One of the qualities within the ‘Be’ of  Be Love Savvy, is to be Accountable.

Accountable is defined in Webster as “Responsible; Liable”.  

As smart, savvy women, we know that being accountable is a desired, attractive, respected, and necessary quality, right?  No one likes someone who passes the buck.   So boring and under-impressive.  We like someone who is conscious, and acknowledges , “I’ve got it.” “ That is my job. ” “I’m sorry I’m late.”

We LOVE it when men keep themselves accountable.   “I’ll call you” - and they do. They know that we truly feel desired when they call. 

“I’ll pick you up at 6pm ” – they are on time, with a plan. Yes!!

“That’s my job” - to kill the bug, carry the bag, stay at home with the baby – whatever you need him to do and/or have arranged. 

So why do we , Savvy ladies, often forget about the Accountability piece when it comes to OURSELVES and this topic of LOVE??             (stay tuned for Part 2…)   From my savvy heart to yours, LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coach www.BeLoveSavvy.com

“What we resist persists”.  So they say, right?  Ain’t it the truth!

We avoid exercising, and what do we get?  Lower energy, a string of poorer food choices, and an overall case of the ‘fug-lies’.

We avoid paying our bills on time, and what do we get?  A feeling of being financially out of control, late charges, and god-forbid, a bad credit score.

We can also massively avoid our fears.   I’ll  share a big fear - avoidance with you, and this isn’t one that is very ‘light’.   My mother died of cancer when I was 23, she was diagnosed with both breast and lung cancer at age 49.   It took me a long time to admit to myself that every breast exam that I do (or don’t do), and every related doctor’s visit I have to breast health, scares the living daylights out of me.  Slowly I admitted to myself that I had fear (naturally) associated with these exams and visits, and I didn’t want to let that fear stop me from continuing to be proactive about my health.  But I realized that I had let my mammogram slip by, and had lapsed to 2.5 years since my first baseline screening was established when I was 34.

Today, I had my second mammogram. Although I was scattered and tense leaving the house and my husband this morning, I eased into the appointment with a conscious thought:  I will be-friend this process. I will pour out as much loving and positive energy as I can to these sterile offices, technicians, and cold machines.  Guess what?  It felt FABULOUS to complete it, and I had an actual fun time!  I girl-talked about jewelry, shoes and vacations (all fun distractions) to the technicians, and ended up confronting another fear – getting blood drawn (not very fun, and not a distraction!) – to anonymously help with a breast cancer research study. This experience served as such a sweet reminder : when we can face our fear, feel it, and then ‘do it anyway’, we truly experience a miracle.  Some small, some big. 

So, savvy ladies, how does this relate to love, dating and relationship ?  Talk about fears!

Got one?  Take an honest look at what you fear. 

• Asking your new guy a revealing (but appropriate) question? 
• Having a hard-but-necessary conversation with your S.O. about something that’s important to you? 
• Keeping yourself open to meeting someone?

Now, create a positive intention:  play a little mind movie of you cast as Star: you’re executing said fear with elegance, grace, and a confident inner smile. You come out on the other side feeling delighted and courageous. 

Now that is one addicting, fear-busting little ‘cocktail’!    From my savvy heart to yours,

LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coachwww.belovesavvy.com

Nope, not that.   Although it’s too, mighty powerful.

I’m talking about   V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-i-l-i-t-y.     

 So, a client of mine is dating this guy, let’s call him Mike.   Mike and ‘Jen’ have been seeing each other for a few months.  Dates have been consistent and fun; Mike is affectionate and considerate.  All systems have been ‘Go’ as far as the relative ease and mutuality in their dating relationship.    Jen called in for our regular coaching session, and started off with a big sigh. She told me she was in a bad place:  she was feeling really anxious and uncomfortable regarding Mike.  After some dialogue, she says, “You know, everything is great, just fine, and then if for one day Mike doesn’t call me or text me with a check-in, I find myself spiraling into negative thoughts and insecurity.  I feel so vulnerable, and it’s really uncomfortable.  I CAN’T STAND IT!”. 

What is it about vulnerability that makes us so scared, Savvy Women?  So uncomfortable?  We can forget all that we know (see my Love Savvy Principle #6).  We can walk (or RUN) away from someone just to save ourselves the discomfort, or sabotage things in some other way.  We might be someone who really hits our ‘edge’ when our vulnerable feelings come up.  And they do.  They will.  We wouldn’t be human without them.

Jen had been here before, this wasn’t new territory.  But she knew that her conditioned ways of being with these feelings hadn’t gotten her anywhere in the past – by either running away or grabbing on, she had caused more confusion, discomfort and pain, with herself, and often with her guy.

Taking a look at what was underneath this feeling of vulnerability for Jen helped her tremendously.   Jen took her power back by deepening her understanding of what was coming up for her, and not immediately projecting it back onto Mike, or sabotaging it by chasing him down or running way.   It wasn’t that Mike was neglecting her (5 days of radio silence and no future date planned might have been another story, as it would have been unusual behavior for Mike). 

Stay tuned for an exercise that will bring you V-word sanity, and save you from running or grabbing (inappropriately, that is).

