Dear Savvy Woman,

The topic of community has been up for me lately.  I’m experiencing first hand the benefits of surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people as well as sustaining the feelling of connection that our communities give to us.  It’s one of those things you can just take for granted or overlook - until you find yourself isolated or floating about with no anchor to ‘home’.

I was actually curious what the dictionary definition is, and found, “any group living in the same area, or having interests, work, etc. in common.”  

Part of my inspiration to write about this came from my experience at a house-warming party over the weekend.

Mid-way through the evening, the host asked us all to stop, gather around, and one by one, give our name & our favorite restaurant in SF.  Now, how often do you attend gatherings in someone’s home and leave not having met someone - even if there were only 20-30 people attending?   I have!   And I consider myself generally to be a social and outgoing personality.

What I loved about this was it allowed us to feel a little more connected to eachother.   After we circled around and everyone had a chance to introduce themselves and hear of SF favorites, we broke back into our smaller conversations.  But something was different.  The energy at the party was raised and we all felt a little more connected, without necessarily speaking to eachother directly. 

Often I coach women who are working on changing some important aspects of how they’re living and operating, and their perspective on things:  no small feat.   One client raised her hand immediately and wanted to talk about her relationship with wine - she was uncomfortable with it.   Another has been taking big steps to claim what she wants for herself in relationships with men - also no feat when your history reflects years and years of dead-end dating.

Both of these women told me that they didn’t share too much with anyone in their lives.  These steps that they were taking were ones that they were taking alone, other than with the coaching relationship with me.

I encourage my clients to build and tap into their personal communities.   Enroll trusted friends, family and coworkers (when appropriate) to be on your side: share where you are and where you’d like to be.  It’s freeing.  We are all in this together.  The more we become transparent and reveal who we are and what we’re up to, the more personal power we gain.  This builds our confidence and self-esteem.  Community is essential for spiritual and emotional health.  

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of the universe. You were born to manifest the glory of the universe that is within us.  It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

-Marianne Williamson

My savvy friends,

I was meeting a new friend over coffee yesterday, and we were speaking of the feelings that can come up as we pursue our heart’s desires; our biggest dreams. 

This quote came to mind.  It turns out we both knew it well - a favorite - as I’m sure those of you that have come across it might agree.

It’s powerful,  isn’t it?

We were speaking about fears, and  what gets in our way (US!).

I shared that recently I was aware of this feeling of guilt that comes up when I experience myself manifesting success and happiness in my life.   Where does that come from?  Why is it here?   Why would I feel guilty????

I re-read this quote this morning and it brought me comfort and inspiration.

I hope it does for you.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com 

Dear Savvy Woman,

We just turned off our cable.  Ahhhh!  I feel like a dieter who’s successfully removed all ice cream and cookies from the house, and while munching on baby carrots is feeling refreshingly good, I’m still wandering in to the kitchen apres dinner, hunting for the sweet stuff! 

The experiement:  We are exclusively relying on Netflix to bring us our home entertainment a la the screen.   Although we haven’t worked our way over to Nip Tuck or Living Lohan (is that a Que possibility yet - i’m not even sure), we just might.  After the carrots and grapes (The Bucket List, and The Moses Code were our health food this weekend) lose their luster, we are prepared to get lured back to the white flour and sugar of Reality TV and B-Movie Comedies. 

The nice thing I’ve found is that I can have just one cookie when it comes to TV.  It’s taken a change in relationship, but I’ve learned that the whole plate has me feeling low, not to mention a little sick.

And, just like everything, a little won’t kill ya.

I bring this up, my savvy friends,  because TV is really powerful at creating company and sucking the creativity, not to mention connection, out of us. No date or fun plans?  TV will put it’s arm around you on Sat night and whisper sweet nothings. For hours. 

