Dear Savvy Woman,

Your emails and FB comments on these daily tips have been awesome, thank you.  I love to receive your feedback or questions so please comment, email, or ping me via @LoveSavvyLeslie.   This daily blogging of tips for ’single’ and ‘in-relationship’ gals is helping me as I write my first e-book.  Hot topics and burning questions on relationship success and attracting new love?  Please share. And we all have them.  I was reading In Style magazine the other day, the current issue with J Lo, and of course I appreciated how she admitted that she’s fascinated by relationships and is always picking up a book on them to try to figure them out (I’m sure Marc has helped her de-mystify them some… ;-)). 

Tip #3  ~ Keep  - or Create - a little Mystery 

Just a little. I’m not suggesting games here. This is really about re-balancing and keeping the dance in your relationship going. When there’s absolutely no surprises, no space, time apart - its kind of like you’ve stopped dancing and you’re sitting on the side looking around at everyone else, bored and maybe frustrated.  Every relationship ebbs and flows - and - what I know to be true and what I hear from clients is that things can  also start to feel off-balance within ourselves and the relationship when we’ve become so accountable, so attached at the hip, sometimes too giving of ourselves (us?), overly focused on him or the relationship, etc.   Maybe we notice that we’re feeling a little taken for granted, or our guy is now stating that he doesn’t know if he can give us what we want, like a longer-term  view together. Sometimes the dance is meant to be ended, but even the best of relationships can benefit from a little ‘feminine mystique’ infusion. 

A client I’m coaching was experiencing this a little with her guy recently and asked me for advice.  She was tempted to pull away completely - as is often what we want to do - RUN! - when our feelings are a little hurt by what we’re not getting, especially when it’s a topic such as committment.  What I reminded her is how attuned men are to to this feminine mystique, and they’re not even conscious of it - usually.  In her case, it was simply to re-create some by weaving in a few nights sleeping back at her place (beauty sleep for early a.m. meetings) , not being as uber-responsive or initiative with texts and calls (don’t ditch them, but delay the need to always pick up or initiate), and re-prioritizing some very important ’me’ and  friend time which may be on a back-burner. 

From my savvy heart to yours  ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Yes, I did mean futured.

What is futured, you ask?

You’ve been there.  You’re on a date with ‘Joe’, a first date.  Joe not only shows up on time, with flowers, and takes you to a lovely restaurant for dinner and a bottle of wine, but that’s just the beginning.  Even if you’re date-deprived and loving the gestures, you haven’t even begun to “Mr. Right?” him, believe it or not.  Until…

Joe futures you.“Have you been to Yosemite?…We rent a huge house there every Fall, we’ll have to go on one of the week-ends I’ll have it to myself - it’s s000 nice to jacuzzi after a long hike.  I can’t wait to take you there.”  You are now noticing, between bites of steak and sips of Zinfandel, that your mind wanders to imagine how he’ll fit in with your family, what travel you can do first, perhaps even if you’ll have the same taste on your registry.

I think many of us who do (or have done, in our lives) our fair share of dating have been here -  yes?

I recall a specific guy that I dated , and our first date.  WOW - did he future me.  Talks of trips, the fact that we both fantasized about living in Spain - it went on and on.  And - guess what?   I WAS HOOKED.  The following 6 weeks were like I was under some sort of spell.  Things went fast - and then crashed and burned. 

I write this as a friendly reminder.  Beware of being futured.  The smartest and savviest of women can - and do - fall prey. 

Tips to stay conscious and futured-aware:

-  Proof is in the Pudding - make this your rule:  Keep control of the pace that feels right to you, and by this I mean the pace of your mind, specifically.  For starters, dismiss any ideas of future vacations/children’s eye color until you are well on your way to having an exclusive relationship (AND/OR month 2)!

I’m all for romance and getting a little carried away (that’s part of the fun) - but never risk more than you are willing to lose.  

- Let him know:  There’s nothing wrong with a retort that let’s him know you won’t fall for being futured.  “You haven’t met my 5 cats yet - and I don’t let them meet just anyone. ”  Show that you have perspective, and delivered with a little humor keeps things light.

