Dear Savvy Woman,

Tip # 4 ~  Always play an honest game of cards without revealing your entire hand

I notice in the dating process – and I was guilty of it too – is that women (and men!) sometimes tend to either show their entire hand by date 4 - ‘I want to be married by X date,  2.5 kids in which the names are already picked by the way, I have a funny habit about X, and I feel really insecure about you going on that boys trip next month’ – or keep their cards so tight to the vest, and cheat through the game, that they repel and sabotage the organic and necessary flow of getting to know someone, and the opportunity to sink into a healthy relationship.  Learning to be somewhere in the middle ensures that you won’t, as Dr. Phil says, risk more than you’re willing to lose, and yet still get – and stay – in the ‘game’.

The more that you listen and trust yourself, the easier it is to navigate this process.

As a beautiful card that I once bought myself says, “Listen from within.  Your heart knows the way.”

xo,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s today’s tip in this blog series on dating & relating:

Tip #3 ~  Get – and Date – Out of Your Comfort Zone !

I use to have a ‘type’ that I seemed to date more of (dark hair, eyes, skin = ‘exotic’). Naturally friends thought that I would end up with someone like that, but I didn’t necessarily believe that. I didn’t know what my partner/husband would look like, but I started to get clear about what we would FEEL like together as a couple – the qualities that our relationship, and he, would embody.

Where I began to find more ease, freedom and fun in my dating life was the months leading up to meeting Larry (my hubby), where I began to date out of my comfort zone. When I let go of expectations and any ‘rules’, and made my priority having fun and learning something about myself and the dating process as I went along, it was way more enjoyable for me, no matter what the outcome.   Deciding to become more OPEN doesn’t mean not having personal standards, but it does mean re-examining some unrealistic – and outdated – beliefs and behaviors that aren’t serving you.

If you have a comfort zone to either your ‘type’ that you date, or the way that you go about meeting men, force yourself to step out of it.  As long as you know your essentials like attraction, connection, kindness,trust, respect, humor - realize that you just don’t KNOW the how  of- or some of the what –  the package will show up. 

Consider:

1) Letting yourself see if there’s chemistry in person that you might not sense online. Open up your age range. I have a friend who’s pregnant with her husband who is 22 years her senior, who has two grown children from his first marriage.  After 8 years of marriage, they are one of the most adventurous, happy and – sexy – couples that I know.

2) Don’t stay home when a friend invites you to a seemingly more ‘couples’ event, if that’s your typical M.O.   You never know who’s going to be there, or who might have available friends that they want you to meet.  Just like we benefit from mixing up our professional circles (I learn so much studying other businesses and networking outside my industry), be sure to mix up your personal time as to where and how you spend it!

3) Expect to be surprised – in a lot of good ways – in this process! 

Love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Here’s a topic that I coach clients on if it comes up for them- especially that first date when the temptation – and often the tendancy – is high to whip out the checklists and keep yourself on lock-down, potentially shutting down an opportunity for connection.

Tip #2 - Slipping into your Feminine on a Date

In today’s world many women are high-tailing it to coffe dates via Match.com directly from the office.  What happens when we women are still in our ‘doing’ energy (masculine) when we get around men is we can tend to either take over or severely compete with the man of the moment (our date, or in my case, my husband).  Sometimes a dating situation calls for that, and a healthy relationship should be able to ‘hold’ that.  But what I’m refering to here is a pattern that can get in the way of the masculine-feminine ‘dance’.   Here are a few quick ways to transition into more ‘being’ energy, inviting your softer – and receptive – side to come out and shine:

1)  Be sure to change your top, shoes, jewelry – something – when you leave the office to meet someone for a date.  This is not only a great way to ‘adorn’ yourself and feel a bit more feminine, but it’s a structure and way to signal to yourself that you’re work is done, and you can relax now.   (And I know dates can feel like work, but that’s a mind-set to shift as well…for another post).

2) If you’re at home before going out to meet someone , be sure to : light candles, play some music, spray perfume or essential oils.  These all invoke the feminine – and create beauty and an atmosphere that connects you to beauty – and allow you to step out of your head, and into more presence for your date.

