Dear Savvy Woman,

If you’re watching ‘The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love’  did you catch last week’s Girls Tell All segment? I just got to it over the weekend.  Here’s what I find to be a few great love and relationship insights (I’ll bypass the drama) from two of the season’s favorite ladies:

First, Gia’s ability to see that she was able to open her heart more from being on the show, and her clear intention that she shares on the segment to express herself and open herself even more to love with the next guy.

I loved that!  The ability to see the gap between who you were and who you are now - as the result of taking new actions and risks - is HUGE, whether it be in love, or anything else.   Often as a coach I notice stuck energy and repeated patterns holding a client back due to their inability to brush themselves off, pat themselves on the back for trying, and move on with clear intentions- and a smile.  Gia exemplifies this so well, and here’s the thing: energy doesn’t lie. If you watched this you really GOT that she meant what she says, vs. some of the other women who are coached to be light and say the right things…and you GET that they’re not really aligned with it.  This is what we pick up on from each other when we’re meeting, dating and relating…

And , if you watched this, didn’t you love some of the realizations/statements from Ali?  First, she stated that she believes that ‘our lives are defined by the risks that we take.’   Hearing this makes you sit back and assess how much you’re stepping out in your life and risking , doesn’t it? Me too!  Heck, we all get complacent and comfortable.  And Ali’s comfort zone was in her work, as she shared.  She said that she often would hide out in work to avoid feeling her feelings. Can you relate? I can!  I can also relate to hiding out in a relationship in order to avoid work! Or myself!  I hope she’s really proud of herself for taking the huge risk of  going on the show…

Ali leaves the show by making the decision to keep her job versus lose it to stay in the running and potentially get a ring from the Bachelor, Jake.  She shares on this segment that she regretted this…that she would have ideally gotten the ring, and then if necessary, ‘fought like hell to get my job back.’   Hindsight is a b*tch, isn’t it. Ali states her awareness of the fact that she should be as serious and committed to finding love as she has been to her career.  I’m sure many watching could relate to her wanting to hang on to her beloved job (and apartment), and the wish that if the love between she and Jake were this real, he’d come get her back!  Why can’t we have it all, right?  This is a show, of course, with Jake also professing to be in love with several other women competing.  In the real world, sans the show’s requirements and distractions, perhaps Jake would have done just that. 

I believe that we can have it all, but sometimes not all at the same time.  Sometimes the job might have to take a back burner, your personal time might have to adjust some for love, and you must get out of your comfort zone if you want to create some magic in life.  And other times, it will be your guy and your yummy-time takes a back burner for career and personal demands. We want it all, but we resist changing  anything (important, or habitual) in order to have it!

What do you think? 

To your love,

XO

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

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Dear Savvy Woman,

Years ago, I walked into my office one morning to find a Craig’s List posting sitting on my desk.  A reality show called “How to Get the Guy” was going to be filmed in San Francisco, where I live, and they were looking for women to cast.

Mark, the colleague that was behind this, was so happy in his partnership with ‘Bill’ for over 20 years.  He really wanted to see me get hitched and have babies, always stopping by and asking me about my relationship status (bless his heart), and racking his brain on who he could possibly to set me up with.

So I listen politely to his prodding, and then sit alone and stare at the sheet of paper.  I begin to alternate between shock and awe.  Shock says: ‘Nah…how could you EVEN? Reality TV – yikes! And you’re WAY too afraid of the spotlight and of exposing yourself – you despise sending those company-wide brag emails that they make you do (which was painfully true – funny, huh?)!’  Awe says, or rather sings, ‘Oooh…Fun and daring! New! Exciting! Out-there! Yes….’ 

A Cheshire- like- smile broadens across my beating heart, and thankfully, the Awe voice wins out.  I make a simple submission to the ad right then and there, answering why I’d be great for their show:

“I have a life filled with great people but I haven’t found the right man yet, and I am ready!

I’m 34, working in marketing and sales. I would be great for the show because I always bring enthusiasm to what I’m doing, and I’m a genuine, likeable and determined person.

