Dear Savvy Woman,

Continued from Part 1, this is the mock-conversation between Jane and John.

Me (Jane) : I’ve noticed that we seem to not plan our time together as well these days (and it’s making me CRAZY – but i’m not going to say that part).  I want to be sure I can see you on weekends, and yet also not miss opportunities to see friends.  I’m wondering, how would it work for you (notice there’s no force to control or command) if we check in Tue or Wed in the week and see what’s up for the weekend?

John: Yeah, sure – of course.  I’m sorry. I know I’ve been last-minute lately – I’ve just been all-consumed at work.  I want to be spending time with you.

Me (Jane): That’s OK, I could tell, and yet I also know myself, and I don’t want to this to get in the way of our relationship. (This shows respect and kindness  toward him AND also subtly and powerfully declares what’s important to her, and what she won’t put up with!)

John: I don’t either – you are too special and I want to make sure you’re happy!

Now, the alternative that my client felt a knee-jerk to do (and I SO get it, I’ve done it myself) – due to feeling both defensive and rejected – was to book time with friends and make herself unavailable.  This at times can be called for – not so much to play games but to make sure you are investing in your friendships and making plans so you don’t resent him when he doesn’t ask to see you Friday night, or beyond.

Jane is very invested in the relationship – they already have conversations about living together and weddings – so the choice for her to make that would guarantee growth for herself and the relationship was to communicate in a way that was both authentic to her and respectful of her man.  Although she felt she’d get some reward from a ‘sting’ back to him as she felt slightly hurt and neglected, she decided to approach the conversation honoring her needs but not coming from a blaming or nagging place – neither being very attractive or sexy.

Here’s a  review of the How’s:  

• Ask if it’s a good time to talk
• Address what you need by claiming what it is, without any blame, threats or drama – and offering up a solution
• Approach with a positive and self-posessed energy – you are loving, kind and UNAPPOLOGETIC in the conversation

Why it’s Sexy & Attractive:

• It’s clean, clear and drama-free
• Men DO appreciate solutions and guidance on what makes their woman happy- this makes it EASY for them to deliver!
• Being honest and direct about what you need & want shows CONFIDENCE – very, very SEXY!
• Using kindness and not manipulation preserves their self-respect and respect in your eyes

It can take a little courage and vulnerabilty - depending on the situation or state – but it’s well, well worth it.   And you can’t lose – if it’s ill-received, it only shows you more about the person you’re spending time and energy on.  Valuable all the way around!

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Navigating the dating-relationship waters can be tricky – no doubt.  A past coaching client called me for an emergency coaching session (I do one-time assessments/S.o.S sessions, so you can contact me here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com/contact.htm and indicate ASAP) today.

The net of her issue was that she’s in a relationship of about 6 months and she was starting to feel uncomfortable, namely with them feeling like they’re on ‘autopilot’ with some things (like making plans)  – and – an awareness within herself that some anxiety was stemming from a few previous relationships she’d had that went south. Something was feeling vaguely familiar. Again.  Was it her fear of a ‘repeat’, or was it in actuality, a current issue with ‘John’. It’s difficult to know, and what helps is to address what’s true about the current situation and take it from there.

The net of our coaching session came to this: what was true for ‘Jane’ was that she needed to get more of her needs met – namely, to know generally what their weekend plans were and to have John take a more proactive role in that. And here’s the catch: She must communicate with John in a way that both empowers her (she’s given her power over by waiting for John’s schedule and/or taking it day by day – which is irritating her) as well as honors the relationship and John.

Jane: Well, I guess I’ll tell John that I want to know our plans much more ahead of time.  I’ll have to check in with him each week and ask him when his ball practice is, and if he plans to golf with his friends this weekend. 

Me: Do you know what is so sexy, alluring and attractive to a man?

Jane: No, what? Oh, wait. I think I know where you’re going.  Maybe the ‘telling’ John will be to just schedule some back-to-back girls week-ends, just to show him that I and my time matters!! He’ll see what I mean.

