Dear Savvy Woman,

We want to hear whispers of sweet nothings in our ears (nothings? scratch that, sweet Somethings).  Let us read this affirmation from Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life) as a reminder of where it all begins and ends. With ourselves.

Print this. Post it. Read it morning and night. Notice what happens.

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole and complete.

I live in harmony and balance with everyone I know.

Deep at the center of my being, there is an infinite well of love.

I now allow this love to flow to the surface.

It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness, my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions and returns to me multiplied.

The more love I use and give, the more I have to give.

The supply is endless.

The use of love makes me feel good; it is an expression of my inner joy. I love myself; therefore, I take loving care of my body. I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages, I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself; therefore, I provide myself a comfortable home, one that fills all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.  I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter, myself included, will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself; therefore, I work at a job I truly enjoy doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities, working with and for people I love and who love me, and earning a good income.

I love myself; therefore, I behave and think in a loving way to all people for I know that which I give out returns to me multiplied.

I only attract loving people into my world, for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself; therefore, I forgive and totally release the past and all past experiences, and I am free.

I love myself; therefore, I live totally in the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the Universe, and the Universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever more.  All is well in my world.

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com 

Can you decide to be happy… NOW?  Can you make the choice that if this moment is all that we truly have, that despite how the picture of your life looks to you today, this month, this year as you turn ____,( insert age), you are going to be Happy?

What does that truly mean, anyway - being Happy? 

Is it a ‘state of being’?   If so, is it fleeting, is it permanent?  I don’t know about you, but I am guilty of walking around with thoughts that point to many things defining my happiness – I might do this a lot less than I use to, but I am still guilty.  Unless we are all closer to the self-actualization of Buddha, Ghandi, and the like – we can probably relate to this, right?

“When I get to here ______(insert phase of life:  that relationship/amount in the bank/state of a relationship/ ‘landing spot’ of whatever),  then I’ll *really* be Happy.

My clients come to me with the desire to find love.  We take a look at things that are getting in their way – from limiting thoughts, lost belief in that it’s even possible, and also things like negative habits/attachments that deplete their energy and creativity – leaving them living ‘small’.

You know what I hear more and more?  “Well, I know that when I meet ________ (him – a great guy/my boyfriend/my husband), THEN I’ll be happy.”   I nod my internal head, relating to this woman’s thoughts, as I use to subscribe to the same belief.   And it kept me living small, when I wanted to live BIG.  

 When I met my husband, it was after I decided that I wanted to live BIG, regardless of whether of not I had a guy  that I was crazy about in my life.  I simply decided to live life without him. For now.  Finally.  I ended things with the guy who I was currently miserable with (a nice, funny, successful, attractive and very unavailable man), and  I moved forward with a career change, trips and treats for myself, and a succession of daily small, simple choices to support my values of FUN and EASE.  All that rolled up into me feeling pretty good – I was satisfied with my life as it was. Sure, I was desiring him, and I kept that desire tucked in my back pocket, like a little shiny pebble of rose quartz.   I knew it was there, and I kept it close.

What I witness is a lot of women contintuing to walk around, living with this huge boulder that’s landed in their living room.  It’s impossible not to see it -it’s there – kerplunk.  And it gets in the way of everything. It’s the “He’s not here, so I can’t even begin to decorate, or even walk or live comfortably in here, until he is.”  That boulder is all of the negative thoughts and beliefs,  held resentments and regrets, and dissappointments that have formed into rock – a boulder - and it’s sitting in the living rooms of many women.  It’s serving as this huge paperweight – holding down the precious lives of beautiful women everywhere. 

If you are one of the millions tuning into the Eckert Tolle/Oprah online classroom on the book ‘A New Earth’, you might be looking at what this means.  I’m not actually following this book on Oprah.com, but I have read it.  Tolle writes, “Don’t seek happiness. If you seek it, you won’t find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness.  Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.  Unhappiness covers up your natural state of well-being and inner peace, the source of true happiness.”

 (Stay tuned for Part 2….)

From my savvy heart to yours,

with love ~

Leslie 

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Larry and I are hooked on the remake of the series Battlestar Galactica (an entire story in itself – but i’ll save it for another time) and we usually treat ourselves to an episode or two a week.  Sometimes we  O.D. on three or more episodes in one sitting, but, as balance is key in everything, we tend to refrain from gorging too often.