3) This is a fun little ‘trick’.  You’ve arrived to a date and your mind is still racing with work or other things.  First, try to do some deep breathing (3 deep breathes from your abdomen can do the trick) or listen to a relaxing song on the way or before you arrive.  And, to slip into feminine-mode, imagine that the date across from you is undressing you with his eyes (even if you don’t desire this to be the case!).  We feel so feminine when we’re undressed…seduced…, so this little exercise can really work to help you sink into that same kind of inviting, feminine energy.  Again, it helps you get out of your head some, allowing your heart and energy to connect to the present moment.

xoxo,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Hi Savvy Friend,

I’m back from what felt like the ‘dead’, which was only about 5 days of being a bit laid up with a cold.  But you know how it feels when you’re not in your best  – or really feeling pretty miserable, weak and sick – and you just want to crawl out of your skin?  I had some of that.  And then I thought of all in the world that are much more sick than I.  And I read a  Sunday NY Times article on South African women – girls- selling sex to Truckers so that they can have a place to sleep that night.  I don’t mean to be too heavy on this Monday morning, but I’m sharing this with you because it was my process and I know it’s often yours too. 

We must be grateful for this moment, and for all that we have.  And when we’re wanting something different – our health, a new opportunity in love, work, or life – to come from a place of appreciation – wholeness ‘as is’ – that is the key.  And it’s the Truth.  It’s ‘what is’.

BE REALLY WHOLE, AND ALL THINGS WILL COME TO YOU. ~ Lao-Tzu

This quote is so simple yet so inclusive.  

Here’s a way to break this down and step into a new perspective:

1) Be REALLY WHOLE….what does this mean for you *today*?   I say today, because we are ever-evolving creatures. Our needs change as we grow, expand, and experience.   What you need to eat for instance to keep healthy today may have changed dramatically from what you typically ate, or needed to eat, last year or 10 years ago. 

What you may need in your relationship – or in the relationship that’s on it’s way to you – might be very different from what you’ve experienced or needed in the past. Relationships are always mirrors of ourselves, who we are BEING, and where we are.  So again, look to yourself now.  What would make *you* BE REALLY WHOLE?  Maybe it’s introducing a new activity or ‘maintenance method’ (even the easiest relationships take some work, and maintaining their luster can involve things like regular ‘I love you because….’ , check-in conversations, and surprises for each other).  If you’re single, what are you creating in your mind and being for what you want to attract?  Single or in relationship – the bottom line is always YOU.  What would have *you* BE REALLY WHOLE? 

2) Chunk this down to *today*. Or what’s *next*.  What can stop us in our tracks in overwhelm, or sabotage this process,  is the common need to broad-stroke things and think in black-and-white, like there’s some million-dollar answer to this question that will bring ever-lasting prosperity and bliss to ourselves and our lives, and our relationships.  There isn’t.  Instead, think baby steps.  Each step being a bread crumb on our trail.

3) Reflecting on this question ‘What would have me BE REALLY WHOLE’, listening to what you receive in terms of insights, answers and inclinations, and then ACTING on that will bring you powerful movement in your life, and….ALL THINGS WILL COME TO YOU.

Are you local to SF?  Our Success Circle is a perfect way to bookmark time for YOU to slow down, get clear and stay accountable to what you are creating and want to create in your life!

You can learn more about this HERE.  Contact Donna at assist@belovesavvy.com to schedule a 10-15 minute chat with me to get any questions on the circle answered & ensure it’s a good fit for you.

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Friend,

Recently I’ve had a few reminders of the importance of this Truth when it comes to going for your dreams; whether it’s to have a loving, reciprocal relationship – build a business around a vision-  or simply to live a rich life with lots of FUN and reward.

You must be willing to take your own journey.  And by this, I mean wake up to YOU, what YOU need, and what’s in your heart. Despite being perhaps a very independent woman in the world, are you honoring your needs and desires-  in what you want to create for yourself both in relationship and in life?

When you do, when you step out into the true unknown, and you ‘burn the ships’ (your safety nets of old, outworn patterns, and sometimes things, like a relationship if it’s not going to work, job or friendships) – this is when you truly are ‘carried’. You’re carried out of the ‘unwanted’ and ‘outgrown’, and into a new land of your dreams.

Taking our own journey means keeping our eye on ‘our prize’. 

I remember when I was single and feeling ‘less-than’ because the man I was dating wasn’t showing up for me the way I needed him to (as in letting down his guards, planning more for the future, etc) and how, rather than honor my needs, my heart and my vision, I would continue to look at how I could be different – sexier, more confident, more beautiful, more witty, more successful.  All I needed to do was love myself enough to admit, ‘Yikes. This doesn’t feel so great’, and then step out on faith and belief that my desire wanted me just as much as I wanted it. (You can replace this relationship desire with anything: health, finances, new employment, entrepreneurship).  

Once those two click in, loving myself enough and stepping out into my own journey on faith, the steps to show myself and the Universe that I was serious about my desire became much easier, despite including sometimes painful choices that would scare the hell out of me.  And still do, as I am applying this to the creation of my business and working for myself now.

