Dear Savvy Woman,

This week I’m writing daily with a tip each day geared to women in relationship.  I’d love to hear your experiences and thoughts, and especially your challenges, so please send them my way via this blog or DM me on Twitter @LoveSavvyLeslie. 

Relationship Tip #1 ~ Be The Solution

We all know how easy it is to point the finger at the other person in a relationship, or situation.  Just as a manager wants her employees to come bearing solutions, not just problems, you and your relationship will benefit when you step into the perspective of ‘What Can I Give Here?’.   Now, I don’t mean always taking the burden of blame and responsibility, and becoming some over-giving robot, *far from*.   But what I know to be true is that whenever we feel something is lacking in a situation, we can choose to lean into it - rather than step away and wait for the situation to change on it’s own and from the other person- and show up before we give up.

For instance, if I feel like I am wanting more appreciation from my husband, I can sit and think thoughts of what he is doing wrong, what I don’t receive that I’d like to, etc.  But that just impacts me negatively (at least when I start stewing ;-)), and in turn us.  What I can choose to do instead is begin flowing appreciation to myself, my experience in today, life, etc , and then to him.   I can then decide to take an action that I know he appreciates from me - even though I started in the place of wanting him to ’show me’.  By doing so, not only do I end up feeling better about myself (what can be underneath the need to have him appreciate me)  but it always shifts something for us, and he’ll get into his own appreciation-mode if that’s truly been lacking.  Now, this can be *excruciating* at times (our ego’s at work), and it can feel a lot easier (and sometimes it’s warranted) to simply point a finger! Trust me, I know.  And I know that ultimately we feel better knowing we’ve given a situation, and a relationship, the best of us.

Love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I’m re-reading a book of Marianne Williamson’s right now, called “Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships.”  I keep coming across these excerpts and little golden nuggets that I have saved and carried with me for years now, since first reading the book.

There’s so much to share here (you’ll have to pick up a copy for yourself) but today what resonates with me is this piece below about staying on our own side of the ‘net’ in a relationship; staying largely in our feminine.  Learning how to receive what we need and not trying to make it happen out of desperation, whether it is being courted or working through an issue.  

I think about a good friend who recently lost a romance, and she agonizes over how she reached over in with her masculine too much and the bloom wilted.    I think about my own relationship, and how I am faced with an issue that keeps me on my toes in terms of staying on my own side of the net in the ‘ match ‘ right now.  It’s challenging at times as I want to reach over and use my masculine to ‘fix’ or ‘control’ or ‘change’ what I cannot.  I must remain true to myself in my feminine and allow for the process to unfold where I can receive what I need.  Just as my friend wanted to receive being courted, but staying in her masculine too much had her courting him, however unconscious it was at the time for her - which it largely was.

“Only a woman with high standards, who has no interest in anything but the most adult interaction between a man and a woman, has the capactiy to inspire a man to learn how to act like one.  A man will not be attracted, or at least he will not remain attracted, to a woman who emotionally tries to do the work for him, because in his heart what he wants most is the experience of his own manhood.”

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com