I’d love to meet with you -

Leslie”

What resulted was a series of in-person meetings with the show’s producers.  And each meeting left my heart beating! And I’d be lying to you (and myself ) if I said it was soley because I was showing the Universe that I was serious about creating love in my life, and courageous enough to try something so out of my comfort zone, although this was largely, and ultimately, true.

But let’s keep it real.  There was also a little (or a lot) of seduction going on in each meeting: this Hollywood-like production of interviews with cameras, my own personal assistant for the day as I complete psych screenings and blood tests, and so on…let’s just say, it was easy to sit back and nap once I stepped on this train!

Well, I woke up and knew my exit when ,once in the final round, I learn that the crux of the show was not what I thought it was (following my life and how I met men & dated) - but rather -  manipulating how I would meet men & date them (the show of course maintaining total control).  Surprise! (not) So reality finally sets in with me, and I decline. 

Flash-forward a year, and I watch a few episodes with Larry, who I was then dating (and living with).  I reflect, knowing that having taken that little adventure with myself and the show, I had grown and changed (and was glad that I had followed my heart to both pursue, and decline). This process,  along with specific  steps that I took and teach women in my 7-step system, had contributed to me connecting with Larry (my husband), and perhaps most importantly, helped shape who I was evolving into: a woman who was excited about…herself!

I’m sharing this story with you (thanks for staying with me if you still are) because I want to communicate what I help clients to come to know and experience for themselves (and what I continue to learn in my own evolution):

• We transform our experiences and results in life by taking new actions – and the steps that frighten you, and make those that believe they know you well say, ‘Really? You what…?’ – they will be the jewels in your crown.
• When you have someone holding the space for your potential – for you to continue to step out and step up - you will.  If you don’t, you probably won’t. Most people don’t, and it costs them their happiness, health and success, because most people you meet are complaining about life. Mark my colleague was the catalyst in this story, but what I didn’t share earlier was that I had signed on with my first coach the month befor. I felt different as a result. I felt daring. I felt a gaze on my potential, and that activated new initiative within me.

And every time I get that Cheshire -like-smile across my heart I know that I’m on to something!

To your love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

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Dear Savvy Woman,

On the road to attracting your beloved - boyfriend, partner, or husband – there’s a process of shedding.  Sometimes it’s an organic process of conscious elimination of what we already know to be true based on past experience.  For example, in my twenties I seemed to find myself in relationships with men that I somehow ended up needing to fix or control.  They seemed to be a few steps ‘behind’ me in life, in a literal sense.  As I entered my late twenties and early thirties, I was very conscious of desiring a relationship where I felt more challenged and ‘called forth’ to be a bigger and better person by my partner.  

Sometimes we are not aware of what needs to be shed from our life in order to attract in what we desire, in this case, YOUR Mr. Right.  This is one reason why working with a mentor or coach pays incredible dividends.  Many clients have these incredible ‘Ah-ha!’s with me when we dive in, because we look at other areas of their life where there are less-than  desired results, or struggle, and we identify common denominators that require attention – and  change. They’re often very surprised that things are as connected as they are.  Shedding is being called – and it’s often not directly related with what is perceived to be related to love, dating, and relating.   As soon as something is eliminated – a behavior, a belief, a person, an attachment – room opens up for NEW - aliveness, good energy, growth – relationship.

As you desire YOUR Mr. Right, become more and more curious about what may need to shed within you, or within your life.  The most important step in this process is to take action despite whatever fears or doubts come up.  The Universe responds to action, and OFTEN it’s the actions that are not easily SEEN, but will be FELT and known by YOU (eliminating a limiting belief, a change in how you feel internally, etc.) that are the wham, shazam!..actions that change your life.

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

“If a man that you want isn’t coming toward you, it might be time to grieve, but it is certainly not the time to be reaching for his lapels”. - Unknown

This was a quote that I use to carry around with me as I was desiring MY Mr. Right, yet sensing that something was off with the way I was being.  I didn’t want to admit this to myself years ago when I was in a relationship that wasn’t working out, let alone admit it to anyone else.  Eventually I decided that I needed to let go of this particular guys lapels, and move on. But what I didn’t realize at the time was that I was holding on to WAY more than just this man’s lapels. 

