrong, although we do argue and have tension from time to time like other couples, we parted in a very strong and loving place, and I knew that I would miss not having him as my handsome date and companion.   However, I warmed up to the weekend living as a ‘Single’ gal:  playing my music loud, giggling & empathisizing with girlfriends over delicious dinners, and taking as long as I wanted in the shower and in my closet, candles lit.  It was a sweet reminder of what life was like when I was Single and only had to concern myself with Me. 

Distance from being part of a couple, and from having my best friend and husband at my side, at home and out.   The other distance came from getting that distance.  The second layer of distance was at realizing that although I had this sweet reminder of what my Single life was like, I realized that I was a visitor there.  I am no longer that woman.  As I approach my one-year wedding anniversary, it was very syncronistic timing to get a new perspective on this awareness.

I’m writing about this because it served as a reminder to me that we all need to get some distance, from time to time, to hit refresh and get a taste of other perspectives.  It’s extremely healthy.  Life is every-changing and never static, although sometimes we struggle to make it so.   We resist the chapter turning, if at least for a moment.  We can fight to keep our same looks if we’re resisting aging, our old stories when we’re resisting change, our single-status when we’re resisting committment, our same friendships when we’re resisting outgrowing them, our non-parental status when we’re resisting children, etc etc etc. 

I encourage you to try getting some distance here and there, for yourself. 

• Force yourself to schedule alone time (this is REALLY hard when you’re madly in love, or lust, in the newness of dating or relationship, but even MORE important so as not to loose yourself completely). 
• Try out a new option (neighborhood, style of dressing, type of date, anything!)
• Mix things up where you feel very tied to routine or way of doing something, or way of being.
• Listen to that little voice that says, “I miss doing….,  I am craving……, I’d love to try……” and  just do it.

When you do, you’ll feel more alive, renewed and complete - right where you are.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I often coach my clients to journal.  This is not an easy task if you’re not accustomed to doing so - I know.   One thing that I always find is a help - both for myself and for my clients - is to begin with a Gratitude List.  I got this idea from a book that Oprah made famous, Simple Abundance, by Sara Ban Breathnach. 

The idea is to give thanks to what you have, what you enjoy, what is true.   Small and big.  Simple pleasures. 

Taking time to list these things can shift our perspecitve dramatically.   Suddenly, we realize that we have many things to take pleasure and comfort in.   We don’t need to keep our mental focus on what we seemingly lack or don’t have.

For example, my list today:

1.  Feeling the sun on my face and the warm air.

2. Laughing and making it through 6am bootcamp this morning.

3.  A sweet email from a friend I don’t get to see much.

4.  The ability to do work that I love today.

5.  A sweet kiss from my husband.

Writing this list drops me in to how I’m feeling, and slows me down to take notice of all that I am able to do and to experience.   Especially if I’m feeling uninspired or in negative thinking, writing 5 things to be grateful for always helps turn me around.  

Try it out!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com