There comes a time in our lives when we discover that we need to change our approach – we need a transformation.  If we are waking up more to ourselves, our lives, and our desires – this time comes – sooner or later.  Whether it’s how we earn a living, how we approach love, how we navigate our friends & family, or how we change our health & bodies. 

The focus of BeLoveSavvy.com is helping women attract the relationships – and lives – that they deeply desire.  Now more than ever before we are being guided to more meaning in our lives, and for many of us, relationships are what matter most. Clearing away the clutter is a significant part of the process that I lead women through, and I don’t just mean the visible kind.

On the surface (and where most people place ALL of their focus) , the clutter-clearing is about getting real with themselves about their outer actions – are they still sleeping with someone out of loneliness or false-hope that one day they’ll get on track together?  Are they sabotaging opportunity for what they really want in their lives as they go about their day to day and respond in fear rather than in self-love?  Fear has us in a mind-set and action that takes us away from what we truly desire, and often we have no idea because our ‘outer actions’ have us ‘doing all the right things!’.  So why he is…why aren’t they…why is it so hard….why me… believe me, I’ve been here myself many, many times and am still here at times with areas of my life.

Opposite of the surface things, I have clients get really clear about one thing that is below the surface: the decision & commitment to Feel Good.  Sound easy?  It’s not always so easy, which is why anyone who is wanting a transformation in some area of their life must do two things for success: 1) Do things differently 2) Remain accountable to doing things differently (including the WHAT & the WHY), often by having a mentor or coach (rather than a relative,  friend or colleague).

So what’s so magical about this ‘Feel Good’ thing?  Does this ______ have me feeling good is a defining question for many important things on the path to attracting love & fulfilling relationships.   Does this thought (‘There are virtually no available men in the city that I’m interested in’) have me feeling good about being single as I desire relationship – Yes or No?  Does this action (doing something that we didn’t want to do but are doing it out of obligation) have me feeling good?  Does this focus of conversation have me feeling good? Does this reaction I’m having to X have ME feeling good – truly feeling good?

Problem is, many of us, especially women, don’t get taught to make our first priority to Feel Good – and I mean deeply, authentically, lovingly-to-us Feel Good.  We become conditioned to taking care of others needs or living into others beliefs of what we should do or who we should become.  As a result, we get more and more distanced to our Feel Goods, which buoy & build us up.  On autopilot & reactionary, our belief and momentum is chipped away, despite all the ‘outer actions’ of ‘doing all the right things’ as we approach love & relating.  Or, some might say, no, my problem is I’m too selfish to consider anyone else’s needs or wants, which is why I’m alone.  I would challenge this statement by asking them if being selfish has them feeling good.  Really deeply, authentically, loving-to-her feeling good?  Look underneath, and determine if selfish = fear, or selfish = focus for myself.  When we are focused for ourselves, in positive and inclusive  ways, it’s super ATTRACTIVE.  And acknowledging that being selfish out of fear isn’t a powerful way to attract what you want (our ego fools us to think it is…it’s a way to get what we ultimately want, when in fact it repels and keeps us separate).  Being incredibly clear, decisive & committed to Feeling Good is what we are each here on this planet to do. It clears the clutter.  And the bonus is, it only can lead us to those pots of gold that we are deeply in search of!

To your ravishingly authentic, beauty &  soul-filled FEEL GOOD’s ~

Love,

Leslie

http://www.belovesavvy.com/

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Dear Savvy Woman,

Your emails and FB comments on these daily tips have been awesome, thank you.  I love to receive your feedback or questions so please comment, email, or ping me via @LoveSavvyLeslie.   This daily blogging of tips for ‘single’ and ‘in-relationship’ gals is helping me as I write my first e-book.  Hot topics and burning questions on relationship success and attracting new love?  Please share. And we all have them.  I was reading In Style magazine the other day, the current issue with J Lo, and of course I appreciated how she admitted that she’s fascinated by relationships and is always picking up a book on them to try to figure them out (I’m sure Marc has helped her de-mystify them some… ;-)). 

Tip #3  ~ Keep  – or Create – a little Mystery 

Just a little. I’m not suggesting games here. This is really about re-balancing and keeping the dance in your relationship going. When there’s absolutely no surprises, no space, time apart – its kind of like you’ve stopped dancing and you’re sitting on the side looking around at everyone else, bored and maybe frustrated.  Every relationship ebbs and flows – and – what I know to be true and what I hear from clients is that things can  also start to feel off-balance within ourselves and the relationship when we’ve become so accountable, so attached at the hip, sometimes too giving of ourselves (us?), overly focused on him or the relationship, etc.   Maybe we notice that we’re feeling a little taken for granted, or our guy is now stating that he doesn’t know if he can give us what we want, like a longer-term  view together. Sometimes the dance is meant to be ended, but even the best of relationships can benefit from a little ‘feminine mystique’ infusion. 

A client I’m coaching was experiencing this a little with her guy recently and asked me for advice.  She was tempted to pull away completely – as is often what we want to do – RUN! – when our feelings are a little hurt by what we’re not getting, especially when it’s a topic such as committment.  What I reminded her is how attuned men are to to this feminine mystique, and they’re not even conscious of it – usually.  In her case, it was simply to re-create some by weaving in a few nights sleeping back at her place (beauty sleep for early a.m. meetings) , not being as uber-responsive or initiative with texts and calls (don’t ditch them, but delay the need to always pick up or initiate), and re-prioritizing some very important ’me’ and  friend time which may be on a back-burner. 

From my savvy heart to yours  ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com