Hey Savvy Woman,

Did you catch Thursday’s Oprah show last week?  Be sure to watch it. The first segment has Patti, the “Millionaire Matchmaker” partner up with Nate Berkus to help a 41-year old woman who’s in search of a man. 

It’s a great segment, including one huge simple GEM from Patti, which I’ll share in a second, but be sure to watch the rest of the show, too (warning:  it will have you reaching for Kleenex and blessing all that you have in your life right now, while feeling so inspired).

So, even if you’re averse to Patti’s 20-girls-to-one-’rich’-guy matchmaking show that’s been on for years now, she gives very solid advice as to what guys and gals need as they navigate the love & relationship scene, such as, ’Men first fall into attraction with their eyes, women with what they hear between their ears’. 

Here’s the GEM that Patti gave to Oprah about what most stands in a woman’s way that I absolutely agree with : BELIEF.    Patti hit it on the head in reminding women that he IS indeed out there, something that I spend some time on with private clients and students who want love and relationship.  You have to believe, do whatever it takes to believe (we’ll ge to that in just a sec), keep believing, and never stop. 

Most-to-all women that seek me out professionally, or that I meet and talk with admit that they lack BELIEF:  that he’s even out there, that a happy and healthy relationship is possible for them, that they haven’t missed their boat.

On February 15th, the day after Valentine’s Day, you can step into an experience that will transform the results you’re experiencing in dating and love.   This 8 week tele-program, ” Find YOUR Mr. Right: 7 steps to attracting the love and relationship that you desire!” will transform the way you approach &  find love this year - because it will transform you.  If you haven’t had the BELIEF that you need, this is just one of the many essential things you’ll transform with my step-by-step, 8-class coaching program.  Learn more HERE.

Here’s to finding YOUR true love ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

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Dear Savvy Woman,

Let’s be grateful for what is and what matters most to us,  as we enter the holidays and soon say hello to 2010.

I’ll go first by sharing that I am so grateful for:

YOU, for the opportunity to connect with you in this way.

My health and Being: body, mind, spirit, and soul.  

My clients, and all the women who trust - and have trusted - me in guiding them to find their true love.  

All the brilliance, beauty and opportunity that exist on the planet in my lifetime.

My friends and family for their love and support,  and for being who they are in my life (or were), and teaching me what I most need to learn, sometimes to my great dis-comfort! 

The expansiveness and shiny-new experiences that emerge on the other side of the above dis-comfort!

And I’m grateful  - more with each passing day - to my husband Larry for being more than I could have ever imagined as a friend and husband - and teacher.  Last Thanksgiving we did not spend  together (that’s for another blog post or maybe even a book!).  I’m learning so much about myself and about life being in this relationship.  It’s both life-giving and humbling.

All the people that have paved the road for me and you, including my beloved mom who passed away 15 years ago.  I love you Mom, and miss you. 

And as I end this blog, I look inside the book cover of a book I read in the mid-9o’s after my mother passed, that her sister, my Aunt Margo, sent to me “Simple Abundance”, by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  This is syncronistic.  I read on this inside cover what I  know I am to share with you, a prayer that I learned from an Oprah show back then that John Gray shared with the audience, and that helped me to connect to my higher self, to the Universe and to more abundance.

“Oh glorious future, come sit in my heart.  My heart is open to you.

Oh glorious G*d, come sit in my heart.  My heart is open to you.”

Happy Thanksgiving from me to you ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

There comes a time in our lives when we discover that we need to change our approach - we need a transformation.  If we are waking up more to ourselves, our lives, and our desires - this time comes - sooner or later.  Whether it’s how we earn a living, how we approach love, how we navigate our friends & family, or how we change our health & bodies. 

The focus of BeLoveSavvy.com is helping women attract the relationships – and lives – that they deeply desire.  Now more than ever before we are being guided to more meaning in our lives, and for many of us, relationships are what matter most. Clearing away the clutter is a significant part of the process that I lead women through, and I don’t just mean the visible kind.

