Dear Savvy Woman,

I’ve had this book from Sylvia Brown on my bookshelf for probably over 10 years - and after hearing her recently on Hay House Radio, I decided I should give it a go.  I’m a serious book-slut these days.  I’m in no question not faithful to my biggest love and husband, Larry, but jeez…I can’t stay true to just one book to save my life!  But I like it this way.  And no one’s getting hurt.

But, I digress.  Back to Sylvia.  So, I pick up The Other Side and Back - A Psychic’s Guide To Our World and Beyond (given to me by a dear friend after my mom passed away, now 14 years ago) and I decide to flip around a bit and see what she’s offering up.  No surprise, I notice the chapter entitled, “Your Personal Life: A Spiritual Psychic’s View of Relationships and Families“, and decide to dive in there.  I’m curious.

I run across this funny and I’d guess to be very commonly true observation about one’s filter or shall I say, discernment, around people, intimacy and relationships.   Sylvia writes, “From my readings for thousands of clients and my own past mistakes, I’ve come to realize that most of us are more thorough, thoughtful and cautious about shopping for a car than we are about who we allow into our lives…we’ve all done or witnessed essentially that - bought on impulse - and then spent an emotional fortune trying to repair something that will never be worth  as much as we’ve put into it.”

OMG - this resonates , doesn’t it?  Years before I met Larry, my friends and family witnessed me putting my apartment in storage and flying to Toronto, Canada to spend time with a man I had not spent more than a few weeks with.  Regrets - none - but would I have benefited from more of a ‘research -checklist - testdrive’ approach, in that case?  Heck, yeah.

I could go on and on here.  Not just in the context of men and dating , but also looking at the other people I’ve allowed into my life that ended up being emotional vampires, or simply ‘bad energy’.  The more I connect to my truth and trust my gut, the better I get at ‘car shopping’ as it relates to meeting others. Whether they are business relationships, potential clients, or personal acquaintances and friends - I’m aware of when I ‘impulse buy’. 

But, let’s go back to  dating.  Think about the energy and perhaps self-esteem you might protect if you begin to approach your dating life like  you are buying your next vehicle.  Imagine that you’ve been driving a Honda civic for the past 10 years, and you are (hooray!) shopping for an upgrade: a car that you’ve been waiting for. Ready for.  Yes, this will be a stellar relationship.

Think of the checklist and test drive process -Sylvia highlights some great points here:

• Does he make you feel better or worse about yourself?
• Does he have more real friends than you do, or fewer?
• Does he place a higher or lower value than you do on honesty, integrity, and commitment?
• Is he closer to his family members or more estranged, than you are?
• Has he had more success with relationships or less?

Add on more of your own questions.  I do hope you have some. = )  What is so important (and what Sylvia notes, too, actually) is to pay close attention to his behavior.  Does it match who he says he is? And if it doesn’t, believe the behavior!   It’s like  test driving a used car that has a sticker saying ‘Well - maintained’, and it breaks down on you before you return to the lot!  You wouldn’t buy that car, would you?  Some of us have been known to believe the sticker. ‘But it says…!’

Ahhh….cars. Men.  Let’s move on to …shoes!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Are you aware of what your current mind-set is?   I hope so.  Because mind-set  is *everything*. And experiencing success in relationships and romance doesn’t escape this truth.  Personal success is as much an inner game as it is an outer one.   Shhhh…. I’m going to quiet you naysayers for a second, the ones who point to Supermodel figures and flawless skin as the ‘must haves’ and say, simply , ENOUGH already.  Hold up.

Naomi Cambell sure ain’t got no satisfaction in her personal life - I’d place big money on it.  All the drama she manifests in her world, just on plane travel alone, points to where her mindset rests.  And it’s not in peace, is it?

You see, I’m still reveling in the experience of listening to Marianne Williamson lecture last week up in Marin, and the topic was Living Miraculously.   Marianne largely spoke about the thoughts that we must hold in order to live out a miraculous life.    And that’s what mind-set is.   Notice: where are your thoughts?   Are they in the past?   Are they sitting up on the ledge of FEAR, trying to predict and see the future?  