Great guys can fall prey to this: they get excited too, and may be unconscious of this tendancy. Yet,  some are preditors only after one thing.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

I truly continue to be in awe of the amazing process of growth….of how we can achieve what we set out to.  What I’m reflecting on is not just the achievements that manifest in our outer world - career transition, a loving partnership, material success, a new business venture….. what truly stills me to sacred silence and rushes blood through my veins is the fact that we are limitless creatures and we can move mountains in regard to our ‘inner’ realities.  These ‘inner’ realities are what enable us to achieve and manifest in the outer world.  How we feel about ourselves.  Who we want to BE.  Now.  And in the future.  Because this achievement comes from looking inside - acknowledging what needs to be changed - looking at who you want to be - and believing that it’s possible.

What we want to manifest in life begins with who we are.  What thoughts we hold.  What beliefs we are living by.  Where we set our sights to be.

I’m inspired to write this because I just ran across an intake form that my first and brilliant coach , Nikki Anderson: www.coachnikki.com, gave me as I began my life coaching work with her a little over 3 years ago.   I felt lost, down and dissatisfied.   Yes, much because my then- relationship hadn’t worked out, and the company I worked for was failing and I wanted out.  It felt overwhelming. 

But the truth, the core, of why I was so distraught was because I knew.  I knew that I wasn’t living to my potential.  I knew I was hiding out, and continuing to make the same choices - over and over. Same choices = same results.  The same unavailable guy, and the same unfulfilling job.  And the same energy-sucking, in-congruent smaller choices woven throughout how I was living. They didn’t fill me up. They kept me down.

I re-read my answer to ‘What role do you see your best self playing in the world? What do you want to model for others?:

My answer , “I want to model achieving my dreams, creative AND focused, nurturing AND strong, feminine AND true to myself, interdependent AND independent.”

I know that when I wrote this answer, it was coming from somewhere within me, and yet looking at my life at that time - I felt that I had no ‘proof’ that I was a woman exemplifying - or capable of - exemplifying these.  This is how many of the clients come to me feeling.  I see the gleam in their eyes when they complete a Future Self exercise and connect to what is true for them.

Then, the fear and disbelief sets in again.  And so the work begins.

I re-read that statement I made to myself and to my coach years ago, and I was in awe of the fact that I was indeed living up to what I had aspired to be.  At least attempting to! I’m by no means declaring perfection here,  nor “I’ve made it!”.   As my friend said to me many years ago, “Some of us are climbers, and others campers, in life.”  I know that I’m a climber.  When do I get to the top?  In this life, when my spirit leaves my body behind.

Every day I can feel the fear that hovers like a cloud, threatening rain.  The beautiful thing is that I’m getting more and more comfortable with the threat.  I don’t hold myself to walking only where the skies are always clear.  That would indicate to me that I wasn’t playing big enough - playing too safe.

So, savvy friends, I encourage you - I urge you - not to stamp out that voice that says, “This is what I want.”  “This is what I know I am meant to be, do, and have.”   This is the voice that knows the real truth.

Don’t talk yourself out of your desires.

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

What if you knew that…..

• you are right where you are suppose to be , right this minute
• you can’t make a mistake, because there are none -life is comprised of continual lessons
• you only have control over yourself, and your reactions
• you are absolutely, purely, completely loved, as you are - always

Would you date differently?

Might you feel ….

• lighter, looser, and more accepting of YOU?
• more courageous to show up on dates and in relationship in a very true, bright and bold version of YOU?
• safe to explore desires, honor and develop boundaries, and express YOURSELF?
• LOVED?

Read this over again.  Feel into this.  Then, step into this on your next date, or if in relationship, your next interaction with your sweetie.  Slip into this mental state.  This is pure TRUTH.  This is WHAT IS.  We just forget.   And then we remember.   When we ACT from this place, it is pure BEAUTY and STRENGTH.   Soooooo LOVELY.   You get to  RELAX.   Watch what happens.

Ahhh…..

With love,

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Stones & colors: Iridescent shades; metallic; light blue; light green stones of clear and dense properties

Oils & incenses: Patchouli; comfrey; dill; thyme; bay laurel; berries

Mercury and Neptune combined in retrograde motion calls for looking, not just back, but deep within, and, also beyond the mundane. Finding a link to the greater consciousness and a common denominator within humanity will help to open doors of evolution during these times.

