Dear Savvy Woman,

Let’s be grateful for what is and what matters most to us,  as we enter the holidays and soon say hello to 2010.

I’ll go first by sharing that I am so grateful for:

YOU, for the opportunity to connect with you in this way.

My health and Being: body, mind, spirit, and soul.  

My clients, and all the women who trust - and have trusted - me in guiding them to find their true love.  

All the brilliance, beauty and opportunity that exist on the planet in my lifetime.

My friends and family for their love and support,  and for being who they are in my life (or were), and teaching me what I most need to learn, sometimes to my great dis-comfort! 

The expansiveness and shiny-new experiences that emerge on the other side of the above dis-comfort!

And I’m grateful  - more with each passing day - to my husband Larry for being more than I could have ever imagined as a friend and husband - and teacher.  Last Thanksgiving we did not spend  together (that’s for another blog post or maybe even a book!).  I’m learning so much about myself and about life being in this relationship.  It’s both life-giving and humbling.

All the people that have paved the road for me and you, including my beloved mom who passed away 15 years ago.  I love you Mom, and miss you. 

And as I end this blog, I look inside the book cover of a book I read in the mid-9o’s after my mother passed, that her sister, my Aunt Margo, sent to me “Simple Abundance”, by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  This is syncronistic.  I read on this inside cover what I  know I am to share with you, a prayer that I learned from an Oprah show back then that John Gray shared with the audience, and that helped me to connect to my higher self, to the Universe and to more abundance.

“Oh glorious future, come sit in my heart.  My heart is open to you.

Oh glorious G*d, come sit in my heart.  My heart is open to you.”

Happy Thanksgiving from me to you ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Your emails and FB comments on these daily tips have been awesome, thank you.  I love to receive your feedback or questions so please comment, email, or ping me via @LoveSavvyLeslie.   This daily blogging of tips for ’single’ and ‘in-relationship’ gals is helping me as I write my first e-book.  Hot topics and burning questions on relationship success and attracting new love?  Please share. And we all have them.  I was reading In Style magazine the other day, the current issue with J Lo, and of course I appreciated how she admitted that she’s fascinated by relationships and is always picking up a book on them to try to figure them out (I’m sure Marc has helped her de-mystify them some… ;-)). 

Tip #3  ~ Keep  - or Create - a little Mystery 

Just a little. I’m not suggesting games here. This is really about re-balancing and keeping the dance in your relationship going. When there’s absolutely no surprises, no space, time apart - its kind of like you’ve stopped dancing and you’re sitting on the side looking around at everyone else, bored and maybe frustrated.  Every relationship ebbs and flows - and - what I know to be true and what I hear from clients is that things can  also start to feel off-balance within ourselves and the relationship when we’ve become so accountable, so attached at the hip, sometimes too giving of ourselves (us?), overly focused on him or the relationship, etc.   Maybe we notice that we’re feeling a little taken for granted, or our guy is now stating that he doesn’t know if he can give us what we want, like a longer-term  view together. Sometimes the dance is meant to be ended, but even the best of relationships can benefit from a little ‘feminine mystique’ infusion. 

A client I’m coaching was experiencing this a little with her guy recently and asked me for advice.  She was tempted to pull away completely - as is often what we want to do - RUN! - when our feelings are a little hurt by what we’re not getting, especially when it’s a topic such as committment.  What I reminded her is how attuned men are to to this feminine mystique, and they’re not even conscious of it - usually.  In her case, it was simply to re-create some by weaving in a few nights sleeping back at her place (beauty sleep for early a.m. meetings) , not being as uber-responsive or initiative with texts and calls (don’t ditch them, but delay the need to always pick up or initiate), and re-prioritizing some very important ’me’ and  friend time which may be on a back-burner. 

From my savvy heart to yours  ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Tip # 4 ~  Always play an honest game of cards without revealing your entire hand

I notice in the dating process - and I was guilty of it too - is that women (and men!) sometimes tend to either show their entire hand by date 4 - ‘I want to be married by X date,  2.5 kids in which the names are already picked by the way, I have a funny habit about X, and I feel really insecure about you going on that boys trip next month’ - or keep their cards so tight to the vest, and cheat through the game, that they repel and sabotage the organic and necessary flow of getting to know someone, and the opportunity to sink into a healthy relationship.  Learning to be somewhere in the middle ensures that you won’t, as Dr. Phil says, risk more than you’re willing to lose, and yet still get - and stay - in the ‘game’.

The more that you listen and trust yourself, the easier it is to navigate this process.