I have a client, ‘Jill’.  Jill and I started working together and the focus was on looking at how she was approaching her life as a single woman who was ready for a healthy, long-term partnership.   To get her started with a healthier foundation, we deleted some phone numbers from her cell that were ‘no longer serving her’ , and we took a look at some outdated beliefs and limited ways of thinking.   We also changed her relationship with TV.  This was front and center in her life, and she called it.   She knew right away that she needed to change her TV habit.   What happened?  Her energy soared:  she exercised more, she spent more time creating in the kitchen which she loved doing.  Jill swapped the time that was spent in front of the TV and now spent it reading, reflecting, and visioning - all excellent ways to connect you to yourself, create presence and focus on positive outcomes.

So…let’s get real.    Cable got you down?  Like, down for the count?  Don’t fear!  Make the change in baby steps.  Set some boundaries - 30  min. a night, a certain show or two, and leave it at that.  You can still indulge, it’s OK.   You will find that some very cool things unfold  the more you get away from the tube and into your life.  And, know that you can dip back into the good stuff now and then. 

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

One of the ‘tenants’ in Being Love Savvy is to be gracious with Compliments.

Graciously accept.  Take.  Allow in.  And, give - generously.

Let’s start with RECEIVING compliments.  We as women can really struggle with receiving compliments.   I know that I do.   I use to think that I didn’t struggle a whole lot with this.  I think my ego wanted me to think this to be true, but , deep down, it would be tough to simply take in a compliment.   I found that in the areas where I held myself hostage to perfection, or just to very high expectations, I would struggle receiving those ‘that is GREAT, Leslie’ - or - ’good job!’.   My impulse would be to dismiss it.   After some work on my part towards loving myself enough to begin to buy in and believe, a small voice from deep within me would reply ,  ‘Really?’, if at least to myself.   I aspire to,  and sometimes succeed, with a smile and simple, ‘Thank you.’  

Receiving compliments graciously is SO important, my savvy friends.  Why?  Because it is an indicator for yourself that there’s some self-love, self-acceptance going on inside.  And if you aren’t loving and accepting of yourself, it’s very difficult to take in a compliment.  And, what happens next: it will be tough for anyone else to love you, and have you receive that love on an authentic level.  As Marianne Williamson writes in A Return To Love, “Nothing that is alien to our system can enter into us and stay there for long…if I swallow a piece of aluminum foil, my body will regurgitate until the offending object is expelled.  If I’m convinced that I’m not good enough, I will have a difficult time accepting someone into my life who thinks I am.”

And what about giving compliments?    Don’t you feel good when you give someone a compliment?  It’s just like the concept of giving gifts - it always feel so great to give someone a gift.  And the best ones are the suprise, no-reason-but-just-felt-like-it-kind.   And compliments work the same way.  I especially love complimenting people that I don’t know - a stranger.  It’s a wonderful way to extend ourselves and be generous.

And the receiving and giving of compliments is simply a ‘feel good’.   And ‘feel goods’ are really important.   They improve our thoughts, feelings and beliefs: the three things that contribute to our energetic ‘vibration’ = what we attract.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I can’t resist….my Monday morning ritual before I loose myself in emails, writing or phone calls is to ………da da na na:   CHECK MY WEEKLY HOROSCOPE!    Ahhhh….ok, I said it!  I’m out. 

Well, if you follow my blog you’ve come across this before, but here’s the link to my favorite source:   http://www.shirleymaclaine.com/articles/astrology/article-341

This week, it’s all about…

This is a wonderful week to reaffirm your commitment to all that brings you into greater harmony with your spiritual self. Meditation is very gratifying as it is easy to attune and perceive. Visualization is easy so make a list of those things you wish manifested in your life, and as the lunar tide swells toward the full Moon on July 18 you will be aided by its growing energy.

The second quarter cycle beginning on Thursday in Libra shows you where you need to bring into alignment anything that has been out of kilter. You can now either eliminate what isn’t right and working or make a shift so balance is restored.