Me:Actually, where I’m going here is that a man finds a woman who claims what she wants for herself, unapologetically and kindly – very, very ATTRACTIVE.  Not as a spoiled child, or a controlling, frightened or nagging adult – but – as a woman who addresses what is true for her while keeping respect and love flowing toward her man.

Here is some sample dialogue of how to tailor an approach when communicating – going from ‘Nagging or Victim Girlfriend’ and ‘Pseudo-Mom’ to ‘Sexy, Attraction-rich, In-Control-and-Loving -Vixen’:

Me (as Jane):  Hi sweetie (sitting down in person), can we talk about something for a second (is this a good time to talk)?

John: Sure, what’s up?

Part 2 – to be continued….

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

My mom use to take me skiing a lot.  For skiing, I was allowed to cut a day of high school to beat crowds, which made it all the more fun.

I use to hear this comment from her on our ski trips,  ”If you’re not falling down, it means you’re not really trying”. 

Think about the FEAR that comes up (if you allow yourself to recognize it) as you think about going for something BIG.  Or maybe doing something completely NEW to you.  FEAR can bubble up, sometimes very easily.  This is what can stop us dead in our tracks, if we let it. We’re afraid to fall down.

The older we get, the more fearful we can become as we get more and more conditioned to own perceptions & the perceptions of others and the world.  I  mean, there’s SO much to be afraid of, right?  Just listen to random passing conversation (as I am right now in a coffee shop as I write) – or what you hear from a friend or someone who loves you – or what you read on news sites or see on TV. What we find ourselves saying to others. 

This plays out often when it comes to attracting love,  too, my savvy friend.  We’re often sitting back in ‘fear’ or concern:

Am I going to meet him?

Is this guy the right partner for me?

Why doesn’t it seem to be going the way I dream of it going?

Often, we don’t try a new approach – or create a different and winning Mindset to support our desires – because we’ve got this subconscious fear, of either success or of failure.

A clue that you’re on to something – that you’re giving the mountain and slopes the best of you – is when you feel the Fear coming up, and you continue to take a step forward anyway. And then another. And another. 

It’s not a matter of having NO FEAR, or preserving yourself out of FEAR, it’s a matter of feeling the Fear, and moving forward toward your desires anyway.

And, if you’re local to the Bay Area, come spend the day with me on March 21st ! I guarantee, you’ll walk away clearer, more confident and feeling more courageous.  The Savvy Woman’s Boot Camp: Hitting Re-Set for New Love will hands-down be the best investment you make in yourself to create love and a life of your desires.  Reserve your seat here: www.BeLoveSavvy.com/Events.htm

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

A fun and creative way to build a new and compelling  (and ongoing) Vision for yourself is by creating a Vision Box.  Inspired by an exercise in the book ‘Ask & It is Given’ (Hicks), I built one for myself and then introduced it to attendees at my Savvy Woman’s Boot Camp.  It was a huge hit.

See, we all need a Vision that  pulls us forward – without one we can stay stuck and status quo.

Here’s what you need:

A plain or decorative box (shoe box works great)

Decorative wrapping (if you are making your own, ie. shoe box)

Magazines & Scissors

Blank Paper or Flash Cards & colorful pens

Uninterrupted Time

Bonus: Background music, candles, tea or gl. of wine

Take the time to create a comfortable and relaxed state for this, at a time when you are feeling positive and good. Browse through magazines, clipping images and words that exemplify desires you hold.  Don’t sensor yourself.  Next, write down words and statements that reflect what you want to bring into your life.  The sky is the limit with this, and yet listen to what’s authentically appealing and desiring for you.  This can be words like ‘JOY’  ‘Excellent Health’  ‘FUN!’  and statements such as ‘Money easily and effortlessly flows to me’ and ‘I am in a vibrant, reciprocal and loving relationship’. 