And, what are your thoughts?   Are they loving, positive, expansive, and forward-pulling, helping you take the action required to step into a grand, heart-felt vision of what you hold for yourself:  focused on the vision of your dreams?   Or, are they doubt-filled, fear-filled, and focusing on what you don’t want?

In James Arthur Ray’s book, Harmonic Wealth, he highlights the fact that the right mind-set is more important than having the right skills, in the context of discussing accomplishments and success.

Here’s an exercise he gives to prove this to be true:  Write down your top three wins or accomplishments to date.  These could include completing school, landing a job in a competitive industry, writing a book, or marrying the man of your dreams.  This is only about you, so don’t compare relative to others, but write down what is true for you.  Childhood accomplishments can be included too.

Now, look at your list, and choose the event that brings up the strongest feelings of accomplishment, the one that makes you feel that you tackled and conquered something worthwhile. Now, mind-storm a list of qualities that you had that helped you to achieve this win.  How were you thinking?  What were you feeling? What were you doing or not doing?  Qualities like vision,  passion, trust, focus may come up.  Or kindness, patience and enthusiasm.  Come up with as many as you can. 

Now, go back through this quality list and next to each,  write if it’s a mind-set related or more skill related.  Ray bets that most, if not all, the qualities are mind-set related and not skill related.   And I do too.  As Ray points out, and very timely with the Summer Olympics just starting, “Every Olympic athlete has the skills, yet few win the gold.  It’s all about the mental game.” 

I meet many women who desire an amazing, rich life filled with love, passion, and integrity.  Some of them understand that they need to step up and into a bigger game, one that is of the right mind-set.   An inner game.  Many still focus on the skill-sets of the right clothes, hair, make up and dating 101’s to ‘get it right’.   Although folding these things in can not hurt, focusing on these exclusively rather than on mind-set isn’t going to win the gold. It’s just not.  It might be a temporary fix or illusion, but it’s not the stuff that wins the gold.

Get your inner game on, ladies.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman, 
This question has  come up a lot recently, as I wrote in the Part 1 post on this topic.

I think there’s a few things at play with this, and, as much as we want a clear line - a Yes or No - this isn’t one of those, unfortunately.

However, I think that the general answer to this is  NO.   It’s not going to kill a romance that’s meant to happen, or turn a guy off that you’re initially meeting, if you let it be known that you have some interest.   It’s flattering!  Men apprecitate receiving  compliments and flattery, too.  And they don’t necessarily mind having some assistance in making the first move.  It takes some pressure off, in fact.

AND, it’s all in the delivery:

- Are you confidently letting someone know you have interest = he senses or hears or sees a ‘Welcome’ sign with you?

-And, are you doing so in a way that still keeps your self-respect and your desire to be pursued and courted in tact?

Again , the general rule, in my experience and in surveying men, is No - no conflict of interest in making your interest known.   Yes, only you can answer these most genuinely for yourself = you are the best judge of what’s comfortable for you, what the situation is feeling like, what the energy is.

I’m not a fan of the Rules book.   Heck, I moved in with my husband after 4 months of dating.  And I was a woman that mouthed about how after living with a boyfriend in my twenties - next time, I would wait for a commitment.  I wanted to have (perceived) control over the outcome going forward, as the stakes felt much higher to me at 35.

But, I made that decision on what I sensed, felt, heard, saw and just knew.  All with the understanding with myself that I could afford to take the risk.  It’s always good to ask yourself what the worst case scenario would be, and do you feel that you could deal with it (of course you can, but our ego can be running the show here).

How showing interest might look:

- Handing a guy your card as you leave a conversation and say something like, “I’ve enjoyed meeting you…I’d be interested in continuing conversation over coffee sometime if you’d like to.”

-Smiling and giving great eye contact, along with other body language that indicates that you are approachable and potentially interested.

-Connecting with someone via Facebook and sending a friendly note.

