Dear Amazing Women,

If you’re on my newsletter list (you can receive it subscribing here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com/articles.htm) , you read that a few weeks ago I attended Ali Brown’s SHINE event in Las Vegas.  This was a group of 500+ entrepreneurs - mostly women - all gathered in one ballroom for 3 full days of inspiration, teaching, and networking.  

With my recent ‘Find YOUR MR. Right Breakthrough Session’ promo, I’ve been meeting even more women ready for LOVE.  New love. Different love. They’re ready for a road they haven’t been down before.  As I’ve been consulting with these great women, I’ve been reminded of my biggest learning’s at SHINE.  Who knew?  Love & Entrepreneurship have a lot in common.

* ** Make Decisions based on where you want to be, not where you are (or where you’ve been). 

This is a biggie.  Entrepreneurs become afraid to invest more at times.  They’re looking at what’s worked so far.  Women seeking love are the same.  Many women are looking at their track record, their hurts, or their current status - and making decisions from that place, rather than based on their Vision.

*** If you are being your authentic self, you really can’t have competition.

Yeeessss.  This one is SO important ladies. I hear clients talk about comparison all the time, and as women, we all do this - I believe more than men.  If I sat and compared myself to other experts in my field, I would feel deflated and uninspired.  I may try to not be ME, but more like THEM, if I was feeling insecure or dis-believing.  As a woman, the more you own and harness your own personality, your own authentic beauty - and play up your strengths, the RIGHT man for you will be effortlessly drawn to you.  Comparison DOES kill. 

* ** People won’t invest in you beyond what you’ve invested in yourself.

As a coach, I continually invest in my own growth, tools and training.  I continually make financial investments in myself via coaches, teachers, trainings, seminars - not to mention the investment of time, and self-care.  I could never expect to receive an investment from a client for one of my coaching packages, products or seminars that I don’t make myself.  It’s an integrity thing.

How does this show up in LOVE?  Would you want to date you?  And are you in integrity in general with how you treat others?  Once a client came to me  being very tough on the guys out there, yet she was ultra-sensitive to any form of rejection that SHE received. It was amazing to watch her transform in our work together and soften into more acceptance of others & herself - and receive love.  Like attracts Like, so the more you invest in your own care, happiness and life - the more you will receive in the form of a wonderful partner.

Wishing you a fabulous Friday & weekend ahead.

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Happy Friday, and to those of you celebrating the Jewish New Year, Happy New Year!

For this final post  on tips, truths and tricks to navigate dating and relating, I’m sharing an article I recently wrote for www.SavvyAuntie.com, Melanie Notkin’s very savvy site dedicated to the lifestyle of PANKs, Professional Auntie No Kids, where I’m a regular contributor. 

Tip #5 ~  Unleash Your Inner Self-Care Vixen!

I’m SO, SO passionate about this topic because it’s the foundation for not just successful dating and relating, but simply for making the most of your life in every area.   When don’t feel good we show up in a more limited way than when we  feel good about ourselves. 

Here’s what I’m talking about: http://tinyurl.com/qa6roz

Big love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Immerse yourself…

In loving thoughts of Self. 

In a Vision of what you desire for relationship, career, life-style.

In a Mind-set that supports your highest good.

Madame Johnson, my high-school French teacher, always spoke of the need to study the language in France in an immersion program as the only way to become truly fluent.  Often, we need to immerse ourselves for success ( I didn’t go..), especially in these modern times of distraction and too many competing priorities.  We can get spread too thin and our results become diluted.

When I worked with a physical trainer years and years ago, he had me immersed.  I was journaling my food every day, cooking in more (and brown-bagging lunches more), weighing in regularly, and scheduling all my workouts and routines beyond my sessions with him.  Had I not, I know I wouldn’t have been as successful.

When I hired past coaches, to help me up-level my life in various areas, my work with them had (and has) me immersed.  I’m immersed into new thoughts and beliefs that support me taking new actions.   