I meet many women desiring THEIR Mr. Right in my work as a mentor and coach, and often these women are not currently in a relationship holding on, but *they’re grasping their own ’lapels’ of regret and false beliefs*.  These women are letting  things like false beliefs (’It’s not possible for me’ …’I've missed my window’ …’I blew it so I’ll blow it again’), or attachment to their past hold them back.  As a mentor once reminded me, ‘what you authentically want, wants you back’. 

There IS a ‘Mr. Right’, perfect for YOU.  Question is, do you believe this?  And are you willing to let go of some important things that may be closing you off from connecting with him?

Here’s an example : ‘Shelly’ thinks she’s really super available - doing all the ’right things’ , including spending countless hours online dating - but  - things don’t seem to stick with any one guy and so this experience just cements a belief that maybe it’s ‘not gonna happen’, or that she needs to move cities.  She thinks she’s doing all the right things, and she feels hopeless.  Unfortunately, the truth is that Shelly isn’t open, self-accepting, nor is she internally relaxed in this dating process, so the EASE, fun and confidence that she craves - and is SO magnetic to men - isn’t there.

See, we have to ‘forget the past and forget the future’, in order to calm our minds, ease our souls, and be present to our greatest dreams and deepest desires - and allow them to begin to speak to us, to unfold before us.  And there are some easy steps to doing this. I took these very steps myself, and it not only allowed me to effortlessly meet  & connect to my now husband, Larry - after many years of struggle - but it’s forever changed the way I approach life.

If you are a woman who wants to feel confident, supported and light as you look for YOUR Mr. Right,  learn more about my private and group work here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com.  I want to help you meet YOUR Mr. Right.

Have a great weekend…

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

There comes a time in our lives when we discover that we need to change our approach - we need a transformation.  If we are waking up more to ourselves, our lives, and our desires - this time comes - sooner or later.  Whether it’s how we earn a living, how we approach love, how we navigate our friends & family, or how we change our health & bodies. 

The focus of BeLoveSavvy.com is helping women attract the relationships – and lives – that they deeply desire.  Now more than ever before we are being guided to more meaning in our lives, and for many of us, relationships are what matter most. Clearing away the clutter is a significant part of the process that I lead women through, and I don’t just mean the visible kind.

On the surface (and where most people place ALL of their focus) , the clutter-clearing is about getting real with themselves about their outer actions – are they still sleeping with someone out of loneliness or false-hope that one day they’ll get on track together?  Are they sabotaging opportunity for what they really want in their lives as they go about their day to day and respond in fear rather than in self-love?  Fear has us in a mind-set and action that takes us away from what we truly desire, and often we have no idea because our ‘outer actions’ have us ‘doing all the right things!’.  So why he is…why aren’t they…why is it so hard….why me… believe me, I’ve been here myself many, many times and am still here at times with areas of my life.

Opposite of the surface things, I have clients get really clear about one thing that is below the surface: the decision & commitment to Feel Good.  Sound easy?  It’s not always so easy, which is why anyone who is wanting a transformation in some area of their life must do two things for success: 1) Do things differently 2) Remain accountable to doing things differently (including the WHAT & the WHY), often by having a mentor or coach (rather than a relative,  friend or colleague).

So what’s so magical about this ‘Feel Good’ thing?  Does this ______ have me feeling good is a defining question for many important things on the path to attracting love & fulfilling relationships.   Does this thought (‘There are virtually no available men in the city that I’m interested in’) have me feeling good about being single as I desire relationship – Yes or No?  Does this action (doing something that we didn’t want to do but are doing it out of obligation) have me feeling good?  Does this focus of conversation have me feeling good? Does this reaction I’m having to X have ME feeling good – truly feeling good?