Be reaching back and journeying, maybe through astral travel, you will find original intents and purposes of your spirit and collective soul groups. You are in a time now to have revealed to you the answers to many mysteries that have been veiled in time for centuries.

The truth and the wisdom are there and the time for it to emerge is now. Let this be your guiding force to a safer and more abundant and secure lifestyle.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

 I’m a little exhausted today. Yesterday, yours truly celebrated her 37th birthday.  Sure, why not, I’ll throw out the number.  I’m not afraid.  After all, it’s just a number.  It’s all of my life experiences rolled up into a big-small-in between number, whatever your perspective happens to be at the time that you look at it - right?

I had a wonderful day.  It was perfect. It was a combination of family and friends, pampering and purpose, with celebration weaved throughout.  Spoken - or written - like a true Taurus.  = )

Birthday = Birth Day, is marked annually, however I want to share with you an important reminder: EVERY DAY we are given a NEW DAY -  each day we have an opportunity to begin a-new, to start again, and  so,  we are truly living our BIRTH DAY every day.   I’ve just reached my 37th year, and that means that I have really celebrated  13, 505 birth days.

13, 505

Yowza.  That’s a lot of days!  Hmmm….I might like the 37 number a bit better = ).

But, back to the reason for this post.  Every day is our BIRTH DAY.   Every day we are at CHOICE to begin a-new.  How fabulous is that?   Can you feel into the truth of that?  Truly?  

Because it’s the fact, jack.  We don’t have to wait for our official birthday to come around.  We can celebrate ourselves every day.  We can choose to honor ourselves every day.  We can consciously make choices that support our desires and vision, we can infuse fun and celebration into our days, and we can take inventory of all that we are grateful for and for all that we are. 

Wait a second.  As I write this, I’m thinking about the reality that each day is a birth day.  Each day is a day to begin a-new.  So, scratch the 13, 505 number for me, would you?    I’m acutally at 1.

Happy Birth Day.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

I’ll never forget the day. I walked out of my then boyfriend’s place, who lived 3,000 miles from me, calling the airline and catching a flight days earlier than I was scheduled to travel home.  The customer representative must have been whispered to by an angel.  I hear her on the other end of the line say, ‘Yes, Ms. Stewart, it’s your lucky day. I can get you on this flight. And …it looks like there is a gentleman sitting next to you.  Hopefully he’s available and attractive…(giggle).”  How did she know that I had just learned (unverified at that time, but I knew) that my boyfriend had been cheating on me and that I was feeling all of an inch tall??  I took this as a sign, a sign that despite walking out with no notice (like he deserved any!?) which I was sadly questioning at that moment, and feeling like my heart and soul had gone bankrupt overnight, there was a Greater Plan. I’m certain that it was the reassuring tone in her voice that helped me to move on and fly home that day, rather than collapse in fear and despair, and denial.

Why am I sharing this with you?  Well, I heard Christina Agluiera’s, “Fighter”, on the radio the other day, and it took me back to this time and particular experience in my life, and the learning that resulted. After all of that went down, she would come on the radio, singing this song, and I would turn it up and sing along, feeling her anger, her resolve and her strength.  It was the injection that I needed at the time; a ‘surface’ ointment to help my healing wound.

 After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you’re wrong
Cause if it wasnt for all that you tried to do, I wouldn’t know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
Cause it [Chorus:]
Makes me that much stonger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for makin me a fighter

I am always a sucker for silver linings, this is for sure. I didn’t see one at the time, but years later, I revel in the absolute sterling quality of it.  At the time, this song helped me to feel my anger, both at him and at myself, and to acknowledge that there was a hard line now being drawn: no more hiding behind someone else and settling for less than I deserved.  The song reminds me of all the Greater Plans of life. I don’t get the same charge that I did even several years afterward, when I would hear it come on the radio. Today when I hear it, it’s as if my wiser self lovingly nudges my old, younger self (an oxymoron, but accurate) and says, “See Les, I told you the Greater Plan would present itself.”  

For all of you Savvy women who are questioning the ‘WHY?’ around a failed relationship, or event, that is leaving you feeling great loss, anger, despair – please know that I feel your pain - I truly empathize. I hope you find solace in the cliché and Truth: things happen for a reason. There always is a Greater Plan.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

We want to hear whispers of sweet nothings in our ears (nothings? scratch that, sweet Somethings).  Let us read this affirmation from Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life) as a reminder of where it all begins and ends. With ourselves.