As a beautiful card that I once bought myself says, “Listen from within.  Your heart knows the way.”

xo,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s a topic that I coach clients on if it comes up for them- especially that first date when the temptation - and often the tendancy - is high to whip out the checklists and keep yourself on lock-down, potentially shutting down an opportunity for connection.

Tip #2 - Slipping into your Feminine on a Date

In today’s world many women are high-tailing it to coffe dates via Match.com directly from the office.  What happens when we women are still in our ‘doing’ energy (masculine) when we get around men is we can tend to either take over or severely compete with the man of the moment (our date, or in my case, my husband).  Sometimes a dating situation calls for that, and a healthy relationship should be able to ‘hold’ that.  But what I’m refering to here is a pattern that can get in the way of the masculine-feminine ‘dance’.   Here are a few quick ways to transition into more ‘being’ energy, inviting your softer - and receptive - side to come out and shine:

1)  Be sure to change your top, shoes, jewelry - something - when you leave the office to meet someone for a date.  This is not only a great way to ‘adorn’ yourself and feel a bit more feminine, but it’s a structure and way to signal to yourself that you’re work is done, and you can relax now.   (And I know dates can feel like work, but that’s a mind-set to shift as well…for another post).

2) If you’re at home before going out to meet someone , be sure to : light candles, play some music, spray perfume or essential oils.  These all invoke the feminine - and create beauty and an atmosphere that connects you to beauty - and allow you to step out of your head, and into more presence for your date.

3) This is a fun little ‘trick’.  You’ve arrived to a date and your mind is still racing with work or other things.  First, try to do some deep breathing (3 deep breathes from your abdomen can do the trick) or listen to a relaxing song on the way or before you arrive.  And, to slip into feminine-mode, imagine that the date across from you is undressing you with his eyes (even if you don’t desire this to be the case!).  We feel so feminine when we’re undressed…seduced…, so this little exercise can really work to help you sink into that same kind of inviting, feminine energy.  Again, it helps you get out of your head some, allowing your heart and energy to connect to the present moment.

xoxo,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Hi Savvy Friend,

I’m back from what felt like the ‘dead’, which was only about 5 days of being a bit laid up with a cold.  But you know how it feels when you’re not in your best  - or really feeling pretty miserable, weak and sick - and you just want to crawl out of your skin?  I had some of that.  And then I thought of all in the world that are much more sick than I.  And I read a  Sunday NY Times article on South African women - girls- selling sex to Truckers so that they can have a place to sleep that night.  I don’t mean to be too heavy on this Monday morning, but I’m sharing this with you because it was my process and I know it’s often yours too. 

We must be grateful for this moment, and for all that we have.  And when we’re wanting something different - our health, a new opportunity in love, work, or life - to come from a place of appreciation - wholeness ‘as is’ - that is the key.  And it’s the Truth.  It’s ‘what is’.

BE REALLY WHOLE, AND ALL THINGS WILL COME TO YOU. ~ Lao-Tzu

This quote is so simple yet so inclusive.  

Here’s a way to break this down and step into a new perspective:

1) Be REALLY WHOLE….what does this mean for you *today*?   I say today, because we are ever-evolving creatures. Our needs change as we grow, expand, and experience.   What you need to eat for instance to keep healthy today may have changed dramatically from what you typically ate, or needed to eat, last year or 10 years ago. 

What you may need in your relationship - or in the relationship that’s on it’s way to you - might be very different from what you’ve experienced or needed in the past. Relationships are always mirrors of ourselves, who we are BEING, and where we are.  So again, look to yourself now.  What would make *you* BE REALLY WHOLE?  Maybe it’s introducing a new activity or ‘maintenance method’ (even the easiest relationships take some work, and maintaining their luster can involve things like regular ‘I love you because….’ , check-in conversations, and surprises for each other).  If you’re single, what are you creating in your mind and being for what you want to attract?  Single or in relationship - the bottom line is always YOU.  What would have *you* BE REALLY WHOLE? 

2) Chunk this down to *today*. Or what’s *next*.  What can stop us in our tracks in overwhelm, or sabotage this process,  is the common need to broad-stroke things and think in black-and-white, like there’s some million-dollar answer to this question that will bring ever-lasting prosperity and bliss to ourselves and our lives, and our relationships.  There isn’t.  Instead, think baby steps.  Each step being a bread crumb on our trail.

3) Reflecting on this question ‘What would have me BE REALLY WHOLE’, listening to what you receive in terms of insights, answers and inclinations, and then ACTING on that will bring you powerful movement in your life, and….ALL THINGS WILL COME TO YOU.

Are you local to SF?  Our Success Circle is a perfect way to bookmark time for YOU to slow down, get clear and stay accountable to what you are creating and want to create in your life!