-Simply asking him for a date!

Just remember, if you are a woman who wants to be pursued and courted, you want this to be conveyed through your actions and reactions, so that the message is clear.  No mixed messages.  This is true whether you get asked out, or do the asking.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Hey Savvy Woman,

There’s so much coming out these days on Mind Set, isn’t there?   You’ve probably read or seen The Secret, or at least heard of the Law of Attraction.   Essentially, one large contributing factor of this law, and what brings success to the application of it, is a Positive Mind Set.  One’s thoughts, beliefs and feelings comprise your ‘frequency’ = how you’re vibrating.   Is it Positive?

Positive thoughts equals positive feelings = your vibration increases.   And, per this Law,  Like attracts Like.

Experiencing the powerful effects of positive mind set through my life, and, especially as I got hold of Law Of Attraction and experienced on amazing levels how it truly works,  Positivity is one of the tenants of Being Love Savvy.

It’s not rocket science to observe how the impact of holding a positive attitude with others impacts your interactions and experience, versus the opposite, right?   We’ve all been there.   You’re with a negative-minded friend, and despite the delicious food you shared, or even the good movie you saw  - you leave her and notice yourself feeling e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.   Otherwise known as toxicity, this negative muck has you feeling like you’re sinking in quicksand.  

On the flip side, think about how you feel when you spend time, or even rub elbows, with a positive person.  It’s intoxicating.  It’s uplifting.  Perhaps if you went in to the exchange a little tired, a little agitated,  you notice that you leave it feeling energized. 

This translates most directly into dating and relationships, my savvy friends, as you may well know.   How often have you felt disinterested in someone because he or she just seemed….well, negative?  A downer.  Not so much, huh?

Again, not rocket-science.    But, I’ll tell you,  Positivity shows up in many ways, some of which are not necessarily all verbally given.   Here’s a short list of a few:

• A smile and eye contact
• Supportive, encouraging words
• Openness - approachability, even with body language (no crossing of arms, turning of back)
• Interest - Curiosity in the other person
• Avoidance of gossip or caddy comments
• Laughing, humor (if used in an uplifting way)

Now, if you’re in relationship - how much of this are you doing with your S.O.??   Take inventory, and make sure that your comfort levels haven’t seduced you into the lower-self behaviors of negativity.

Make sure to put yourself in a positive  circle of influence.  Because it rubs off. And with those in your life (certain family members, colleagues, long-term friends) that aren’t so positive, protect your energy and mind-set with structures that help reduce toxic residue:  limit conversations, schedule interactions for a low-stress, low-impact time, and be the bigger person by not jumping in to agree with negative thinking or attitude.

Then, notice the dividends that Positivity pays.   They’re priceless, actually.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

It’s been a theme this week - clients, friends, new aquaintences - all asking about the concept of approaching men and showing interest.  

One client is on E-Harmony, and is reticent on ’approaching’ a guy online because she’s a woman who really wants to be pursued and doesn’t want to send off the wrong message.

A friend and I were hanging out with my husband Larry - actually on our way to his favorite place in the world other than next to me of course = ) - the golf course - and she asked about what to do when you’re in conversation with someone , you need to leave, and he hasn’t asked for the number.  

 At an event just last night, I met a woman who shared that she was in a dilemma: she felt like she had put out a lot of energy to a new guy.  She seemed a little remorseful, a little curious, a little excited.   It wasn’t yet disastrous - he had just called her that afternoon.  But clearly, she seemed as if she was walking a tightrope. 

All of these scenarios beg the question:  is it a conflict of interest to show interest in a guy?   Will it send a message that I’m an aggressive woman, who doesn’t want to be pursued… courted…. and, let’s face it… cherished?

Stay tuned for Part 2.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

The topic of community has been up for me lately.  I’m experiencing first hand the benefits of surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people as well as sustaining the feelling of connection that our communities give to us.  It’s one of those things you can just take for granted or overlook - until you find yourself isolated or floating about with no anchor to ‘home’.