Print this. Post it. Read it morning and night. Notice what happens.

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole and complete.

I live in harmony and balance with everyone I know.

Deep at the center of my being, there is an infinite well of love.

I now allow this love to flow to the surface.

It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness, my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions and returns to me multiplied.

The more love I use and give, the more I have to give.

The supply is endless.

The use of love makes me feel good; it is an expression of my inner joy. I love myself; therefore, I take loving care of my body. I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages, I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself; therefore, I provide myself a comfortable home, one that fills all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.  I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter, myself included, will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself; therefore, I work at a job I truly enjoy doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities, working with and for people I love and who love me, and earning a good income.

I love myself; therefore, I behave and think in a loving way to all people for I know that which I give out returns to me multiplied.

I only attract loving people into my world, for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself; therefore, I forgive and totally release the past and all past experiences, and I am free.

I love myself; therefore, I live totally in the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the Universe, and the Universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever more.  All is well in my world.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com 

One of the qualities within the ‘Be’ of  Be Love Savvy, is to be Accountable.

Accountable is defined in Webster as “Responsible; Liable”.  

As smart, savvy women, we know that being accountable is a desired, attractive, respected, and necessary quality, right?  No one likes someone who passes the buck.   So boring and under-impressive.  We like someone who is conscious, and acknowledges , “I’ve got it.” “ That is my job. ” “I’m sorry I’m late.”

We LOVE it when men keep themselves accountable.   “I’ll call you” - and they do. They know that we truly feel desired when they call. 

“I’ll pick you up at 6pm ” – they are on time, with a plan. Yes!!

“That’s my job” - to kill the bug, carry the bag, stay at home with the baby – whatever you need him to do and/or have arranged. 

So why do we , Savvy ladies, often forget about the Accountability piece when it comes to OURSELVES and this topic of LOVE??             (stay tuned for Part 2…)   From my savvy heart to yours, LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coach www.BeLoveSavvy.com

“What we resist persists”.  So they say, right?  Ain’t it the truth!

We avoid exercising, and what do we get?  Lower energy, a string of poorer food choices, and an overall case of the ‘fug-lies’.

We avoid paying our bills on time, and what do we get?  A feeling of being financially out of control, late charges, and god-forbid, a bad credit score.

We can also massively avoid our fears.   I’ll  share a big fear - avoidance with you, and this isn’t one that is very ‘light’.   My mother died of cancer when I was 23, she was diagnosed with both breast and lung cancer at age 49.   It took me a long time to admit to myself that every breast exam that I do (or don’t do), and every related doctor’s visit I have to breast health, scares the living daylights out of me.  Slowly I admitted to myself that I had fear (naturally) associated with these exams and visits, and I didn’t want to let that fear stop me from continuing to be proactive about my health.  But I realized that I had let my mammogram slip by, and had lapsed to 2.5 years since my first baseline screening was established when I was 34.

Today, I had my second mammogram. Although I was scattered and tense leaving the house and my husband this morning, I eased into the appointment with a conscious thought:  I will be-friend this process. I will pour out as much loving and positive energy as I can to these sterile offices, technicians, and cold machines.  Guess what?  It felt FABULOUS to complete it, and I had an actual fun time!  I girl-talked about jewelry, shoes and vacations (all fun distractions) to the technicians, and ended up confronting another fear – getting blood drawn (not very fun, and not a distraction!) – to anonymously help with a breast cancer research study. This experience served as such a sweet reminder : when we can face our fear, feel it, and then ‘do it anyway’, we truly experience a miracle.  Some small, some big. 

So, savvy ladies, how does this relate to love, dating and relationship ?  Talk about fears!

Got one?  Take an honest look at what you fear. 

• Asking your new guy a revealing (but appropriate) question? 
• Having a hard-but-necessary conversation with your S.O. about something that’s important to you? 
• Keeping yourself open to meeting someone?

Now, create a positive intention:  play a little mind movie of you cast as Star: you’re executing said fear with elegance, grace, and a confident inner smile. You come out on the other side feeling delighted and courageous. 

Now that is one addicting, fear-busting little ‘cocktail’!    From my savvy heart to yours,

LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coachwww.belovesavvy.com