Often I notice that if we don’t love our selves enough (self-worth) and/or are clear on what our desire is (we’re not slowing down enough to know but rather are responding to life so we don’t have clarity OR we’re doing the ‘who am i?’ thing  which is also self-worth, because often when we vision and dream, or listen to the calling we still don’t dream big enough), nor believe it’s possible – we simply stay stuck.  And then, when things fall out with the relationship that we were settling in, we wonder what happened and analyze it to death and often blame ourselves.  Or, we stay in the job that we can’t stand but pays the bills and yet shrivel up so much inside that we’re assuaging our pain and stuckness with everything under the sun, and long for a different way to live but as the days click on our belief, dreams, and action steps get more and more suppressed.

When things were hitting rock-bottom with an ex-boyfriend, I finally decided that was it. It took rock-bottom, however. Then, I simply changed my mind and decided.  This was it! The work came then in healing my heart, developing my faith & belief even further, and stepping out.  Living and having fun in new ways. And as soon as I loved myself enough to do things differently and follow that bliss, I met my husband Larry. I hope that we’re blessed with a long, sweet, rich life – living and loving together.  AND, I know that I’m ultimately on my own journey – as each of us are.

To yours,

With love ~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

There’s simply not enough of us telling our story of success – to ourselves –  and then to our world.  

Often we hear ourselves (yours truly included at times) and others talking about what’s NOT happening, why it isn’t, and how much we don’t want more of  what is or ‘THAT!’.   It’s the stream of subtle and not so subtle negativity, and it’s  SO not ATTRACTION-rich for dating,  love, relationships, or success in life.

Remember, the very powerful Universal Law of Attraction can be defined as,”Things of like vibration are drawn.”  Like attracts like.  And vibration is transmitted –  like radio waves - when you’re tuned in to a station.  If you’re on AM 840, you’re not going to be able to listen to FM 97.3, are you? 

I work with clients to educate and mentor on just how important this ‘Telling Your Story’ is for success in love and in life.   In *anything* that you want to create.   

See, we are all living our story – our attraction – right now.  What is in our life *right now* was once a thought, and then it formed a belief, and it formed and held a vibration that then matched and attracted everything that we currently are experiencing.  Tell me, do you like – and love – what you’re living? 

So, what story do you want to tell?   What’s your Story of Success?  Write it down.  Vision it.  Begin to talk about it.  By doing these things, you’ll begin to LIVE IT.  People, circumstances, inclinations, hunches – all will attract to you. 

I partner with women to help them begin to tell and live into their NEW story, creating new results in love – in relationship – and in their lives.  In late July,  I’ll be hosting a special live RETREAT  that I can’t wait to send out more details on very soon!  At a very beautiful location, we’ll spend the day together focusing on what will create for you the life and love of your dreams.  No more struggle. No more holding patterns.  The retreat, along with some follow-up to tele-classes,  will teach you the process that changed my own life and those of the clients that I’ve worked with.   

For more details on this upcoming event or how to get started working with me,  you may write to assistant@belovesavvy.com.  

Here’s to your successful story-telling. ;-)

Lots of love,

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

By now you know that I do follow Astrological happenings – I’ve actually become much more attracted to planetary transits and what they bring, than I have the ‘What’s your sign?’ stuff – which I use to be *ruled* by, or so it felt.

So today I had a huge Mercury Retrograde *slap* in the face when my tele-class was in the works for a 10am start, and I could not, for the life of me, get on the line.  This is the second time , in only a matter of about 5 total calls I’ve held thus far in my BeLoveSavvy.com career, that this has happened to me.  I’ll place bets the last was in a Merc Retrograde, i’m curious to look back now…

So my aunt, who is a wonderful therapist and Savvy Woman, had told me yesterday that she wanted to make the call… and she poked me at 5 after the hour with a ‘where are you – we’re sitting here on the line wondering where you are…’.  Needless to say, it can feel quite frustrating to be caught by  Mercury Retrograde.  Things un-explainably may happen in a seemingly negative fashion with your computer, car, communications, contracts – all these things can suddenly have odd ‘issues’.     I had all the right call -in information this morning for me to get on the call line as the ‘Host’ – yet it wasn’t working.  5 tries and 2 phones later, I finally got on, a little frazzled.

I read that all the “Re’s” are what you must take-in and surround yourself with during this 3-week period (that I believe ends somewhere around the 27th of May),  such as:

• REvise
• REpair
• REview
• REconnect
• REevaluate and
• REdo
• REnew

“They” say don’t launch anything major, don’t sign anything that’s significant, and take lots of time for things and have a back-up plan.