In case you’re not familiar with this show (I really can’t imagine! = )), the gist is that the human race is fighting a war against the Cylons,  trying to save their race, discover earth, and stay alive in this war occurring in various galaxies.   Often they use the tactic of ‘jumping’ to another ‘position’ in the galaxy, or into a new galaxy, to save themselves.  Well, I tell you, I found myself in awe of this ability – to say ‘See ya!’ – and , in a second, find themselves in a new, stronger position. 

Although the cat is now out of the bag (I actually watch this), I’ll let it out further and say that we’ve watched enough  that I find myself joking referencing the show (“So Say We All!”).  Just this morning while in session with my coach, I spoke of a limiting belief that I’ve held on to and found myself saying, “God, I am so OVER this!  I just want to JUMP.” (Thankfully she was both familiar with the BG series, and knew that my comment was in context of the show, not standing on a bridge.)  Wanting to shed this limiting belief that was showing up by way of remaining stagnant and ‘playing small’ (coaching lingo), I wanted to propel myself into a new state by JUMPING, rather than taking the baby steps necessary to work it through, which would result in the same – bring me to a new galaxy.

Savvy ladies, you know what I’m talking about.  I’m most certain you do, because you are a woman. As women, we feel, and give, and desire, and aspire.  Often we get really caught up in the first two, and when the second two kick in or catch up, we want to JUMP.  To new galaxies, a new place.  “John” has been disappointing you – and it’s feeling now three months too much. You’re ready to end it.  How easy is it to want to JUMP, and grab hold of a new “John”, rather than first responsibly and reasonably communicate your needs and desires, directly and authentically, and see what comes of it.  Urrrg…. It can just be easier to JUMP, right?  Find a new guy that might be more ‘right’.  Just move on.

On the show, the mother ship, the Battlestar, often walks this line of reacting by way of positioning for a jump, yet assessing the situation to determine if it’s the correct course of action  - the right time – to perform a JUMP.  If it’s the right thing to do.  They could continually jump, but sometimes they find themselves into stickier situations when they do that, like leaving some of the fleet behind or losing their fuel source changing galaxies. It can be an easy out.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with making a JUMP.  In fact the JUMPS are what makes life’s challenges worth it.  Unfortunately, we’re not living on the Battlestar and can’t just hit a button to launch us into a new galaxy in a light second.  We need to map out the ‘jump coordinates’ by way of using our awareness, truth, and desires to guide us towards that JUMP.  We need to do some work in order to get to where we want to be.I can say that being in relationship with my husband Larry, is a tremendous JUMP from the dating and relating experiences of mine 4 or 5 years ago.  What occurred before, in between, and after was (and is!)  some ‘work’.   I didn’t stay out of relationship for the past 5 years, I didn’t stop taking risks, I didn’t just sit and close my eyes and fantasize about “Mr. Right” who would appear and be perfect and make my life perfect, and I didn’t look only beyond myself, pointing outward as the reasons and excuses as to why I wasn’t happy in relationship. This JUMP occurred for me (and continues to occur) by practicing my Love Savvy Principles (www.belovesavvy.com/approach).

Here is to exploring the galaxies of our dreams…So Say We All!    From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

I am so passionate about this piece of Accountability to ourselves, when it comes to ‘Being’ in exercising our ‘Love Savvy’.

I’ll be writing more soon in the blog about the different ways that we can aspire to ‘Be’ in the Be Love Savvy.

But, back to business at hand.  So, what do I mean about being Accountable to ourselves?  It comes back to what I said earlier in Part 1: we can’t ‘pass the buck.’

 I met this sweet, aspiring and very aware young woman recently who wants to work with me to get clearer within herself. She said she’s so tired of doing the same old things - the same way.  “I date all the weirdos!” she said with a laugh.   I shared with her something that I had once read, written by the spiritual leader, Marianne Williamson.  Marianne said, “The problem isn’t that you attract these guys (the ‘bad’ ones, whichever bad they are)…the problem is that you gave them your number!” 

Amen.  Seriously. This is Accountability. We should delight in all that we attract, in terms of ramping up our vibrations and shining our light and beauty out into the world.  The buck stops with us, however.  The accountability lives within us as to what we do with that, and what we create. We first get clear and connect to our heart’s desires, and then we claim them and manifest by behaving in ways that honor our truth (see Love Savvy Principle #3, www.BeLoveSavvy.com/approach)

 Sometimes we don’t get a sense that the ‘weirdos’ are just that, until we have given out our number, and perhaps into a few dates and beyond. That’s OK. Just remember, you are the only person who can be accountable for your dreams.   From my savvy heart to yours, 

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

One of the qualities within the ‘Be’ of  Be Love Savvy, is to be Accountable.