From my savvy heart to yours,

LeslieThe Savvy Woman’s Love Coachwww.belovesavvy.com

I know you, because you’re like me. We’re women.  And although I’m no longer single, the game of love doesn’t stop once you’ve tied the knot.   More so, I dated and relationship-ed quite a bit before I met my man, so I am *very* familiar here.

Being women, it’s safe to say that we do a lot of the analyze emails/texts/last time he called/did this/scheduled a date-thing.  It’s our nature.  And this might serve us once in a while. But , let’s admit what we also know:  it’s just plain crazy-making, obsessive -thought-spinning activity.  As I grow and learn from the experiences that shape my life, I’m reminded of the beauty and power of simplifying.   And when I look at a situation that’s frustrating or fear-provoking, and I view it from a new and simple perspective, it’s powerfully transforming. My awareness grows and shifts, and I find myself elevated to a new place where I not only feel more clear, grounded and energized, but I make choices and decisions regarding that particular situation that reflect my truth.  So, with that said, why not try putting all the typical analyzing-him tactics aside for a minute, and quiet down your mind.  

 Now, envision yourself standing at the train station in a busy European city, about to journey on the last leg of your magnificent vacation. This is the leg of the journey you’ve been most anticipating – you saved the best for last. You are standing with bags in hand, reading the train schedule.Let your guy represent a train.  You know that this train, as they all are, is headed in one direction with a specific destination.  Let his qualities, good and bad, map out the route for you. Who he is and where he is headed, based on what you know of him, represents the destination of the train.  Is this the route and destination that you want and need?   Because, my savvy friend, he is a man, and men are like trains.  He’s mapped the route and is headed in one direction, on one particular route.  Your job is to determine if this is the train that will work for you. Is this the train that will take you on the last leg of your fabulous trip, to your most anticipated destination?  Or, are you boarding it, knowing that it’s not, but hoping that somewhere along the line you will reprogram this train?  You’ll re-route it somehow, someway.

Trains don’t re-program themselves mid-route.  Trains don’t change.  If we would never fathom trying to re-route Amtrak, why would we get it into our heads that we can re-route a man?

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.belovesavvy.com

I recently finished a book by David Deida, entitled ‘Dear Lover – A woman’s guide to men, sex and love’s deepest bliss”.  Karin Witzig, my marketing guru (www.mmmaven.com) , had recommended him as good reading on the topic of male/female energy.  David writes about the nature of male vs. female energy in relationships. When I came upon his analogy of men being like trains, I was truly hooked. “Men are like trains. They are going somewhere. Choosing and staying with a man is like choosing to get on a train.”  I read this and laughed out loud, for the simple brilliance I found in this concept.  How often have we (or ’someone we know’) tried to re-route and re-schedule Amtrak? 

Just this morning I was walking with a friend and fellow coach, getting updated on the new guy in her life. She couldn’t help but compare this new relationship to a recent one that ended, and spoke of the amazing difference between trying very hard to make something work, verses this new ease and sense of ‘being held’ by her new man.  ‘Held’ in the figurative sense = being on the right train.Why not deduce the complexities of love and relationship down to an Amtrak or a Euro rail schedule?  In the simple truth that all we really have is this moment, and that life is precious AND you want to live it with a wonderful guy deserving of you, let’s take a look at this…(stay tuned for Part 2…)

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.belovesavvy.com

With the new beginnings that come with Spring, now is the perfect time to prepare.  Out with the old and in with the new.  It’s amazing how it really works.   When we get things in order in our world,  both outer and inner,  we benefit. Often in a very real, and big way.  The fun part is that the ‘new’ often shows up in unexpected, unplanned ways.

I decided to challenge myself with one type of  ’inner’ spring cleaning a few weeks ago, in the form of a diet cleanse.  I was scared. But the time had come, and I was inspired to commit a quality act of self-love . The thought of existing on ‘rocks and twigs’ for days, and giving up my treasured morning coffee, not to mention carb cravings, was really intimidating.  Thankfully, I had a detox mentor in my friend Lori, who turned me on to Dr. Cory in Mill Valley, CA (www.drcory.com).  Dr. Cory offers a one-stop shopping of products, preparation, education and supervision in her cleansing programs.  She maps it out for you and gives you resources for keeping your life going during the cleanse (cleanse-safe dining at Cafe Gratitude - yum! - www.cafegratitude.com). I highly recommend her program.

The good news: I survived! Many protein-spirulina shakes and countless greens later.  Larry (my guy) was proud of me: I came home to a beautiful orchid plant in honor of my suffering and successful completion.  Even better news:  I feel GREAT.   I picked up new knowledge on health & nutrition, and my body.  The surprise, the unplanned: I became extremely clear of mind, not just body.  This greater awareness and sense of be-ing ness was incredible.   Creativity-goals-current distractions and energy drains in my life, all surfaced in new and very clear ways.  It was a suprising bonus.

So, what are some ways that you might Spring Clean?  Detox aside, there are countless ways to say goodbye to the old and welcome the new (stay tuned for more…).   

Your heart-mind-body, and LIFE awaits!

From my savvy heart to yours,

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.belovesavvy.com