These ‘immersions’ become COI (centers of influence) in your life.  They don’t demand that you cast out your entire way of be-ing, but rather they bring a strong influence that acts as a sort of hand to hold, as you step up and step out developing new patterns, behaviors and - new results.

I help clients immerse themselves into new perspectives - new ways of thinking and being.  Immersing themselves in a new way of self-care shifts what they experience on the ‘outside’ = in the world.  When we fill up internally, we feel more confident.  ‘People play small when they feel small’, says T.Harv Eker  All that’s required is a shift in perspective and taking new actions. Baby-steps or leaps, they both will serve you well.  By immersing ourselves - and in ways that we can incorporate easily into our lives - we yield amazing new results.

A few ideas in how to Immerse yourself this August:

1)  Spend a day at the beach, sans cell phone.  Pack a journal to capture ideas and thoughts, but let yourself be free to the present moment and follow your bliss. 

2) Even better, decide to take a weekend away alone.  Check into a hotel that makes you feel comfortable and well taken care of, and delight in new explorations both ‘inside’ yourself and ‘outside’.  Allow yourself to luxuriate in your surroundings, in your free time and in this free space to *BE*.  Notice what thoughts and inspirations come to you, and act on them.  This information is coming as a download from Spirit and your Higher Self.  Enroll a friend if you need to to keep you accountable. 

3) Create a Sacred Space in your day by either assigning a place, or time of day - and use this time to read or listen to inspirational audio.  Morning is the most ideal time as it will set the tone for your day.  Meditation is a wonderful way to immerse into a new realm of being. 

4)  Turn up the volume even more by hiring a Mentor or join a Coaching Group.

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Sometimes I have too many ideas on what to write about.  Today, what kept coming back in to my thoughts was the struggle that we can have when we’re ‘cleaning house’ - making changes - in our lives, because this process and space can be really, really UNCOMFORTABLE at times.  

If you look at this on the level of the world - ie. our Global Economy, and our national ‘j-0-b’ market, there’s been a lot of ‘cleaning house’ - hasn’t there?  A forced cleaning. And we, right now, are sitting in that uncomfortable place, watching to see what’s created as our economy slowly rebounds and with that, Corporate America begins to respond and begins to hire again.

In a similar fashion, yet often by choice, we as individuals have to say ‘NO’ to things to create the space for the ‘YES’s to arrive in our lives.  Sometimes that’s a person, place or thing.  AND, what I know to be true, is that we also have to look within.  We must also look at who we are BE-ing , and who we want to BEcome, in order to create the powerful shifts and results that our hearts and minds seek.  So, we have to create space by looking at ways of being within ourselves that no longer serve who we are becoming - and want to become.

For instance, a woman desires a relationship. She’s been alone for a while. She’s ready. On some level, whether conscious or unconscious, she gathers what she would absolutely love to experience in this relationship - and in life within this relationship (the YES).  Because she’s lonely, she still hooks up occasionallywithan old boyfriend, and she dates men that reveal to her red flags out the gate - and qualities that don’t align with what she desires in a partner.  The most important aspect of this behavior, though, is that she feels less-than as a result.  She’s not receiving what she desires, yet she’ll *continue* to keep company with them because the NEW hasn’t arrived, despite feeling less-than after the rendez-vous or disappointment within herself after she accepts a third date request from a mulitple red-flag guy.

It can be so difficult sometimes to say the ‘NO’ (no more…), especially when the ‘ante’ feels raised like  the example above = a longed-for relationship.

And, we can’t grow if we don’t get uncomfortable.  I use to see my own discomfort as a signal that perhaps I was heading down the wrong path.  Today I am well aware that growth - and creating what we want in life - can have times of discomfort.  Our discomfort is often a very important SIGN that we are creating space for NEW. That we’re ‘on-track’!

Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this process and the sometimes-discomfort:

-  Notice if a person, place or thing feels ‘negative’, or that you might feel depleted or negative upon leaving them, it, or after a behavior of your own (like saying Yes to other’s when you want to say No).   If the answer is s a YES, then it needs to be a NO.  But what’s around the corner?  Your NO to what’s in front of you will light the way.  It’s a leap of Faith, and it will pay off in spades.