Accountable is defined in Webster as “Responsible; Liable”.  

As smart, savvy women, we know that being accountable is a desired, attractive, respected, and necessary quality, right?  No one likes someone who passes the buck.   So boring and under-impressive.  We like someone who is conscious, and acknowledges , “I’ve got it.” “ That is my job. ” “I’m sorry I’m late.”

We LOVE it when men keep themselves accountable.   “I’ll call you” – and they do. They know that we truly feel desired when they call. 

“I’ll pick you up at 6pm ” – they are on time, with a plan. Yes!!

“That’s my job” – to kill the bug, carry the bag, stay at home with the baby – whatever you need him to do and/or have arranged. 

So why do we , Savvy ladies, often forget about the Accountability piece when it comes to OURSELVES and this topic of LOVE??             (stay tuned for Part 2…)   From my savvy heart to yours, LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coach www.BeLoveSavvy.com

“What we resist persists”.  So they say, right?  Ain’t it the truth!

We avoid exercising, and what do we get?  Lower energy, a string of poorer food choices, and an overall case of the ‘fug-lies’.

We avoid paying our bills on time, and what do we get?  A feeling of being financially out of control, late charges, and god-forbid, a bad credit score.

We can also massively avoid our fears.   I’ll  share a big fear – avoidance with you, and this isn’t one that is very ‘light’.   My mother died of cancer when I was 23, she was diagnosed with both breast and lung cancer at age 49.   It took me a long time to admit to myself that every breast exam that I do (or don’t do), and every related doctor’s visit I have to breast health, scares the living daylights out of me.  Slowly I admitted to myself that I had fear (naturally) associated with these exams and visits, and I didn’t want to let that fear stop me from continuing to be proactive about my health.  But I realized that I had let my mammogram slip by, and had lapsed to 2.5 years since my first baseline screening was established when I was 34.

Today, I had my second mammogram. Although I was scattered and tense leaving the house and my husband this morning, I eased into the appointment with a conscious thought:  I will be-friend this process. I will pour out as much loving and positive energy as I can to these sterile offices, technicians, and cold machines.  Guess what?  It felt FABULOUS to complete it, and I had an actual fun time!  I girl-talked about jewelry, shoes and vacations (all fun distractions) to the technicians, and ended up confronting another fear – getting blood drawn (not very fun, and not a distraction!) – to anonymously help with a breast cancer research study. This experience served as such a sweet reminder : when we can face our fear, feel it, and then ‘do it anyway’, we truly experience a miracle.  Some small, some big. 

So, savvy ladies, how does this relate to love, dating and relationship ?  Talk about fears!

Got one?  Take an honest look at what you fear. 

• Asking your new guy a revealing (but appropriate) question? 
• Having a hard-but-necessary conversation with your S.O. about something that’s important to you? 
• Keeping yourself open to meeting someone?

Now, create a positive intention:  play a little mind movie of you cast as Star: you’re executing said fear with elegance, grace, and a confident inner smile. You come out on the other side feeling delighted and courageous. 

Now that is one addicting, fear-busting little ‘cocktail’!    From my savvy heart to yours,

LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coachwww.belovesavvy.com

Nope, not that.   Although it’s too, mighty powerful.

I’m talking about   V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-i-l-i-t-y.     

 So, a client of mine is dating this guy, let’s call him Mike.   Mike and ‘Jen’ have been seeing each other for a few months.  Dates have been consistent and fun; Mike is affectionate and considerate.  All systems have been ‘Go’ as far as the relative ease and mutuality in their dating relationship.    Jen called in for our regular coaching session, and started off with a big sigh. She told me she was in a bad place:  she was feeling really anxious and uncomfortable regarding Mike.  After some dialogue, she says, “You know, everything is great, just fine, and then if for one day Mike doesn’t call me or text me with a check-in, I find myself spiraling into negative thoughts and insecurity.  I feel so vulnerable, and it’s really uncomfortable.  I CAN’T STAND IT!”. 