I was actually curious what the dictionary definition is, and found, “any group living in the same area, or having interests, work, etc. in common.”  

Part of my inspiration to write about this came from my experience at a house-warming party over the weekend.

Mid-way through the evening, the host asked us all to stop, gather around, and one by one, give our name & our favorite restaurant in SF.  Now, how often do you attend gatherings in someone’s home and leave not having met someone - even if there were only 20-30 people attending?   I have!   And I consider myself generally to be a social and outgoing personality.

What I loved about this was it allowed us to feel a little more connected to eachother.   After we circled around and everyone had a chance to introduce themselves and hear of SF favorites, we broke back into our smaller conversations.  But something was different.  The energy at the party was raised and we all felt a little more connected, without necessarily speaking to eachother directly. 

Often I coach women who are working on changing some important aspects of how they’re living and operating, and their perspective on things:  no small feat.   One client raised her hand immediately and wanted to talk about her relationship with wine - she was uncomfortable with it.   Another has been taking big steps to claim what she wants for herself in relationships with men - also no feat when your history reflects years and years of dead-end dating.

Both of these women told me that they didn’t share too much with anyone in their lives.  These steps that they were taking were ones that they were taking alone, other than with the coaching relationship with me.

I encourage my clients to build and tap into their personal communities.   Enroll trusted friends, family and coworkers (when appropriate) to be on your side: share where you are and where you’d like to be.  It’s freeing.  We are all in this together.  The more we become transparent and reveal who we are and what we’re up to, the more personal power we gain.  This builds our confidence and self-esteem.  Community is essential for spiritual and emotional health.  

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of the universe. You were born to manifest the glory of the universe that is within us.  It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

-Marianne Williamson

My savvy friends,

I was meeting a new friend over coffee yesterday, and we were speaking of the feelings that can come up as we pursue our heart’s desires; our biggest dreams. 

This quote came to mind.  It turns out we both knew it well - a favorite - as I’m sure those of you that have come across it might agree.

It’s powerful,  isn’t it?

We were speaking about fears, and  what gets in our way (US!).

I shared that recently I was aware of this feeling of guilt that comes up when I experience myself manifesting success and happiness in my life.   Where does that come from?  Why is it here?   Why would I feel guilty????

I re-read this quote this morning and it brought me comfort and inspiration.

I hope it does for you.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com 

Dear Savvy Woman,

We just turned off our cable.  Ahhhh!  I feel like a dieter who’s successfully removed all ice cream and cookies from the house, and while munching on baby carrots is feeling refreshingly good, I’m still wandering in to the kitchen apres dinner, hunting for the sweet stuff! 

The experiement:  We are exclusively relying on Netflix to bring us our home entertainment a la the screen.   Although we haven’t worked our way over to Nip Tuck or Living Lohan (is that a Que possibility yet - i’m not even sure), we just might.  After the carrots and grapes (The Bucket List, and The Moses Code were our health food this weekend) lose their luster, we are prepared to get lured back to the white flour and sugar of Reality TV and B-Movie Comedies. 

The nice thing I’ve found is that I can have just one cookie when it comes to TV.  It’s taken a change in relationship, but I’ve learned that the whole plate has me feeling low, not to mention a little sick.

And, just like everything, a little won’t kill ya.

I bring this up, my savvy friends,  because TV is really powerful at creating company and sucking the creativity, not to mention connection, out of us. No date or fun plans?  TV will put it’s arm around you on Sat night and whisper sweet nothings. For hours. 

I have a client, ‘Jill’.  Jill and I started working together and the focus was on looking at how she was approaching her life as a single woman who was ready for a healthy, long-term partnership.   To get her started with a healthier foundation, we deleted some phone numbers from her cell that were ‘no longer serving her’ , and we took a look at some outdated beliefs and limited ways of thinking.   We also changed her relationship with TV.  This was front and center in her life, and she called it.   She knew right away that she needed to change her TV habit.   What happened?  Her energy soared:  she exercised more, she spent more time creating in the kitchen which she loved doing.  Jill swapped the time that was spent in front of the TV and now spent it reading, reflecting, and visioning - all excellent ways to connect you to yourself, create presence and focus on positive outcomes.