Remember, too, that the Dog Days, holy days in ancient Egypt, when the star, Sirius, was visible, began last week and will be active until August 6. We were all able to focus upon the great wisdom and knowledge when the Pleiadian Stargate opened last month and now we may meditate on the blessings coming from the Sirius system. By some, Sirius is thought to be our spiritual sun. For thousands of years it has been observed and considered significant. Wisdom and compassion, order, healing and divinity are just a few of the many blessings generated.

Believe and receive,

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Getting ready for the day this morning, I looked in the mirror and thanked myself for getting my brows done yesterday.   Whenever I get them done, I feel a little more ‘together’ as I walk out the door, without having to spend a second longer in my morning ritual for it.

Little things like this I find can really help me raise my vibrational energy at times.  When I’m in  a low -vibe place, I’ll take whatever I can get. = )

True and infinite beauty comes from within, this I am sure of.   But a girls got a right to feel good on the outside!

So, if you haven’t had your brows shaped (and throw in some color while you’re at it!) before, I highly recommend it.

For you local SF gals, Erika Lee at Dermal Essentials in Cow Hollow is a pro.   After spending years at Benefit, she went out on her own :  http://dermalessentials.com.  

Go on, raise some brows!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Keeping Your Word is one of the ‘tenants’ of Being Love Savvy.   It’s SO important.  I really can’t emphasize it enough.

And do you know who it’s most important to keep your word to?   No, not your guy.  Or your  mom.  Nope, not your best friend either.

TO YOURSELF. 

You see, when we keep our word to ourselves, we start to accrue feelings of WORTH, CONFIDENCE, BELIEF in ourselves, in our own ‘account’.

Our word can be small :  I’m going to workout 3 times this week….I’m going to save $X each week……I’m going to finish X project, before I begin X. 

Our word can be big:  I’m going to write a book.  I’m going to stop this sabatoging behavior.  I’m not going to sleep with him again.  I am going to change jobs.

And when we don’t, we slowly take out withdrawls.  They seem so small, so insignificant.  BUT,  before we know it, we are flat out BROKE.  Our account is empty.

We look at that shiny object we want to ‘ purchase ‘  (translation:  class to try,  conversation to have,  person to meet, adventure trip to try,  CHANGE to make),  and we don’t feel that we can, because our wallet feels barren.

When I coach my clients on changes that they want to make, we start small.   Baby steps.  Once we show ourselves that we’re in integrity, because we’re keeping our word to ourselves (getting in 3 workouts a week - eliminating some energy drains, etc),  SHIFT happens.   Confidence builds.  BOLD steps start to accumulate.   AMAZING, LIFE-CHANGING results take place.

And, take note, savvy sister:  a very important piece to this is to be kind and gentle with yourself.  When you don’t follow through with yourself, it’s OK.   You are NOT bad.  You are HUMAN.

So start SMALL.   Try keeping your word to yourself on the low hanging fruit first, before you climb the ladder and reach for the sky-high pieces.   

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I had such a fun weekend!  Two fun birthday-bash dinners for friends, one big hike in Marin, and a trip to the East Bay to spend some quality time with my Dad on Father’s Day.  Whew!   Come Sunday night, I was so exhausted, I rewarded myself after grocery shopping and dinner with back to back episodes of the new Denise Richards reality show (not sure if that’s a reward, but it felt indulgent). I stayed up way too late, which was part of the fun.

Aside from all the celebration this weekend, I got some distance for myself in two ways.  One, was getting some distance from my sweetie.  Larry was away to Chicago for the weekend to visit his family.  Don’t get me wrong, although we do argue and have tension from time to time like other couples, we parted in a very strong and loving place, and I knew that I would miss not having him as my handsome date and companion.   However, I warmed up to the weekend living as a ‘Single’ gal:  playing my music loud, giggling & empathisizing with girlfriends over delicious dinners, and taking as long as I wanted in the shower and in my closet, candles lit.  It was a sweet reminder of what life was like when I was Single and only had to concern myself with Me. 