You can learn more about this HERE.  Contact Donna at assist@belovesavvy.com to schedule a 10-15 minute chat with me to get any questions on the circle answered & ensure it’s a good fit for you.

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friends,

Ahhhh…i’m still riding on a high from my wine country oasis staycation !!  Or workaction. ;-)  10 heavenly days of unplugged BE-ing and inspired Do-ing.  I’ll be sure to share some pictures to FB soon! Together Larry (my sweetie and hubby) and I had ’scripted’ out that experience over a year ago - our stay/workaction - and then it effortlessly unfolded just days before we ditched the city for the country. I love effortless things - dont’ you?

We are all living by the scripts that we’ve been unconsciously and hopefully, consciously, writing for ourselves and then living - acting - out.

A few months ago I bought a T-Shirt and writeen simply on the front is :  REWRITE YOUR SCRIPT.

Guess what?   We can re-write these scripts that run in our minds and bring us to what we experience in our lives.  We are always at choice.  What we think about, comes about.  Where intention goes, energy flows.

What we may be - or have been  - unconsciously ’scripting’ might have come from our parents or ancestors ideas, society’s ‘requirements’ and/or cultural and gender ‘rules’.  Or simply what we put into place years ago based on our experiences, but since then our life experiences and new desires have caused us to outgrow.

Have you ever stopped and realized that you have arrived at a situation because you on some level, scripted it out?

If we get really clear (and really BRAVE), we can look at where we are and discover the script of the ‘play’ that we’ve been reading to ourselves.

A few ‘life-situation’ script examples:

Old Script:   I’m partner at my firm, I’m deep into my career in law and I absolutely cannot stand what I do but this is what I know how to do to earn the income I need to earn to support my lifestyle.  I’m too old to change.  I’ll lose respect if I try and fail.  What do I know how to do? No one loves what they do for career really, anyway. At least not the ones making any money.

New Script:  I know what I’m doing and I want to change careers.  My happiness and quality of life are so important to me, and my relationships and outlook will soar when I act on what I need to act on here. I know how to be resourceful and attract new opportunities that will be lucrative AND rewarding. I have options. I’ll begin to take steps to investigate what’s next for me.  I know there is support and expertise available.  As I take steps, the Universe rises up to meet me, and will continue to.

Old Script:I’m in this relationship that doesn’t feel good, but what are my options? Sure, this doesn’t really make me feel very secure, empowered, valued or appreciated.  But look around, no one else is very happy in theirs either. Or they’re single and can’t find a decent date.  I guess I’m better off than they are.  And,   I’m so use to this relationship.  I’m sure that one day he’ll get off the fence and really start to step up in this relationship.  This is just how it has to be, for me, I guess.  Maybe one of these days I won’t be able to take anymore.

New Script: I am in a relationship that feels amazing! I feel cherished and respected, and we have such fun together , looking out on the same horizen as we step into our future together.  It’s incredible…there are no games!  So much space has opened up in my be-ing because I don’t have to expend so much mental and emotional energy on it.  Wow! This is fabulous.  We hit speed bumps here and there but I feel so confident inside that I, and we, can cruise right over them.  Life is good. No, life is GOOD!!  (Now, if this current partner can’t rise to the script that she continues to play in her head, that person will fall away and a new partner will come in to play that ‘role’ in her script).

Script writing is something that I do on a regular basis with myself, and with my clients.  We can script out our bigger life-changes and dreams, and we can also script out our day, a difficult conversation to have, or any situation.

Easy 1-2-3’s for script writing:

1)  Make sure you are in a good space, ie. feeling somewhat to very positive and hopeful, as the intentiona and energy you begin this (and anything) with is everything. 

2) If you can, create a sacred space around this by way of lighting a candle, shutting off any distracting and ambient noise (other than inspiring music), and grabbing a cup of tea or glass of wine.

3) With pen and paper (ideally, keep a journal), pick a situation, dream, or vision and write about it, feeling into it from your heart and body, as if you’re in it.  Write in big and expansive ways - if you think you’re ‘going big’, chances are you can still go BIGGER.  This is where the ‘how good can you stand it?’ comes in to play.

4) If you have difficulty with the writing, start with listing words that symbolize and describe the result and situation that you’re scripting. From there you can expand.