And don’t forget any ‘Lists’.  A list of qualities for a new job, a new relationship, or a new home.  Put these in there.

Put this box in your line of sight in room in your home or office, and as you see things that you’d like for your life, drop them in.  You are stating to yourself and to the Universe what you want, and putting it in the box makes it so.  It already ‘is’.  Focusing on what you WANT raises your vibration to attract it in to your life.  ”The more you put into your box, the more the Universe will deliver other ideas to you that match them”, per Hicks.

One benefit of the Box versus a collage or Vision Board is that it’s private.  Place a beautiful box in your space and no one has to know what’s in it – it’s just for you – unless you choose to share.

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

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Dear Savvy Woman,

I’ve created the results that I’ve desired in my life by focusing on them – as if they were already in my life.  What we focus on increases – have you heard that before?  If you’ve followed any of my work, I know that you have! :)   As humans, we can all waver with this, even if we are pretty well studied here and have witnessed our lives change as a result of this Universal principle and Truth.  We must continue to manage, with greater and greater proficiency, the gap between who we BE in the here and now, and who we actually ARE – as divine beings.

When I was single – which, marrying at 36, means I had a good long time of dating and relationships before I met my husband – I for a very long time was focused on LACK.  If I was without a date or without a boyfriend, I was frequently coming from a place of ‘less-than’ or ‘not enough’, because I was fixed on what was missing and what I wanted that wasn’t ‘here’ yet.

Are you that woman?  Do you constantly look to what you don’t have and look at your friends and strangers and imagine that they are in utopia and complete, while you are in LACK?   I understand – I’ve been there.  As humans, we can all struggle with this when we want something (relationship, fitness, wealth, adventure) and it’s not ‘here’ yet.

You might not see that you are that woman, because to yourself and from the outside you’re ‘living the good life’.  But are you buying it?  What are you telling yourself?   Are you telling yourself you’re ‘bad’ and ‘unwanted’ if your date doesn’t ask you out again, or you find yourself out of relationship for months or years?  

What completely changed my personal life, largely by what vibration I was in, was what I focused on.  When I started to really , REALLY focus on what my heart DESIRED, life changed – dramatically.   Life got FUN and it FLOWED.  It wasn’t seamless from the ‘outside’, but it felt seamless on the inside.  I had to let go of a lot – what it was that i “thought’ I wanted and more so, what I had known, and who I had been.   I stepped into a larger version of me by focusing on what I wanted, BEFORE the proof that it existed showed up.   THAT IS THE KEY.

1.   Stop focusing on what you don’t want.  Careful here - you might not think that you’re doing this, especially if you’re busy, ‘happy’, etc –  so take an honest look at your thoughts.    “I don’t want to be single at 40, 50, 60″…….  are you running that story in your mind? 

2.   Start focusing on what you do want,  and acting as if it’s already here (  and it is, but you have to raise to the vibration for it to be received into your life.   Are you currently vibrating at ‘it’s not here!’ ‘i’m alone – still!’ ‘men suck!’ ‘there’s no available men in San Francisco!’).

3. Your attraction-gauge operates based on your emotions.  If you are feeling good (by thinking good thoughts) , and focused on what it is you desire, your vibration will change to the frequency by which your desire is vibrating, and you will attract it in.  Let go of the HOW and the SHOULDS, and focus on how you are FEELING and BEING, resting in patient EXPECTENCY. 

In good vibes and with love and gratitude,

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Have you written down any New Years Resolutions yet?  Whether you have or haven’t, with this process comes often the thoughts and feelings of whether or not these will be met , and so can begin the little trickle of fear and doubt that sets in on or before you’ve begun.  Yikes.  We can just avoid the entire exercise, but in order to get results, we must begin to get clear about what we want – and write it down

I want to share with you what I did to capture in my mind and on paper my intentions for this 2009 yeer:  A Letter of Gratitude.    Taken from Christine Kloser,  I wrote down a letter to the Universe from the perspective of December 31st, 2009.   The year was closing.  What was I grateful for that had transpired over the year?  What had I attracted, what had manifested, what had changed?  