- Remember that there is a YES behind your NO - the Yes to yourself and what you’re creating.  This is huge for riding the wave of discomfort as you stay true to yourself. For example, you’ve decided that you’re not going to pursue interviewing in a particular industry (every time you do you get a big NO inside - you know it’s no longer a fit for you in a huge way).  But it’s really uncomfortable, for many reasons: a) you need a job b) it’s really easy to get interviews in this field c) your ego gets stroked because you’re experienced d) all of the above.    REMEMBER THE YES.   The YES here may be the 10+ year longed-for career change into the area that those close to you say they can see you in, and more importantly you know on some level you belong in.  The YES here is about saying YES to your dreams.  Keeping you healthier and happier. 

-Be really, REALLY kind and gentle to yourself along the way.  Self-love.  It’s the elixir of life.  The more we are accepting, nurturing, and trusting of ourselves, the easier life flows before us.  If you’re a big bad-talker of yourself, stop NOW.  Words are huge, especially those we say silently to ourselves = our thoughts.   So, be kind.  No one can love you better, nor create the life of your dreams. 

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friend,

Recently I’ve had a few reminders of the importance of this Truth when it comes to going for your dreams; whether it’s to have a loving, reciprocal relationship - build a business around a vision-  or simply to live a rich life with lots of FUN and reward.

You must be willing to take your own journey.  And by this, I mean wake up to YOU, what YOU need, and what’s in your heart. Despite being perhaps a very independent woman in the world, are you honoring your needs and desires-  in what you want to create for yourself both in relationship and in life?

When you do, when you step out into the true unknown, and you ‘burn the ships’ (your safety nets of old, outworn patterns, and sometimes things, like a relationship if it’s not going to work, job or friendships) - this is when you truly are ‘carried’. You’re carried out of the ‘unwanted’ and ‘outgrown’, and into a new land of your dreams.

Taking our own journey means keeping our eye on ‘our prize’. 

I remember when I was single and feeling ‘less-than’ because the man I was dating wasn’t showing up for me the way I needed him to (as in letting down his guards, planning more for the future, etc) and how, rather than honor my needs, my heart and my vision, I would continue to look at how I could be different - sexier, more confident, more beautiful, more witty, more successful.  All I needed to do was love myself enough to admit, ‘Yikes. This doesn’t feel so great’, and then step out on faith and belief that my desire wanted me just as much as I wanted it. (You can replace this relationship desire with anything: health, finances, new employment, entrepreneurship).  

Once those two click in, loving myself enough and stepping out into my own journey on faith, the steps to show myself and the Universe that I was serious about my desire became much easier, despite including sometimes painful choices that would scare the hell out of me.  And still do, as I am applying this to the creation of my business and working for myself now.

Often I notice that if we don’t love our selves enough (self-worth) and/or are clear on what our desire is (we’re not slowing down enough to know but rather are responding to life so we don’t have clarity OR we’re doing the ‘who am i?’ thing  which is also self-worth, because often when we vision and dream, or listen to the calling we still don’t dream big enough), nor believe it’s possible - we simply stay stuck.  And then, when things fall out with the relationship that we were settling in, we wonder what happened and analyze it to death and often blame ourselves.  Or, we stay in the job that we can’t stand but pays the bills and yet shrivel up so much inside that we’re assuaging our pain and stuckness with everything under the sun, and long for a different way to live but as the days click on our belief, dreams, and action steps get more and more suppressed.

When things were hitting rock-bottom with an ex-boyfriend, I finally decided that was it. It took rock-bottom, however. Then, I simply changed my mind and decided.  This was it! The work came then in healing my heart, developing my faith & belief even further, and stepping out.  Living and having fun in new ways. And as soon as I loved myself enough to do things differently and follow that bliss, I met my husband Larry. I hope that we’re blessed with a long, sweet, rich life - living and loving together.  AND, I know that I’m ultimately on my own journey - as each of us are.