On the surface (and where most people place ALL of their focus) , the clutter-clearing is about getting real with themselves about their outer actions – are they still sleeping with someone out of loneliness or false-hope that one day they’ll get on track together?  Are they sabotaging opportunity for what they really want in their lives as they go about their day to day and respond in fear rather than in self-love?  Fear has us in a mind-set and action that takes us away from what we truly desire, and often we have no idea because our ‘outer actions’ have us ‘doing all the right things!’.  So why he is…why aren’t they…why is it so hard….why me… believe me, I’ve been here myself many, many times and am still here at times with areas of my life.

Opposite of the surface things, I have clients get really clear about one thing that is below the surface: the decision & commitment to Feel Good.  Sound easy?  It’s not always so easy, which is why anyone who is wanting a transformation in some area of their life must do two things for success: 1) Do things differently 2) Remain accountable to doing things differently (including the WHAT & the WHY), often by having a mentor or coach (rather than a relative,  friend or colleague).

So what’s so magical about this ‘Feel Good’ thing?  Does this ______ have me feeling good is a defining question for many important things on the path to attracting love & fulfilling relationships.   Does this thought (‘There are virtually no available men in the city that I’m interested in’) have me feeling good about being single as I desire relationship – Yes or No?  Does this action (doing something that we didn’t want to do but are doing it out of obligation) have me feeling good?  Does this focus of conversation have me feeling good? Does this reaction I’m having to X have ME feeling good – truly feeling good?

Problem is, many of us, especially women, don’t get taught to make our first priority to Feel Good – and I mean deeply, authentically, lovingly-to-us Feel Good.  We become conditioned to taking care of others needs or living into others beliefs of what we should do or who we should become.  As a result, we get more and more distanced to our Feel Goods, which buoy & build us up.  On autopilot & reactionary, our belief and momentum is chipped away, despite all the ‘outer actions’ of ‘doing all the right things’ as we approach love & relating.  Or, some might say, no, my problem is I’m too selfish to consider anyone else’s needs or wants, which is why I’m alone.  I would challenge this statement by asking them if being selfish has them feeling good.  Really deeply, authentically, loving-to-her feeling good?  Look underneath, and determine if selfish = fear, or selfish = focus for myself.  When we are focused for ourselves, in positive and inclusive  ways, it’s super ATTRACTIVE.  And acknowledging that being selfish out of fear isn’t a powerful way to attract what you want (our ego fools us to think it is…it’s a way to get what we ultimately want, when in fact it repels and keeps us separate).  Being incredibly clear, decisive & committed to Feeling Good is what we are each here on this planet to do. It clears the clutter.  And the bonus is, it only can lead us to those pots of gold that we are deeply in search of!

To your ravishingly authentic, beauty &  soul-filled FEEL GOOD’s ~

Love,

Leslie

http://www.belovesavvy.com/

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Dear Savvy Woman,

Truth #4 ~ Our Relationships are only as ever healthy as WE are

Just a friendly little reminder here.  ;-) We might not realize that sometimes we are blaming our partner when we’re not happy or pointing the finger outward when things go south. And, we can also do this when a relationship is wonderful, and give the other person recognition without patting ourselves on the back, too.   Truth is, relationships are mirrors (ouch! sometimes this is so tough to acknowledge), and as a wise soul once said to me, “Our relationships are only ever as healthy as WE are”.  What we believe to be true about ourselves, we will have reflected back to us by others, including and especially with the VIP in our lives. 

XO,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Your emails and FB comments on these daily tips have been awesome, thank you.  I love to receive your feedback or questions so please comment, email, or ping me via @LoveSavvyLeslie.   This daily blogging of tips for ’single’ and ‘in-relationship’ gals is helping me as I write my first e-book.  Hot topics and burning questions on relationship success and attracting new love?  Please share. And we all have them.  I was reading In Style magazine the other day, the current issue with J Lo, and of course I appreciated how she admitted that she’s fascinated by relationships and is always picking up a book on them to try to figure them out (I’m sure Marc has helped her de-mystify them some… ;-)). 