Just a little FYI from a believer. ;-)

From my savvy heart to yours~

Leslie

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Day …

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies
hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction….The chain reaction
of evil–hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars–must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of
annihilation.”    -   Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength To Love, 1963

We can equate darkness to prejudice, terrorism, violence – all that we witness and experience as manifestation of individual and collective dark thoughts.

This great man fought against so much.  He had such bravery , and such vision.

You and I live in such different times.  Imagine what he was up against. I simply CAN NOT.  

Stop for a moment and think about that.   It is so incredibly HUMBLING, isn’t it? 

Sometimes it may feel as if you’re up against SO MUCH.  What you desire feels so far out of reach.  Your reality may seem so  vastly different from that of your dreams. 

 I certainly have my moments…

It seems that we as individuals – and particularly as women – create these horrible thoughts against ourselves (even if they’re little tiny ones, subtle…)  and these thoughts can turn into self-sabotaging acts, and acts against others – that take us so FAR away from our purpose of being in an abundance of JOY and WELL-BEING.    It begins with our thoughts. 

Which leads me to another quote of MLK’s that I stumbled upon, which I loved…

“We must combine the toughness of the serpent and the softness of the dove, a tough mind and a tender heart.”   -Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love, 1963.

From my savvy – and tender  – heart, to yours ~Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

Almost as good (depending on personal preference) as receiving Daily Candy is receiving a Daily Affirmation.  Imagine FREE Coaching, just dropped into your Inbox every morning, before you wipe your eyes and slip out of bed to start the day.

It’s actually a great ‘structure’ (coach speak for ritual, or place holder) for me to center my thoughts and myself as I get into my day.  Some days, when I’m really tired, stressed or some other version of not feeling my Best Self,  I reach over for my Blackberry after waking up and scroll to find the Daily Affirmation.  It gets the party started on those days.  I value this little structure so much I’m inspired to add it on to my website for those who want to sign up and receive daily thoughts from Moi.

I happened upon Laura Fenamore’s site when I met her at CTI, the coaching school I attended, and I’ve been receiving her daily messages for years now.

Passing on the love with today’s brilliant message….

Today I release any feelings I have to compete with others or compare myself to others knowing that that leads me to pain not joy (which is what I really want).

So true.  As I say to my clients often, “comparison kills”.   It kills your mind-set and potentially, your self-esteem.  And it kills romance in dating and relationship.  It kills the energy & opportunity for connecting on a first date.  Even if it’s never acted on, but just sits…lingering in your thoughts.  

Here is to your Unique Brilliance. 

And to Joy. 

From my savvy heart to yours ~

Leslie

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com

Dear Savvy Woman,

If I boil down everything that I have learned through personal experience , study , and years of work with clients – in manifesting desires and creating the life of one’s dreams – it all comes down to one word:  BELIEVE.

Believe it’s possible.   Believe you can go where you haven’t gone before. Believe you can have what you desire (if you couldn’t, it wouldn’t manifest within you as a desire in the first place).  Believe you can start again.  Believe you can reinvent yourself – over and over and over. 

One powerful way to harness Belief is to IMAGINE.  It’s actually imperative to tap into your imagination to create new desires, to raise your vibration to match those desires by way of Believing It’s Possible, Imagining yourself Being, Doing, and Having said desires as if they’ve arrived in your life,  and Expecting them to be on their way to you.   

By tapping into Imagination ,  Belief becomes more of a reality and replaces older vibrations of negative thoughts, doubt, fear and judgments.  

Without belief, we get more of the same.  We prove ourselves right - “It’s not possible to meet a soulmate’ because we didn’t BELIEVE.   Whatever we believe to be true, we naturally scan for evidence to support ourselves – and we will be successful.

Without tapping into your IMAGINATION, it’s challenging to create and harness Belief.

IMAGINE yourself with your man, as if he has already arrived in your life  (if he hasn’t already) – what are you doing together?  How does it FEEL – feeling into the vision and image creates a new vibration within you and is very powerful.  We often stumble all over the ‘details’ and what’s much more important here is to FEEL into the energy of the connection.  The Universe takes care of the details, and knows better than you what’s in your highest good – brown hair vs. ‘silver fox’ doesn’t make a relationship ( I know! :)) Allow yourself to let go of superficial details, and tap into the feeling-tone of how you feel with him.

Imagine living the life of your desires.  What are you doing?  Who are you doing it with?  What does it FEEL like? 

Write it down.  Play a Movie in your mind (see my prior blog posting on Mind Movies – create one within your imagination – it’s FREE).   Create a Vision Board. 

Believe me – these all work.

IMAGINE…

From my savvy heart to yours,

The Savvy Woman’s Love Coach

www.BeLoveSavvy.com