Take just 5 minutes and write down all that comes to you – not listening to the HOW?  WHO?  but just flowing in the stream of gratitude and expectation.  Take note of if the HOW and WHO pops up – if it doesn’t then you’re not playing BIG enough, and yet you must let go of the HOW and WHO as it comes in, as that isn’t your concern at this writing.   This is to set intention, vision and WANTS.

Then, find some beautiful paper and font, and print it out and post it several places around your home and office.  Read it regularly to remind yourself of what you are setting as intention this year.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friends,

I gratefully stumbled across a few people in 2008 who have continued to inspire me as I pursue my own business doing what I love,  one of which is David Neagle.  David teaches about Universal laws and principles and delivers the material in such a simple yet profound manner.   Sign up for his newsletter and see if he resonates with you.

I want to share with you this, taken from his most recent newsletter:

“For many, 2008 was a year of great challenges, heartaches and disappointments.

But if we look for the truth, we see that wherever there is severe disappointment there exists simultaneously an equal and opposite blessing.

In 2008, I recognize this blessing as the emergence of an incredible breakthrough in human consciousness and awareness.

Upon reflection, if you remember 2008 as a year of struggle and disappointment, I invite you to consider ALL experiences are meant to encourage your spiritual growth.

With the closing of 2008 at hand, understanding the importance of what we have experienced this past year positions us to experience 2009 as the most amazing year yet.

Don’t believe that the best days are in the past.

Believe that your best days are NOW, and yet to come.

Love the people that are around you with all of your heart, and meditate upon who YOU want to BE over the next 12 months.

Who you’re going to be this year versus last year is a choice that only you can make, Leslie.

Make a decision that you will treat yourself better than you ever have before this coming year and commit to see only greatness in yourself and in all those around you.

This is the greatest gift that you will ever give yourself.

And, it is also the greatest gift you can give to the world.”

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

This is always something that is “up” for me, and it’s in the middle of my work with clients.  It’s responsible for the results that we receive in our lives.  Our minds.  Our thinking.  What we allow in.  The nutrients that we feed it.

You’ve seen me write a lot about mind-set, and my clients experience my focus on it in our work together.  I recently re-read some old journals from years back, and low and behold – as I worked on shifting out of corporate and ending a toxic relationship with a boyfriend, along with attracting more opportunity into my life – what was changing within me was my mind-set.  What makes all the difference with this is sustainability.  Protecting your focus, your intentions, your vision and your thinking.

Ways to do this:

1. Surround yourself with like-minded people, and decrease time with the rest.

2. Keep your environment positive, including what you listen to (audios instead of random radio) and what you read.

3. Take time to connect to your vision – your desires – your dreams – EVERYDAY (see a prior blog post on Mind Movies).

4. Do whatever it takes to BELIEVE. You must have belief.  Fear and doubt are everywhere, and they destroy the thinking and mind-set that’s required to live the life of your dreams.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I went to a Holiday party last night with my husband.  It was one of those gatherings where there was a magnetic buzz and energy in the room (as a coach I’m trained to notice such – we call it “Level 3 listening”), and despite a high noise level and somewhat crowded conditions, I managed to have great conversations and connections with friends and first-time meetings. 

I’m most certain that the outcome for me – I felt so filled up coming home (and not from food or wine, although that was certainly yummy!) – was due in part to the energy and mind-set that I went to the party with. I had expected it to be great, yet not in a way of putting my expectations on a string around my neck which would read, “Meet these, please.”  No, it was an intention that I had had (and I’m not quite sure why), and then simply let go of.   It rested somewhere in the background, kind of like creating a lovely table setting for dinner vs. grabbing paper towels for napkins as you make your way over with the food.

But I digress, as the reason I write about this this morning is about something else, which does relate to the outcome of my evening.