Distance from being part of a couple, and from having my best friend and husband at my side, at home and out.   The other distance came from getting that distance.  The second layer of distance was at realizing that although I had this sweet reminder of what my Single life was like, I realized that I was a visitor there.  I am no longer that woman.  As I approach my one-year wedding anniversary, it was very syncronistic timing to get a new perspective on this awareness.

I’m writing about this because it served as a reminder to me that we all need to get some distance, from time to time, to hit refresh and get a taste of other perspectives.  It’s extremely healthy.  Life is every-changing and never static, although sometimes we struggle to make it so.   We resist the chapter turning, if at least for a moment.  We can fight to keep our same looks if we’re resisting aging, our old stories when we’re resisting change, our single-status when we’re resisting committment, our same friendships when we’re resisting outgrowing them, our non-parental status when we’re resisting children, etc etc etc. 

I encourage you to try getting some distance here and there, for yourself. 

• Force yourself to schedule alone time (this is REALLY hard when you’re madly in love, or lust, in the newness of dating or relationship, but even MORE important so as not to loose yourself completely). 
• Try out a new option (neighborhood, style of dressing, type of date, anything!)
• Mix things up where you feel very tied to routine or way of doing something, or way of being.
• Listen to that little voice that says, “I miss doing….,  I am craving……, I’d love to try……” and  just do it.

When you do, you’ll feel more alive, renewed and complete - right where you are.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I was working with my coach yesterday (I have one too - we all need to walk our talk…) and she asked me how often I check in with my Vision (in this case, my career Vision) these days.

My answer = not much.

Admittedly, I can find myself off-track, and the thought of dedicating some time to connect to my Vision feels like - UGH.

Just like exercising, eating well, or other self-care, if I get off-track, it takes a little wake-up to stretch and get back into the game.   It might feel more comfortable to sit it out, but it’s no fun not playing.

I discovered in talking with Karin, my Fabulous Coach (www.mmmaven.com), that the best way for me to tap into my Vision regularly and effectively is by playing a mind movie.   

A mind movie is simply a Vision you hold in your mind, playing out the future scenario that you are desiring.   I first did this when I anxiously anticipated delivering a presentation to executives in a former job.  I pictured myself confident, calm and equiped to handle anything that came my way.   Sure enough, we oddly lost electricity during the event, and I later received praise from my boss for how unaffected I appeared.  

Mind movies work.  I’ve played them preparing for various events that caused me temporary anxiety (dates, interviews, key meetings, challenging conversations).  It never fails to work.

I committed to Karin yesterday to play my mind movie , at minimum, every day if just for a few minutes.  The key is to really feel into the movie, capturing the energy and vibration of your Vision.  Press pause and hold that space as long as you can in your mind, and feel that energy in your body.  

So, my savvy friend, I encourage you to try this.  You will be amazed.

First, get clear on a Vision.  What are you desiring?   Then, create a future image of you having this in your life, being this Future Self.  Add in details and feeling-tones that make the movie rich and fulfilling - you’re enjoying the fruits of your success.  

Play this movie regularly!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I often coach my clients to journal.  This is not an easy task if you’re not accustomed to doing so - I know.   One thing that I always find is a help - both for myself and for my clients - is to begin with a Gratitude List.  I got this idea from a book that Oprah made famous, Simple Abundance, by Sara Ban Breathnach. 

The idea is to give thanks to what you have, what you enjoy, what is true.   Small and big.  Simple pleasures. 

Taking time to list these things can shift our perspecitve dramatically.   Suddenly, we realize that we have many things to take pleasure and comfort in.   We don’t need to keep our mental focus on what we seemingly lack or don’t have.

For example, my list today:

1.  Feeling the sun on my face and the warm air.

2. Laughing and making it through 6am bootcamp this morning.

3.  A sweet email from a friend I don’t get to see much.

4.  The ability to do work that I love today.

5.  A sweet kiss from my husband.

Writing this list drops me in to how I’m feeling, and slows me down to take notice of all that I am able to do and to experience.   Especially if I’m feeling uninspired or in negative thinking, writing 5 things to be grateful for always helps turn me around.  

Try it out!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com