So…let’s get real.    Cable got you down?  Like, down for the count?  Don’t fear!  Make the change in baby steps.  Set some boundaries - 30  min. a night, a certain show or two, and leave it at that.  You can still indulge, it’s OK.   You will find that some very cool things unfold  the more you get away from the tube and into your life.  And, know that you can dip back into the good stuff now and then. 

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

One of the ‘tenants’ in Being Love Savvy is to be gracious with Compliments.

Graciously accept.  Take.  Allow in.  And, give - generously.

Let’s start with RECEIVING compliments.  We as women can really struggle with receiving compliments.   I know that I do.   I use to think that I didn’t struggle a whole lot with this.  I think my ego wanted me to think this to be true, but , deep down, it would be tough to simply take in a compliment.   I found that in the areas where I held myself hostage to perfection, or just to very high expectations, I would struggle receiving those ‘that is GREAT, Leslie’ - or - ’good job!’.   My impulse would be to dismiss it.   After some work on my part towards loving myself enough to begin to buy in and believe, a small voice from deep within me would reply ,  ‘Really?’, if at least to myself.   I aspire to,  and sometimes succeed, with a smile and simple, ‘Thank you.’  

Receiving compliments graciously is SO important, my savvy friends.  Why?  Because it is an indicator for yourself that there’s some self-love, self-acceptance going on inside.  And if you aren’t loving and accepting of yourself, it’s very difficult to take in a compliment.  And, what happens next: it will be tough for anyone else to love you, and have you receive that love on an authentic level.  As Marianne Williamson writes in A Return To Love, “Nothing that is alien to our system can enter into us and stay there for long…if I swallow a piece of aluminum foil, my body will regurgitate until the offending object is expelled.  If I’m convinced that I’m not good enough, I will have a difficult time accepting someone into my life who thinks I am.”

And what about giving compliments?    Don’t you feel good when you give someone a compliment?  It’s just like the concept of giving gifts - it always feel so great to give someone a gift.  And the best ones are the suprise, no-reason-but-just-felt-like-it-kind.   And compliments work the same way.  I especially love complimenting people that I don’t know - a stranger.  It’s a wonderful way to extend ourselves and be generous.

And the receiving and giving of compliments is simply a ‘feel good’.   And ‘feel goods’ are really important.   They improve our thoughts, feelings and beliefs: the three things that contribute to our energetic ‘vibration’ = what we attract.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I can’t resist….my Monday morning ritual before I loose myself in emails, writing or phone calls is to ………da da na na:   CHECK MY WEEKLY HOROSCOPE!    Ahhhh….ok, I said it!  I’m out. 

Well, if you follow my blog you’ve come across this before, but here’s the link to my favorite source:   http://www.shirleymaclaine.com/articles/astrology/article-341

This week, it’s all about…

This is a wonderful week to reaffirm your commitment to all that brings you into greater harmony with your spiritual self. Meditation is very gratifying as it is easy to attune and perceive. Visualization is easy so make a list of those things you wish manifested in your life, and as the lunar tide swells toward the full Moon on July 18 you will be aided by its growing energy.

The second quarter cycle beginning on Thursday in Libra shows you where you need to bring into alignment anything that has been out of kilter. You can now either eliminate what isn’t right and working or make a shift so balance is restored.

Remember, too, that the Dog Days, holy days in ancient Egypt, when the star, Sirius, was visible, began last week and will be active until August 6. We were all able to focus upon the great wisdom and knowledge when the Pleiadian Stargate opened last month and now we may meditate on the blessings coming from the Sirius system. By some, Sirius is thought to be our spiritual sun. For thousands of years it has been observed and considered significant. Wisdom and compassion, order, healing and divinity are just a few of the many blessings generated.

Believe and receive,

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com