That is the topic of JOY.   And the feminine.  Women being JOYOUS.  Do you know that it is our birthright to be JOYOUS?   That we, as women, are meant to experience and through that, spread JOY to others?

Walking in the door, I met up with a friend I hadn’t seen in some time.  I knew that she had been back and forth with a man that’s been in her life for years, and that recently the relationship had ended.  We spoke of it, and she told me of the struggle, and now of what she is up to, including losing extra weight she felt she was carrying while she was unhappy.   She looked radiant.  When we had hugged hello, I could feel her JOY.  Yes, it was tinged with other things – transition, being with ‘what is’ (a love was changing form, no longer her boyfriend), giddiness about new possibilities.  But, the JOY of standing in her truth and facing it, and living life was palpable.  Call it a more subtle , quiet JOY – but it was JOY.

Later, I saw a few women that I hadn’t seen in some time.  We were catching up, being silly and at times laughing loudly.  I noticed that a few men nearby couldn’t take their eyes off of us.  Another man, and friend of my husbands, later told me how nice it is to watch and listen to women laughing together.

We were JOYOUS.  Women have a way of being JOYOUS together that is SO attractive, SO contagious, SO necessary. 

And, we can also be JOYOUS alone – just with and being ourselves.  When a woman feels joyous she has a lightness to her walk and to her face.  It truly attracts the world – plants, animals, children, men, women.  This AUTHENTIC JOY is what truly moves mountains, amongst all the rest.

Please remember to fill yourself up with JOY on a regular basis.  Take inventory of what you can be grateful for if you are questioning what you can feel JOYOUS about.   The simple things truly bring us the greatest JOY.  If you have women in your life, connect with them on a regular basis.  If you don’t, make it a goal to change that and cultivate connections with other women.  This is an important part of cultivating and replenishing the feminine within us - being around other women and being JOYOUS together.

It is so contageous, so magnetic, so attractive.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Recently a client of mine was ‘dumped’.  I’m using quotes because I just struggle with that word sometimes,  and I have saved clients (and myself!!) from marinating in that “I was dumped” perspective by offering them this one instead:  “Rejection” is G-d’s protection.  (Insert : Universe, Source, Divine).   You know how it is, you look back and you thank G-d that you were, indeed, ‘dumped’.  Dodged a bullet, in many cases.

But, that doesn’t take away from the sting, and my client “Jane” was definitely allowing herself to feel the fullness of the sting, and beating herself up in the process.  However, with her own awareness, our coaching, and the caring & clear-headed voices of those who cared about her chiming supportively in –  Jane slowly began to get back to life.  She made plans again and began to keep herself busy.

After a long weekend away, she called me for our session and told me that ‘Brian’ had called her.  But he didn’t leave a message.

“He called me!  But, there wasn’t a message.  Well, in fact, my phone had fallen at the sink area of my hair salon and no one found it for days – oddly –  so he could have kept trying me all weekend but my cell was dead when I picked it up on Tuesday.  Maybe he tried me 10 times?  I have no idea. Ok, he probably didn’t.  He probably just pocket-dialed me by accident.”

Jane didn’t, and wouldn’t, know – unless Brian contacted her again.  So, she painfully waited.  She weighed her options and desperately wanted to call him, but she used her own discipline and the voice of reason (yours truly) to remember this truth:  She wanted a partner. She wanted a man who could meet her on the levels she was ready to be met on – someone who would celebrate her as she him.  Brian had (sadly) shown himself to not be that man.  And, I reminded her, this only meant she was closer to the man who would. 

I don’t believe that Brian has tried to contact my client Jane again.  Maybe he did just happen to pocket-dial her that day.  Or maybe he was feebly reaching out to her.  Either way, Jane knows that each day that she focuses on who she is, all that she has and what she wants – and not on what is seemingly lacking in her life - she is a day stronger, wiser, richer, and more hope-filled.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com