Big love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friend,

Discomfort is a signal to us that we’re on to something…

“Your discomfort is actually a gift from G*d.  The Universe is reminding you that there is something you believe in more than what you are currently doing, and it is steering you to your right place.  Your Higher Self is giving you clues toward the prize that awaits you when you remember your worth.  There is something that you believe in, and that is the direction in which you need to move to find real happiness.  In contrast to the sense of struggle that you experience when you deny your gifts, you will be amazed at how effortlessly and joyfully success comes to you when you step toward your heart’s chosen field.  We never have to deny our self in order to win.”

- Alan Cohen, Dare to Be Yourself

I’ve been more and more uncomfortable recently as I’ve been in a deeper place of personal and professional growth.  I decided to become more aware of when I eat sugar, and to modify that behavior (it’s rough but rewarding! ;-), and a little won’t kill me…).  I’ve been uncomfortable as I take steps to honor my needs, despite how those around me may respond.  I’ve been uncomfortable as I step into new-to-me actions leading me toward my desires.

If we aren’t growing, we’re not fully living.  And growth is uncomfortable at times.

We can get to these plateaus and rest for a while, taking in the vistas.  But then we realize the person we’re dating or in relationship with isn’t perhaps one we should continue to be with.  We decide that we can’t stomach one more toxic conversation with someone.  Or, we listen to that inner knowing enough that’s nudging us to interview in an entirely new field -  one that’s lighting us up.

Life can get a bit uncomfortable as we listen to ourselves, honor what we’re hearing, and take actions based on faith, not fear.

So, here is to loving ourselves through the discomfort.

On the other side is peace. And *bliss*.

With love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Aphrodite is the alluring Greek Goddess of love, beauty and fertility.  Although she reigned over these aspects of life that are feminine and often  perceived as ’soft’, she wielded A LOT of power through her embodiment of them.  This was both very appealing to others, AND  extremely effective in serving her own agenda.

Aphrodite can teach us a thing or two.

Not too long ago I was a woman strung out by what seemed like a perpetual broken heart, false beliefs and as a result - small living.  Aphrodite slinked in one lonely, frustrated evening and whispered in my ear, “It’s about YOU, sister, not them. Focus on YOU.”   I’ll share here with you some of Aphrodite’s teachings - how I apply them to my life  - and how you may want to, too.

Aphrodite is hyper-awake to her own needs. Well….I woke up. I listened to what I needed.  I began to put myself first (and had some ‘assistance’ at times for sure, like the boyfriend who was depressed and had to force me out the door, because he knew he couldn’t give to me).  I cried. I wrote. I listened to my heart. I dared to try new things. Bold things. I had a new kind of FUN.  I began to honor myself on an entirely new level.  It felt exhilarating and a bit out of control - the good version -  at the same time.  What might you be needing to awaken to?

Aphrodite adorns herself , and beautifully so. I dared to adorn myself.  I started pushing my own envelope with jewelry in particular. No more corporate job meant a liberty to wear bolder jewlery - more striking pieces.  This felt like a big deal to me. But I had always looked at these women who seemed so flowy and feminine, yet bold (Aphrodite-ish) - and I didn’t quite own that part of myself that was like them. So I began to.  When I started wearing jewelry that I was so attracted to, I expressed that part of me too, and it felt WONDERFUL.  It changed my energy in impactful ways.  When you feel good, others can feel that. It’s VERY attractive.  How do you  adorn yourself ?

Aphrodite stands in her own point of focus in relationship.  She doesn’t self-abandon for her lover’s approval, or just to be in relationship.  This was an area I had a lot to learn (and always can continue to improve upon). I began to speak my truth more.  I even swung the pendulum a bit far right (like we do sometimes when in new territory) before it swayed to middle ground.  For example, there was that second date that never got to dinner because I walked out after drinks, with no excuses, just the hard truth (delivered honestly) that I didn’t need dinner, or another date.  Nowadays, my practice is often checking in with myself and my needs regularly, and especially at those times when my sometimes-brazen and loving husband pitches an idea that I’m not quite sure about - for me.  Friends compliment my ability to not abandon myself , or them for that matter, in my relationship with my husband.  I’m grateful for the witnessing. It’s a delicate dance, for sure.  Are you standing in your own point of focus within your relationship (reminder: this breathes more fire and life into your relationship, not just you!) ?

To your Aphrodite-living,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I want to share with you something that’s changed my life over these past months.  It’s going to sound super cool to some and really woo-woo to others, I know.

In July 2008, thanks to the suggestion of a longtime friend, I began taking a few ‘Meditation’ courses at www.IntuitiveWay.com.  These classes, she told me, would give me some tools to integrate into my spiritual practice and awareness, and she assured me that they were actually very easy - and fun.   As someone who didn’t meditate, it felt daunting to think about actually going to classes and thinking I could easily integrate a tool into a daily practice.