What is it about vulnerability that makes us so scared, Savvy Women?  So uncomfortable?  We can forget all that we know (see my Love Savvy Principle #6).  We can walk (or RUN) away from someone just to save ourselves the discomfort, or sabotage things in some other way.  We might be someone who really hits our ‘edge’ when our vulnerable feelings come up.  And they do.  They will.  We wouldn’t be human without them.

Jen had been here before, this wasn’t new territory.  But she knew that her conditioned ways of being with these feelings hadn’t gotten her anywhere in the past – by either running away or grabbing on, she had caused more confusion, discomfort and pain, with herself, and often with her guy.

Taking a look at what was underneath this feeling of vulnerability for Jen helped her tremendously.   Jen took her power back by deepening her understanding of what was coming up for her, and not immediately projecting it back onto Mike, or sabotaging it by chasing him down or running way.   It wasn’t that Mike was neglecting her (5 days of radio silence and no future date planned might have been another story, as it would have been unusual behavior for Mike). 

Stay tuned for an exercise that will bring you V-word sanity, and save you from running or grabbing (inappropriately, that is).

From my savvy heart to yours,

LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coachwww.belovesavvy.com

I know you, because you’re like me. We’re women.  And although I’m no longer single, the game of love doesn’t stop once you’ve tied the knot.   More so, I dated and relationship-ed quite a bit before I met my man, so I am *very* familiar here.

Being women, it’s safe to say that we do a lot of the analyze emails/texts/last time he called/did this/scheduled a date-thing.  It’s our nature.  And this might serve us once in a while. But , let’s admit what we also know:  it’s just plain crazy-making, obsessive -thought-spinning activity.  As I grow and learn from the experiences that shape my life, I’m reminded of the beauty and power of simplifying.   And when I look at a situation that’s frustrating or fear-provoking, and I view it from a new and simple perspective, it’s powerfully transforming. My awareness grows and shifts, and I find myself elevated to a new place where I not only feel more clear, grounded and energized, but I make choices and decisions regarding that particular situation that reflect my truth.  So, with that said, why not try putting all the typical analyzing-him tactics aside for a minute, and quiet down your mind.  

 Now, envision yourself standing at the train station in a busy European city, about to journey on the last leg of your magnificent vacation. This is the leg of the journey you’ve been most anticipating – you saved the best for last. You are standing with bags in hand, reading the train schedule.Let your guy represent a train.  You know that this train, as they all are, is headed in one direction with a specific destination.  Let his qualities, good and bad, map out the route for you. Who he is and where he is headed, based on what you know of him, represents the destination of the train.  Is this the route and destination that you want and need?   Because, my savvy friend, he is a man, and men are like trains.  He’s mapped the route and is headed in one direction, on one particular route.  Your job is to determine if this is the train that will work for you. Is this the train that will take you on the last leg of your fabulous trip, to your most anticipated destination?  Or, are you boarding it, knowing that it’s not, but hoping that somewhere along the line you will reprogram this train?  You’ll re-route it somehow, someway.

Trains don’t re-program themselves mid-route.  Trains don’t change.  If we would never fathom trying to re-route Amtrak, why would we get it into our heads that we can re-route a man?

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.belovesavvy.com

I recently finished a book by David Deida, entitled ‘Dear Lover – A woman’s guide to men, sex and love’s deepest bliss”.  Karin Witzig, my marketing guru (www.mmmaven.com) , had recommended him as good reading on the topic of male/female energy.  David writes about the nature of male vs. female energy in relationships. When I came upon his analogy of men being like trains, I was truly hooked. “Men are like trains. They are going somewhere. Choosing and staying with a man is like choosing to get on a train.”  I read this and laughed out loud, for the simple brilliance I found in this concept.  How often have we (or ‘someone we know’) tried to re-route and re-schedule Amtrak? 

Just this morning I was walking with a friend and fellow coach, getting updated on the new guy in her life. She couldn’t help but compare this new relationship to a recent one that ended, and spoke of the amazing difference between trying very hard to make something work, verses this new ease and sense of ‘being held’ by her new man.  ‘Held’ in the figurative sense = being on the right train.Why not deduce the complexities of love and relationship down to an Amtrak or a Euro rail schedule?  In the simple truth that all we really have is this moment, and that life is precious AND you want to live it with a wonderful guy deserving of you, let’s take a look at this…(stay tuned for Part 2…)

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.belovesavvy.com