Tip #3  ~ Keep  - or Create - a little Mystery 

Just a little. I’m not suggesting games here. This is really about re-balancing and keeping the dance in your relationship going. When there’s absolutely no surprises, no space, time apart - its kind of like you’ve stopped dancing and you’re sitting on the side looking around at everyone else, bored and maybe frustrated.  Every relationship ebbs and flows - and - what I know to be true and what I hear from clients is that things can  also start to feel off-balance within ourselves and the relationship when we’ve become so accountable, so attached at the hip, sometimes too giving of ourselves (us?), overly focused on him or the relationship, etc.   Maybe we notice that we’re feeling a little taken for granted, or our guy is now stating that he doesn’t know if he can give us what we want, like a longer-term  view together. Sometimes the dance is meant to be ended, but even the best of relationships can benefit from a little ‘feminine mystique’ infusion. 

A client I’m coaching was experiencing this a little with her guy recently and asked me for advice.  She was tempted to pull away completely - as is often what we want to do - RUN! - when our feelings are a little hurt by what we’re not getting, especially when it’s a topic such as committment.  What I reminded her is how attuned men are to to this feminine mystique, and they’re not even conscious of it - usually.  In her case, it was simply to re-create some by weaving in a few nights sleeping back at her place (beauty sleep for early a.m. meetings) , not being as uber-responsive or initiative with texts and calls (don’t ditch them, but delay the need to always pick up or initiate), and re-prioritizing some very important ’me’ and  friend time which may be on a back-burner. 

From my savvy heart to yours  ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Tip # 4 ~  Always play an honest game of cards without revealing your entire hand

I notice in the dating process - and I was guilty of it too - is that women (and men!) sometimes tend to either show their entire hand by date 4 - ‘I want to be married by X date,  2.5 kids in which the names are already picked by the way, I have a funny habit about X, and I feel really insecure about you going on that boys trip next month’ - or keep their cards so tight to the vest, and cheat through the game, that they repel and sabotage the organic and necessary flow of getting to know someone, and the opportunity to sink into a healthy relationship.  Learning to be somewhere in the middle ensures that you won’t, as Dr. Phil says, risk more than you’re willing to lose, and yet still get - and stay - in the ‘game’.

The more that you listen and trust yourself, the easier it is to navigate this process.

As a beautiful card that I once bought myself says, “Listen from within.  Your heart knows the way.”

xo,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s a topic that I coach clients on if it comes up for them- especially that first date when the temptation - and often the tendancy - is high to whip out the checklists and keep yourself on lock-down, potentially shutting down an opportunity for connection.

Tip #2 - Slipping into your Feminine on a Date

In today’s world many women are high-tailing it to coffe dates via Match.com directly from the office.  What happens when we women are still in our ‘doing’ energy (masculine) when we get around men is we can tend to either take over or severely compete with the man of the moment (our date, or in my case, my husband).  Sometimes a dating situation calls for that, and a healthy relationship should be able to ‘hold’ that.  But what I’m refering to here is a pattern that can get in the way of the masculine-feminine ‘dance’.   Here are a few quick ways to transition into more ‘being’ energy, inviting your softer - and receptive - side to come out and shine:

1)  Be sure to change your top, shoes, jewelry - something - when you leave the office to meet someone for a date.  This is not only a great way to ‘adorn’ yourself and feel a bit more feminine, but it’s a structure and way to signal to yourself that you’re work is done, and you can relax now.   (And I know dates can feel like work, but that’s a mind-set to shift as well…for another post).

2) If you’re at home before going out to meet someone , be sure to : light candles, play some music, spray perfume or essential oils.  These all invoke the feminine - and create beauty and an atmosphere that connects you to beauty - and allow you to step out of your head, and into more presence for your date.

3) This is a fun little ‘trick’.  You’ve arrived to a date and your mind is still racing with work or other things.  First, try to do some deep breathing (3 deep breathes from your abdomen can do the trick) or listen to a relaxing song on the way or before you arrive.  And, to slip into feminine-mode, imagine that the date across from you is undressing you with his eyes (even if you don’t desire this to be the case!).  We feel so feminine when we’re undressed…seduced…, so this little exercise can really work to help you sink into that same kind of inviting, feminine energy.  Again, it helps you get out of your head some, allowing your heart and energy to connect to the present moment.

xoxo,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Hi Savvy Friend,

I’m back from what felt like the ‘dead’, which was only about 5 days of being a bit laid up with a cold.  But you know how it feels when you’re not in your best  - or really feeling pretty miserable, weak and sick - and you just want to crawl out of your skin?  I had some of that.  And then I thought of all in the world that are much more sick than I.  And I read a  Sunday NY Times article on South African women - girls- selling sex to Truckers so that they can have a place to sleep that night.  I don’t mean to be too heavy on this Monday morning, but I’m sharing this with you because it was my process and I know it’s often yours too. 