The bottom line for me today is that these courses and subsequent tools I’ve acquired have changed my life -and for no more than 15 minutes a day of time investment.  And, I can listen to to the ‘Meditation’ in my car - on my Ipod while traveling - in my office - anywhere where you have access to audio, can sit undisturbed and have the privacy or ability to close your eyes. 

People in my life began to take notice of the resulting change within me.  A close friend asked me what I was doing because I seemed more confident and peaceful. After appearing for the first time on live TV (so thrilling!), many asked me if I had received media training  (had not) and told me I looked so at ease during the live segment.  I told those close to me that it was part solid preparation, part extra ‘meditation’. 

This ‘meditation’ is an energy tool.  What it does is clear blocked energy (we all have it), and clears your space (aura) so that you show up more authentically You.  Your energy gets ‘cleaned’ in a way.   See, not only do we ‘take on’ other people’s energy throughout the day (read: that annoying colleague who hangs on like a barnacle, or the stranger who accuses you of nabbing their parking spot), but those close to you in your life can also be ‘plugged in’ (or ‘chorded’) to you - also impacting your energy. 

What happens when we walk around taking on other people’s energy?  We get plugged up, stifled, numb, indecisive, negative, blocked, unhealthy, etc.

The benefits of practicing this energy tool regularly are:

• clarity
• increased energy
• confidence
• ease
• joy
• deeper insight,  intuition
• peace
• authentic direction

So, imagine, my savvy friend,  if you gain more of the above.  What might you experience?  Imagine the possibilites.  I know that by applying this tool to my life, I have been able to say YES to things in my career I may not have before (out of fear) ; NO to things I don’t truly want to be, do or have;  I’ve shifted out of friendships that don’t fit (tough but freeing);   I’ve discerned what is really an issue in my relationship vs. what isn’t (so valuable, especially in a new marriage) -  and the list goes on. And on! ;-)

So much more on this topic (stay tuned).  If this resonatesfor you, and you are curious, send me an email: leslie@belovesavvy.com, and I will be happy to answer additional questions or point you in a direction.  Listen to your savvy voice if it wants to learn more about this (or anything),  it won’t steer you wrong. 

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Continued from Part 1, this is the mock-conversation between Jane and John.

Me (Jane) : I’ve noticed that we seem to not plan our time together as well these days (and it’s making me CRAZY - but i’m not going to say that part).  I want to be sure I can see you on weekends, and yet also not miss opportunities to see friends.  I’m wondering, how would it work for you (notice there’s no force to control or command) if we check in Tue or Wed in the week and see what’s up for the weekend?

John: Yeah, sure - of course.  I’m sorry. I know I’ve been last-minute lately - I’ve just been all-consumed at work.  I want to be spending time with you.

Me (Jane): That’s OK, I could tell, and yet I also know myself, and I don’t want to this to get in the way of our relationship. (This shows respect and kindness  toward him AND also subtly and powerfully declares what’s important to her, and what she won’t put up with!)

John: I don’t either - you are too special and I want to make sure you’re happy!

Now, the alternative that my client felt a knee-jerk to do (and I SO get it, I’ve done it myself) - due to feeling both defensive and rejected - was to book time with friends and make herself unavailable.  This at times can be called for - not so much to play games but to make sure you are investing in your friendships and making plans so you don’t resent him when he doesn’t ask to see you Friday night, or beyond.

Jane is very invested in the relationship - they already have conversations about living together and weddings - so the choice for her to make that would guarantee growth for herself and the relationship was to communicate in a way that was both authentic to her and respectful of her man.  Although she felt she’d get some reward from a ’sting’ back to him as she felt slightly hurt and neglected, she decided to approach the conversation honoring her needs but not coming from a blaming or nagging place - neither being very attractive or sexy.

Here’s a  review of the How’s:  

• Ask if it’s a good time to talk
• Address what you need by claiming what it is, without any blame, threats or drama - and offering up a solution
• Approach with a positive and self-posessed energy - you are loving, kind and UNAPPOLOGETIC in the conversation

Why it’s Sexy & Attractive:

• It’s clean, clear and drama-free
• Men DO appreciate solutions and guidance on what makes their woman happy- this makes it EASY for them to deliver!
• Being honest and direct about what you need & want shows CONFIDENCE - very, very SEXY!
• Using kindness and not manipulation preserves their self-respect and respect in your eyes

It can take a little courage and vulnerabilty - depending on the situation or state - but it’s well, well worth it.   And you can’t lose - if it’s ill-received, it only shows you more about the person you’re spending time and energy on.  Valuable all the way around!

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com