To yours,

With love ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

BTW, although ’savvy’ can be synonymous with ’shrewd’, I chose it in my brand for another synonymous word, ‘understanding’.  A savvy woman has understanding.  A savvy woman understands that to ‘be love’ is to receive love. To love oneself and look within transforms what one experiences on the outside.

That was on my mind - thanks to a tweet on Twitter from someone picking it apart, which helped me - and wanted to share.

Ok, so on to Inviting Your Beloved In.  This subject comes from my ‘advice column’ (if you have a question, send it to my assistant at assist@belovesavvy.com, and I’ll answer you here in my blog!), where a savvy woman wrote to me about my opinion on FWB, knowing as she had read, that I don’t promote a FWB relationship as helpful if you’re ready for your beloved.

Dear Leslie,

….I have a question: why exactly is it so crucial to cut of FWB? I read in one of your recent newsletters that that is one of the important steps to take in manifesting my life partner.

I have an ex-boyfriend who is basically my best friend. We talk or email nearly every day and support each other in dating other people/editing our profiles, etc. He’s been so helpful for me in demystifying the man’s perspective. We completely love each other as friends and human beings, and we have sex once in a while in a really loving and respectful way….

Thanks so much!!

“Beth”

Dear “Beth”,

I’m glad you wrote, because I know this is a topic that many can relate to.  I’m going to communicate what has been true in my own experience, as well as what many may agree with - yet you and others may not.  So, I’ll speak for what’s worked for me and many women that I know.

You must make room for your beloved in your life, as if he’s already here.  Feng Shui experts suggest placing a nightstand on the other side of the bed for him.  Similar to that physical representation of a ‘welcome’ mat in your bedroom, there must be a big, bold ‘welcome’ mat in your heart and in your energy-field. 

Now, perhaps you are a unique woman who feels after sleeping with this Ex (which I don’t classify as a ’FWB’ -friends with benefits- it’s an Ex) you feel empowered to go out and meet other men, and you feel more open & available for connection with other men than if you didn’t have this relationship with, let’s call him, Eric. 

Most women in your shoes can’t separate (I know I couldn’t, as much as I would fool myself. Eventually the love-high wore, and the hangover would settle in).  They may not be conscious of it , but in some way, shape or form, the ‘Erics’ in their lives take up space.  The coaster and glass of water, watch, and cell phone are on the ‘guest’ nightstand - and your beloved wonders, ‘Who’s here?’. 

Beleive me, I’m not saying you need to remain celebate and not enjoy the pleasure of male energy and company. But it needs to be ‘clean’ energy.  I don’t like FWB - or Ex’s -because they’re not ‘clean’.  Are they a friend, or are they a lover? Are they someone you once and/or now wanted more from? In your case, it’s an Ex, which is more than a friend if you’re in intimate emotional and physcial contact (which you are currently in both).

I’m a huge advocate for taking a lover, if you stay hyper-conscious of keeping it ‘clean’.  A lover with no strings.  A lover who is not a friend, who you didn’t once date and get to know more intimately and mundanely - no strings.  Somone who remains ‘clean’ in your life, aka, doesn’t socialize with you or your friends, doesn’t court or date you, and doesn’t spend the night and use the nightstand.  Sound rigid? I’m sure.  But this form of relationship doesn’t take up ANY space other than some physical intimacy -which - in and of itself is cause for most women to form attachment and bonds to - typically prematurely and inappropriately so. 

When I read your email, Beth, I immediately wondered why you and Eric aren’t together and committed - the way you desire for with a beloved - based on your description of your relationship as it is today.  If either or both of you have long decided that it’s a NO, then you must get really honest with yourself here.  As difficult as it is, we often hold on in a seemingly harmless way, when truly the person we love (and can continue to love, as love never dies) we need to let go of - the form of relationship needs to change.  Many of us fool ourselves into believing that because we don’t have a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘husband’, and that the form with an Ex has changed somewhat, we’re truly available to our beloved (who is on his way to you) - when we’re not.  The water is muddied, the lines are a bit blurred.  We’re afraid to ‘burn the ships’ because what if our Beloved - another ship - doesn’t come?