We must be grateful for this moment, and for all that we have.  And when we’re wanting something different - our health, a new opportunity in love, work, or life - to come from a place of appreciation - wholeness ‘as is’ - that is the key.  And it’s the Truth.  It’s ‘what is’.

BE REALLY WHOLE, AND ALL THINGS WILL COME TO YOU. ~ Lao-Tzu

This quote is so simple yet so inclusive.  

Here’s a way to break this down and step into a new perspective:

1) Be REALLY WHOLE….what does this mean for you *today*?   I say today, because we are ever-evolving creatures. Our needs change as we grow, expand, and experience.   What you need to eat for instance to keep healthy today may have changed dramatically from what you typically ate, or needed to eat, last year or 10 years ago. 

What you may need in your relationship - or in the relationship that’s on it’s way to you - might be very different from what you’ve experienced or needed in the past. Relationships are always mirrors of ourselves, who we are BEING, and where we are.  So again, look to yourself now.  What would make *you* BE REALLY WHOLE?  Maybe it’s introducing a new activity or ‘maintenance method’ (even the easiest relationships take some work, and maintaining their luster can involve things like regular ‘I love you because….’ , check-in conversations, and surprises for each other).  If you’re single, what are you creating in your mind and being for what you want to attract?  Single or in relationship - the bottom line is always YOU.  What would have *you* BE REALLY WHOLE? 

2) Chunk this down to *today*. Or what’s *next*.  What can stop us in our tracks in overwhelm, or sabotage this process,  is the common need to broad-stroke things and think in black-and-white, like there’s some million-dollar answer to this question that will bring ever-lasting prosperity and bliss to ourselves and our lives, and our relationships.  There isn’t.  Instead, think baby steps.  Each step being a bread crumb on our trail.

3) Reflecting on this question ‘What would have me BE REALLY WHOLE’, listening to what you receive in terms of insights, answers and inclinations, and then ACTING on that will bring you powerful movement in your life, and….ALL THINGS WILL COME TO YOU.

Are you local to SF?  Our Success Circle is a perfect way to bookmark time for YOU to slow down, get clear and stay accountable to what you are creating and want to create in your life!

You can learn more about this HERE.  Contact Donna at assist@belovesavvy.com to schedule a 10-15 minute chat with me to get any questions on the circle answered & ensure it’s a good fit for you.

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Sometimes I have too many ideas on what to write about.  Today, what kept coming back in to my thoughts was the struggle that we can have when we’re ‘cleaning house’ - making changes - in our lives, because this process and space can be really, really UNCOMFORTABLE at times.  

If you look at this on the level of the world - ie. our Global Economy, and our national ‘j-0-b’ market, there’s been a lot of ‘cleaning house’ - hasn’t there?  A forced cleaning. And we, right now, are sitting in that uncomfortable place, watching to see what’s created as our economy slowly rebounds and with that, Corporate America begins to respond and begins to hire again.

In a similar fashion, yet often by choice, we as individuals have to say ‘NO’ to things to create the space for the ‘YES’s to arrive in our lives.  Sometimes that’s a person, place or thing.  AND, what I know to be true, is that we also have to look within.  We must also look at who we are BE-ing , and who we want to BEcome, in order to create the powerful shifts and results that our hearts and minds seek.  So, we have to create space by looking at ways of being within ourselves that no longer serve who we are becoming - and want to become.

For instance, a woman desires a relationship. She’s been alone for a while. She’s ready. On some level, whether conscious or unconscious, she gathers what she would absolutely love to experience in this relationship - and in life within this relationship (the YES).  Because she’s lonely, she still hooks up occasionallywithan old boyfriend, and she dates men that reveal to her red flags out the gate - and qualities that don’t align with what she desires in a partner.  The most important aspect of this behavior, though, is that she feels less-than as a result.  She’s not receiving what she desires, yet she’ll *continue* to keep company with them because the NEW hasn’t arrived, despite feeling less-than after the rendez-vous or disappointment within herself after she accepts a third date request from a mulitple red-flag guy.