Problem is, many of us, especially women, don’t get taught to make our first priority to Feel Good – and I mean deeply, authentically, lovingly-to-us Feel Good.  We become conditioned to taking care of others needs or living into others beliefs of what we should do or who we should become.  As a result, we get more and more distanced to our Feel Goods, which buoy & build us up.  On autopilot & reactionary, our belief and momentum is chipped away, despite all the ‘outer actions’ of ‘doing all the right things’ as we approach love & relating.  Or, some might say, no, my problem is I’m too selfish to consider anyone else’s needs or wants, which is why I’m alone.  I would challenge this statement by asking them if being selfish has them feeling good.  Really deeply, authentically, loving-to-her feeling good?  Look underneath, and determine if selfish = fear, or selfish = focus for myself.  When we are focused for ourselves, in positive and inclusive  ways, it’s super ATTRACTIVE.  And acknowledging that being selfish out of fear isn’t a powerful way to attract what you want (our ego fools us to think it is…it’s a way to get what we ultimately want, when in fact it repels and keeps us separate).  Being incredibly clear, decisive & committed to Feeling Good is what we are each here on this planet to do. It clears the clutter.  And the bonus is, it only can lead us to those pots of gold that we are deeply in search of!

To your ravishingly authentic, beauty &  soul-filled FEEL GOOD’s ~

Love,

Leslie

http://www.belovesavvy.com/

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Dear Savvy Woman,

My work with clients often has a component to it of helping them do things differently - largely, it’s about doing things differently (we all need guidance from those that have been there before as we step out, I know I do).  As they say in the famous definition of insanity, something to : doing the same things the same way and expecting different results.

The other night I went to the bookstore and rather than hunting down some books I had on my list to read, I just let myself browse. After all, I was in a bookstore to do that, and not just clicking through on Amazon.com to get what I needed.  And I mention this for a reaon, as there is such a gift to just watching where our attention and energy takes us rather than always being on a mission and ‘following guidelines’ = in this case, picking up certain books.  It lets you play more, and be creative and open.

So that night I stumbled on the book Personal Power through Awareness (Sanya Roman).  And I want to share with you something extremely important about your future, that she writes about. I just sent a newsletter yesterday (are you signed up?  www.BeLoveSavvy.com/articles.htm) on this topic as it’s been up for a lot of my clients  - and for all of us in the world at this time especially, I think. 

“Every time you think of the future you project energy into it, even if you mumble, ” I never get things done,” or “I don’t know why this happened to me,” or “I wish I hadn’t done it.” Every comment you make is directing energy towards the past, the present or the future. If you could become aware of even one hundredth of the thoughts you are sending out into the future, and evolve them, within a month you would know delight that exceeds all of your pictures (in your mind) today. Every single statement you make about yourself, to a friend or even to yourself becomes a truth. You project energy at every moment. If you want a better future, speak of it, picture it, say it to others. Only you can create for yourself what you want. It is the greatest power, honor and gift you have ever been given.”

To your love & success,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Happy Friday, and to those of you celebrating the Jewish New Year, Happy New Year!

For this final post  on tips, truths and tricks to navigate dating and relating, I’m sharing an article I recently wrote for www.SavvyAuntie.com, Melanie Notkin’s very savvy site dedicated to the lifestyle of PANKs, Professional Auntie No Kids, where I’m a regular contributor. 

Tip #5 ~  Unleash Your Inner Self-Care Vixen!

I’m SO, SO passionate about this topic because it’s the foundation for not just successful dating and relating, but simply for making the most of your life in every area.   When don’t feel good we show up in a more limited way than when we  feel good about ourselves. 

Here’s what I’m talking about: http://tinyurl.com/qa6roz

Big love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Tip # 4 ~  Always play an honest game of cards without revealing your entire hand

I notice in the dating process - and I was guilty of it too - is that women (and men!) sometimes tend to either show their entire hand by date 4 - ‘I want to be married by X date,  2.5 kids in which the names are already picked by the way, I have a funny habit about X, and I feel really insecure about you going on that boys trip next month’ - or keep their cards so tight to the vest, and cheat through the game, that they repel and sabotage the organic and necessary flow of getting to know someone, and the opportunity to sink into a healthy relationship.  Learning to be somewhere in the middle ensures that you won’t, as Dr. Phil says, risk more than you’re willing to lose, and yet still get - and stay - in the ‘game’.