My advice: stop sleeping with Eric immediately, and think about taking  month break from contact, being really honest as to why.  Try it out.  Notice what you miss.  Take exquisite care of yourself. Reach out to others. After a month, what’s there? What’s there for Eric?  If you are not to be together as partners, you need to be prepared to grieve this form of the relationship, give space for it to change,  and roll out a bigger welcome mat for your Beloved.

With love and understanding,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

By now you know that I do follow Astrological happenings - I’ve actually become much more attracted to planetary transits and what they bring, than I have the ‘What’s your sign?’ stuff - which I use to be *ruled* by, or so it felt.

So today I had a huge Mercury Retrograde *slap* in the face when my tele-class was in the works for a 10am start, and I could not, for the life of me, get on the line.  This is the second time , in only a matter of about 5 total calls I’ve held thus far in my BeLoveSavvy.com career, that this has happened to me.  I’ll place bets the last was in a Merc Retrograde, i’m curious to look back now…

So my aunt, who is a wonderful therapist and Savvy Woman, had told me yesterday that she wanted to make the call… and she poked me at 5 after the hour with a ‘where are you - we’re sitting here on the line wondering where you are…’.  Needless to say, it can feel quite frustrating to be caught by  Mercury Retrograde.  Things un-explainably may happen in a seemingly negative fashion with your computer, car, communications, contracts - all these things can suddenly have odd ‘issues’.     I had all the right call -in information this morning for me to get on the call line as the ‘Host’ - yet it wasn’t working.  5 tries and 2 phones later, I finally got on, a little frazzled.

I read that all the “Re’s” are what you must take-in and surround yourself with during this 3-week period (that I believe ends somewhere around the 27th of May),  such as:

• REvise
• REpair
• REview
• REconnect
• REevaluate and
• REdo
• REnew

“They” say don’t launch anything major, don’t sign anything that’s significant, and take lots of time for things and have a back-up plan.

Just a little FYI from a believer. ;-)

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Whether you’re single, married or dating - no matter what the status of you’re relationship, no doubt the tool of Visualizing will change your life - it has mine.  Over, and over, and over again (it works wonders when I’m in an argument with my love).

Visualizing is one of the most powerful things that you can do to create change and bridge your reality over to the place of your dreams. Dating the wrong men? In an unhappy relationship?  Is your marriage suffering? Are you simply feeling dried up and exhausted? Not only has this done wonders for me in my love life, but I can look at other important things in my life -  changing careers, giving important presentations at work, working to get in shape at the gym, and even a most recent television appearance - and the success of these all were the result of a  common denominator: Visualizing.

Years ago when I was between boyfriends, a very wise & savvy friend and I were talking about love and live, and she struck a chord with me when she asked me to ‘feel in’ to what I wanted in a relationship.  ‘Picture in your mind the two of you hanging out - what are you doing together?’  Then I was even more blown away when she again asked me to feel in to (through a Vision - a picture in my mind) things like the way we communicated  - to identify what the feeling-tone was of that - fiery? Clear? Soft & cozy? Expansive & accepting?   

Months before I met my husband, I surprised myself when I was talking with producers of the reality show, “How To Get The Guy’ that was being filmed in San Francisco (but that’s a story for another blog) , and in our discussion it came to my awareness that I had held this Vision in my mind of my future  husband and I having black & white photographs hung in our hallway, particularly of us with our baby.  Now, I wasn’t a girl who had lots of specifics as to details of what her future life would look like, but that image popped up and had served - in some ways unbeknownst to me - as a guide post as I dated. Today Larry and I do have some black and whites of us hung in our hallway, and I smile as I connect the dots back to my Vision.

Another very powerful personal example on Visioning : I spent time one weekend by myself - my first trip with no companion and not work-related - walking the beach in Del Mar, CA and soaking up the gorgeous hotel and pool I was staying at. I journaled, I walked , I shopped - it was a healing time for me after a relationship ended and I had left a job to pursue a coaching career.  I walked the beach every day and visualized my future life - specifically my future husband and marriage. I felt into (via a vision) our communication, how we spent time, the energy of him - and of us.  Unbeknownst to Larry, he proposed to me on that very beach, under the Moonlight, less than 2 years later (but who was counting?).  This still gives me the chills and sweetly reminds me how we live in a magical Universe, if we can only remember to see it that way and Believe.