It can be so difficult sometimes to say the ‘NO’ (no more…), especially when the ‘ante’ feels raised like  the example above = a longed-for relationship.

And, we can’t grow if we don’t get uncomfortable.  I use to see my own discomfort as a signal that perhaps I was heading down the wrong path.  Today I am well aware that growth - and creating what we want in life - can have times of discomfort.  Our discomfort is often a very important SIGN that we are creating space for NEW. That we’re ‘on-track’!

Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this process and the sometimes-discomfort:

-  Notice if a person, place or thing feels ‘negative’, or that you might feel depleted or negative upon leaving them, it, or after a behavior of your own (like saying Yes to other’s when you want to say No).   If the answer is s a YES, then it needs to be a NO.  But what’s around the corner?  Your NO to what’s in front of you will light the way.  It’s a leap of Faith, and it will pay off in spades.

- Remember that there is a YES behind your NO - the Yes to yourself and what you’re creating.  This is huge for riding the wave of discomfort as you stay true to yourself. For example, you’ve decided that you’re not going to pursue interviewing in a particular industry (every time you do you get a big NO inside - you know it’s no longer a fit for you in a huge way).  But it’s really uncomfortable, for many reasons: a) you need a job b) it’s really easy to get interviews in this field c) your ego gets stroked because you’re experienced d) all of the above.    REMEMBER THE YES.   The YES here may be the 10+ year longed-for career change into the area that those close to you say they can see you in, and more importantly you know on some level you belong in.  The YES here is about saying YES to your dreams.  Keeping you healthier and happier. 

-Be really, REALLY kind and gentle to yourself along the way.  Self-love.  It’s the elixir of life.  The more we are accepting, nurturing, and trusting of ourselves, the easier life flows before us.  If you’re a big bad-talker of yourself, stop NOW.  Words are huge, especially those we say silently to ourselves = our thoughts.   So, be kind.  No one can love you better, nor create the life of your dreams. 

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friend,

I’m having so much fun with the first Success Circle coaching group - these  ladies are loving it ! After the first meeting  they were off to the races, with ‘homework’ that helps them to identify their inner knowing for more confidence, and Vision tools to step up their games! 

I wanted to make coaching (inspiration, support, accountability, feedback) accessible to all the women who are really desiring this right now, both from a time &  cost perspective.  This is why I launched the Success Circle. I also just simply love facilitating groups - it’s such a rich and rewarding experience for all.

I’ve learned personally as a member of a coaching group myself (as well as attending seminars with others) that there is always something for each of us to learn by other’s experience/questions/situation.  Something.  And often - a lot.  In my own life, I benefit greatly knowing that my call or meeting is coming up - it keeps me focused, or re-focuses me.  I feel surrounded in positive energy in those meetings.  And it gives me the support to keep going, keep believing, staying true to me.

So, I’m thrilled that a new coaching group around LOVE is forming.  Who is this for?  This is for the SINGLE women out there who are sensing that they’d benefit from some inspiration, clarity, and FUN with where they’re at.  From looking within a little bit.  This is a refreshing way of getting together with other women in ‘positive group think’ (it’s very subtle, the ‘negative group think’, but you may find yourself in it with women that you love to hang with - or that you feel you need to hang with). 

This group will hold LOVE & relationship as the main focus, and we’ll do learning topics (on things such as self-care, boundaries, a true-to-you Vision, mind-set,), and of course sharing, feedback, and accountability.  And the HUGE thing, tons of support in a safe environment to claim what you want and take steps towards it.  So powerful and life-changing!

Is this what you’ve been waiting for?   Take a peak at the Success Circle details HERE (as it’s the same format for the *LOVE* & Relationship Circle) ,  and then contact us at assist@belovesavvy.com telling us a little bit about you.

Big love,

Leslie

ps. we add new members to the Success Circle at the beginning of each month, so if this interests you, let us know!  The next Success Circle meeting will be August 5th in SF.