The more that you listen and trust yourself, the easier it is to navigate this process.

As a beautiful card that I once bought myself says, “Listen from within.  Your heart knows the way.”

xo,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s today’s tip in this blog series on dating & relating:

Tip #3 ~  Get - and Date - Out of Your Comfort Zone !

I use to have a ‘type’ that I seemed to date more of (dark hair, eyes, skin = ‘exotic’). Naturally friends thought that I would end up with someone like that, but I didn’t necessarily believe that. I didn’t know what my partner/husband would look like, but I started to get clear about what we would FEEL like together as a couple - the qualities that our relationship, and he, would embody.

Where I began to find more ease, freedom and fun in my dating life was the months leading up to meeting Larry (my hubby), where I began to date out of my comfort zone. When I let go of expectations and any ‘rules’, and made my priority having fun and learning something about myself and the dating process as I went along, it was way more enjoyable for me, no matter what the outcome.   Deciding to become more OPEN doesn’t mean not having personal standards, but it does mean re-examining some unrealistic - and outdated - beliefs and behaviors that aren’t serving you.

If you have a comfort zone to either your ‘type’ that you date, or the way that you go about meeting men, force yourself to step out of it.  As long as you know your essentials like attraction, connection, kindness,trust, respect, humor - realize that you just don’t KNOW the how  of- or some of the what -  the package will show up. 

Consider:

1) Letting yourself see if there’s chemistry in person that you might not sense online. Open up your age range. I have a friend who’s pregnant with her husband who is 22 years her senior, who has two grown children from his first marriage.  After 8 years of marriage, they are one of the most adventurous, happy and - sexy - couples that I know.

2) Don’t stay home when a friend invites you to a seemingly more ‘couples’ event, if that’s your typical M.O.   You never know who’s going to be there, or who might have available friends that they want you to meet.  Just like we benefit from mixing up our professional circles (I learn so much studying other businesses and networking outside my industry), be sure to mix up your personal time as to where and how you spend it!

3) Expect to be surprised - in a lot of good ways - in this process! 

Love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s a topic that I coach clients on if it comes up for them- especially that first date when the temptation - and often the tendancy - is high to whip out the checklists and keep yourself on lock-down, potentially shutting down an opportunity for connection.

Tip #2 - Slipping into your Feminine on a Date

In today’s world many women are high-tailing it to coffe dates via Match.com directly from the office.  What happens when we women are still in our ‘doing’ energy (masculine) when we get around men is we can tend to either take over or severely compete with the man of the moment (our date, or in my case, my husband).  Sometimes a dating situation calls for that, and a healthy relationship should be able to ‘hold’ that.  But what I’m refering to here is a pattern that can get in the way of the masculine-feminine ‘dance’.   Here are a few quick ways to transition into more ‘being’ energy, inviting your softer - and receptive - side to come out and shine:

1)  Be sure to change your top, shoes, jewelry - something - when you leave the office to meet someone for a date.  This is not only a great way to ‘adorn’ yourself and feel a bit more feminine, but it’s a structure and way to signal to yourself that you’re work is done, and you can relax now.   (And I know dates can feel like work, but that’s a mind-set to shift as well…for another post).

2) If you’re at home before going out to meet someone , be sure to : light candles, play some music, spray perfume or essential oils.  These all invoke the feminine - and create beauty and an atmosphere that connects you to beauty - and allow you to step out of your head, and into more presence for your date.

3) This is a fun little ‘trick’.  You’ve arrived to a date and your mind is still racing with work or other things.  First, try to do some deep breathing (3 deep breathes from your abdomen can do the trick) or listen to a relaxing song on the way or before you arrive.  And, to slip into feminine-mode, imagine that the date across from you is undressing you with his eyes (even if you don’t desire this to be the case!).  We feel so feminine when we’re undressed…seduced…, so this little exercise can really work to help you sink into that same kind of inviting, feminine energy.  Again, it helps you get out of your head some, allowing your heart and energy to connect to the present moment.

xoxo,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com