I’m so passionate about this powerful tool and I teach my clients to use it successfully in their own lives.  It’s so simple, it can be quick and it’s *Free* to boot.  What more could you love about a tool that expands your reality and allows your dreams to unfold, seemingly effortlessly? (Stay tuned for Pt. 2 of this blog where I’ll speak more to this last statement)

Here’s some steps to the “How”:

1. Choose a Visioning medium that comes most easiest for you to ensure regular use & success.   Is it playing a ‘mind movie’? Is it making a Vision box or board?  Is it writing it down?  Maybe all three - but whatever you do, decide to do it, begin, and tap into it regularly - even for just a minute or two.

2. You must shut down your thinking/ego mind while you’re doing this.  That’s the mind that has you perhaps looking to poke holes in this concept, to censure what you’re visioning, to tell you you’re doing it ‘wrong’.   THERE IS NO WRONG WAY. Trust your inner guidance.

3. Get yourself into a relaxed state for a few minutes before you begin steps 1 and 2.  Listen to a favorite song first, laugh at a funny show or joke, move your body.  Get your energy flowing downstream to open up creativity and connect to your inner navigation system - your heart & energy system - that connects easily to Truth and the magical Universe.

Stay tuned for Part 2 - what is ‘happening’ when we regularly Vision & how does this help us take inspired action?  

With love and Universal blessings,

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

This is in ’Life Improvement 101′,  and it will amaze me when I forget it in my own life - which I can and do!

Although recently I began implementing it into new areas of my life - some areas I hadn’t given myself permission to apply this to in the past - and it’s simply rocking my world!

Do you want to rock your world - shake things up a little bit with yourself?

Well, then….Drum-roll please…

Take INSPIRED actions, only.  What do I mean by this?  Well, I can bet you are like most of us living in this modern life, which is that we are leading very busy lives. So busy in fact that often everything just kind of runs together, gets more and more busy and overwhelming, and eventually you either flat-line in apathy (maybe without knowing it) or you stay on the merry-go-round getting so out of touch with your authentic self and without a minute to spare.  But that’s truly it’s own topic that deserves it’s own attention.

Taking INSPIRED action means both responding to things if and when you feel inspired to do so.  It also applies to -quite beautifully - when you are looking to do the BIG things; the steps that have you feeling trepidation because they are NEW and UNKNOWN.

The brilliance of this, and I can say I am continually surprised, is that energetically everything aligns when you take inspired action.  Rather than operating from shoulds, indecision, or resentment, by taking inspired actions only you align with what’s true for you which aligns with the Universe and it just feels so light and breezy-easy. 

This apples to everything from deciding what you want to do tonight, to who to call back, to placing calls for information-interviews while you’re job hunting.  What happens is that we often act on reaction, or out of ‘musts’ and ’shoulds’.   We also wimp out when we don’t feel inspired and we’re facing something that feels daunting and unknown.

Things to do to get inspired and into action:

- Get a little quiet.  Pause before you return a call from a negative friend and check in with yourself - is this a Yes or a No?  Give yourself permission to say NO to doing something that may have just become habit.

-Tap into your VISION (don’t have one? search my blog for Vision Box, Mind Movies, etc).   Does this action or response you’re looking to take align? 

-When you’re stepping out & up into something new, focus on  making decisions and taking inspired actions based on where you want to be, not from where you are currently.

Believe me, this isn’t always easy and it takes some awareness  practice, but the dots connect and connect and like any good habit, it becomes easier and more natural as you go along.  I promise.

Much love,

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

If you want 1 year of Prosperity, grow Seeds

If you want 10 years of Prosperity, grow Trees

If you want a Lifetime of Prosperity, grow your Self Worth.

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com